slap happy musings

teeny tiny small joyful things.

2009-08-10T15:44:00.000-07:00

so i know i haven't updated in ages and i ... maybe owe an explination? not? i dunno. i used to use this blog as an outlet while stuck at a job that i absolutely loathed.... and now, after quitting, and after spending three months wandering around my condo wondering where i was going and what i was doing... i guess i sort of didn't see the 'need' to write anymore. i don't know if i still do. no pictures for now, i've misplaced my cord for my camera yet again (surprise, surprise) but , i don't know, i just kinda sorta somewhat felt like updating and felt curious if anyone even wandered (wondered?) over this blog anymore.

the one thing that crossed my mind just now as i was reading (everyone should check out Jude Deveraux, she's 'classic chic lit' i suppose and her books live in the romance section but really, it's not harlequin and she really has a wonderful writing style. check her out.) this memory i have of being about twelve years old riding shotgun with my mom in our little ford (teal, classic 90's) station wagon. do they even make station wagons anymore? anyway, we were driving toward Temecula from where we lived in california and right before the border check (yeah, they had border checks..... any trunk that hung low, expect to be pulled over and gawked at as they checked you over for smuggling illegal people) and i was sitting all morose and staring out the car window- a habit that i picked up early-on in life from traveling cross-country (thanks military) so often.... trust me, three day car rides get verrrrry boring and trying on a five year old.

anyway.

so we were driving along, i was lost in my own world and just staring out.. .watching cars, people, the endless mountains that never ever looked green (maybe they were hills? granite? i dunno.) and this little car passes us, and this man, probably... i mean, to me, at twelve, he seemed 'OLD', but was probably early thirties TOPS and he looked at me and kept driving...

and then two minutes later, he's right next to us on the right, and we make eye contact and he gives me a little half-smile and points to the edge of his lopsided offering and pokes at the corner of his mouth, as if to say, 'hey, girl. smile.'

for some reason this memory pops up from time to time, and i always wonder if he remembers as much or as often as i do. isn't it crazy how one little afterthought, one little poke at your face could ruminate and settle deep inside a person for the rest of their life? that one little gesture reminds me, all the time, that it takes no effort at all to smile even when it feels like your entire house is perched on your upper lip.

i don't know why i'm thinking of that, or why i thought to share, but it just reminds me that the smallest, tiniest, teeniest bit of kindness or- afterthought- could change someones disposition every year or so. he changes mine every time i remember that.

i never told anyone about that, almost like i kept it close to my heart like a little secret, but it was such a sweet, small thing. i guess i feel like sweet, small things are few and far between lately, and i want to make some morose, self-absorbed, whiny twelve year old sit up rod-straight in shock one day while driving down the highway in 100 degree heat and go,

whoa, did someone just see me? wow. and to think, i thought i was gliding along all by myself for all these years.

where am i going with this??

hi, everyone. i'm alive, well, happy, and moving into a more joyous and appreciative section of my still-evolving life. i still lurk and read and poke at all of your writings and i've missed talking to you all. i just needed some time.

make some random kid smile next time you're stuck in traffic. trust me, it's a rush.

should i pry my ass off the couch yet? ya think?

2009-06-24T16:38:00.000-07:00

so, long story short, today we were supposed to spread my grandmas ashes. she requested no funeral, to be cremated, and her organs (as many as survived.... in all honesty, after her smoking for 40+ years and drinking just as much, lord knows what they salvaged ((i'm going to hell for saying salvaged)) but at least they were able to help someone out there) to be donated. so, bc of that, we aren't getting her ashes today. we were planning on going to the cemetary and putting half on my grandpas grave (illegal, yes, but hello? my family? this is hardly anything, especially since she always wanted to be with her husband in death. it's the least i can do to bend the rules, justhisonce. or. whatevah.) and half in the forest she used to play in as a kid. her favorite place, where she grew up.

where was a going? typical lauren fashion, i'm side-tracked once again. sigh.

anyway. so. turns out, bc she donated organs, (go g-ma) her ashes aren't going to be 'ready' (how morbid is that?) until this weekend. my aunt (my grandmas daughter) has to go back to florida, where she lives. she already extended her stay.

so, we decided, we will put her ashes in an urn and wait until my aunt comes back up to spread them. i'm thinking we should do it next year on their wedding anniversary, but it's also my uncle's bday so... that may be too upsetting for him. but. just an idea. in a year from now.

so meanwhile, i have no job and before i was excited and now i'm sort of freaking out. i know it's hard to get a job right now, which is okay, but... even tho i haven't REALLY tried i got rejected from a city commerce job that kind of made me take a blow to my self-esteeem. but. it is what it is. i'm still trying to figure out what i'm going to do this fall, for school, how i'm going to pay for it and what classes i can take toward a degree that's going to ultimately benefit me longterm.

my brain is exploding!!!!!!

just curious, what do ya'll do ??? what do you do for work? or what do you do during your day if you DON'T work??? i'm just curious. i know not a lot of people read this, but those that do, i'm curious about what you do and how you do it. consider it, blog-in-reverse.

if you ever want to ask me any questions, too, please!!!!!! feel free. i'm an open, cracked-spine book. ask anyone.

so, tomorrow, i am going to start posting pictures of my trip to florida. FINALLY.

i missed you guys. i thought about closing this down. then i thought, i'm no pioneer woman. i'm no.... big name on the intronet. but i can put my say on my small space and be who i am.

let's just give good wishes, tonight, to my grandma, phyllis, who donated organs and helped an anyonymous person out there.

i'm sure she's lookin down toasting her old style, sayin, of course i did. what kind of person do you think i am???? ................... gimme a beer whydoncha.

so i said i needed a stoning, and yet, please don't pelt me yet. pretty please?

2009-06-21T23:05:00.000-07:00

so i joked (seemingly uncharacteristic, right? har. har.) about posting this, well, post. i just don't know what to do with this anymore. and yet i decided, despite who reads it and who doesn't, who in my real life has discovered this wonderful outlet, well....

okay. so. picture me, in the hospital, visiting my grandmother for three days. three. long. days.

can i re-iterate? is that how you properly spell it? grammar is my strong point and yet i make a faux pas. forgive. forgive.

so i thought about not posting. then i thought more about it. sorry, if i'm 'all over the page', but truly? i'm confused.

my grandmother died yesterday.

you'd think that i had a HUGE relationship with her, right? for the fact that i drove all over sunday to get to her, to see her intubated, to cry with my aunt who is more like my sister than i can ever say- to the point that i call her daughter my neice, and she is my sister- you'd think i had a great connection.

point is, i didn't. i spoke, freely, openly, about how i despised the fact that she was slowly killing herself. that she gave up on life at only 40 and decided to enable her son to be a deadbeat. i spoke out, a lot, about how i hated what she did. how she chain smoked and drank tall boys out of plastic glasses so that no one would notice.

ha. we ALL noticed.

i went on, and on, and on, about how i hated it, how i hated that she threw away life.

did i mention that she had five children? my mother is the eldest of five. she was first, then her brother who, ....well, i'm being honest as hell here so really? my uncle is just a drug addict. then move on the next one, the next uncle, the one that enabled my grandmother (tho she could always speak for herself) to become a drunk and a failure.

failure. what a nasty, nasty word, isn't it funny that i'm still negative? i'm still judging?

shame on me.

so then came angie, and i love that girl more than the world. she's more like my sister than an aunt. she's just a few years older than i am and i love her more than i could ever articulate.

then there's joey, he's the youngest, and i love him like a brother.

our family? yeah. we're a little skewed. but would life give me anything else? if not skewed?

where was i going?

point is, the shocking thing is... i am broken up. i am sad. i am crying at a moments notice and remembering my grandma and it's like a shock thru my entire system. okay, grandmas die. PEOPLE die. it's what we do. but..

still, i saw her, or, i should say i saw her body. after she passed. died. left. retired. ran off. i saw her. i saw her, in the hospital bed, i saw her, and i can tell you right now that it left a crater in my heart. i don't know why i'm posting this, except maybe, it'll help.

i miss her . and the most pissed off thing about this is, i never told her. i. never. told. her.

i haven't said i love you to my grandma in years, bc i felt resentment, anger, whatever. and i know she understands, but yet, what would it have taken from me? to say, HEY, i love you? yo, granmoms, i love you?

nothing. it would have taken, nothing, from me.

and to see her, dead, ........ dead takes on a whole new meaning.

i am upset, sad, regretful, shameful.

i love you, phyllis, i loved you. i'm sorry i never added up to a very good grandkid, but i loved you.

i hope you and grandpa are having a great, super, amazing party up there. you deserve it. and to all of you? i'm sorry that i haven't written. it is more out of shame than anything else.

phyllis skroko, june 20th, 2009.
you will be missed.

aren't i a total slacker? don't i deserve a stoning? i know.

2009-06-09T17:32:00.000-07:00

so.

i TOTALLY deserve some nasty comments, cuz i've been m.i.a. for waaaaaaaaaay too long. truth is, i've been coming off of three weeks in florida and honestly? the pictures to download, upload, import, enter, has me in a tither. a big bother. i'm overwhelmed. i cleaned the house top to bottom yesterday, including the fridge AND freezer mind you, which, hellllooooo is a task to be given to people who are PAID to do it bc really? oh, lawsie, i thought i had what it took and i guess i did but really? in the end? i'm still winded.

could be the HUGE ASS CANDLE that landed on my right foot while i was scrubbing the bathtub and cleaning the floor on my knees. could be.

nah. my husband thinks it's 'no big deal'. well, the welt on my foot?

if i could give two shits about taking a pic of it? i would. but really? why would i subject ya'll to that madness? that gross ness? bc really, it's black and blue and swollen and as my husband said when i sent him a photo of my right foot via camera phone, 'your feet look huge. lol.'

wow. thanks. babe. that makes me feel SOOOO much better.

meanwhile, i wanted to let ya'll know i'm alive, and i'm here, i'm reading, i'm catching up, i've just been traveling for too long to really get ahold of online life. i know. business men do it all the time but i'd love to see how interesting THEIR blogs are, right??

.......right? eep.

anyway. look forward to pics when i get around to uploading them tomorrow. i went out on the ocean on a catamaran, my most favorite part of all..... i stayed up late, drank too much, (sorry folks, but it's true) had a fabulous time with the kids and just lived it up in florida.

although, you floridians? can take your 100 degree weather. anytime. that was wicked hot, yo. wicked.

stay tuned!

holy hell

2009-05-20T10:16:00.000-07:00

so i'm sitting in my aunts kitchen in west palm beach, with a thunderstorm overhead, a baby sleepin, and me without a computer.

that's right. it was working fine, and then TA DA i try to log on during a layover in washington d.c. on monday and............ there's a virus. so my aunts husband is going to run some programs on it later today and hopefully, i can upload pictures, etc, lots and lots of stuff.

so that's that. i'm stuck. i'm so sorry. but i promise, i took LOTS of pictures and i'm heading down to key west tomorrow.......... YAY :)

so of course, in my life? of course. the computer craps out the day i'm traveling with a five hour layover.

lovely.

vacay yay!!!

2009-05-17T14:01:00.001-07:00

so this is my goodbye.

for now.

as in, i'll see ya'll later tonight, if amtrak has wireless.

if not, then i'll see you tuesday, when i get into fort lauderdale.

AS IN FLORIDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sayonara suckas.

just kiddin. i love yous. yay for vacay!!!!!!!!!!!

PICTURES GALORE

2009-05-15T14:01:00.000-07:00

so, right now, i'm stahhhhving. i just made some basmati rice in chicken broth that i totally burned- but salvaged most of it- the pan is soaking as we speak (i type?) and no, there will be no picture of that disaster.

however i'm, after i post this, going to try my hand at a mexican casserole with ingredients i have on hand. some black beans sauteed with a little salsa (more like pico de gajo.. gayo?) and whatever paprika/cumin combo i can scrounge up... then some cheese and some tortilla chips, should be interesting.

anyway! meanwhile, i had some time on my hands in between laundry and messing around with food so i thought i'd upload some pics.

of my house..... for you!

but quickly first? this is my current obsession:

and yeah, that's my stove, RIGHT. NOW. with my cornies in there.... about to be shucked a lil for my casserole and the rest? smothered in butter and salt and eaten. YUM.

i have an obsession with having fresh flowers in my kitchen by the sink. and they have to be a range of pale ivory to green or yellow. i have no idea why. i just love these those. they're sooooo bright and believe it or not? these are over a week old. LOVE that.

i was feeling a little down the other night and vlad came home with these. pretty, right???? they're in the living room right now. this is the view directly to my left when i'm sitting on my spot on the couch.

below, find what my backyard looks like RIGHT NOW:

green, right???? nuts.

also? what's with the rain, man????

it's like a nasty, nasty swamp land down below. thank goodness i live on the second floor. amen.

my living room, standing in the dining room. that's the only 'window' i have in the house besides a teeny one in the bedroom. the sliding glass door. right now the computer is right there and i'm sitting in front of it.... bc my wireless is down and i have to plug in old school style in order to get online.

yeah. gotta fix that tonight or tomorrow before i leave on sunday for florida, bc how else am i going to get internet access???

this is my dining room- i'm standing with my back to the living room. just think about turning around from where i was in the above photo.

a lil secret: that tablecloth is vinyl. I KNOW. i never thought i'd own a vinyl tablecloth that wasn't meant for a bbq outside. but i do. and i love it. it wipes off sooooo easily and yet, it's paisley, sage green and wonderful.

these are my bookcases. as vlad says, my library. i have no idea what i was watching on t.v.... it looks sorta creepy.

and please ignore the beer in the left hand corner k thanks.

this is right inside my front door on the right when you walk in.... i LOVE elephants. those are my keys on the far left.

okay the kitchen, this is if you were standing RIGHT inside the front hall of my house, JUSt walking in. the elephant key holder would be to the right.

okay so now you've walked a lil further into the house and you've turned to the right. that's my teeny kitchen that i adore. oh, and the dining room. the house is like a perfect square.

more of the kitchen. i love it. i picked everything. love. it. the granite is just heaven.... SO EASY TO COOK with it.

er, is this a trend or something???? please forgive me. i swear, that's not my vodka to the right. that's vlad's. just sayin. sheesh.

and this is daisy. wth is she doing?????? she's like, trying to snort the pillow in her sleep.

weirdo.

seriously, how could she SLEEP like this???? nuts.

oh and also? proof that she's really, really odd. she likes to smell my shoes. yeah. the shoes i wore alllllll day at work and probably smell bad and everything. i guess they have my 'scent'. or. she's just a crackhead. who knows.

i guess that means my shoes are her crack. and that i'm her dealer. good lord i'm an enabler.

aren't those booties CUTE?????????

just sayin.

so there you go. now, please excuse me while i go scarf down some corn.

see? no melvin smelvin here.

2009-05-13T16:24:00.000-07:00

so this was me on monday afternoon, right before i took off for my dr's appt (which, i only was stuck ONCE with a needle while there which to me? is an improvement.) at my girlfriend britt's house (across the parking lot) gettin my hair did.

she does EXCELLENT color, trust me, and she's made my light blonde hair into WOW POW hair. the color is amazing, it's so bright... you need to see it in person, to really see the dimensions.

because i love ya'll i posted this picture of me. by no means it is glamourous and honestly i think i look horrid here.

so there. never doubt my photo honesty.

MY NEW HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dropped everything as soon as i got back just now from the hair dresser (at the salon that britt works at, i was an 'after hours' and the wonderful diana didn't charge me. AT. ALL. i tipped her twenty. she's so super great.) and went into the bathroom and took pics. bc i promised.

the nose is not pierced. that will happen soon, i think? who knows. maybe not. maybe IN florida, who knows!! i'd totally make my mom gag if i made her come with me when i pierced my nose. heh. heheheheheh.

er, not sure why i'm making this weird fist like i've got massive heartburn or why my mouth is open in both photos. i guess taking mirror pics is the same as putting on mascara, my mouth must be open or else???

do you guys like it????? it's hard to see in the pic bc it's my phone bc my camera is in my car which is at vlad's work. so. that ain't gonna happen.

i also forgot if i shared these pics with you guys, leftover from russian easter.

yeah, that's a pig. and yeah. it has a crown on.

and the weirdest thing is??? i was the only one who was like WTF THERE IS A PIG WITH A CROWN ON IN THE KITCHEN. the russians were all, yeah? so? what of?

be glad i didnt' take pictures of when they started to eat it. bc they just ripped off meat right from the pig.... with their hands. and there was bone exposed. yeah.

yeah.

i know.

needless to say, i did not eat any. i stuck to the salad and the bread. they're safe.

i am not melvin smelvin in tighty whities, promise.

2009-05-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

oh lordy.

so i'm going to get mauled if i don't post pictures soon. guess i should stop watching true hollywood story on E while laying in bed sipping on iced tea with extra lemon, huh?

don't judge. you know you'd totally do the same thing if you had a free week to do absolutely nothing.

so, today i am getting a good five inches chopped off of my hair, and i'm getting my nose pierced tonight. i think. if i don't chicken out. it HURTS, man. then they slap this stupid gauze pad over half of your face so you look like a cat went to town on you. or. something. tres embarrassing.

so, and i have tons of other things to report on.... so, i will AM GOING TO try my damnedest to get pictures on this bad boy.

not that i totally didn't watch tori spelling true hollywood story this morning in bed.

i did. i will not tell a lie.

and iced tea? my kryptonite. extra lemon thanks.

where was i going with this? pictures. pictures. i promise, visual PROOF that i am, in fact, a 24 year old blonde and not a fat guy in tighty whities.

promise.

imsah so sarry, sorry, surry.....

2009-05-11T13:56:00.000-07:00

so, after a week of hallucinations, fevers, kidneys on strike, pills pills pills, i am finally medication free (not including my birth control and the thyroid meds. synthroid, how i love thee...) and feeling soooo much better.

with that, you have permission to pelt me with rotten tomatoes bc i know that i've totally been m.i.a.

forgive. please. i beg. on knees and all.

i don't really have much to update, surprisingly, even tho i haven't written in forever.

i am no longer at the horrible job. YIPPIE.

my girlfriend highlighted the crap out of my hair and it looks soooo summery.... YIPPIE

i'm getting my hair cut, into an actual STYLE (what a concept) on wednesday... after having 'long hair' aka 'i-give-up-whatever' hair, i'm so excited to chop off the inches and get a style goin'. so. excited.

and hello?

I LEAVE FOR FLORIDA IN 6 DAYS.

6 DAYS, people, 6 DAYS!!!! it feels surreal. seriously. i mean after working three years and nine months at a place that i absolutely detested more than life itself, it's surreal to think that i. don't. have. to work. i mean, i do, and will, get a job after i come back but just the knowledge that i can relax and my vacation won't be tainted with the thought that i have to GO BACK TO HELL when i come home.

hear that?

........................ yeyup, pretty much sounds like pure freakin bliss to me. you wouldn't believe how much my disposition has changed. i actually LOOK different.... happy. who knew that i never looked HAPPY BEFORE????

so things are going good. i don't want to jinx it, you know how those things are... but everything is working out.

also? karma is a bitch, ya'll, cuz that woman i worked with? the impossibly horrid woman who i despised and she tried to make my life HELL right up till the very very end?

yeah. she tried to screw with me one last time.... to which i hung the phone up on her, immediately dialed my boss's cell, left a message and needless to say, everything was taken care of. i didn't work friday. i had a pleasant exit meeting with my boss who i love, and he gave me all of my papers, thanked me over and over, offered me a position anytime i wanted it and said if i ever need anything, just call.

oh, and $150 worth of restaurant gift credit. STEAK, anyone????

so, all in all, as my boss put it, i 'acted like a lady thru this whole thing'. hm, imagine that. taking the high road? yeah. it pays off . also? it's sad, but her dog died over the weekend. while she was on vacation.

i will refrain from saying anything, bc the dog is an innocent bystander. however? karma. nuff said.

to end this, i must enlighten the world to stove top.... IN A CUP. as in, you throw some water in there, pop it in the microwave, and BAM you've got stuffing.

mmmmmmm. best lunch evah.

oh, and also? i got a vaccine shot toda,y the first of three. oh, holy effing purple socks, did it hurt. i'm halfway incapacitated now. bum right arm. sigh.

NEW EXPERIONCZE

2009-05-09T21:03:00.000-07:00

witha ZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

life is meant to be lived, is it not?

so i live;

so, i live. ce la vie.

hay low

2009-05-09T20:59:00.000-07:00

nuthin new,

just to say , FLORIDA in a week.

and yes, ive convinced vlad to let me have the computuer

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that's right, me you, disney? need i say more????

plus more,. promise,

human again!!

2009-05-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

so, this is my second day off work,

but who am i kidding? my LAST DAY OF WORK WAS TUESDAY. yessss you read right, i am no longer working tomorrow.

long story short, that woman tried to get one last dig in on me but i won. helps when you're in with the main boss. so, at the end of it all, i win.

amazing how what goes around comes around, isn't it? thru this whole bs crap situation i've been the one to take the high road.... and not to be petty (ha.) but i won.

also i woke up this morning feeling HUMAN. for the past day and a half i've been seriously hallucinating.... i thought vlad was asking me for things and that i was at work, when really i was sleeping.... i can' t explain it really, just very confusing. so. i loaded myself up on cold medicine last night and finally slept 10 hours.... and now i'm extremely with-it and alert. well. for the most part.

so, i promise i will be back on a regular basis, once i kick this for sure. just wanted to update and tell ya'll that i'm done officially with that three and a half dark years of my life and i'm on to a new part. :)

thank you all for your well wishes- maybe that's why i'm better and the cold meds have nothing to do with it :)

oh, welcome to my life and healthcare......

2009-05-06T08:01:00.000-07:00

so last night, at around 5pm, i went to the bathroom and let's just say....

i knew a UTI was comin' on, and comin' on STRONG.

call my doctor.... leave work early.... race home to pee bc the pain MY GOD THE PAIN and then i race over to the doctor where i pee, again, and again, they say, wow! blood in the urine!

no shit, moron.

so then i race home to pee (if you've never had a UTI, count yourself lucky. SERIOUSLY.) and then i race to walgreens and then i race home and scrounge out an old pain killer prescribed three years ago when i had FOUR back-to-back kidney infections and very light stones.

joy of joys, right? well, i thought i was all done with this crap.... looks like it's reared it's ugly head again.

good news? no blood at of 8pm last night. i didn't sleep last night, i sort of was in this state of lucid dreaming.... i knew where i was and what i was doing and where the pillows were but as the hours crept by i faded in and out of weird dreaming. very. weird.

so i've been taking tamiflu, just-in-case, you know, since i'll be traveling NEXT WEEKEND yay!!!!!! on a train full of people on amtrak....so, i got a prescription. and thank the lord for that, bc i think that i was getting hit by the flu but over the course of last night i broke my fever. how do i know? i woke up soooo sticky. ew.

being sick is so not glamorous.

so today, i am home, and i made a somewhat deal with my work... i am staying home today and tomorrow and i will go in to work on friday. but the only reason that i agreed to this, is bc the mean snarky miserable woman won't be there friday. so, works for me, i can say goodbye and make sure my replacement is trained okay. i'm guessing she won't be. but.

so, this post is kind of rambly, just letting you know what's up...... i'm tired, sleepy, achy, livin on chicken soup and grilled cheese. in retrospect, i much prefer this to working with that woman.

bahahahahaha. anyway, happy hump day ya'll, i should be back to normal by friday. hopefully.

but seriously, a kidney infection? yeah. forgot how much THAT hurt.

my last day

2009-05-05T06:57:00.000-07:00

so, just to give you a glimpse into how bitchtastic my boss is, not my REAL boss but the bitch ass woman who works in admin,

yesterday she told her assistant to tell me (can't even get off your ass to tell me personally? surprise, surprise) that i had to clean out my desk. bc it's not my desk anymore. (my last day is friday.) it's now my replacement's desk.

er, okay. can't even keep my tea here anymore. wow, you're really fighting to make my life hell right up to the minute on friday, aren't cha?

so then, they tell me that my training of my replacement is going to be here sitting at my desk, doing my job, and i have to watch her.

for eight hours.

for four days.

so i woke up this morning, dug deep into myself and said, do i really need this? want this? this bs? and when i say bs, i really do mean bullshit in big bright sparkly letters. bc it's not a nice way of having me train her. no, this is intentionally making my life SUCK for four full days bc 1, they don't want to deal with her, and 2, she wants to make me miserable.

so, once again, i woke up, looked at my husband, said good morning, and said, you know, i think today is my last day.

i'm going to tell that poor excuse of a human being at around 4pm that the new girl is trained, and i don't think the head honcho boss (who i actually like) wants to pay me to sit and stare at her all day. so, today will suck, but tomorrow?

tomorrow?

endless possibilities. how many times in your life can you actually say that and it's true?

i'm so thankful to be able to do this during this economy. i am so thankful to be able to stand up for myself and put my foot down and refuse to be manipulated any longer. i am just so flippin thankful.

so let down!

2009-05-02T21:04:00.000-07:00

so tonight, the bulls totally LOST. dude. why are you overshooting??? WHY???? and also? FOULS, people. fouls. they win games. nuff said.

just came home from a dive/sorta okay bar, chasers, and i had a fun time. even tho the bulls ate it, and suck, okay i really love them but... still. overshooting is not a river in egypt. or. something. so we had chicken pita pockets, with extra mayo, super crunchy fries (don't worry mcdonalds, your mushy fry goodness is still totally my favorite. no worries.) dipped in ranch, pitcha o beer, good company, good time.

now i'm home, with daisy the cat, and vlad is across the parking lot at our friends house who we went to the bar with. why am i home? oh, i dunno, i had the great idea to take pictures of my house FINALLY and then LET DOWN BIG TIME when i realized i'm either super blonde and dumb (it's possible) or the usb cable my mom gave me last week... doesn't work. not compatible with my camera. FAIL.

so. no pictures. i WILL go to best buy soon and bring the ol' cannon with me and figure it out. until then i shall have to dazzle you with my wonderful writings.

snort.

so, i totally cleaned the house, as in, scrubbed floors, vacuumed better than i ever have in my entire life, and everything is polished and shiny. i. love. it. and tomorrow i have a new book in a FABULOUSO series to buy.... oh borders how you taunt me, you saucy vixen.... actually i'm cheating on you tomorrow, barnes n noble is down the street. and they have better coffee. sorry. that's like the equivelant of fake boobs or something. or stilettos.

where was i? oh yeah. so. if you like romance, and you like vampire books, and want to read a vampire book for an ADULT that will totally eat you up and make you disssapear from the world while you quietly and quickly devour each and every word,

go buy the first book of the black dagger brotherhood. oh, lordy be.......

needless to say, that's going to be my obsession this week. sigh. i lie. tomorrow. bc even tho it's over 600 pages (UHM YUM who else loves a fat sandwich book??? makes me all dizzy and hot n bothered) i'm sure i'll finish it in record time.

what else? hmmm.....

oh yeah, i'm gonna be leaving for florida in exactly two weeks. TWO WEEKS PEOPLE. and i'm totally starting my ~~brainwashing~~ strategy to take the laptop with me. i'm slowly working on vlad. bc there's free wifi and i want to blog my trip. TOTALLY want t oblog my trip.

cuz i loves ya'll, that's why!!!

so, uh, i'm goin back to the book i NEED TO FINISH TONIGHT bc tomorrow, it's all over.... it's all black dagger brotherhood for this gal. oh, my god, i'm so excited don't know if i can sleep.

who am i kidding. once you GET me to sleep, then it's over. i slept till one today. luxury. sigh.

i hope all of you enjoy your saturday and sunday and the weekend!!!!! go outside and breathe the air.... pet a dog.... eat a hotdog, even. the dog won't be offended. thy aren't actually dogs, ya know. public service announcement, tho, only eat the kosher hot dogs. you'll thank me later.

damn yo, now i want a hot dog!!!! call me a sucker, but i'm a die-hard west coast girl at heart and i NEED THE KETCHUP on my dog. i'm sorry. i know what i do but will say i know not what i do and hope the south siders won't hunt me down and make me eat my dog with everythingbuttheketchup.

that would be tragedy.

......where the hell was i going with this post, anyway???

yo, some dangerous backstabbin.

2009-05-01T23:33:00.000-07:00

has any one else noticed that sometimes, once in a while, you'll open a window to read a fellow blogger, bloggess, and suddenly, their page is the kiss of death?

as in, forty million twenty four hundred windows opening? and you keep frantically hitting the X red button to close them all? and totally failing? task manager, you saved mah ass, i loves you.

but seriously, does blogger have a virus????

i recently found out my computer at work has a "trojan horse" (dun dun dun) that they can't get rid of. er, as in, trojan = std? seriously? it's not herpes. we should, SHOULD be able to cast it into shaddow. and yet,

my laptop at home was just affected by this madness. and, ironically enough, i don't give two shits about my work computer but i DO care about my beloved sophie, my cute n sassy laptop. that's big-ass-huge. 17 inches. good luck luggin that to starbucks.

i digress.

but really? REALLY? blogger? you bestill my heart and all i have left to say, is,

et tu, brute? et tu?

uhm, also? is it totally wrong of me to take like, 8 mg of melatonin? it's 2am and i'm STILL not tired. sigh. i may pump up the dream drug. i HATE this about my body!!!! insomnia, i loathe you, WAAAAYYYYY more than ceasar when brutus shafted him. just sayin'.

24 things you never wanted to know about me (..and i'm sorry.)

2009-05-01T07:08:00.000-07:00

totally stole this from Undomestic Diva, a website i ~~stalk~~ read religiously. her aunt is the ever famous 24 at heart, who i will willingly say i stalk cuz duh, i totally love her in a totally non-sexual way. (even tho she may write about sex toys. just sayin.)

so, yet ANOTHER charming meme. cuz it's all about me, right?

right?

hello? bueller?

1. Did you date someone from your school senior year? uhm, well he had graduated two years before me from the same high school- does that count?

2. Did you marry someone from your high school? hells nah. i married a russian after i ran across the country after graduating.

3. Did you carpool to school? believe it or not, my boyfriend seriously picked me up every. single. day. and drove me to school before he went to his community college classes.

4. What kind of car did you drive? i didn't... i didn't get my license until i was 19 and living in Chi-town. crazy huh? my boyfriend drove me everywhere..... in a classic wood paneled station wagon. style, yo. we were all emo so it was cool at the time. retro.

5. What kind of car do you have now? 2004 lexus gs330.... it's a boat and i love it.

6. It's Friday night - where were you (in high school)? either at the movies or hanging out at a friends house with my boyfriend watching them play halo. ah, the days of halo...

7. It is Friday night - where are you (now)? er, at the movies, dinner or renting a movie and watching it at home with the husband, or across the parking lot watching my husband sing karaoke or play wii. yeah. not much's changed.

8. What kind of job did you have in high school? dude, i worked at domino's. i was a world-class pizza maker... and i totally sucked at it. although, i did make damn good dough balls that we would dip in sauce. also? garlic butter sauce? nuff said. i did always smell like food, tho.

9. What kind of job do you do now? well, for one more week i am a receptionist, administrative, and a personal assistant.... and then after that, i am free. but really, figuring out my next move into getting a real career goin'.

10. Were you a party animal? in high school? no. def not. i was actually kind of shy.

11. Were you considered a flirt? uhm, no. i had a boyfriend and i avoided most people at school.... high school and me didn't really mix real well.

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? not in high school. i was in choir in junior high. that count? also i was in drama, dance and cheer....

13. Were you a nerd? no, i was the girl who walked around wearing converse and band tee shirts with black-frame glasses who always had her ear phones in when walking in between classes listening to music. i was the girl who was 'too cool for school'.

14. Did you get suspended or expelled? nope. i narrowly escaped it, a girl jumped me. yes. traumatic and i'd rather not think about all the hair she yanked from my scalp.

15. Can you sing the fight song? no. never really knew it. well, wait, oh.. my.. god... 'on a (soemthing) of rolling foothills, stands a building we adore... it's fallbrook union high school, one we'll love forever more! when we leave this school for greater, (something something something) we will not forget old fallbrook and the building we adore!

oh. snap.

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? didn't have one. they all sort of sucked.

17. Where did you sit during lunch? underneath the clocktower. that sounds like some song title, doesn't it?

18. If you could go back and do it again, would you? uhm, you know, if i could go back being the person i am now? i just might. but then again, i hated that place so much i ditched most of the time and had over 70 absent days. all excused. thanks, mom, for letting me stay home 'sick'. :) and btw, i totally graduated with something like a 3.5 or 3.8 gpa. so, don't judge.

19. Did you have fun at Prom? which one? i had the most fun when i went soph year with my gay friend. he wore spats. it rocked.

20. Do you still talk to your prom date? i don't talk to any of my school dance dates anymore.

21. What did you want to be when you grew up? an fbi agent, or a profiler.

22. Biggest fashion mistake? uhm..... wearing jeans that had a rainbow stripe down the side. yikes.

23. Favorite fashion trend? converse, both chucks and purcells. rock it old school yo. o and my dashboard confessional tees, which i have lost in my many moves... and my dickies messenger bag.

24. Are you going to your next reunion? uh, no. no, thanks, i'd rather not see all the airheads and vapid california idiots again.

sorry. the bitterness hasn't worn off yet. i think it will. eventually. maybe.

i was tagged!! eeeep! prom pics and random craziliciousness

2009-04-30T07:14:00.000-07:00

soooooooooo yes, i am feeling better.

no swine flu here.

not yet, anyway. lord knows i contract the most effed up virus's, EVER.

no, seriously. i once had fifth's disease. yeah. that's like, the japanese strain of chicken pox. or. measles. somethin like that. my dad brought it back, as a carrier, when he came home for leave time when he was stationed over there. thanks pops. (i know it wasn't your fault. but damn, yo, tough love.)

i was tagged for a ... uh, a tag thingie, about prom, of all things.

lordy be. prom? PROM? yer killin me here! so. i just so happened so have some pics saved in an online photobucket album from like, ages ago, and thought, hot damn, i can actually DO THIS ONE. go me. so.

i am putting a disclaimer. i know not what i do. amen. so Kels, here you go girl!!! you asked for it!

sadly, the only photo i have, ONLINE, from my junior year prom. that's me on the left. such class, such ... joie de vivre, right? RIGHT? i actually looked pretty good. this was the heaviest i've ever been. i topped out around 140 there.... i weigh about 115 now. i'm pretty much 5'7", minus three centimeters.

dude. it counts. my gyno totally measured me and EVERYTHANG. 5'7" yo! go me! ahem. enough with my stats. on with the show.

my senior year. again, the only pic i have, ONLINE. i'm sure my mother has eons and eons of photos. i still have this necklace. and the dress. it's cute. i was back to my normal weight in this photo. if you were wondering. which i'm sure you weren't. but. the summer between junior and senior year, i went to europe. germany, switzerland, austria, france and england. and. it was during mad cow disease... so, = no red meat. and i generally don't eat pork. didn't then. so what did i live off of?

the free croissants. in the hotel lobby. i would set my alarm for 6am when they were set out, in plastic crates at the hostels so i could run down, wrap em up in napkins and stuff my backpack full. then i would munch all day.

and chocolate. and beer. hey! you can drink at 16 there. i turned 17 in a pub in england. uh, hello? nothin' better.

anyway. i dropped almost twenty pounds in three weeks. thanks, croissants and chocolate. i also scored some really cool goat socks at a salt mine cave in switzerland. but that's another story. (still have the socks.)

since i'm on a roll, here's me, sophomore year, dead center, at a football game. wow, i look so young. and yeah. those are braces. (cringe.) i had literally SLID into home to take this photo- i was over on the other end of the field, doin what i do best, staring into space and wandering around kicking up dust. yeah. i'm the bright one.

this is a photo, of when i first met vlad. we were officially 'together', at his condo. his infamous condo. i could tell stories. but i won't. at least, not right now. look at my nose piercing!!! sigh. it's comin back ya'll and i will totally post when i get it re-pierced. it's a painful thing, MUCH MORE PAINFUL than my tattoos. oh, lordy, it was painful, mostly bc of the nerves in the face and it makes your eyes tear up and then they slap this gauze onto HALF OF YOUR FACE so you look like a squirrel went to town on it and you got patched up and it's uber embarrassing.

where was i again? oh yeah. so we had known each other like, three weeks here. look at how leetle he looks. heh. he would kill me if he read that.

which he won't. so. look how leeeetle he looks. :)

and this? oh, i just threw this one in there to prove that I AM THE ONE WHO ASSEMBLES ALL TENTS ON CAMPING TRIPS, NOT VLAD. don't listen to him. he couldn't build a tent to get outta a paper bag. that made no sense. i digress. i am the ONLY ONE who sets up the tents. and seriously? setting up four tents at once? yeah. totally need a cocktail after that.

also? side note? who camps in a denim mini skirt?

DEFINITELY learned my lesson the hard way on THAT one.

uuuuuggghheerrgh.

2009-04-28T07:21:00.001-07:00

was sick yesterday.

am crawling and barely functioning today, but am at work.

have only nine days left of work. yahoo.

am leaving for disney in 19. YAHOO

still, feeling like i'm barely sitting here... wish i were in bed. today will be brutal.

have no internet at home. tragedy.

will update when both computer and body are in working order.

forgive. forgive.

USB CABLES!!! joy o joy!

2009-04-25T12:13:00.000-07:00

my mom bought me a usb cable.

is that what they're called???? eeeeep.

you know, so that i can take pictures on a real camera and upload them????

i'm also thinkin of buying a REAL camera.... although, the last camera i had was an old school minolta and oh dear lord i think i still have it and love it to death. would totally love to have a dark room.

somehow i think vlad would not like our bathtub to be a dark room. just sayin.

but anyway, so i'm thinking of buying a BIG GIRL camera and i'm not sure-

scratch that, i have NO FRICKIN IDEA what kind, etc, would work for me. all i know is that when i went to best buy they were EXPENSIVE. yikes.

so. just curious. what ya'll use, and why, and why it blows your skirt up or your socks off.

also? the meaning of this post was really to tell ya'll that i can take pictures now and show you my whole life and my house and once i figure out video, that too, so get ready for that this month!!!!

also? er, has anyone SEEN my camera? damnit.... i think it's in the car.

i'm always one wheel short, ya know?

so i went to the beach today.

2009-04-24T20:18:00.000-07:00

and, let me say, die-hard midwesterners, the beach is not THE BEACH without the waves.

tho i had a few that were reminiscent of.... a lagoon.

i'll take what i can.

however, the sky was clouded and high schoolers were footballin it up (much to my annoyment) and the wind was blowing in the trees and it was..

right.

we left not fifteen minutes in. high schoolers? yeah. i was one once. but HELLO, they ruin the beach. TOE-TOE-ALLY. and i know i just acted like one typing that. forgive, forgive, it rubs off.

but still.

imagine a friday night, nothin to do, just walk on the beach, play football, tackle each other, play flirt, have a great night. i guess i'll never have that again.

hello, folks, i've evolved from teenager, wandering twenty-something, to a woman WOMAN (yikes! not girl!) who knows what she wants.

or, perhaps, could guess? can i play guess? and scrabble? and ... and... life?

LIFE. so i guess i'm playin at LIFE. the big four letter word no one ever wants to face. we go, day to day, in our own lil lives, and never really think what am i DOING here???

sooooo........

i have no flippin idea. no fuckin idea? maybe. let's go there. i have no fucking idea what i'm doing but it feels right, and , in this life where i'm a virgin, not in REAL LIFE c'mon now, ya'll i'm MARRIED, but really? i feel so fresh. so young. and old. how juxtapose.

where am i goin with this?

i went to the beach, and i saw the sky. it was gorgeous, storm impending, and... and...

all i cared about was the fact that i heard the lap of the waves. small as they were. enough for me.

small things, ...

small things encompass larger, and altogether, create larger.

i totally just typed larder at first. wtf? who does that? larder? isn't that cow related?

who else is laughing? anyone? bueller?

life, is, hilarious, frustrating, sad, invigorating, moving, slow-moving, orvill canister moving,

hey, we all need a good vacuum- (shouldn't be watchin' t.v. and bloggin)

my point? i don't have one.

although? bein outside and calm? has totally made my life more manageable. go outside. feel nature.

and now, i'm goin to have a glass of wine. cuz it's freakishly 85 here in illinois, and my air is running, but it's friday, and hello?

HELLO?

a glass of wine? fair trade.

on why men cannot be trusted to buy the sacred toilet paper.

2009-04-22T07:02:00.001-07:00

really?

i mean. really.

and yes. it was a big ol' package of like a kajillion of them.

and yes. they're all individually wrapped.

i told him to take that to his auto body shop, bc really? the fact that i had to WIPE with this? this morning? and had to use half the roll bc it is not fifteen eleven ply?

disclaimer: if you happen to adore scott, more power to ya. my tush? likes charmin. nothing. else.
but really, need i even have SAID anything? i could have just put the picture and the title up, and it would explain everything.

the paper towels that he bought? yeah.

this is like, the creme de la creme of paper towels. for me personally. there is the leetle tiny ones, the medium if you take two, and the regular if you take three.

and the soakage-upage? ohmahgah, the best ever.

but for my, uhm, unmentionables? i guess i score scott. for my granite countertops? only the best.

good to know where i stand.

i am buying charmin after work. amen.

okay, all right, i get it man, i am totally ignoring my duties!!

2009-04-21T15:05:00.000-07:00

okay, so as JustMeMe has pointed out, i am bein a slacker lately. i don't mean to. i mean, i have so many things to post about it's makin me all hazy and then i get scared and hide under the covers and watch house wives of new york. i know. how dare i, right? and not invite ya'll?

so, she tagged me, and since she's been raggin' on me to you know PAY ATTENTION to the world, i'm going to do something she tagged me on. (cuz it may be an easy one.) (i never said that.) (i will take that to my grave.) (fo reals.)

8 Things!!!!!!!

Eight things i am looking forward to:

one. DISNEYWORLD
two. the polynesian at disneyworld
three. meeting baby olivia. yeah, i think my priorites are skewed.... hm.
four. visiting D.C.- always have wanted to go!

-kinda unrelated? i've totally touched the liberty bell. how awesome is THAT? yeah... so i snuck undera red velvet rope. but i touched it. now it's all sealed off. maybe bc of people like me? naaaahhhh. (i was six, yo, gimme a break.)

five. getting mah hair cut!!!
six. not having to come to this work place again after may 8th. yay!!!
seven. seeing vlad tonight, bc he's hitting up sams club and that means toilet paper. we are a sad people when we get busy.
eight. the warm weather heading our way... tho i doubt it'll hit 82 like they said. pfft. but i'll take 70!!

eight things I Did Yesterday:

one. came to work.
two. went to my friends bday party across the parking lot (tres chic i am) for some chicken and pitas.
three. played with my friends neices, who are totally awesome, and their mom deamed me 'old enough to babysit' finally. the girls have been asking FOREVER for me to babysit them and i think she thought that i didn't want to... so i cleared that up pronto.
four. went to bed early, bc i thought house wives of ny was last night but it WASN'T. it's tonight.
five. finished a good book and now i'm totally craving another.
six. went grocery shopping... and i'm going again tonight. sigh.
seven. drank a beer. go me!
eight. geez man eight is rough!!!! okay... er, ate mini pancakes for breakfast. they kinda sucked.

Things I Wish I Could Do:

one. be more outgoing, for sure.
two. run a mile without dying.
three. sing, i've always wanted to sing, but alas, i suck.
four. travel the world for two years... sigh.
five. actually have the cajones to travel the world for two years.
six. be really good at math. i SUCK at math, and it's plagued me my entire life.
seven. still do the splits. without crying.
eight. run a kickass company and be totally one of those wall street career women. (yeah. ain't gonna happen.)

8 Shows I Watch:

-house wives of orange county, ny, nj
-still standing
-will and grace
-prison break
-tudors
-anything hgtv
-jon and kate plus 8 (guilty addiction. vlad despises this show.)
-george lopez (LOVE!)

okay, and i'm supposed to tag eight people, but, peeps, i'm tired, i only have 10 minutes left before i get to go home (the store first. joy.) and ... doin the link love thang totally rags on this computer. it takes FOREVER and it inputs crazy html that i never ever put in amen. so.

please forgive. and besides. i want EVERYONE to try this out. it's actually pretty tough to figure out eight things without gettin really desperate. and i did. i'll admit it. just sayin.

so, there!

so,,,, like i was sayin'..........

2009-04-19T16:28:00.000-07:00

today is Easter.

for Orthodox Christians.

aka, my russian familia, and i spent the day with blessed candles from the church being lit and lots of cavier wrapped up in blinchiki (basically, a pancake, but it's REALLY thin. you make it by mixing flour and milk and egg and water and it basically just turns into a soft, kinda slick, really flat pancake.), lots of russian raisin cake, and lots,

lots,

lox?

LOTS

of russian. it was quite funny. amusing. bc in case you don't know, i. do. not. speak. russian.

no. that's right. you heard it. read it? i do not speak russian. even tho his family (my family?) is now convinced that i should be able to after over four years.... bc they knew this woman who worked with so-and-so's cousin who married a russian and was fluent in three years.

good for her.

so. one funny thing that happened, was when we were all seated, toasting glasses of really juicy wine that had BARELY any alcohol (trust me, i know) and snifters of coignac and vodka and non alcoholic beer (i know, weird), vlad's sister, my sister-in-law, a gal i just love completely, who is also preggo, YAY, her husband was looking all bewildered at the table.

cuz we were speakin english. to, you know, let me in on the joke. see it goes like this: they'll talk up a storm in russian, each person who's speaking over the other getting louder and LOUDER and LOUDER until only one person is talking and then everyone is talking and then laughing and slapping their thigh and shakin their heads and i'm all,

yo? seriously? wassup? cuz i am clueless man. help a girl out.

so then they'll switch to english and tell the whole thing over again.......... and laugh all over again. truly a fun time. so.

instead, this time, they were stuck in english mode bc i was INVOLVED in this conversation and stacy, my sister-in-law-who's-preggo-and-awesome, her husband, who just came from russia like, kid you not, two months ago, is all,

dude, yo, wassup? i do not get it.

so we all laughed. why? bc DUH, hello, we were mirror images of each other. and duh, the two worst people to stick on a stranded island? me and sasha. seriously. (btw, sasha is alex in english. so no. he's not a cross dresser, he's just euro.) and the whole time i'm telling my witty jokes about how the two of us stuck in a room together would be DIZZZASTER and imagine us on an island, 'dude, you want a coconut? what ARE YOU SAYIN?????' he's sitting there, totally clueless.

and we're sitting next to each other.

and i have to say, not sure where i was going when i decided to do this post, but seriously? HIGHlarious. so funny. we're looking at each other, potatoes in the mouth, duck on the fork, blinchikis on the plate, cavier taunting me two inches away, a dead fish eyein me, and i mean EYEING me as in his eyes are IN THERE STILL (they eat them. for good luck. gotta love them russians.) and we're just laughing so hard we're red in the face and you know what?

i may not speak russian, but i DO speak human. and we connected. and isn't that amazing? that two people, from two different parts of the world, can sit at one table, look each other in the eye, and laugh about the same thing without even TALKING to each other? quite a feat, really. fantastic, and truly, made my heart fly right outta my chest. so. cool.

so. i actually, in reality, had a great day. i think it's because

i gave my notice at work on friday. that means, NO MORE WORKING FOR SATAN ANYMORE.

so, that means, when i go to work tomorrow? i don't really care what goes on. i mean, i care about the clients, and the way the work gets done, and i want to do a good job because i am PROUD of what i do and how i do it, but really?

all that drama?

yo, take it to yo mama, i don't want it no mo'. i'm done. finite. and honestly, it is a. great. feeling. to know that i'm embarking (did i spell that right? i'm too lazy for spellcheck. and yet i typed this out. shoot. bygones.) on a new journey in life, a new LIFE so to speak, where i am going to focus on helping MYSELF so that i can HELP OTHERS. and it is a GREAT FEELING.

i'm a caps person, lately, i've discovered. but really? in real life? i pinky promise i don't yell. and yo, i'm still workin on the camera bein' fizzed up and the video being slow bc really, i AM still working, and things are just kinda on the back burner until i get some free time.

after may 8th? watch out ya'll i might just get a lil fiesty and crazy up in this house.

so. right now, i'm just enjoying a night, enjoying the rain, enjoying the calm of my house, enjoying the idea of shedding that horrid, horrid job. i am free. i am free, and i will always be free, and in the words of tori amos,

take to the sky, bitches.

(okay. i added the bitches part. forgive. forgive.)

She's Lump!!!!

2009-04-17T09:40:00.001-07:00

yo, if Kate over at She's Lump is reading this, important bulletin, i cannot read your blog and miss you and your pugs and your humor. uh, i need some lump in my life, grrrrrr.

help? halp? please?

on the road again...............

2009-04-17T06:21:00.000-07:00

oooooohhhhhh my goodness, what a SLACKER I AM!!!!!!!!!

there are so many things that i want to write about. hair, nails, a new seasoning sauce that was totally mailed to me, FREE, just so that i could try it and review it on here- quitting my job, the new clothes i scored, why i love starbucks even tho it's evil bc it's a chain and has no face, my love of vitamin water, i could go on and on and on and on.................................

and, instead, o yeah, and also my hatred of my camera phone and my phone in general and how i need to get my ass to a best buy (lunch today? probably will hit it up) to buy a thangy that will let me be able to use my chippy thing in my camera so that i can put it directly into le laptop (yeah it's male. his name is billy bob. deal with it.) so that i can upload PICTURES of la adobe and show ya'll what i've done with this shack and.. and..

where was i?

oh yeah, i have no idea where this post is going only that i meant to get SOMETHIN up here. oh yeah, and a skinny hazelnut latte from starbucks? pure frickin genius, yo.

so the next few months, summer really, will be spent trying to reaquant myself with ME. Lauren. Lo. who i am. who i want to be. who this hunka body is supposed to be. get healthy. get energized. be EXCITED for life, and not just SURVIVING.

i can't tell you enough about how craptastic my job is. basically, not to bore ya'll, but i just work a mundane job. over and over the drama is high and ridiculous, the stories i could tell... basically, one psycho, crazy, cracked out bitch i work with makes life hell for everyone. and i'm done. i wash my hands after over three years of back breaking work, with no recognition... not even one, hey, yo, good job. oh, this is the same woman who i invited to my wedding (had to) and she actually never once said hello. nor did she congratulate. nor did she look in my direction. bitch drank my liquor and ate my damn steak but never once said hello or thank you or hey go eff yourself or congrats. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

anyway. enough. i wash my hands. did i say that already? i think i've developed raw hand syndrome from all the washin i've been doing lately.

so. what else is there to write about? what else is there to me beyond this crappy existence i've sustained for three years? what is there after i shuck the crap off of myself and declare myself nekked and free? happy? carefree? scared shitless?

there's love,
starbucks,
compassion,
a need to help others,
a fear greater than life itself that i will screw it all up,
a need to just jump in headfirst even if it's a cement bottom pond,
sleeping late is great,
and i can do it again,
i don't understand my 401k and yo thanks mom for helping me 'roll it over' into an IRA,
what does that MEAN in real people talk,
i love shoes,
i'd really like to be a hot shot lawyer or somethin but i don't think i could deal with the headaches,
i think i'd love to love quiche but i've never tried it and i'm scared,
made kick ass pasta last night and no idea how i did it,
want to take cooking classes,
yoga? anyone?
or maybe pilates, tai chi,
holistic healing courses,
i really do love yoga pants tho,
i hate pleated dress pants,
i really really do, they're so totally 80's,
if i don't have a bottle of water i know not what to do with myself,
i really love tinker bell but i love tigger just as much, but really, i love dumbo,
i need to start working out but again? maybe yoga or pilates will work instead of hardcore strength training,
i really don't want to give up pizza, so i won't,
i think i kind of suck at grilling but so does vlad, so it's okay,
i hate purple,
i really want coach sneakers and yet refuse to shell out the cash for them,
i want to do more stuff outside but have no idea where to go,
i want to hit up the beach tonight, just walk and relax on a blanket but vlad is iffy,
i'll stuff him in the trunk if he refuses to go,
don't tell the police that,

where am i going with this? oh lordy this is what happens when you inject starbucks at 8.30am. and your name is lauren. and you have blonde hair. and chipped toenail polish. that's right. i'm honest. i'll tell ya. i also haven't shaved my armpits in a week. eep. i think i should get on that. i also need to cut my hair. must. make. appointment.

eeeeeep must shave before obgyn tomorrow!!! ack!

okay, tmi. where was i going? where am i going? good question. where am i going?

sunday funday easter

2009-04-12T16:58:00.000-07:00

one thing about condo livin, in a thirty-something year old building, is during the winter? it is HOT. dear lordy..... our condo is pint-sized (i like it that way, less to clean haha!) and so ultimately, the only 'windows' we have would be one in the bedroom, and then the sliding glass doors in the living room. which is open as wide as humanly (doorly?) possible. i type this entry with a tomato face, a glass of wine, and cold noodles romanoff that my mom made for easter today.

yeah. uh, the only thing i regret would possibly be the twenty eleven pounds of noodles i ate today. but bygones. i have a month before anyone sees me in a bikini. shudder.

so how was everyones easter? uneventful? jam-packed? church? cook out? bbq? eight course meal? wine? kool aid? just curious. mine was spent first at my parents condo in the city, which is right on the lake and BRRRRR it is COLD by the lake. lake michigan can pack a punch even in april. so my mom cooked her butt off and we had a great meal. my grandma, two uncles, one uncles wife whom i just adore, and of course my parents. and vlad. and the cats. but one cat was missing. we're still trying to figure that out since Larry, who used to be Lola, until his (ahem) unmentionables descended when he was a kitten, is now too fat to fit into the small alcove under the cabinets in the kitchen. hm. should probably ask if she found him yet. anyway.

so we ate, stuffed ourselves, drank mimosa's, and watched deadliest catch, episode after episode. and hello, if you know not what i speak of GOOGLE IT my child, it is a great show. so super scary and crabs kinda freak me out now, except for the kind that come shell-less and laid out nicely on a platter with a lil candle underneath a small ramekin containing liquid butter. then, my friends, crab is A OKAY in my book. yep.

but the show is uber cool. huge waves. yikes. anyway.

so, .... oh yeah. so i had a great time but being so exhausted i was the first to leave- i hate when that happens! so i collected all the cool stuff my mom gave me for easter, you know, an awesome book, two pairs of obnoxious but glorious socks (i'm somewhat of a sock freak... more on that later), some salt from this salt cave she went to but upon further thought i do believe i left that there.... hm. that sucks. some jelly beans, etc, classic easter loot. and a candelabra from my wedding (they were the centerpieces, i found them stashed in their bedroom, i took. at least i told her i took.) and now it sits on a side table/side bar in the dining room. i like.

then we high-tailed it back home and went across the parking lot (glamerous lot, aren't we?) and hung out with our super good friends who happen to be neighbors (score) and their families. but. seeing as i am so exhausted, can barely keep my eyes open, fell asleep in the car, i decided a glass of wine and the couch sounded much better. plus, i'm not good company, anyway. i mean really. what am i doing? i'm basically talking to myself ABOUT myself. pfft. no fun indeed. i told vlad to stay, have some fun, socialize, and i can have some peace and quiet and personal time too. bc i need that once in a while. i'm an only child. we welcome solitude. especially if it offers wine.

so. that was my day. i woke up extra late, ate breakfast in bed and watched t.v..... an old ryan reynolds movie. who else adores him??????? he is gorgeous AND hilarious. hellllooooo, package deal. i love dane cook too. oh and stiffler. i can never remember his name but he has a new movie out, role models, ya'll should check it out. hi-larious.

i have no idea where i started with this entry. i'm still hot as hell and i'm still eating cold noodles. wow i'm classy. now i'm going to park it on the couch with a book and read until i can't read anymore and then watch a little quiet t.v. and then go to bed. i know. i'm such a partier it's quite frightening.

in other news, how the hell do you post videos on blogger????? my camera records videos and i think it'd be fun if ya'll could ask me questions and then i'd answer them, in video, so you can see that i really do exist and all. tho, don't hold it against me if your ears start to bleed and your toes fall off. who knows how annoying i am in video format!!!!!

happy Easter guys. i hope it was spent with lots of family, food, fun and love :)

sniff

2009-04-11T13:41:00.001-07:00

...watching a league of their own on oxygen right now, and lordy be, i forgot how much i love this movie. I. LOVE. THIS. MOVIE. good cake in heaven i love this movie. madonna? yeah. i saw evita. and i still think she's a good actress. even tho, lately, her face lift scares me.

but i'm crying. good god, it is SAD. the part where the telegram comes????? eep. this movie is so full of integrity i just.. i love it.

"i thought you were a ball player"

"you thought wrong. it's just a game."

phew! and the part that really broke me down? when her husband comes back from the war while she's sobbing alone in her room thinking he's dead or god knows and he walks in and they embrace and she says,

"can we just hold each other for the rest of our lives?"

and her husband goes,

"that's my plan."

also? when she's leaving the league and jimmy says, "why are you leaving?"

and Dottie says, "it just got too hard."

and he says something about how that's the point. the heart is in what's hard. or. something. i'm paraphrasing bc i don't remember exactly.

also? i am being drugged by the scent of cake in my house. i found cake-in-the-box on sale for a dollar (one dollar!!!!) and then a coupon for .50 cents off frosting and cut to me two hours later, and i have classic yellow cake cooling on the counter in a classic 13x9 metal pan. oh, the scent and the sight of it bring me right back to childhood.

i don't care what people say. box cake? is like blood in my veins. i miss it when it's gone.

er, somethin like that. yum. c'mon over and we'll watch afternoon movies on t.v. and eat cake :)

i've been a slacker, yeah, i get it, i really super do

2009-04-11T07:38:00.000-07:00

so i've totally slacked off on my duties as a bloggess. i apologize. i lament. i pray that ya'll forgive me. i say, to the heavens, i know not what i do and yet, alas, i do, and.... i'm sorry. apologies abound over here. it's just, well, i work in the accounting field and lord knows it's hectic right now.

oh, you ask, how hectic?

hectic enough that you're sittin at work, BLOGGING, on a saturday morning, with no work to do??? how could it be??? how so??? is it even POSSIBLE?

yeah. so. my work is basically one soap opera episode over and over and over again. it's ridiculous, full of drama, etc, all bc of one person. so. i sit here, have sat here, since 8am, and logged out returns and basically numbed my mind with a Stouffers pita chicken broccoli flatbread thang and cups and cups of green tea bc the coffee here? yeah. acid. i really have not that much work to do but it's astounding how drama can make you feel SO. DAMN. TIRED.

so. i thought i would update, and say, hey, i know i suck, but, i'm tryin over here, and i'm outta this gig once May hits, but for right now? until wednesday? yeah. it sucks. i have heartburn. where are my tums? things are stressful. i'm irritated as all getout and more often than not (daily) i come home, shed my clothes, don the sweats, and go, damn yo where's my wine? and have a glass. all the while trying to unwind the crap that goes on in my day from my brain.

my real life has been put on hold for a bit, bc of the drama i endure for nine hours a day.

i do not mean to unload here, it's just, well, i'm sure y'all have had a job that just. plain. sucks. and you've wanted to leave but for whatever reason couldn't. and right now, i can't bail in the last tail of tax season, so i'm here, and i'm so tired i swear to you, in another thirty seconds you might just find me curled in the fetal position in the file room next to the 1120's. just sayin'.

so tonight i convinced Vlad to go to Big Bowl with me, and if you've yet to visit one, dear lord in heaven and white lambs and fluffy clouds, you MUST GO NOW DROP EVERYTHING bc it is pure heaven. their lemonade is bomb ass too. i get the pad thai. i think tonight i might just get frisky and order the stir fry. then we're going to see the new fast n furious and in all honesty i've got no clue which sequal this one is, i think four, all i know is i get to watch fast cars and paul walker, amen.

then home. home, home, home, to my bed, to mindless t.v. like property virgins and house hunters on hgtv and then sleep and then sleepin in, THANK GOD, and then easter dinner but really lunch at 2pm at my parents house and then blissful couch time. sounds like a deal to me.

so where was i? oh. yeah. i'm a slacker. i've got like, a tag thang i need to do, want to do, must do ohmygoodnessmustdo and then ....... pictures, i think, of my house ,plus a floorplan and damn, i've totally been slackin. apologies, but taxes? suck.

yeah. that's right. there is only one word for tax season.

suckage.

a lil somethin' somethin': Manic Monday

2009-04-06T06:34:00.000-07:00

How often do you change your toothbrush?

this is totally embarassing but in all honesty i probably don't change it as much as i SHOULD, i mostly change it when it occurs to me that the battery is goin' dead on my electric sonic toothbrush and holy hell i have no batteries in the house and then after a week of trying to brush sans battery, i slosh to the store to buy some and lo and behold think, well, hot damn, i should probably switch the head out on the brush as well. why not. kill two birds and all that. honestly, it's not the main worry in my life. i can manual brush with an old brush head for about a month longer than i should without batting an eye. yeah. i'm tough like that.

What is your favorite item of clothing to shop for?

hmmmm..... probably.... shoes. and handbags. bc it means i don't have to get nekked to buy them. i have this strange obsession with designer sunglasses, too, and for the life of me i cannot break it. i have tried. right now the flavor of the month are a pair of christian dior i scooped up on sale at nordstrom. and no. i will not tell you how much they cost or why in EARTH i thought it wise to spend it on sunglasses, of all things. i know not what i do. or. something.

Do you use social media (Twitter, Facebook, etc.)? Which do you use most often?

i facebook more than i twitter. even tho i enjoy twitter more. i guess i just get tired of waiting for more twits to come thru. tweets? twits? sigh. see? this is why. facebook, moreso bc i like to read the snarky ass comments my friends leave for each other. and i get to spy on people. bc anyone will friend you, you know. i got friend requests from people i hadn't seen in two years. but i totally know they got toasty last weekend bc i have the photo of them holdin' a bottle of hard liquor and doin the peace sign. cuz i stalk on facebook.

maybe i shouldn't exactly tell everyone that.

i also despise myspace with a passion only rivaled by my detest for saurkraut, slow drivers and the line at the post office after work when i'm NOT getting paid all because they put the two asian ladies on the same shift and holy hell, they are the slowest women EVER to grace the USPS institution. they are no kevin costner in 'the postman', lemme tell ya.

manic mondays, catch it over-------> here!

keep that chin up

2009-04-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

'i am not afraid of tomorrow, for i have seen yesterday, and i love today.'

-William Allen White

say goodbye to snarky ass girl. at least, for today. or. this hour.

2009-04-02T06:49:00.000-07:00

i woke up, annoyed, irritated, shushing Vlad's alarm clock bc honestly... it does not need to fog horn me outta sleep... coverin my head with my pillow and altogether cursing time and the fact that i may or may not have fallen asleep a tad late last night watching Seven Pounds and now i'll have to watch it AGAIN tonight bc in my half-asleep state i totally didn't understand it. Will Smith, tho, totally rocks my socks, he's soooo amazing. but dude likes him some tubs. he sleeps in the tub in this film and he slept in the tub in that weird sci fi vamp-like movie too. with the dog. bygones.

where was i? oh yeah. things that bring me joy. cuz ya know, i'm sick n tired of always harping on the bad crap in my life. it's there. yeah. i get it. DUDE. i get it. i'm just, eh, call it Thursdayitis, but... i just need some perking, some fluffing, some padding over here.

and i'm not going to get deep. this is purely, shallow, light-hearted BRING IT ON, joy, sorta talk.

chocolate cake.
makin' a GREAT dinner, randomly, without a recipe, for Vlad and he loves it so much he asks me to make it again and even tho it makes me break out in hives bc i cannot-for-the-life-of-me remember how i made it, i still grin and think, HA bitches, i CAN cook!
a great movie, my couch, and a glass of wine. recipe of divinity.
walking on the beach barefoot in sarasota. no better feeling.
sarasota.
DISNEY.
a great hair day.
finding a great black sweater on sale. even tho i have fifty kajillion already.
having my nails painted.
sunday morning mexican omelet, with cholula.
havin a clean house.
driving vlad's car on the highway. it is fast, yo.
spending a night surrounded by friends and feeling like you BELONG.
cherry blossom trees in bloom. shut up if that's nto what they're officially called. i like em.
BOATING. (with a drink in hand.)
computer games. shut up. i love me some nancy drew.
buying something, anything on sale.
rare steak. mmmmmmm.
hotels. i adore, just adore, hotels.
swimming, tanning, boating. did i say boating? well. boating.

what else? i'm racking my brain now, so i think i'll stop. it's a lil intense for 8.57am. but these small things bring me joy. when Vlad comes home with a jumbo king-size kit kat, it brings me joy. when i get mailed those packs of the savings things? like, the 'jumbo huge savings deals of your life' envelope? even tho i never use ANY of them? yeah. i LOVE going thru them all. and floor plans. i love looking at floor plans, oh, and also going to see model homes. and model rv's. i know. i'm weird.

little things bring me joy. i just need to keep my head in the game and focus on what makes me happy, instead of what vile insipid crap that goes on at my work that taints my mood when i'm home. i hate that. i know a ton of you are like 'ya ya, your job isn't bad, you make decent money and at least you have healthcare and HAVE a job' and i know that. i know. i know i know i know. but good god, people, ........ i can't seem to explain it except that it. is. toxic. i swear if i stayed here another year i'd be suicidal. it's just THAT BAD. so.

it brings me joy to know i'll never have to step foot in here again after may 8th.

ya know what? that makes me flippin ECSTATIC. like, ice cream for breakfast, ecstatic.

what brings you joy? what pulls you through the day? what makes you get outta bed in the morning when all you want to do is sleep for forty hundred years and then walk around in your pajamas for another ten and hide in the couch with your cat and who cares if the spoons covered in ice cream leave rings on the coffee table? you never liked it in the first place. what makes you tackle your day?

what helps you to stay human, and not turn into a frothing-at-the-mouth wildabeast who beats down anyone who comes near you? (don't lie. you've totally felt that way. no shame, friend, no shame.)

lies, lies, i tell you

2009-04-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

yeah, i apologize, i hang my head in shame, for i have lied.

i did not post pictures. nor, did i even go to best buy to get the thingymajig that would let me be ABLE to put pictures here.

i did not post my home floor plan. forgive. forgive.

you see, much bigger things have taken over for me.

as in.......... GROWTH things. as in.................................................

i'm pregnant.

APRIL FOOLS, SUCKAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bwahahahahahahahahaha. if that even worked on you, which i'm sure it didn't. but. soooo funny for me. :)

anyway, seriously tho, things are always hectic at the beginning of a week and shame on me for making empty promises on a saturday. work sort of bombs on me and then starts to slowly let me recover about thursday and then bombs on saturday and then sunday is like a gift.

then i get bombed all over again. vicious cycle.

i can now officially say that my huge wonderful trip to disney with my mom is next month. YESSSSSSSS!!!!!

my homegirl did my hair on sunday and i swear, new hair just lifts my spirits. i feel alive again. tons of highlights and she trimmed five inches off. and it's still well below my shoulders. i think it was overdue for a cut, don't you? it looks fab, i love it, hug it and kiss it and i feel so much better already.

now i need a tan. hm. i should do that tonight. anyways,

tonight my mom and i are switching cars, hers needs to be worked on, so she's going to drive mine (which is really hers, long story) and i'll drive hers home. then tomorrow morning vlad takes her car and i take his car and then Thursday he brings her car home and then i drive her car Friday morning and after work we do the switcheroo again.

we play musical cars. i can't help it. but, i do find it fun. who doesn't like driving a new car every day??????!!!???

we're also going to go to dinner. i think i may just want to go to p.f. changs bc i just ADORE IT OH MAH GAWD. kung pao, you are the lover of my soul amen.

what else. hm. nothing else is goin' on. i may or may not tan on my way home after dinner with moms and then after that vlad and i have a movie night in bed. i rented seven pounds, and slumdog millionaire and some cheesy action movie called columbus day. i like the cheese. it's necessary sometimes. like the movie the core. lord, how i love that movie.

in about twenty i'm popping out (ahem, RUNNING FOR MY LIFE before they give me more work to do) and picking up the three movies i rented from redbox then swingin' over to subway. today calls for a club, yo, with all the trimmings.

cheese. lettuce. tomatoes. EXTRA pickles. mayo. mustard. oil and vinegar. spices. hot peppers.

but no onions. phew. no onions.

i'm so hungry. and yet i ate a southwestern salad from mcd's for breakfast around 9am. i know. i know. i eat 'real food' for breakfast. and breakfast food for dinner. i'm ass backwards that way.

and that's the end. i have nothin' clever. except. i lied. i lied. forgive. forgive. k thanks :)

sooooooooo i suppose,

2009-03-28T23:21:00.000-07:00

tonight was a great hit. and yet. as i hear the rain falling, ...

to hear the rain fall is something huge to me.

rain is.the world.

rock your world. rain to me is bliss. pure, bliss. get wet who cares, bliss.

i want you to rock the rain, or snow, or sunshine-

i'm rockin mine,

RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love it yo, i love it. rain.

i. love. rain.

er, what?

2009-03-28T22:39:00.000-07:00

oh lordy. i just promised diagrames in my own writing, nin' i?

damn yo. i guess i best show thru that. i will. no worries.

worries, however, abound, bc i am a tad bit tip to the say on wine and vlad is playin...no joke.... man hunt sumthin. i think.... he has to hunt down aligators and lions and... somethin else i wish i just looked away from.

just sayin. if wii ain't real, it's REALISTIC, yo.

he's jabbin and jiven all over the place!!!!

and yes. our guests are gone. after steak, after chicken, we're dead tied.

but hey. hey's goin for another game.

at least i can sleep in tomorrow!!yay me.

i'm in chicago, trick!!!! (you probably don't know the song. but i loves it.)

2009-03-28T16:33:00.000-07:00

soooooooooo after workin a FULL 6.2 HOURS today, i felt the need to relax. but no relaxin did i do, cuz we're having people over tonight.

not the prez. nah. even tho i live near chicago he's in d.c., now that he's all mr. important and shiz. pfft.

neighbors, across the parking lot (heh. i'm so classy.) are coming, britt and danny (danny of the pink shirt t.v. install, if any of you remember. vlads bestest friend), our friends rus and natalie (she's russian annnnnnnnnnnnd we kinda sorta always clash. she doesn't have a censor. i believe in filters, man, at least in polite company. c'mon now. ya'll getcher manners on.) and my great friend arius, who's one of the greek friends i mentioned, i adore this kid, he's just so snarky and hilarious like me. we always end up talkin shit to each other. in a nice way, of course. he was in my wedding. his siz cuts my hair. she's gorrrgeous, ya'll. i'll find pics for ya. ahem anyway. and then our OTHER friend amir, yes all of my friends are euro (for the most part) who yugoslavian, and he tends to drink a lot but pffft he isn't spending the night and isn't drivin, so all is well in the world.

but this meant that vlad and i? had better put pedal to the metal today after we got home from work. so after i worked almost a full day with nooooooo breaks, i went to the grocery store, bought wine and milk, (priorities people, priorities) meaning to buy the rest of the food from sams club later with vlad and came home and cooked myself a pizza.

yeah. hard worker, right here, numero uno.

vlad right now is finishing up the last bit of painting in the hall. i'm taking a break from cleaning, i just made the bed and now i am DUSTER EXTROARDINAIRE bc i must dust, i must dust, the entire house, must dust must. i may be a lil loopy after being cracked out on a computer all day scanning in tax information for clients bc we're spiffy and goin' paperless and all.

and while this is great? it also is a bitch, bc i have the scanner from hell, and it eats chews swallows licks then poos on every single freakin page i feed thru it.

i won today. i think it was the threats of goin' office space on it.

just had the sick feeling that i'm goin to get the 'yyyyyeeeeaaaahhhhh we're gonna go ahead and needja to come in tomarrrooow.....' but then i remember, it's saturday, and i already WAS there. phew.

where was i going with this? er....

so the house looks nice. really nice. high gloss white painted trim, fresh painted doors, new hardware on the closets in the hall,

-sorry, a break in the program- i'm on the laptop in the dining room that i can now walk around in and vlad gets up from taping trim in the hallway and starts jabbing at a paintbrush that's pretty much stuck in semi-wet paint. just jabbing. finally it breaks free and he jabs it back down into the paint and walks away. purpose? no clue. seems he just put it back into the same pickle it was just in. i don't understand painting. never will.

back to our ranting- so, the living room is together, we have patio furniture on our balcony YIPPIE and a grill YAY and i feel like a NORMAL PERSON AGAIN.

phew.

so my closet may eat you, but if you keep the door closed it'll let you slip by. k thanks.

so i'm going to take some photos with my REAL camera, and then tomorrow (or monday) i'll go to best buy to get that hookup thing so that i can pop my memory card into the laptop straight without wires. cuz i kinda sorta lost 'em. i know. so i need a new thingie mah jig. i'm sure they'll know exactly what i'm talking about. best buy gets me. it's a reader of my soul.

so yeah i'm gonna take pics, and once i get showered and normal looking i may even BE in some of them, and then i'll take pics of the food and the furniture and friends and just a good ol' time. i need to do a diagram of the condo. so that ya'll understand floor plans. HEY! monday is floor plan day. maybe i'll even have pictures to go with it. who knows.

why is monday floor plan day? bc i have a scanner at work, that's why. and i don't know if paintbrush even exists on computers anymore, and i suck at making computer diagrams. (ahem. don't know how.) so i'm goin to draw it out. and ya'll can see my left-handed snarky hand writing. that in my defense got way worse after i broke a tiny bone in my hand something like two years ago. i had a CAST and it sucked and it was my left hand. needless to say i don't really write things out anymore, i type em. less pain.

WHOA SIDETRACK! okay. i'm a little giddy and light headed after my date with the scanner from hell all flippin day and the fact that i'm tired and still have to shop clean vacuum dust swiffer and then shower and paint my face and look normal........... and then be ON for everyone. so. pardon me while i excuse myself from this lil purge i just did and say thanks ya'll for lending ears and maybe even smirking a little.

c'mon. being snarky feels GOOD. trust me. :) rock on garth!!!!!

ray of flippin sunshine.

2009-03-27T06:27:00.000-07:00

some days, my job makes me want to tear out my hair, scream at the top of my lungs and call everyone out on every insipid stupid moronic childish thing they do.

okay. almost every day.

and the reason isn't because my work is overly stressful. it's stress. it's work. i deal. i LIKE to be busy. i like being productive.

i do. not. like. this. woman. i. work. for.

she is my indirect boss, and lordy be.................

i'm sitting here pissed off, irritated, annoyed and just plain flabberghasted at how positively ridiculous and juvinile a menopausal woman can be. and oh yes. she's in menopause, and i know this, bc i listen allllllllllll day long to her changing the thermostat from oh-my-god-i'm-burning-up-am-i-on-the-equator-or-am-i-in-hell to good-thing-i-wore-this-sweater-cuz-i'm-niptastic-right-now. and her bitching. ohhhhhh lordy her bitching.

it's people like this that make me HAVE to sit down, close my eyes, breathe deeeeeeeeeep and say, you are not this person, do not let this person make you into that kind of person, let it go, let it go, let it go.

and then my real boss is always moving stuff on my desk. my things are missing.... like my water bottle. uh, hello? i was going to drink that. bc you decided to clean the garbage can lid with the sponge we CLEAN DISHES WITH and i'm petrified of using the glasses now, so i now keep a water bottle on my desk. and you threw it out.

thanks.

i guess i'm complaining bc i've just had it up to HERE and THERE and OVER THERE. one more month and i'm free. and they wonder why they have such a high turnover............. it's bc there's a woman here who just... just.... i don't know how she could possibly have gone thru life with this attitude. i have to say, in all 24 years of my life, i have NEVER run across a person like this..... i'm just trying to breathe myself thru today and understand that in a month, i will NEVER have to see her mug again.

i have many words for her. i'll refrain. for now.

i wish everyone a happy friday..... and hope that your day goes smoothly and quickly and that you don't have a horrid person you have to deal with daily. i wish ya'll sunshine and twinkies. and. and. glitter pens.

i'm tryin to tell myself to be a ray of sunshine. kill 'em with kindness. IT IS HARD, YO.

the book is secure: i repeat: THE BOOK IS SECURE

2009-03-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

The Mortal Instruments is quite possibly one of the best series i've read in a while. the third book in the series, City of Glass, came out yesterday. i, unfortunately, wasn't aware of this until AFTER lunch, so i couldn't do my usual lunchtime borders run.

but i did it today.

at lunch i ran over and got gas, then sped on over to the grocery store to pick up cat litter, cat freshener, air freshener (Daisy is getting sick i think... and it's making the whole litter box situation quite toxic) some ziploc bags and .. water. oh and lunch. then i ran over to borders, walked in and saw the display for twilight..... the display for the House of Night series (which is very good as well, you should totally peep at that series if twilight was up yer alley) but..

but....

no City of Glass!!!!!!!! wtf???? okay. don't panic, don't panic, i told myself, just check the young adult section. k. okay. i can do that.

rode up in the elevator.

.............no City of Glass. okay. seriously, what the fuck? where did it GO? why is it not here? i go onto their little computer and yep yeah sure there it says, 'possibly in stock'. so i go downstairs, again, in the elevator (those stairs plus heels, bad thing, trust me on this one) and pop out to politely inquire, wherethehellismybook????????????????????

ahem. i was polite. i promise.

he then gives me a grand ol' tour of the first floor of borders only to end up (after seriously like 7 minutes or so. i'm on LUNCH PEOPLE, only so much time!!!) next to a cart... and there they are. all cajillion of 'em, ON A CART.

if i were that author, i'd be like yo man? wtf? why you hatin' on me? put me on display! (i speak jive- name that movie!)

i didn't say anything. i was just so THANKFUL to have that big thing land in my hands that i just let out the breath i was holding and raced to the register lest someone try to steal it from me.

you never know. while i was waiting for him to tell me it was there i just about burst into flames i was so scared he wouldn't have it. but he did.

and i bought it.

and while standing in line, i looked over at their display and they sell Kiss My Face products!!!!!!!! OH LORDY BE KISS MY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have been looking EVERYWHERE for these products. sigh. heart. love. i'm so excited to wash my face tonight!!! eeeeee!!!!!!!

but don't worry ya'll, the book is secure!!!!! oh, and if you haven't looked into these books and you liked the twilight genre, go take a peek. LOVE. IT.

sooooooooooo excited that it's the thickest of them all. lust. i could EAT IT, it's so big, ooohhhh i love me a fat sandwich book!!!!!!!

five questions game!!!

2009-03-25T10:10:00.000-07:00

so, i found this over at Psuedo, and SHE linked it from Laura at Under the Sheets and i thought, hey, GREAT idea for a post when i'm feeling tired, so tired, so very very tired.

FIVE QUESTIONS GAME!!!!!!!!!! yah! yeah! ya!

1) What gets you out of bed in the morning?

dread.

haha, joking.

but really. i usually set about four alarms on my cell phone... the first starting at around 6 if i have to shower in the morning and 6.30 if i showered the night before. my hair is really long, takes forevah if i shower in the morning and i usually look like a wreck. so. like today, first alarm went off at 6.30, then 6.45, 6.55, 7.10. by 7.10 i'm usually in the bathroom gettin ready, but... man, some days that 7.10 really helps me out. i've gotten ready in ten minutes flat before. from getting up to sittin in the car. no joke. i use a hair straightener, throw on some mascara, some clothes and BAM i'm gone.

however, i'm not a morning person, and for a person who's not a morning person who also despises her job, mornings suck extra for me. i just deal.

2) What scares you and how often do you think about it?

being alone. as in, something happening to the two most important people in my life. that scares me a lot, and i try not to think about it.

if we're talking 'fears' here, i am deathly afraid of heights. moreso the falling thing. doesn't really work well with me. also? snakes, after watching this 'deadliest snakes of the wild' show on the discovery channel. also the doctor and the dentist. cuz in my case, it's usually bad news.

3) How important is making a home to you? For example do you like a home to meditate in, cook good food or have people over?

it is sooooo important for my home to be a safe haven for me. i'm a cancer- by nature we like to curl up in on ourselves and hide. all of my friends have always commented that my home is so 'mature', i.e. even when i was a starving college kid i had a 'full house', as in, couch, coffee table, area rug, lamps, decorations, television with coordinating stand, all of my bedroom furniture, a bathroom with matching stuff in it (ahem. it was hello kitty. vlad made me cut that cord when we moved in together officially.) etc etc.... bc i like to have a complete home. no egg crates or futons for me, nope.

right now we're still working on our house, it's hard bc we're both so busy and we both want to do it ourselves and the RIGHT way- not just throw crap in the closet, call it a day. i want to put things where they belong and get organized. unfortunately that means my dining room is kinda full of bags full of... well i'm not sure what, most likely purses and shoes and clothes. that's what i'm tackling tonight.... eep.

4) Where in the world would you like to travel to next?

well, i'm going to take a trip soon, where my mom and i will get on amtrak, head to washington d.c. for the day, then train it on down to florida to visit my aunt who's preggers right now. she's having a little girl, Olivia, and my mom and i are going for a week to help her with the baby. then we're off to DISNEYWORLD which i know this sounds bad, bc well... family should come first... i should be most excited about meeting my cousin... but... DISNEYWORLD PEOPLE. and we're staying at the polynesian and.. and... and then my mom goes home after a week and vlad comes up and we do disney for three days and then we do sarasota for four!! eeeeeep i'm so excited for this trip. it's my 'light at the end of the long, hard, dark, craptastic tunnel'.

if we're talkin fantasy, i would, in a heartbeat, pick up and go to Greece. for some reason i'm itching to go there for a month. or two. or forever. who knows.

first i'd have to get really in shape and get a tan. those greeks are TAN!!!!! two of my close friends have family and houses over in greece and go for months at a time. i swear i'm going to sneak into their suitcase next time.

5) What's your favorite Anti Aging Skin Product?

well,........ i use garnier moisturizing lotion that comes in a lil pot. so far i like it. i have wrinkles, they freak me out, once i'm out of this crappy job and can focus on myself for once i'm going to figure out what products will take care of this weird papery thang happenin' on my forehead. i no likey.

and now i'm going to duck while i say, i use no anti-aging products other than that and drinking pomegranite juice so i don't get hit with the glares of my more 'mature' readers or see them flippin me off.

suck it yo.

2009-03-23T17:30:00.000-07:00

first off, let me say that i love ya'll. the comments yo have left me lately are what drives me thru the day, no joke, seriously.

that said? if ya'll don't try chalula? enter, intervention on your ass. cuz i am that serious about it.

in case you're like my husband and can't eat spicy, i will let you ride free. with a doctors note.

cholula is serious, yo.

on to other things. as in. i left work at about 2.3o bc i felt so bad. had to deal with 'the shit', people telling me i wasn't really feeling bad and ANYONE can drive on a migraine, it's ALL IN YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!

meanwhile, i went home. screw that. life is too short to wallow and suffer. i suffered. until 3.20 in the frickin afternoon when i SHOULD have called in after my husband so lovingly told me, 'you look like crap, go to bed, you shouldn't go to work like this.' ehm, thanks babe, i think?

also? cut to last night. so it's no joke that vlad, my husband, drives a sports ccar. he does. expensive. i don't like to talk about it, bc we don't define ourselves by our material posessions. but.

it rocks. i have to say, this car, and me, we're TIGHT. we love each other. white chocolate hearts love each other.

i won't tell you what it is. you can email me if you want to know.

so okay. cut to me, we just bought a grill, i'm all excited, kaboobs are my heaven, so i drive to the grocery store for fuel. and then.

AND. THEN.

i stop at the stop sign that's in every parking lot. a white car starts to yell atg me. the driver. i shrug. whatevs.

and then she starts to yell some more.

and then, she turns, and i'm all, you know, life is too short, i just want to park so i can get my steak on.

and then she puts her car in park. and let me tell you, you know those stop signs in the parking lots? YEAH. i stopped. i waited for her to turn into the parking row. she was yelling, waving her arms, goin balistic before i ever went near her. and yeah. she turned.

i wanted to park! to shop! so pulled behind her, expecting nothing. and then.

she threw her car into park and got OUT OF THE CAR. uh, sorry, but i'm a little skinny ass white girl, pardon me while i run into the corner. much as i wanted to smack her ass up, she was HUGE.

needless to say, i booked my ass outta there like a little girl. but really. i am not ashamed to admit that you never know.

you. never. know. the shit that people carry. i want to live, not die in some crappy ass grocery store parking lot.

i can say now that i wish that woman lots of love and caring. and trust me, it took me HOURS and DAHYS to say that. DAHHHHYS. i need to be the better person. but. it. is. hard.

bitch was crazy yo.

i'm afraid of jewel (my local shoppn hole) and i'm ashamed to say i am.

but you never know.

what if this crazy woman who totally got out of her car and started to walk toward me... what if she had a gun?

and really? i ask ya'll. do expensive sports cars cause you to do this shit?????

i think, nah. ya'll are sane. this woman, scared, the, be JESUS outta me.

i can't even grocery shop without this shit happening. and people wonder why i love the internet and my bloggy friends and my safe lil circle.

cuz all those peeps on the outside? you all are crazy as SHIT YO, and i am afraid of you, and quite frankly, i think you suck.

go suck it.

yeah. i said it. to all of those nasty angry people, i wish you well, but honestly? suck it.

torture, otherwise known as staying at work when you're ill.

2009-03-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

i actually have quite a bit to blog about, but seeing as i'm feeling extremely shitty, i'm not going to. in fact, the only reason i'm posting is bc there's nothing left for me to read on the blogs i follow. i'm at work and the only reason i'm still sitting here is bc it's a bigger pain in my ass to ask to go home than it is for me to quietly sit here and wander around online.

trust me.

although i'm not sure how much longer i can last. i have really no work to do, and the work i DO have, i'm afraid of tackling that bc in my current state i'm sure i'll royally mess it up.

i'm so tired.. my eyes are half closed.. and i'm getting bitched at by the annoyingly pathetic woman who's technically my boss. oh, and 'mini me', her assistant. that's what we call her around these parts.

where am i going with this? no idea. i feel so craptastically shitty that all i want to do is go home, curl up in bed, watch twilight bc i've yet to see it, and nap. my entire body feels like razorblades tried to get to third base with me. i can't possibly look even remotely well right now... and yet... whereas NORMAL people work in jobs where people would think, hm, let's send her home so that she doesn't get the REST of us sick, i work in a job that says, you CANNOT GO HOME BC YOU HAVE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH WORK TO DO. and then i sit down and go, hm, i have nothing. nothing. nothing. to do. no work.

i sit here, answer the phones, and blog. wow. $17 an hour to do that? and she thinks she's punishing me by making me stay here at work? seriously, i must work for idiots. no, in fact, i KNOW i do.

i'm being negative. i know. i'm sorry. i just feel like being five and crying bc i don't feel good. and it's only 10.32.

help.

my addictions

2009-03-21T06:30:00.001-07:00

when i was around 15, a friend of mine had this unhealthy addiction to Blistex. as soon as i started spending the weekends riding around on ATV's, horses, swinging into ponds and basically rippin it up in the country (as much as southern california can be country... which, it can, a ranchy sorta country) while wearing borrowed wranglers and some smashed up cowboy boots, i somehow became addicted too.

i am now a full-fledged chapstick-a-holic, and i seriously will flip the eff out if i realize i've forgotten it. right now, this is what my lips prefer:

and yes, i realize this is the 'most addicting chapstick evah' but i just cannot. get. enough. (hm. i wonder why.) my lips go thru these cycles where it prefers different chapsticks. i've been on the carmex kick for about six months now, i'm sure they'll revolt and i'll have to try every blessed chapstick my grocery store sells before my lips agree with another.

usually i try, TRY to go organic, and buy them from trader joe's. (or, if you're a russian, traders joe. bc lord knows why they switch the s around. bygones.) but, alas, for the past few months all i want, crave, need to be able to breathe is carmex. in the pot.

and did you know that when you run out, or you accidentally leave it at home sittin next to your cell phone (i totally did this on thursday, i felt like i had left my arms behind) and you risk being late by running into the creepy gas station, they totally don't carry the pot of carmex? only the weird squeezy tube? which i totally don't like? bc i feel like i keep squeezing and squeezing and nothin comes out and then all of a sudden i'm like AAAACK bleck bleck my mouth is lookin like i just ate a tube o crisco bc so much came out and it is so not attractive nor tasty nor fun, trust me.

but carmex, keeper of my soul, how i love you. i also have backups in the cars, both mine and vlads, each purse i carry (my brown juicy and my black juicy), my desk at work and then various hiding places around the house. bc you never know, man, you never know.

i also detest lip gloss. i never ever wear anything other than chapstick except if i'm, ya know, gettin married or somethin. but then i end up resorting to chapstick eventually anyway.

also.

it is a well-known fact to anyone who has ever had the pleasure of dining alongside me that i have a huge addiction (affliction?) to Cholula hot sauce.

as in, i FLIP OUT if i realize i'm going to eat mexican and i don't have any on me.

yeah. that's right. i said ON ME. as in, in my purse.

as in, last sunday? i, uh, went to breakfast with vlad down the street.... ordered myself up a mexican omelet.... and realized i had left the cholula at home.

you bet your ass i flew outta that restaurant, drove the block home, grabbed my bottle (one of five) from the fridge and flew back to the restaurant just in time for me to slather 3/4 of a bottle all over the omelet i ordered.

it is a must. A. MUST. if i don't have it, i ain't happy. and if i ain't happy ain't nobody happy and most likely i will sulk and scoff at the waiter when they suggest 'oh, we have TOBASCO IS THAT OKAY FOR YOU????"

HELLS NAH fool!!!!!!!!!!!!! this blonde takes CHOLULA ONLY. duh. DUH.

also? the restaurant over the border? bless them. they have cholula on the table. oh, lordy be, that just makes the angels sing sweet nothing's into my ear all day long.

if i meet a fellow cholula lover? oh it's over my friend. i instantly INSIST they use some of mine and then i pinky promise we'll be BFF's forever and ever and we'll never eat a meal without the sweet tangy goodness of that addicting red sauce again.

i believe i discovered this when i ate in tijuana once. i'm not sure. and if you go to tijuana? DO NOT GO INTO THE SHADY STORES where they call you barbie. and say 'come dance barbie.' that is bad news, my friend, bad news.

also? do not drink the water. and only eat at tijuana tilly's. and be careful when you buy prescriptions. just sayin'. also? lovely tiles to be found there. the trek across border crossing is a tad hectic, tho, and no matter how much your heart cries out, DO NOT BUY CHICLETS from the little kids selling them. they are not good. i know. trust me on this one.

where was i going with this? oh yeah. i was sitting here, at work on a saturday, bored outta my mind bc i have no flippin work to do and yet they make me come in..... to sit here..... and pay me overtime to pick my nose? blog? paint my toenails? who knows. i try to look busy. but i was eating my turkey sausage jimmy dean breakfast bowl i totally swooped up from the grocery store this morning along with a bottle of smart water (which is another addiction of mine) and i kept having to get back up and trek to the kitchen to put more cholula onto my eggs potatoes and sausage. turkey sausage. until the entire thing turned this weird shade of BRIGHT red and my tongue sort of went 'eeiiiy eiiiy eeeiiiy' with pleasure i tell you and i was like, wow, i should really share this.

yeah. that's what happens when it's the middle of tax season and i've worked too much. brain sorta rebels.

but hot sauce and carmex, man, those are the keys to my soul.

creamy shrooms chillin with spinach and chicken villains

2009-03-17T16:49:00.000-07:00

okay. so. as we speak (i type?) the noodles are boilin away and the sauce is simmering. aka, heat turned down as low as possible so that it doesn't turn into a nasty congealed mess before i transport it into tupperware, over noodles and into the fridge for vlad to eat later. gotta keep the flavors together man.

so. start off with some boiling water, like a normal pot full. then throw some chicken into a nonstick skillet cut up into little chunks (i like using tenderloin strips, cheaper and easier to deal with). then sprinkle with some sort of seasoning..... if you're like me, then lots of garlic salt, pepper, maybe some spicy spices, some basil, etc.... for vlad, i used this mix called 'vegeta' and it's russian. he got it somewhere i don't even WANT to know where. russian stores are scary places, yo.

so grill these chicken bits up until they're cooked thru- they should be in no time. transfer these to a plate, i usually use the plate or container i'm going to put the finished dish in. less mess!

next, throw some butter in the pan. i used about oh 1/3 of a stick but by NO MEANS must any of ya'll use that much. vlad just happens to love butter. so. then toss in some shrooms (the more the merrier, i use the pre-sliced/washed ones in the produce section) and a few handfuls of spinach. (i use the pre-packaged spinach in the produce section. what can i say.)

both of these are what i call 'anorexic veggies', in that they shrink when cooked. a lot. so if it looks like too much is in there, it's probably just the right amount.

here's where i would have pictures, but........... yeah, not gonna happen when i'm cooking in a kitchen and sweatin my ass off bc it's 77 degrees outside. in chicago. in march. wha????? torture i tell you!

mix it around a little, let the veggies get a lil brown, then take about, oh, 2/3 of a cup to a cup of sour cream and plop it down in there. then take about 1/4 a cup of milk and splash that in there too. let that all 'marry' (i love that cooking term. heh. mix.) until it's completely combined.

about this time the noodles go into the boiling water; add salt to the water. why? i dunno. just do.

i let the sauce sort of simmer, boil, do it's thang, and then i start spicin it up. i add more chicken seasoning, some garlic sea salt, fresh rosemary (NOT TOO MUCH, like i did just now, or it tastes soapy. i thought i had WAY more shrooms than i really do. if this happens to you keep adding in a little bit of sour cream until it mellows out.) add basil, too, if you want. dried is fine.

then add some wine. i know. i know. if you don't want wine (blasphemy!) use chicken broth. but wine just works so much better. about, oh, half a cup or so. i add more, but i like that sweet bite that the wine adds.

stir it all up, then put it to simmer. (low low low....apple bottoms jeans... boots with tha fur.... WITH THA FURRRR) (sorry. flo'rida got the best of me. forgive. forgive.)

then strain the noodles when they're done- i like mine super soft, so does vlad, so as i type this entire post they're boiling. heh. then pour sauce over noodles, and enjoy!!!!

it really isn't as hard as i initially thought it to be. and it does kinda taste like a stroganoff, but... not. who knows. it's creamy shrooms with spinach and chicken and that works for me.

also, use angel hair. bc angel hair is the sweetest bestest of all the pastas.

and if you didn't give a crap about this recipe? ignore, please, and go drink that wine instead of cookin' with it. amen.

UPDATE!!!!!!

so, i had some angel hair left over. and DUH you just DON'T WASTE ANGEL HAIR (sorry for yelling but it's so true!!!) so what did i do? i'm like, hrm.... i ain't gots no sauce... but.... i do have like.... four sparse leaves of spinach left over. so.

i threw some pre-minced canned garlic i keep on hand (it is the food straight from gods fingers, i tell ya) right into the dirty pan i just emptied that had vlads sauce in it, along with some spinach and some olive oil. five minutes later, i pour this heavenly smelling goodness over the angel hair... toss..... taste...... add some pre-shredded generic-brand 'italian blend' cheese on there, shake it up.....

oh, holy hell, this is the best damn pasta ever. if you love garlic, like i do. light oil, just enough cheese to cause that sweet tang, lots and lots and lots of garlic to bite into and spinach to make the consistency interesting.

i done did good, i tell ya. two different pastas for two people for two nights, and i spent around 11 bucks. can't beat that with a stick. (not including cost of wine. but duh. it's a necessity right? so it doesn't count? right?....??)

cooking blind and gettin' work done

2009-03-17T12:05:00.000-07:00

so yesterday, vlad asked me if i would mind making him dinner. 'nah', i said, 'no worries. watcha want? alfredo? chicken? rice and chicken?' (see a theme here? the man loves chicken.) 'or steak? with potatoes?'

'no... i was thinking... spinach.'

er- huh? i cocked my head at the phone thinkin, ...is this VLAD i'm talking to? or some weird alien hiding out as a russian? 'you sure?'

'yeah. with, like, some mushrooms. and angel hair. but creamy. can you do that?'

can i do that. well. let's see. at first i thought no prob i'll just zip online and get a recipe.

none of the recipes worked with his dietary issues. (the man cannot eat acidic foods or anything spicey or garlic or any o' the good stuff. i know. poor guy.)

so i thought, eh, i can make that.

and improvised.

i boiled noodles while i sauted mushrooms in butter (shhh. don't tell him about the butter.) and then some fresh spinach.

it tasted like... like..... feet. buttery feet. (ew)

so i added in some sea salt and a little poultry seasoning he uses when he grills... and.... nada. still bland.

then i added sour cream. how much, you say? no. flippin. idea. then i was like hmmmmm and poured in some of the lambrusco i was drinking. then, bc i saw no harm in it, i tossed some garlic salt in the mix too.

then it tasted pretty damn good. add in some cooked chicken, pour over angel hair and you've got yourself a chicken spinach mushroom pasta thingie with sour cream and lambrusco (italian red table wine) and some spices.

he ate it after i went to bed.

oh yeah. afterthought- i think i added some milk in there, too, that made it a little 'runnier' and not as globby. but. again. no idea how much... and some fresh rosemary. not... sure... how much....

today, he goes, 'hey, can you make that again? that pasta? is was REALLY GOOD.'

'uh. uhm. sure?'

cut to me, a little freaked out, bc lord knows how i made that dish last night. i honestly wasn't paying attention. and i was GLAD when i was done cooking it, bc i didn't like not knowing what i was doing. so. once again, i have to cook a meal blind. gulp. i hope i remember how to wing it like i did last night.

i also am makin myself a stir fry.... the lazy gal's way. microwaved brown rice mixed with frozen veggies grilled up and some scrambled egg mixed in with some spices and soy sauce, and yum.

i'm going to try to track down pad thai noodles at trader joe's tonight after work.... but i doubt that will turn out well.

did you know that russians call trader joe's, traders joe? yeah. they move the s. why? no clue.

also? i made chocolate cake last night. and put it in a heart-shaped rubber 'pan' that my mom had gotten me.... one of the strangest things i've worked with while baking, but it was SO. SIMPLE. to clean and get the cake out. mmmmm. i hope vlad left some for me tonight.

doubt it.

he's also having more work done tonight. on his tattoos. as in, getting a good portion of outlining done to his left arm..... bc he's adding another sleeve. crazy man. i'm not going with him, and this is the very first time since we've met that we've had work done without the other one being there. but. since it's tax season, i'm exhausted, and i just cannot afford to drive all the way north (over an hour drive) to sit and watch vlad get outlining done for three hours and then drive back home. (overall time, around 5 hours or so.) so he's leaving from work early and i guess... i'll see it tomorrow.

scares me, bc i usually have input on the designs. as in, rightbeforehestarts i'll be like yo! what about this???? and they'll both go awesome! let's do it! let me get a new trace goin'!

and i won't be there to do that.

but i trust him.

but i won't be there to do that. eep.

something funny he did say, tho, yesterday- 'hey at least i can cry. i don't have to look tough, you won't be there. score.'

?????? the man has a total SLEEVE on his right arm, a star on his left elbow and another tat on his right shoulder blade. he's afraid he won't look 'tough' if i'm there? pffft.

although i must say, when i had my rib piece done, i laughed hysterically..... bc i am uber ticklish, and my pain threshold is.... high. to put it mildly. i guess vlad's ... isn't. it may have something to do with our artist, every time i see him, going, 'yo lo! the girl who feels no pain!' and he tells the story to all the big biker guys that come in for the same area to be worked on... 'skinny white girl held her shit, yo! craziest shit i ever saw.' er- should i feel flattered? was that a compliment? somehow, coming from christian our artist....... i think so.

wish me luck with my tattoo-addicted husband and my attempt at the 'weird mushroom pasta thing i made but don't know how i made it but i'm making it again' dish.

i'm so done i'm overcooked and fried

2009-03-16T06:54:00.000-07:00

today i woke up and said, enough bitching, moaning and otherwise givin up on my life. i can't hide under the 'scuse that my job sucks donkey kong. i can't hide under the fact that my husband works insane hours so OBVIOUSLY this entitles me to have a glass of wine and lay on the couch and do nothing.

yeah............. haven't been so motivated as of late.

but i want to change that. my life right now is a rut. a big sewage rut. involving me flailin around trying to grab onto anything i can and just ending up covering myself in crap. not a good thing.

so i'm un-craptifying my life. starting with caring so much about this damn job. i mean, i'm quitting in little over a month. all of the stupid, gossipy, nightmare-instilling shit that happens here? why should i take it home with me? i'm just going to try and let it roll off of my back from now on. why should i care about this stupid drama? it's twisting me up and slashing me into someone i don't want to be... so... why drag all that stupid nonsense around with me? enough. i'm done.

so, i'm also going to start taking better care of myself. because my job sucks the big one, i've let myself go and sort of (as in always) figure putting on sweats and hiding under a pile of blankets on the couch and eating a microwave meal is a good idea. well. it's not. i want to feel in shape, i want to feel pretty, i want to feel wanted and loved and proud of myself and not always feel like i'm compensating or workin with half a tank. i want a full tank. i want to wake up every morning and instead of instantly pullin on my clothes asap, bc i want to just getonwithitalready, i want to enjoy my day. enjoy my morning. smile at the idea of getting up.

since i started this job, it's slowly snaked it's way thru my life and turned it upside down. i couldn't quit, bc my husband had started a new business and while he never asked for money, i knew there was the prospect that it could tank. sorry. just bein' honest. so i kept my 'regular paycheck' bc i was scared.

but scared doesn't get you anywhere. in fact scared just forces you down into the mud. tries to drown you. rattlesnake you. kill you. i don't want to drown in corporate life. i'm only 24. i want to live, to explore, to discover, to smell, to taste feel experience, maybe get burned but get right back up again, travel and see.

i don't want to come home every night and be depressed, exhausted, mentally drained from sitting at a desk for ten hours with no compensation whatsoever beyond some measly paycheck and a 401k that i never ever ever should have started in the first place.

in fact, i need to talk to my doctor about my meds, but i'm so busy, that i forget to do that. see how upside down i am?

i went tanning yesterday for the first time in ages. i felt SO. GOOD. afterwards. and yes, i know, i know, the hazards of tanning beds etc etc..... i know.... i know. i just..... i feel soooo much better when i tan. something to do with the light and the warmth and then being nice and brown, my mood instantly lifts. it makes me want to do my nails, my hair, use the nice smelly lotion and not the easy fast vaseline intensive care, it makes me want to put on a cute tracksuit instead of the disney sweats from four years ago.

it makes me feel human. pretty. feminine.

so i'm going to do more stuff like that. like tonight, i'm going to give myself a manicure and pedicure. i'm going to take a long shower, exfoliate, moisturize and relax. i'm going to eat a good dinner. watch a movie in bed.

i'm so tired of being tired, run down, apathetic, just giving up. i'm 24 but feel like i'm a trillion years older. i never DO anything anymore, i never GO anywhere, never SEE anything.

i can't wait to free myself from this job, to never have to see these negative people again, to wake up and smile and think I AM FREE.

i never knew that a job could suck the life outta someone. but it can. but not any longer. i wash my hands of job suckage.

should i paint my nails black or red? hmmm.... the big questions of life..........

st. patti's! woot!

2009-03-14T17:09:00.001-07:00

drinkin' a margarita on st. patti's day. i'm multi cultural yo! woot!

happy green beer day :)

this is a rant. be warned.

2009-03-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

so in the fashion of all things craptastically shitty and wonderful, i thought i'd post cuz i haven't in a while. why?

oh, let's just say it's called WORKING FOR THE DEVIL. and when i say this, i. do. not. kid. our address is 666 for fucks sake.

i do not kid. it is seriously, 666. should've been a sign back when i took the job. the whole being hired within one day of interviewing should've been a sign, too. the fact that the bitch sorry excuse for a human being that i work for yelled at me before i had even SIGNED A CONTRACT should've been a tip off, too.

but, you know. telling a 20 year old what to do? yeah. ain't gonna happen. i've got my head screwed on now. more like superglued backwards, but, hey, i'll take it.

and hell yes, i'm writing this from work bc the best way to feel childish and vindictive? blog from work when they fuck with you. just sayin'.

also? i know this post is laced with profanity. but ya know what? today CALLS for it. i'm serious. and the only thing that is going to make me less bitchy and less ANGRY is going to be either shots at a dive bar or some shopping. and since my husband so graciously stood me up last night, by not only being late home when we had tickets (that i paid upwards as in over $100 for) to a comedy show at a bar in Wrigleyville but then proceeding to take his sweet damn time eating and changing and taking a shower..... yeah to say we missed it is an understatement. and, oh yeah, that 'house warming' party he wanted to go to last night? yeah. iwas SO not down for that.

as in, you go, i'll chill at home, it'll all be sweet kinda thang. and no. instead, we fought, bickered, i got bitter, said FINE I WILL GO and then we went and yeah, usually i can suck it up and deal but i wasn't feelin' it last night. coulda been that everyone was taking vodka shots.

coulda been the drunk russian parents.

coulda been the pregnant 17 year old who got married only bc she's pregnant. and is a complete airhead. now, don't go judgin', if you get preggo, you get preggo. you deal. you buck up. you become a mom. and life goes on. NO BIGGIE. i have known teen mothers who are a trajillion times more competent than any 30yr old with a new born. i get that. i'm not stereotyping.

i'm just sayin', girl needs some sense knocked into her. like a semi. stat.

coulda been that everyone was drunk, out doin' who knows what in their cars when they were 'takin out the trash' (half an hour later) but the fact that there were two kids there, one 2 and a 1yr old, kind of irked me.

as in kinda, let me paint you a picture: i was pissed. let down. these people dissapointed me. this is the example they set? getting drunk and disorderly in front of children? giving them popsicles at 10.30 at night? who DOES that? someone with a death wish, i tell ya.

we left. i was pissed. still am. wake up this morning after i set my alarm, and Vlad is late to work. hm. he had to get a ton of cars ready for the St. Patty's day parade today downtown, and he's late. well. alarms were created for a reason.

and no. i am not usually this snarky (asshole-ish) in my normal life but letmetellya, work today?

HELL. pure, dripping, acidic, rash giving headache instilling mental ward HELL.

all i can say is, and i'm sayin' it, loud and clear, bc i've had it, bc i'm stressed, bc i just don't GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE,

come April? i'm outta here. as in quitting. as in, SEE YA SUCKAS.

karma? is a bitch.

booyah.

bein mahself and in yo face. sorry. it's all i know.

2009-03-09T17:46:00.000-07:00

i know my posting has been sporadic and non-climatic (sorry ya'll) but i promise, things will turn around. i'm knee-deep in tax season and humor seems so far from me right now. you know how life crawls out atcha and slaps you across the face and you're scrambling just to keep things together? yeah........... i could get more explicit here (and if you ever read an email from me, i get WAY r rated, i just keep it clean here. not sure why. just feel like spreadin' the word of... i have no idea. what am i talking about?) but i won't. cuz. ahem. kids read this? or? somethin? they could find it thru google and then go askin' they're moms wtf slap happy means? which, it means something quite innocent here, but lawdy means somethin' entirely different out there in internet world.

i googled. i know. i am wise beyond my years. or. sumthin.

so. anyway. i know i've been slackin, but good lawd i've been tryin'. i've been goin' back and forth about being more myself and more who-i-am in the REALWORLD and somehow i dunno if ya'll would accept me, and then i think, so what, and then i think, well, WHAT it matters, and everyone who reads this , lurkers to larkers to whathehelldoesthatmean, i've always lived my life afraid of WHAT WILL THEY THINK.

so.................... i may post sporadically until april 15th, but....... i swear to you, it will be more ME. beyond happy-go-lucky-lo. cuz i'm nutta so huppa sometimes. if that made sense to you.

and i curse like a sailor in real life.

i'm sorry. i know what i do. i can't lamely say, 'i know not what i do' bc hellllllllo, i KNOW what i sound like at work, at home... ahem. just sayin.

i'm a sassy lil thang, and i guess.... (big girl breath) i hope ya'll don't disown me.

cuz i might just say WHAT THE FUCK once in a while from now on.

............still there? hello? bueller?

sigh. i hope my eternal frankness will not scare you away. i just feel i need ta be me. I NEEDS TA BE ME. and i love ya'll.

trully.

even if you stop reading me. girl scouts honor.

and after tastin mah thin mints? that is HONOR YO.

hey! hiya! c'mon over!

2009-03-09T15:39:00.000-07:00

okay, so, for lack of something un-snarky to say, i am doing this meme thang. cuz it's unique, interesting, and unfortunately i have to type my name over and over again. sigh. thus is life.

but you all should try this!!! it is ooohhh so super fun. and TOTALLY wastes time at work. not that... i did it at work or anything. ahem.

so you go to google and type in your name with the action associated with it. like so:

1: Type in "[your name] needs" – lauren needs attention (heh)

2: Type in "[your name] looks like" - lauren looks like Buffy (huh? alright, i'll take that. she's cute.)

3: Type in "[your name] does" – lauren does not do voices (hmmmm...)

4: Type in "[your name] hates" – lauren hates me (no i don't! i love you! pinky swear!)

5: Type in "[your name] goes" – lauren goes clubbin' (yes, yes i do.)

6: Type in "[your name] loves" – lauren loves duckies!!!!!! (and the exclamation points were totally there. i didn't add that flair. it had it's own. and ducks are okay. GEESE are NOT.)

7: Type in "[your name] eats" - lauren eats a hot hot pepper

8: Type in "[your name] has" – lauren has lunch at Toast ( was it good? did i toast anyone?)(i didn't do the first one bc it mentioned me having something along the lines of sexual behavior recorded onto a vhs. and i definitely don't have one of those.)

9: Type in "[your name] gives" - lauren gives 'license to dress to kill' (apparently i'm channelling good ol ralph lauren.)

10: Type in "[your name] takes" - lauren takes the city (woot! go me!)

12: Type in "[your name] can't" - lauren can't act. (how sad!)

13: Type in "[your name] wants" – lauren wants to help someone (yes, yes i do. and also. didn't use the first one. it was quite- ahem- porn starish.)

14: Type in "[your name] makes" – lauren makes good use of the fitness center (huh?)

15: Type in "[your name] killed" – lauren killed by a cricket pal (beware of cricket pals. don't they use mallets?)

so go play!!! it's fun. a little alarming, sometimes, but hey, not all the lauren's (Lo's) of the world are me. go figure.

put your foot down: AFRICA

2009-03-07T07:47:00.000-08:00

Put your foot down - and send the Duchess a virtual shoeMarch 6th, 2009

This post is by The Duchess Omnium and we thank her for allowing us to give such a worthy cause space on our site.The Elder Daughter is now the digital media intern for a major British charity, Action Aid. She spent 15 months in Uganda working with some of the most vulnerable children on the continent: deaf and blind children and HIV/Aids orphans. Now she is back in England trying to make a difference in another way.

She asked me to help gather support on my blog for a campaign that only has a few days to run. She isn’t asking for money. She’s asking you to put your foot down.

Around the world, 2876 women contract HIV every day. A girl born in South Africa has a higher chance of being raped than of learning to read. Widespread violence against girls and women increases the chances that they will join the 15 million women around the world already infected with the virus.

Action Aid wants 2876 people, one for every woman and girl who will contract HIV tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, and every day until we put our foot down to stop it, to sign a petition in support of the campaign. The campaign ends on International Women’s Day on March 8.

The petition asks the UK government to take 10 steps to help prevent violence against women and to help control HIV/Aids. These are simple, achievable steps. One of these 10 steps is to persuade other countries and international agencies to take action. You don’t have to be British to sign the petition and put your foot down.

When you have signed the petition, please forward it to 5 friends. 2876 people to put their foot down is a modest goal. Let’s help them achieve it.

Over the last few weeks, hundreds of people, besides signing the petition, have sent Action Aid a real shoe. The charity has commissioned artist Riitta Ikonen to turn these shoes into art. You can watch her progress on her blog. I especially like the puzzled shoe, though I don’t think I would like to take a hike in it.

It’s too late to send Riitta a shoe, but you can still email the Duchess a photo of the shoe you are wearing (or imagine you might wear) when you put your foot down. Send your photo to duchess@duchessomnium.com. I’ll publish all the photos… And then maybe we can have a vote for the best (if I can work it out) or something… and it can be the Duchess’s first contest! Okay, I accept you may not be quite as excited about this concept as I am. Especially as, so far, there’s no prize.

Never mind. Sign the petition. Send it to your friends. Send me your virtual shoes.

Put your foot down.

i beg each and every one of you to sign this petition. it's FREE!!!! and in case you missed that one sentence.... girls born in africa have a greater chance of being raped than learning to read.

if that doesn't chill you to the bone, i don't know what would. it scared me, humbled me... astounded me. i wish it were unbelievable, but unfortunately, it's not.

please help. put your foot down. i did.

nostalgia

2009-03-05T09:27:00.000-08:00

for the duration of this week, i have been wanting, craving, needing to watch movies from my childhood. the unfortunate thing is, i no longer own a vhs ..video.. machine... what did we call those??? vcr's! there we go. phew! nor do i have the bank account to pay $5 per movie at blockbuster... cuz i wanna watch like a trillion and it would sorta add up. of course, now that i want to blog about this, i realize my list is at home.

yeah, so i started a retro movie list. oops.

for the ones i can remember, i'll write down- er, type down?- these movies for whatever reason are some of my super duper best memory ones. most are feel-good comedies. i'm a sucker for movies that make me laugh and aren't altogether realistic.

the princess bride
labyrinth
father of the bride
beethoven
death becomes her
the goonies
mrs. doubtfire
the banger sisters
first wives club
(i love goldie hawn. LOVE)
mannequin
just visiting
housesitter
protocol
overboard
private benjamin
breakfast club
g.i. jane
pretty woman (yeah, told my mom i wanted to be a hooker when i was five after watchin this. heh.)
nothing but trouble (i LOVED this movie when i was a kid!! no clue why!)
ghostbusters
witches
don't tell mom the babysitters dead
hunchback of notre dame (disney version)
the little mermaid
some like it hot
a goofy movie
bio dome
encino man

and many others. many many others. these movies breathe childhood to me. when i watch them, i want to snuggle down into my pillow fort- wait, scratch that, i will layer the couch.

oooohhhh yes.

first i put down the knitted (crochet'd? Linda?) blanket and tuck it into the corners of the couch. this is the bottom layer. then i'll build up my pillow fort in the right corner (support for my left side, since i'm left-handed) and finish it all off with my fuzzy faux fur blanket (fur side down, microsuede side up, i like the feel of the fur). and then i'd have a bottle of water and a bowl of soup and a grilled cheese sandwhich on the coffee table. then i'd have popcorn. and i'll snuggle way down and turn off the lights and watch the movies. sigh. OH and light a candle. that smells good. just cuz.

sigh. i've resorted to watching clips of movies on youtube. pathetic. i hang my head in shame.

i also may just break down and try to narrow the list down today so that i can rent at least two of the key movies.

like the goonies. or. nothing but trouble. or. aw man, there's a TON more that i just thought of. sigh. what are some of your key movies from your childhood?

slacker!!!

2009-03-04T06:43:00.000-08:00

i know i've been mia for a bit. it's just that at my work, i'm SWAMPED. combine that with a marathon headache, insomnia and a house that's upside-down bc my husband needs forever trillion days to paint a bedroom, (which was attempted to be painted but he kinda sorta fell asleep on the job and then woke up at 3am to discover his head was in the paint tray and his hair was blue. true story. so it needs to be touched up) i'm a little bit under the weather.

plus the weather? royally sucks right now. gloomy, gray, my black car looks white bc of all that stupid salt they put down for NO reason bc there's no more snow, the heater in my bedroom is on the fritz and i need to do laundry right now this second bc it's outta control........

this all equates to a not-so-happy Lo. i'm a combination of snarky pale dry skin with brittle hair and hunched shoulders who's eyes can't open quite all the way and work clothes covered in hair bc what the hell, is this the season that all your hair falls out???? good lawdy my home is COVERED in long blonde strands. daisy ain't got nothin' on me right now.

so, although these are pretty lame excuses, i'm tired. exhausted. deflated. NOT SICK THO, which is good news. just, you know, a little overtaken by everyday life right now. don't worry, i'll get back to my usual program, probably this weekend when i relax and BREATHE!!!!

oh btw? this past weekend, vlad and i stayed downtown in a midget European style room (which was totally perfect since we're little people) and went out on the town and had a fantastic time. then we rolled outta bed Sunday to go to the Shedd Aquarium, which, sadly, dissapointed, and then headed back home for a night spent on the couch. my favorite place in the world.

i wish i could write more, but right now, my space heater is making my feet burst into flames and my eyes are still half-shut and the work is slowly tryin to eat me alive. so i'm gonna go take care of a few things. (green tea anyone?)

catchya on the flip side.

(whoever can name that movie wins!)

BlogHer

2009-03-02T07:28:00.000-08:00

this is a quickie bc quite frankly, i am exhausted and a cranky blonde and those two things don't mix well. TRUST ME. but.

the deadlines for BlogHer are fast approaching (who knew it cost money? i know. i am SO totally in the dark ages) and since i live in good ol' Chi Town, i'm goin'.

who else is going? i need to know. PLEASE. i beg ya. pretty pretty please. are you going? what days? one day? two? cocktails? sans cocktails? a girl needs to know. cuz i need to know how to plan.

i am SO SLOW when it comes to actually planning. usually i make reservations the day before i travel. cuz i'm a spaz. i know not what i do.

please. help a girl out. what are YOUR plans??????????/

nesting photos. beware. i am a pillow hoarder.

2009-02-26T18:32:00.001-08:00

in case you're curious about where i spend my evenings, this is where.

i have this weird habit of owning all the pillows in the house and sleeping in them and lovin them and all that good stuff. i just love to curl into a big bunch of soft pillows and read. so this is my 'nest', as my husband vlad likes to say.

i nest every night. can't help it. love it. can't get enough of it. i love the feel of scuuchy scrunhy yummy pillows and with this thunderstorm? PERFECTION.

i love rain. now that i live out of Southern California, i love it. btw? SoCal see's a lot of rain. A. LOT. A>>>>>>> LOT>>>>>. sorry. that was obnoxious. just sayin'. puddles and jeans? don't mix.

but really.

this? is my one true love. microsuede peeeloooows and crunchy smuuushy soft pillow stuffing and soft blanket on sale at target? ='s Lo a happy girl.

super duper happy. i just uber love my pillows. all four of them. you should see my bed. RI-DIC.

i think this is a meme, but not sure, but either way, tag i'm it.

2009-02-25T10:05:00.000-08:00

my homegirl Linda tagged me in... wait... L, what is this? a meme? a meyoume? eh. movin' on.

so. here are the rules. and i'm not so good at rules, mostly cuz.... i'm a lazy blogger who gets sidetracked more often than not and kinda fades out into some weird twist of what i was sayin and o btw what WAS i sayin?

“Your ship has sunk. You have, of course, been stranded on a deserted island. You have salvaged a copy of the King James Version of the Bible and a copy of the complete works of Shakespeare. Nothing else.
“The very next day you find one of those Arabian Lamps in the sand. Of course, you rub it and, of course, a rather grumpy Genie appears.
“‘Let’s get this straight - there is a recession going on. There are restrictions on the three wishes now. I don’t do water or air transport now so no boats, planes or magic carpets. As for electronics, forget it. There isn’t the infrastructure on this island.
“‘I can let you have one book and I mean one VOLUME, one essential item and one luxury item. Now hurry up and make your choices, I have to get to those five other islands you are going to nominate.’”

..... i have no idea.

i've been sittin' here thinking, what on earth would i want to read for all eternity? what book is that amazing? sure, i can think of a ton of series to bring but... that's not allowed.

i honestly think this is the most impossible thing. i cannot whittle down to one book. impossible!! i read so much. as in, 2-3 books a week. if i'm not busy that week? more. i go thru books like air. or more aptly, airchocolategreenteaWINEtoiletpapergarbagebagsairfreshener cuz daisy is smelly sometimes.

sorry daiz. just keepin it real.

but really, i have no idea.

what book? no idea. i could spout my favs, like enders game, sophie kinsella, but it may just circle back to Jen Lancaster (yes caps, she rocks) cuz.... she makes me laugh my socks off. but, maybe readin it over and over on a desert island would make me insane.

who knows. maybe insanity would be WELCOME after bein' stranded all alone.

what was the next thing i could have? jenie? hello? bueller?

okay, so essential item would be one of those nifty things that converts your AHEM pee into water. i know. i know. tmi. bear with me. that's essential. but also? if i had fresh water forever? then i would say.... essential.... would be.... wine. i know. don't shoot me. but really? all alone on a desert island? what else is going to amuse me?

the luxury item i would choose..... bedding. that means, a bed with 1,000 ridic thread count sheets and amazing pillows with mosquito netting and... an air conditioner and heater built in.

cuz a bed is really one item. right? and bed includes bedding.

pfft. it's my blog. my rules. :)

so there ya go. and i'm also supposed to tag five people but again, i'm spazzy and american idol is distracting bc this gal is singin' HEART and oh my lordy be i HEART HEART and ... her dressi s bad but you know, i'll forgive her.

also, i love norman gentle, just sayin'. not sure why. just do.

ahem. what was i talkin about again?

this post is goin' nowhere.... but i'll post it anyway

2009-02-24T12:07:00.000-08:00

i've been trying to write about something halfway interesting but it seems like sometimes life really isn't as interesting as you'd thought. or. would hope for. mostly i've been working and parked on the couch. this last weekend we went to the auto show downtown and normally, being a car (slut) lover, i enjoy it SO much. this year? eh.

could've been that i had to work saturday morning. could've been i was dead dog tired. could've been that my husband told me it was just going to be us and two car loving ~~freaks~~ friends of ours, but nah. he decides to tell me, when i get home from work, exhausted and forced to take a nap before attempting to get dressed to go out again, that he invited his entire family.

don't get me wrong. they're my fam, now, too. but they're russian. and when you get a bunch of russians together, especially in a huge public arena, .......... let's just say........ is it loud.

i was tired. not up for russian day at chicago auto show. i wanted to poke and peruse at my leisure, drool and sigh over whatever i felt like making lovey-eyes with.... not spend the entire day being dragged from one end to the other, poked at, tickled, jostled around, end up pushing two strollers and carrying bags and using my entire bout of willpower to not shout at my mother in law that NO I AM NOT PREGNANT and YES I AM OKAY and NO, PLEASE please PLEASE don't call me forty eleven times today bc you just 'lost me' and 'can't find me' and oooo looky there, foolishly i had decided that i could go to the bathroom on my own. obviously i can't.

i love them, but sometimes it gets to be way too much. so i was a little peeved bc vlad had invited his parents, his uncle, his sister and her new husband (just got in from russia two weeks ago, doesn't speak a lick of english) and her five-year-old son (who admittedly is adorable. but a handful at a convention center PACKED with kids). and possibly, oh, our russian couple friends... one is our friends stepbrother, who came from russia two years ago and his girlfriend who doesnt speak much english.... and then the OTHER couple, both russian, who both speak english perfectly but...

when you get more than three russians together? there ain't gonna be no english. just sayin'.

then it turns out we were royally stood up and it ended up being vlad and i. and thankfully, it was fun. not.. you know, terribly interesting bc all of the cars i've already seen- they didn't have a lot of the new concept cars goin' on and the foreign section was terribly lacking- (don't call me a car snob. i just really, really love cars.) the retro americana cars were awesome. sometimes the car show can be lacking...... but then again...... if it were up to me, it'd be all phantoms and suicide doors and lambo's and an sl65 that i could actually sit in and touch... not just drool over from afar.

this is the place where i'd post my pictures but since i've recently discovered that my laptop doesn't have that nifty card memory slot to upload photos directly....... it's kinda hard to telepathically insert pics without a usb cable.

so then we went to the mall, bc i was like 'if i'm outta the house, i'm OUT, let's go do something' and he bought cologne and i got nuthin'. but no worries. i totally made him swing me thru best buy and i bought two new computer games,

and yes, i am totally a nerd and geeky like that, (i even have a notebook that i use to figure out clues and puzzles. heh. vlad calls it my nerd book.)

so i happily played myself through the weekend. then i got horrid heartburn yesterday and spent all night trying to sleep upright, which, in case you've never tried? SO. HARD. seriously.

but all is well today.

and this post is super rambly but that's what happens on four to five hours of sleep and some weird, WEIRD dream where i was like.... i dunno. more on that another time. i think i read too much sci fi.

the reason i am in tears, and why i love all of humankind, no matter what color, preference, or nail polish shade.

2009-02-21T08:46:00.001-08:00

http://www.couragecampaign.org/page/s/divorce

if you have a heart.

uuuhhhmmm yeah.

2009-02-20T19:59:00.000-08:00

so why is it that when i'm drinking wine (second glass, swear, promise, maybe not, but still love me, k? promise? pinky promise? k. k.) i write the best emails?

er, i am SO not feelin this crazy snow coming. just sayin. i gots to work tomorrow, and this snow? yikes. they make it sound so bad.

but i don't believe them.

denial? maybe.

dellusional? perhaps.

what else starts with a D? dairy. and you know what? the dairy department? is so the shiz at jewel. and not too much at dominicks.

even tho dominicks is so bliggin it's ridic.

i'm thinking i shouldn't post this, bc i sound a tad bit looney, but really? what fun is sane?

that make any sense?

basically, this is what happens when you leave me home alone. i blog. like a lunatic. and i read. like a maven. sp? anyone? bueller?

also? i'm turning off the news. very. scary. news. "if you hear gunfire, run the other way. that's what i told my kids."

uhm, ya think?

also?

my heart is breakin so much i can't watch anymore. here i am on my nifty new laptop in my comfy home and here i hear that 17 teenagers have been killed in chicago.

and another man shot his ex girlfriend.

sorry if i'm debby downer. but really? i am scared. of the world. of the people in this world. mostly of me, bc what have i done? what CAN I DO?????

advice, please. any chi town gals out there (and guys, bc i don't hate) that can tell me how i could help... beyond donating online...

and btw? i feel so disconnected from the world, and this IS SO NOT me sayin, yo give me props! for donating! yay me! it's me saying...

what. can. i. do. bc i feel like i should (SHOULD) be doing more and yet... i don't know HOW. and that to me is the saddest part. imagine how many people are out there who don't know HOW but WANT TO.

how can i help?

and seriously, i am a flake, but if you remind me and tell me and comment i swear it will settle in. i try to do so much good but sometimes life gets the better of me.

ever consider that phrase? "gets the better of me". that seems so sad to me.

i want the WORLD to get the better of me.

k? got it? get the better of me. it's the only part worth havin.

handbag heaven!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-20T12:15:00.000-08:00

so there's this tag stuff goin' around where you post pics of yer current purse.

"1) Post a picture of whatever bag you are carrying as of late. No, you cannot go to your closet and pull out that cute little purse you used back before you had kids. {HA! Does not apply.} We want to know what you carried today or the last time you left the house. No cheating!

2) Say how much it costs. This is not to judge. This is for entertainment purposes only. So spill it. And if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, do tell.

3) Tag some friends."

i am a bag snob. seriously. i can be so flippin cheap it's AMAZING and yet, when it comes to purses... sigh. i am hopeless. i'm also gaudy. i really, really REALLLLLLLY love Juicy Couture. as in, i would sell most of my things to purchase endless amounts of Juicy.

i know. i sicken myself, too. i am SO moneytown in that respect that it makes me gag. yet. i cannot help what i do.

this bag? yeah. it was a christmas gift from my mother, over two years ago. how much did it cost? oh, after tax? about $500.

yes. i said $500. for a purse. BUT I HAVE CARRIED IT FOR TWO YEARS ALREADY!!!!! doesn't that count for something? i mean. when you run the numbers (heh) a 'normal' person who buys a new bag every 3 months at say $40 a pop is spending $160 a year on purses. and times that by how long i've carried this bag for, that's $400, so REALLY? that's not bad. right?

(sob) right?????

sigh. but this bag makes my heart sing. i love all the gold on the black. i love the inside, patterned with crowns and 'hello?' on the cell phone pocket. i love the grommets, the studs, the leather straps, i love it all.

this bag has gotten A LOT of attention over the years. women everywhere tell me how much they love it. this picture doesn't do it justice. they don't make this style anymore.

instead of feeling 'dated' or 'last season' (these are naughty, naughty NASTY words in my world) i simply say, 'oh, it's quite vintage, don't you think? (sigh) one of a kind.'

i lie. yeah. i'm sorry. please forgive me. but i truly adore this bag and i haven't bought any other purses since receiving this as a gift.

wallets? different story.

also? yeah. so i kinda maybe sorta bought ANOTHER Juicy purse from Loehman's last weekend.

in my defense? IT'S BROWN. so duh, under handbag law, it was totally necessary.

do not get me started on shoes.

i have a problem. at least i can admit that i have a problem.

...which is good... right?

because i have a headache and am stuck at work, a me-me. MEMEME

2009-02-20T08:25:00.000-08:00

so i totally copy & pasted & stole the excuse of 24 over at twenty four at heart bc i'm cranky today, i have a MOTHER of a headache, and i have to work tomorrow TOO, and... and... i'll stop complaining. there're people who have it worse than me. but still. i'm not happy on this friday.

so. this is the 100 things before...? and before...? what? i have no idea. i just felt like doing this and since i can't see straight or think straight or walk straight, i CAN mark things BOLD. so. here ya goes.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (as in... school band. clarinet, yo.)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Bathed in a river
7. Been to the Taj Mahal
8. Walked on a glacier in Alaska
9. Caught and held a snake
10. Spoke in front of a big crowd
11. Bungee jumped (uh, hell nah. sorry.)
12. Had a whirlwind love affair that broke your heart
13. Found an arrowhead or fossil
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (piano! but i forgot. oops.)
15. Rescued an animal
16. Ate sweet breads, glands or tripe
17. Seen Mount Rushmore in person
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hiked to base camp on Mt. Everest
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Watched an animal being born
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Learned a foreign language
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Stayed up for more than 24 hours
31. Trained a dog to do cool tricks
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (i went to germany... does that count?)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Can drive a stick shift car
37. Won over $1000 in a raffle or lottery
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke (unfortunately.)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Been serenaded
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Broke a bone
47. Started your own business
48. Quit a job because you were totally unhappy
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the Eiffel Tower
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain passionately
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Joined a prayer group
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Received flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the changing of the guards in London
77. Broken something extremely expensive
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Got a tattoo
83. Been to a coffee shop in Amsterdam
84. Seen the aurora borealis in person
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (EW)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Toured the UN
95. Hiked to Machu Picchu
96. Swam in the Indian Ocean
97. Conversed with someone when neither of you spoke each others language (sigh. every day wit thhe russian inlaws)
98. Dirty danced
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Acted in a play (and won first place!!) (have terrible stage fright, btw.)

you asked for suitcase pictures..... and you got em, baby!

2009-02-18T17:08:00.000-08:00

so a few people were all OMG I NEED PICTURES of this SUITCASE oh lordy BE I JUST CANNOT staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it!!!!

or maybe that was just how i personally would moan and groan for pics. ahem. DO moan and groan for pics. so. bc i know how ridiculous i can be, i'm delivering for ya, baby. heres the champion of all suitcases....

the one that is now called 'lauren's special suitcase.' yeah. and i'm 'special lauren' with the 'special little suitcase.'

er, excuse the cat butt, i had just gotten home and daisy was NOT going to be ignored.

you shall see the full wrath of daisy-the-cat in a few moments. ahem.

so this is what it looks like. SO CUTE RIGHT?????? uh YEYAH i KNOWS IT. i just adore it. seriously. it's the perfect size and is uber light and it's so fun and cheerful and everytime i look at it i think VACATION!!! and THAT makes me all sorts of warm and fuzzy.

it expands!!! see??? oh. and btw, the colors are kinda washed-out lookin.... cuz this was taken with my camera phone. so. sorrys all around k?

isn't that awesome? see the hard material on the outside? it's made by 'international traveler'. so THERE, i am now an international traveler suitcase owner. i feel so special.

this is the inside. i tried to show you how there's this cool compartment in the top. see???? isn't that neato? and there's these little pockets and stuff, perfect for sandals, andthen this zippered part that i think i'll put my hair straightener in and my makeup remover and deoderant and travel shampoos. yep. i think so.

and yeah. daisy, uhm..... wasn't havin it. no way was this suitcase gonna get more attention than her!!!! yeah.... she tried to own it. i told her it wasn't a litter box.

i got a little concerned after i took this photo that she didn't hear me. but no worries. no little cat bombs were waiting for me when she stepped out. she's respectful like that.

best dinner IN THE WORLD!!! welcome to where i blog from friends! my coffee table. my new shiny laptop is up and running and i chill on the loveseat and typetypetype and readreadread and laughlaughcrylaugh. with my jelly bellys. regular, and sour. cuz you gotta be fair and all. and wine. ahem. pinot grigio. and trust me, they go well together. very well indeed.

oh yeah. daisy says WHAZZZ UP YO??? (please forgive demon cat. she knows not what she does. suitcase euphoria does this to women in this family.)

pink, men, shopping slurges and where was i going with this again?

2009-02-17T13:13:00.001-08:00

so since i'm going to be tropical soon, i kinda sorta (majorly) went on a little splurge. where i bought.... stuff.

ON SALE. but. still. stuff.

like this little number from Guess. but i mean, hello? isn't that so cute? perfect for muggy steamy weather.

and i don't even need a bra! that's the best part. super simple clothing. my kinda thing. so it came in the mail yesterday of course bc i wasn't at work to receive it (i'd rather send packages to work.... bc i'm the main mail person here. i know. i'm kinda a big deal.) so today when i walked in i tore that box open and was all OMG it's totttttallly cute and then i held it up to myself and uh...

it may be a TAD smidgen shorter than i'm used to. but that's okay. i'll wear it with flats. problem solved.

anyway. so i also bought a suitcase for myself. it's one of those super duper cool HARD SHELL rolling suitcases, so that i can beat the hell outta it when i travel and not worry about the insides getting all mushed and yucky.

it's happened.

and i also thought WELL it has to be VISIBLE bc even tho i wear mostly black all the time? (yeah. i'm wearing all black today. black sweater, black pants, black heels, black unmentionables. it makes dressing at the crack of dawn easier. also? you spill something? yeah. a lil water and no one's the wiser.) having a black suitcase is the kiss of death at any airport.

so what did i buy?

a pink one. and not just pink, it has huge fat white polka dots. vlad burst out laughing when he saw it and has since called me 'special' with my little 'special suitcase.'

hmpf. at least i'll be able to find the damn thing next time we go on vacation. also? there is no chance of someone stealing it. bc really. i think i'll know if you try to grab my stuff.

vlad has also informed me that i made the biggest mistake ever, bc now he is definitelyNEVER going to help me carry my luggage again.

guess SOMEONE'S not that comfortable in their masculinity, now are they? the man will wear pink and purple shirts and white dress shoes, but will not wheel a pink suitcase.

the man never ceases to confuse me.

okay, i need a new body bc this shiz is too much.

2009-02-16T16:39:00.000-08:00

so this morning i woke up and i honestly thought someone had pulled the old switcheroo on me and stole my body and gave me a 92 year old one instead.

i felt bad, folks. baaaad.

so then i went to the bathroom and the whole floor rushing up at me thing wasn't really doin' it for me. so i rolled my ass back into bed bc something tells me passing out and then driving a moving vehicle is a big no-no in the circle of life rule book.

foul!

anyway. so. i did the whole call my job and tell them i'm sick, then i texted my homeskillet girlfriend who i work with and was all DUDE I AM LEAKING AND FEEL CRAPPY and why am i like 92 years old now??? damn.

then she called me and we had a nice snarky conversation per usual and then my sorry butt went to sleep.

then i woke up around 11 or so when my mother texted me (yes. she has transitioned into texting. golf clap now, please.) thinking i had run away or something bc i hadn't answered her forty eleven emails yet per usual.

so then i rolled out into the living room where i've been all. day. and trust me when i say that this? is totally not where i want to be. bc i feel like CRAP friends. i really, really do.

hopefully a shot of nyquil around oh, eight or so will knock my happy ass out and i'll wake up tomorrow rested and NOT on my death bed ala this fine monday morning.

also yesterday was my aunt's baby shower.... and forty women in one small room makes lauren a very cranky girl. then vlad pissed me off (long story) and now, after this virus crap, i am thoroughly disgusted with the world and i had to put in my new birth control today and uhm hello? my vajayjay and i are VERY familiar now. and that is all i am sayin.

other than being sick? SUCKS.

running out of sprite and ripping off three layers of my tongue bc i sucked the salt off of a bag of peanut shells?? yeah. that sucks too.

uhm, there is nothin better than good ol' disney.

2009-02-14T08:39:00.000-08:00

it's no small secret that i have a robust, healthy love affair with anything Disney affiliated. as in, it's in my genes.

no. really.

i'm lookin at a tinkerbell pen that i keep at work, just in case i feel the urge to write something important down using a pen with feathers. and glitter.

my mom even worked for a Disney store during the holiday season, just bc she felt like it. uh.... no. she's not commited. nor is she crazy.

most of the time.

so happy v day from disney.

i cannot WAIT to go to disney world soon. i'm bursting at the seams. i'm online all day every day looking up disney, looking at pictures of disney, watching youtube videos of disney....

my husband even told me last night, 'for the love of all that is good in this world, you MUST TURN OFF YOUTUBE BEFORE I LOSE IT. if i see that epcot tour one more time? i'm not going to norway. AND I MEAN IT.'

okay. maybe... he had.... a few more choice words than those. but those are what my ears heard.

hmpf. fine. (so i turned the volume down.)

i don't much get into v day, i think it's commercial and a let-down and... and.... an excuse to buy too much stuff.

but.

i run with any excuse to go into a disney store. and that's where i'm headed this afternoon.

don't tell vlad.

seriously.

he thinks i'm psycho enough as it is.

friday morning and i'm sick, i'm tired, and i'm sickened by loss.

2009-02-13T07:36:00.000-08:00

so people think my fear of flying is a load of bull.

let me take you to summer of.... hm. summer of me turning 17;

i was flying out of london into o'hare international, and suddenly, the plane loses altitude OVER THE FRICKIN ATLANTIC and we lose lights, the turbulance is HORRID, we're flipping around like a fish outta water and headed straight INTO the water.

cut to the night before i was to leave London after an AMAZING two week trip thru europe- btw, salt caves in i think austria? totally awesome, if not a bit claustrophobic and creepy. the salt is good, tho. best i've ever had.

also? swarovski is a must. their set designs are amazing.

anyway. so i had this terrible dream that our plane was going to crash. the funny thing was, the plane was an OLDER model. you know, not nice and crisp and navy blue and silver and grey, but that old funky weird mottled brown with the weird orangey red stripes and some hints of mustard. yeah. the kinda planes they redid like two years prior.

so yeah. woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of London in some craptastic hotel that honestly? had some weird ass stains on the bed and i decided to spread my dirty clothes out and sleep in layers. yeah. i slept ON my dirty clothes IN all the clothes i had. yeah. not nice.

so i load up, exhausted as all get out, drag my sorry butt downstairs to the lobby to stock up on the croissants they set out in crates in the morning for us poor hostel kids and i cramcramcram as many as i can into napkins and then into my backpack-

hey, they were free, and btw? mad cow disease? yeah. the entirety of europe was dead-set on serving pork. and at the time i didn't eat pork, and good lord, i survived on croissants and chocolate that entire trip.

also? if you don't like mustard, i warn you, NEVER go to Dijon, France. just sayin'. mustard soup? uh,......... i won't be sad if i never see that again.

where was i? oh yeah. so. i'm cramming my mouth with croissants while wearing frumpled clothes and hauling all my crap thru customs just to board this plane for the next 11 hours and then BLAM

the plane is plummeting to earth. or. water. atlantic. yeah. nooooooot fun my friends.

it regained altitude but that damn flight was the worst i ever, ever had. it scarred me for life. and the freaky thing? when we land in chi town i call my moms up and i'm all YO I ALMOST WENT SWIMMIN IN THE ATLANTIC AND EATEN BY A SHARK AFTER I WAS SUCKED TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN BC OF THE PULL OF THE SINKING PLANE OH MY EFFING LORD

and she goes, 'uh, yeah..... i knew something was wrong when they wouldn't divulge any information whatsoever to family members as to where the plane was, or how it was going.'

goody.

and then i had to get on another plane headed to Los Angeles, so i could get home to socal. yeah. and when i got on that plane?

i. kid. you. not. it was the same plane from my dream. and iw as sitting in the SAME FLIPPIN SEAT and the SAME PERSON was next to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that flight was fine. it was actually a record-braking 2.5 hours to cali, which honestly, usually takes about at least 3.5 hours.

the entire flight i visualized us in a big white bubble and nothing could touch us and good lord please don't let me burn up into a piece of bacon that was in the oven too long cuz i'm only seventeen and i gots stuff to SEE!!! plus i lost 20 lbs in two weeks thanks to the no-pork diet (and beer. ahem. i drank lots of beer.) and i wanted to show it off.

yeah. so i was vain at 17. what else is new?

anyway. after those two backtoback flights, i was a mess. and thanks to them, i am now a nervous flyer. as in, i will avoid flying at ALL COSTS.

it helps that i totally think amtrak is chic and vintage and glam. btw i'm totally trekking on amtrak this may with my mom. they have the most fun little rooms and i LIVE for the dining car. so dignified and civilized.

where was i going with this whole post? oh. yeah. THIS. and you think i'm crazy bc i refuse to fly?

ahem. i think we all need to take a look at pilots who fly over 3k miles in one day. bc this? yeah.

this scared the bejesus outta me last night. as in, i'm still trying to talk Vlad out of flying to florida in may to meet up with me. cuz this?

this is so, so not cool, and scares me down to my bones.

my thoughts are on the victims of this terrible tragedy and their grieving families.

maybe cutting costs by cutting jobs and forcing employees to work horrid hours isn't the best solution. ya think?

my current obsession (at least for right now)

2009-02-10T12:45:00.000-08:00

so i am a major, MAJOR tea drinker. I. LOVE. TEA. i drink it all day long, starting the day off with a good ol' glass of green tea.

yes i said glass.

you see, i got into this habit when i was a server (waitress). all of us would need tons of caffeine just to keep moving on really packed shifts, so we would sneak espresso shots mixed with coffee. but bc the mugs are too small and are always kept in a weirder place than regular glasses, i started to mix my coffee in a tall 'water' glass. and then i would drink it thru a straw and i would hide it underneath the beverage station....

sometimes i had a drink goin' at every single bev station, including the bar. it became a joke. but hey. kept me moving.

so i've since stopped drinking coffee on a regular basis. i've found i just don't have the palate for it anymore. so ... in comes the tea. every morning i drink a glass of green tea. a full glass. then sometimes i even drink a glass of hot water, re-using that tea bag again, just to get some liquid into me. and caffeine.

i am a green tea junkie.

and lately, i have been addicted to this. TAZO. flavored-hot-water-maker of the Gods. seriously, yo, this stuff? toootttalllly makes my skirt fly up and then some.

it is so good. and ...

they sell it at Target now.

I KNOW.

there are two flavors that make my heart go pitter patter.

Zen, which is the green tea that has lemongrass and spearmint in it... and lemme tellya guys, gals, animals, tadpoles, this stuff is AH-MAYZING when your stomach is upside down and you're so queasy you stick close to the bathroom justincase. my meds that i'm taking for my ulcer make me soooooooo nauseated in the mornings... sometimes (okay almost all the time) i end up throwing up two hours after i take them. but the meds stay down, so that's the important part. the unfortunate part? yeah. stomach acid? not really tasty for breakfast.

sorry if that was t.m.i. i'm honest like that.

anyway so the spearmint totally settles my stomach, plus i get a boost of caffeine and the 'come down' is barely noticeable bc this is all natural. it. is. fab.

and now i move on to what is my crack:

o, sweet, sweet passion, how i love thee.... the vibrant purpleyness of you, you saucy little minx, with your perfect cut-out dispenser that makes me feel so spa and zen and posh....

the flavor is like an explosion in your mouth. the good kind of explosion. it is tart and tangy and sweet and yummmmmmmmmy.

i'm drinking a glass of it right now. so. good.

who knew that for $3.49, i could get a whole BOX of yummy goodness????

$3.49 ain't bad for a mouth full of happiness. go out and drink some. o and also? in the summer? passion tea is AMAZING iced. sigh.

it's even better than unsweetened iced tea with extra lemon.

blasphemy!!!!! (but so true.)

goin' with the flow, a.k.a., random things about me

2009-02-09T09:42:00.000-08:00

since it's monday and the first monday in a LOOOOONG TIME that i'm feeling relaxed and chill and NORMAL, i thought. hey, why not go with the flow and just be loose and open and write whatever i feel like.

it's a tad different than normal. it may not SEEM that way but there is no rhyme or reason to this post, at all, except to talk about myself bc i'm kinda out of interesting things to talk about.

i know. i'm so narcissistic. why are you reading this again?

moving along.

i'm just going to flow and think and relax right now, on this gloomy rainy day which i happen to LOVE bc i love rain.

oh yes? i do. this weekend chicago got record highs at around 50 degrees and as i lay in bed i could hear the ice melting- the melodious current of ice slowly turning liquid and running off our metal roof in a slick stream. plopping on the ground, in the cement gutter-catcher-thingies, or how the salt evaporated all the snow and crunched under my boots. i really dislike winter but call me a sucker,

or call me a former socal-er, but i love rain.

my hair is long not bc i am particularly partial to long hair, but bc i'm lazy and ~~cheap~~ frugal. plus my hair is stick straight and never does anything but LAY THERE. pisses me off!! so i just let it go long and that's my 'look'. people stop me to ask me 'who does my color'.

uh, mother nature?

i love lime tootsie rolls but hate regular tootsie rolls. they look like little ... er, dog poo things to me. yuck.

i have insomnia but once it's past 3am i can sleep until about 11am. but before 3am, i constantly wake up. no idea why.

my sheets must be 5oo thread count or higher. i'm a bed snob.

i used to despise steak when i was growing up. I. KNOW.

i really hate to do laundry. i would rather do the dishes and dust than do laundry. i'll even take out the garbage and clean the toilet. and the litter box. surprisingly, the litter box doesn't really faze me.

i have an unhealthy obsession with all things hello kitty. when i first met my husband i had a tiny apartment and the entire bathroom was hello kitty. bath mat, shower curtain, towels, toothbrush holder.... i'm now only allowed keychains. (i really want the hello kitty waffle maker. and beach towel. just sayin.')

i'm tragically obsessed with handbags. i just bought a betsey johnson beach bag yesterday. pure love.

whenever i cook dinner, i never eat it. for some reason i can't seem to eat after 5pm. even if i'm hungry on the way home, as soon as i see food i'm like, eh. nah thanks. it really drives me nuts bc i need to eat a meal when i take my meds twice a day. so i have to eat breakfast AND dinner and it's totally throwing me off.

hunchback of notre dame is probably one of my top 5 disney movies of all time. that movie is disturbing, yo.

i love peonies. adore them. unfortunately, they're expensive here in the midwest so i never get them.

i hate birds of paradise. they're all over southern california like a freakin' plague and i hate the things. they also hurt when you crash into the bush rollerblading. not that i know from experience or anything.

i painted my toenails black last night. i never paint my fingernails. only clear.

i'm almost 5'7 and yet i wear a size 6 1/2 in shoes. it's weird.

my mom almost named me francesca. or alexandria. can you imagine calling me francesca???

i'm obsessive about drinking enough water. i drink about what would be ten glasses a day. i just refill my water bottle, which is almost 16oz. and drink that all day at work- it's around noon here, and i've had three already, so that's about six glasses of water give or take.... and the day isn't even half over.

i am terrified of being dehydrated. when i get sick i forget to drink or eat, and more than once i have been in the shower and passed out cold, only to awaken sprawled on the bathroom floor, naked as all hell, with the shower curtain beneath me. oops. i make sure to drink tons of water bc i'm a fainter. can't help it.

i once had super high cholesterol. like 221. now it's normal.

i love pickles. i could eat clausen pickles every single day for the rest of my life and not get sick of them. same goes for pizza. but seriously. pickles trump pizza and always will.

i have four pairs of heels under my desk. i wear socks and ugg boots to work every day... and then i change into my heels. i HATE having cold feet. i wear ugg boots year-round. yes. i am that girl.

most people that don't know me think i'm lying when i say 1)i don't color my hair (ATALL) and 2) i don't wear colored contacts. it gets annoying, actually, bc it's not as if i asked for blonde hair... it's what i was given so i make the most of it.

i used to carry around a pantene pro-v magazine ad in my pocket when i was about 5 or 6 years old. it featured a woman with her back facing the camera, and her long, waist-length dark wavy red hair was fanned out behind her. i used to cry over that picture and wail at the top of my lungs 'WWWHHHHYYYY MOMMMM??? whhhhyyyyy????' bc i hated having blonde hair.

i also begged for brown contacts at 13. never got them.

i hate olives. i hate blue cheese. i do surprisingly like bloody maries even tho i think tomato juice is just plain rank.

jewelry really doesn't do it for me, unless it's super unique.... i wear my wedding rings and that's about it. my watch is in the shop right now, the battery died. usually i only wear 'classic' pieces every day. i have my everyday watch which is a more upscale silver watch and then i have my chunky mens two-inch leather watch that's more for like jeans and tees.

i own too many shoes. TOO MANY. ones i haven't worn since high school. but who gives away charles david?? or marc jacobs?? i mean really.

ice breakers wintergreen mints are like my crack. so are watermelon jolly ranchers and blow pops.

Pompeii is an exhibit that will forever stick out in my head. that and the king tut tour when i was in chicago in 93 or 94.

i have always had a weird fascination with the Egyptians. now i'm kinda getting into the Mayans.

is this enough random crap about me? should i stop? keep going? i'm just rambling. work is boring today bc mainly, i FINISHED all my work. what a concept, right??? and i discovered, the later i go to bed the more likely i am to sleep thru the night so i actually feel pretty rested.

OH AND I WATCHED the secret life of bees last night. WONDERFUL adaptation of the novel. honestly one of the best translations from written word to film i've seen in a long time. see it!!!!

but read the book first.

when i was 5 i saw pretty woman and promptly informed my mother of my desire to become a career prostitute.

the little women is the first movie i cried at.

i actually fell in LOVE with the book 'the good earth' when i had to read it when i was 13 for school. it really is quite an amazing book as is the movie. but i loved lord of the flies, too, so....

i also watched 'my best friends girl' and it was hilarious!!!! but i'm biased, i LOVE DANE COOK and also kate hudson. and surprisingly, this movie had really good chemistry. i loved it. i think i may just have to watch it again tonight :)

oh and also? ya'll that haven't read 'confessions of a shopaholic'? what rock have you been under? i'm catching up on shopaholic and baby or whatev it's called bc i don't think i read that one- but i read them all YEARS ago when i was all 'dude where's the movie????' and now it's coming out.

i'm super excited to see it. but you must read the books. HI-LARIOUS.

er, i'm cutting the weirdness now. catch ya'll on the flip side. i promise tomorrow? i may or may not have pictures of my house.

(my bookshelves have BOOKS on them!!!! what a concept!)

ramble ramble.

2009-02-06T14:39:00.000-08:00

i know fridays are notoriously slow bloggin' days so i'm really not TOO concerned about how great my writing is right now. heh. like i ever am?

so on monday is my last doctor's appointment, and it's smooth sailin' for six months after that.. and only to have them ~~suck~~ draw more blood and hopefully ~~or i'll rip out the needle myself~~ i'm still normal.

normal as in, my weird ulcer bacteria thing is gone (btw? she doesn't know how this is 'caught. isn't that a tad... disturbing?? i guess it's quite common but there's no real preventive measure to it.) and my thyroid is back up to straight a's and

wanna know somethin' cool? i'm totally not in pain anymore. my lower tummy hurts sometimes but that's about it, and it's once in a while.

the ulcer is what was causing that excrutiatingly brutal pain. it's gone now. even tho i can't have a glass of wine? i'd donate a case to just not feel that pain again.

it was brutal.

in other news tonight is the 'lets get the crap out' night. as in, my dining room looks like the inside of martha stewart exploded all over it. there's prints everywhere on pillows i'm tossing and garbage in plastic grocery bags bc i am REFUSING to go buy yet another $40 pull-out-under-the-sink garbage can bc i KNOW i have one in the garage at my old house. i just need to go GET it. so. i've been using little garbage bags.

there are also papers and chargers and books and paintings and frames and coats and purses and god knows what else. painting supplies, i think, are in the corner, but good god knows when i last saw them.

tonight is the night we roll up our sleeves and "GASP" organize. i know. i know. but these antibiotics i'm on, i don't know if they're the ones causin' it, but i have a lot of energy and not being in mind-bending pain 24/7 really makes a person peppy.

well. i have horrid insomnia and i may or may not have taken just a leeetle bit too much melatonin last night cuz i was a little... shall we say... uh, loopy. extremely tired but once i hit bed i could. not. sleep.

there is something about 'going to bed' that causes my brain to go NO FREAKIN WAY! it sucks.

maybe i'll sleep on the couch tonight.

i actually tried to trick my brain for two nights in a row now by bringing one of the four matching suuuuuper duper soft microsuede pillows to bed with me. didn't work the first night but i think i have the whole laying down configuration bc last night, i stayed asleep a bit better.

then again. the melatonin.... and just a heads-up? if you have insomnia like i have had for most of my adult life? avoid sleeping meds. take natural hormones and supplements. they work the same and don't give you that nyquil hangover. i take melatonin and tryptophan normally but i lost my buddy trypto in the move and have yet to find him. but i will.

where is this post going????

so anyway..... i also work tomorrow. from here on out i work 6 days a week until april 15th. i know. right now i don't mind bc i'm not busy. overtime baby! but come the end of march? oh lordy..... i'm sure i'll be posting

HELP. SEND HELP.

over and over again. or maybe

WINE. SEND WINE.

we'll see. other than that things are pretty normal. hopefully i can sleep tonight, but... i doubt it. at least i get to wake up an hour later tomorrow. i know. i'm weird. i can't FALL asleep or STAY asleep but once i hit about 4.30am or so, i am golden until about 9.30.

k, i'm drawin' a blank. i'm gonna sign off bc really, this post was totally pointless. i considered just erasing it and posting when i got home but really..... it'd probably be more boring than this one.

if you made it this far, gold star my friend!!!!!!!

field trip to the gyno

2009-02-04T17:03:00.000-08:00

so here's a rundown of my doctor visits.

i have what look like TRACK MARKS on my arms! cuz they took blood on both arms. uh, excuse me? since when is it okay to make me heroin-chic and not even ASK ME FIRST? yeah. my work? they thought that was rrreealll nifty.

another thing? why on EARTH should i bother makin an appointment if i'm going to wait three hours? or 45 minutes? or an hour and a half? i mean, really? i called. ahead of time. scheduled it. and now. i'm...... what, exactly? THE WAITING ROOM IS EMPTY.

are ya'll DRINKIN back there????

another thing? uhm, i really don't need twenty gazillion people lookin DOWN THERE when my legs are in stirrups or whatever those scary things are called and my sheet is all icky sticky bc of ultrasound gel that she BATHED ME IN and at one point? i actually was like, yo? let's just invite the ENTIRE OFFICE in to look at my hoo hah bc obviously? it's so interesting and all and maybe it should start it's own blog and i bet it'd be dooce worthy.

and uhm? question? i'm here for an ultrasound. girl has a full bladder. it's 9.30 in the morning. at 10.15? if i don't get this frickin ultrasound stat? i'm going to be reduced to a dog and have no shame as i just explode from pressure and pain right here smack dab in the waiting room next to the fish tank.

when you finish your one and only book that is 3/4 of a way done JUST WAITING in the waiting room? not even waiting in the exam room? yeah. that's sad.

i also believe this is a form of war torture. i don't need to read all the scary pamphlets telling me that i could, you know, just rot up like my neglected bamboo plant. k?

also? if you ever hear the word 'saline' and 'catheter' in the same sentence?

RUN.

wrap that little sheet around your vajajay and RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. being covered in ultrasound gel sounds like childs play when you get a catheter inserted into your UTERUS. just sayin'.

and when i ask you to pretty please give me the alternative two-week medication treatment that allows me to have a glass of wine to calm my freakin out nerves? do it.

i have an ulcer. lucky me. caused by some bacteria i don't know the name of bc honestly? at the fifth syllable? i gave up. cuz i'm a quitter like that and all.

the medication i have to take for two weeks to get rid of the damn thing? i can't drink. i'm not an alcoholic. i am simply a person who enjoys the taste of wine and would like to have a glass when i come home from a day workin my butt off.

thankfully, i tested negative for some scary stuff. i was such a nervous wreck my doctor actually called me the second she found out the results so that i could stop worrying. i am a worrier. i cannot help this. i was SCARED to the point of nightmares that i was carrying ebola or somethin. not fun.

the only good thing i can say is my doctor is very good. i am thankful that i had the intelligence to switch doctors bc the four things wrong with me? my old doctor misdiagnosed me for three years.

let's break down what this girl has:

1. underactive thyroid. which, after all the blood that was SUCKED OUT OF ME? we now know it's workin juuuuust fine.

2. poly-cystic ovaries syndrome. aka, 'all the homeless cysts decided to camp out survivor style in my ovaries without even having the decency to say YO LAYDAY!' or, 'an entire family tree is stuck in my ovaries. family reunion? anyone?'

3. fybroid. chillin in my uterus. uh, thanks A LOT DOC, for saying 'now you're going to feel a little pinch' which, upon insertion, had me jump so high i think i was stuck in the ceiling tiles goin, 'look LADY, you wanna tell the TRUTH HERE??? cuz i'm spread eagle and my foot is near your head. nuff said.'

4. ulcer. which really, isn't scary to me, i had one at nine. i know. weird. but really? the whole, two weeks hopped up on meds where i have to FORCE myself to eat a salami sandwhich at 7.30 in the morning? so i don't upchuck all over the car on my way to work? yeah. NOT. FUN.

so there you go. in-depth doctor visits. and btw? i bruised every. time. they took my blood. angry bruises. painful. i am tired, exhausted, and guess what?

on monday, i see my doctor again. for my annual pap.

all i have to say is, wtf? don't you already KNOW EVERYTHING?????? good god woman you've seen my girl parts like, a jillion times! you saw my UTERUS!! what on earth could you learn now???

wait. don't answer that. i really, really don't want to know.

because ya'll made me do it:

2009-02-03T06:15:00.000-08:00

so, i discovered that sometimes the internet is fickle. sometimes it picks fights with you like a bully in 3rd grade. sometimes it says eff you! and plays jokes on you.

so. i'm posting DIRECT PICTURES of my tattoos.

ahem. TWO of them. bc the last one i got? yeah, no pics of that one.... i guess by your third tattoo you kinda lose all the glamor and awe-ness of a new tattoo. or. maybe you're lazy.

just sayin'. not that I'M like that or anything. ahem.

this was my first tattoo, and i got it at a fresh age of 18- the youngest you can get a tattoo LEGALLY in the united states. oh, i tried, when i was a teenager. but they denied me. and somehow jailhouse tattoos didn't sound so good.

no. i was not in jail. and DUH that would be juvie! not jail. but. i digress. forgive me.

so my friend and i decided to get tattoos. i was visiting her in north carolina. so we drove ALL THE WAY to the 'big city' which i forget the name- forgive, forgive- to realize that she forgot her I.D. so i had to drive her car home, cuz i had mine, and then we drove ALL THE WAY back to the big city. it was a two hour wait anyway! so. we thought. who cares??

i was a shaking mess. so. scared. i was sweating. and i thought, i should go first, bc if i see blood? oh, fuggeddaboudit. so i went first. laid on my stomach. said a prayer. and he started. and i said, as the vibrating hum filled the small tiny tattoo room with the half-door barn contraption,

uh.... is that it?

and the tattoo artist sort of paused, cleared his throat, and said..... uhm, HUH?

and i'm like, yo! this barely HURTS MAN!! bring it ON! the outline is supposed to hurt the most?? psshhaw this is NOTHING compared to breakin' your tailbone!!!!

he sort of paused, then laughed, said, 'girl, for a thing like you that needs about twenty cheeseburgers? yer pretty chill.'

i took that as a compliment. and i come to find out, the more and more i get tattooed that... they don't hurt me. in fact, they feel GOOD bc they relax the muscle they're tattooing.

for instance. my stars. they were my second tattoo (tattoos? who knows. i consider it one tattoo bc i had it done as a 'piece' and not 'individually'.) and probably my favorite.

they didn't hurt.

in fact, my tattoo artist said, 'girl, you're crazy. i had a biker in here last week who had a side piece done and he CRIED. you're a buck ten and yet you LAUGH? what ARE you??'

heh. i'm Lo. girl who can get any tattoo.

but piercings? that's another story. as in,

NEVER GET YOUR NOSE PIERCED. just sayin'. cuz when it gets infected?

NOT. GOOD.

although? super cute. just sayin'.

so that's my body art!!! and please excuse the bra. all of my tattoos are in "personal" areas... so that they're easily covered.

most people in my day-to-day life are shocked to see my tattoos. i think it's the stars. no one expects me to have stars up my side.

wait until my next one i'm planning to get in the next two months or so....

'memento vivare' in script going up my left side. BIG. cuz i'm all about bling baby.

or. something like that. anyway. my third tattoo would be my celtic crescent moon on my right hip. it's more like a tribal moon but....

my goal when my laptop is up and running the internet is to take a 'tat tour' of both mine and vlad's tattoos so that ya'll can see his sleeve plus our plethora of tattoos.

on a random side note? never eat pineapple and drink green tea at the same time. not. good.

running low on material, so as always, depend on pics.

2009-02-02T06:20:00.001-08:00

i'm plannin on writting to ya'll later on. this is just a morning 'please let me survive and i promise Popsicles and stickers later' sort of bribe.

Captain Dumbass did a post about people and their 'ink'. in case ya'll don't know i've got three tattoos and counting.

a lot of people think they're ridiculous and have told me so.

a lot of people can be narrow minded and judgemental.

not me.

my tattoos represent a moment in my life that i wanted to document a change, a feeling, a shift of some sort.

anyway. so. Captain D decided to ask everyone to send in pics and explanations of their tats. so i did! and i'm there! just go there. you'll find me. a couple scrolls in.

i only have pics on hand for two of my three tats. my third is a celtic half moon on my right hip.

i have stars up my side, and 'take to the sky' on my back.... take to the sky is a song by tori amos, who is ... she's hard to explain. amazing and astonishing seem so lacking to me. she is a woman who survived being raped with a gun at her head in the back of a van on a night after performing in a local venue. she is a woman who subsequently created RAINN, an organization for sexually abused victims to find light again in their lives.

take to the sky is a song she wrote long before she was signed to a record company- the lyric is, 'Have a seat while i/take to the sky' and basically, it means..... i refuse to conform and change myself so that i can gain fame and fortune. i will not compromise who i am so that i can be what they want me to be. you have a seat, conform, and watch while i take off.

i was eighteen, scared out of my mind, and when i finally sat down to get my ink done? found that it felt GOOD. bc you have to understand- i've had so many injuries when i was younger that i'm permanently suffering from stiff joints and achy muscles. so getting tattooed on my lower back? heaven! my muscles FINALLY loosened after about a year of being so tight i couldn't even get a massage.

so then, duh, naturally i got more. the stars on my side? i laughed my way through. my tattoo artist thinks i'm INSANE. he told me about how he had a big ol' biker guy in the week before me who got tattooed on his ribs, and he CRIED. me? i giggled.

i'm super ticklish. also? high pain tolerance. comes in handy.

so. if you were curious what two of my three tattoos looked like? mosey on down to Captain D. there are quite a few more as well :)

defeated.

2009-01-29T13:55:00.000-08:00

do you ever have those days where you're like, that's it, i give up?

see ya wouldn't wanna be ya?

say hello to my leetle friend?

yeah. welcome to my day. i was contemplating whether to post or not. i generally use this space as my 'happy space', to cheer me up, to be happy, to talk freely and openly about anything i want.

and yeah. i'm not happy right now. the smile isn't reaching my eyes. i have no pep in the step. i am, for all intents and purposes, extremely ... done. defeated. tired.

today, is my, let's take a breather and not even begin to pretend that i'm okay with things. i'm in a lot of pain, guys. in the woman parts area. you know. ovaries. that kinda area. not the OTHER down south area.

just makin' it clear.

i also thought of leaving this off, too, bc... well, honestly? it's extremely personal. it's a huge blow to me personally. i feel less like a woman and more like a pathetic human who has no purpose. i went to the doctor today and found out that yep. i have a fibroid. i don't really want to go into detail of what it is. if you would like to know about my woman parts and what's wrong with them, please google it..... i've said it so many times today i think my tongue is going to fall out. convenient that to communicate here, i type, no?

anyway... i also have cysts. BENIGN. but cysts. and not just two or three. i have an entire family tree of cysts currently living in me.

it means that right now, it's impossible for me to get pregnant.

it means that if i want to get pregnant i better damn do it SOON, as in, before i'm thirty or preferably yesterday cuz pretty soon, chances will be slim to none that it'll happen in my thirties.

my aunt also has this condition... not the fibroid, but the cyst issue. she got pregnant at mid-30's, on the pill, by accident. so. if there's any sign of hope out there, it would be that.

i'm just in pain. from what i had done to my body today, from having this condition in the first place. to top it off i had to come in to work after all of that.

i feel defeated, sad, tired, pissed off, depressed, annoyed.

tomorrow i will be back to normal. but for today? i'm giving myself a freebie. cuz i need it.

and disclaimer. do not feel you have to comment on this post. do not feel sorry for me. i don't like to be pitied, i just.... well, i just want to get it off my chest bc making myself crazy googling it all the live long day is doing nothing for me. to admit it, to get it out, helps to ease some of the shame that i can't do the one thing my female body was built to do.

er... does this make me look fat?

2009-01-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

p.s.

i changed my layout.

whadda ya think????? should i change it to.... pink? yellow? aqua marine? sunflowers? puppies?

i need feed back, people.

cuz i'm needy like that.

or do ya just plain LIKE IT?

Russians & sour cream. good lordy.

2009-01-28T06:23:00.000-08:00

so there's some food that Russians really dig. like, i mean, their jive equates to chicken liver and fish eggs and... and... oh lordy i can't bear to list the other stuff.

like frog legs.

like ... DUCK. who eats DUCK??? i feed my BREAD TO THE DUCKS!!! sigh. poor ducky.

ahem.

so yeah. it occured to me last night as i was makin' a VERY Russian 'salad' (and i will enlighten you as to what "salad" means to a Russian) that i suddenly wasn't gagging anymore.

yeah. i'd totally gag when i made this thing. cuz it is not NORMAL i tells ya!!!!

but i don't anymore. cuz i've been makin' it for goin' on over 4 years now, and i've got this Russian food thing DOWN ya'll. i don't eat it. but i CAN make it.

so. this is called "Russian Cucumber Salad" aka, nasty sour cream concoction that all Russians seem to enjoy. you take a juicy, big innocent cucumber and then you CUT IT like nobodies business. i'm not violent or anything. i just adore cutting vegetables. call it "dull knife syndrome" aka, i need to buy a sharpening block.

ahem.

so that's my ghetto cutting board. it gets the job done. and that's my Nobody's Business Knife. that's just a shade dull. but. it cut this cucumber like a junkie muggin' a wall street guy.

WHAT????

ew. this is where my poor innocent cucumber gets... gets.... UNVIRGINFIED. poor thing. that's sour cream. i like sour cream. in my mashed potatoes. in my twice baked potatoes. on my baked potato. along with a (pound) sprinkle of bacon.

this? uh, ew. kinda grosses me out. and kinda? is a nice word for another word i'll KINDLY leave out.

yeah i use my baking ... what is that called? BAKIN' WAND in my sour cream. cuz i'm non judgemental like that and all.

oh yeah. those are Lenox elephant salt n peppa shakers in the background. THANKS MOM. i am obsessed with all things elephant. lil known fact about me.

oh also? to ya'll that where all HUH??? when i said it's a known fact i hate my nose? it's cuz i do. it is round, i hate it, i want a new england pointy nose. and when it's cold out? it turns BRIGHT RED. but only on the round tip. i look like rudolph. it looks like a helicopter landing pad. all lit up and waitin' for the arrival. of the president. or. valentino. just sayin'.

also? i am obsessed w/bath n body works midnight orchid (i think that's what it's called???) hand soap. LOVE. IT.

and yeah. this is where my Pioneer Woman skills come to a screeching halt. cuz i was takin pics on my camera phone. cuz i'm a winner like that. and. it's blurry. i am so sorry mah peeps. it happens.

but this is me adding the sour cream (BLECH) to the cucumbers. after this? i will add salt. and i will TOTALLY add too much salt and then scramble to get it out by washing off cucumbers bits bc i was too busy tryin' to take an artistic photo and instead just proved what a complete spaz attack i am.

don't worry. it turned out okay.

so yeah. Russians call this a "salad". but it's not. salad? to me? means lettuce.

to Russians?

salad is anything from beets and egg and gelatin (I KNOW. i think i just threw up a bit in my mouth.) to sour cream and salt and cucumbers and tomatoes to hard boiled egg, mayo, peas, ham, carrots all mixed up.

it doesn't taste good.

trust me. i tried. i really, REALLY TRIED when i first met this man. and. no. it. is. not. good.

do not eat anything that resembles a pork chop. bc i guarantee you, THAT IS CHICKEN LIVER.

just a lil insight into Russian livin'. also? my neighbor? his name is Dima, (short for Dimitri) and he gets drunk like EVERY NIGHT. and slams his door hard. and has a dog. in a condo that doesn't allow dogs.

he tries to speak to me in Russian every time i see him.

and this mornin'? i totally said, (phonetically spelled,) "Poinchee Moo?" to Vlad.

that means, "whadda ya mean??????"

oh lordy. i am goin' Russian. there's no goin' back.

come back again ya'll so i can teach you how to say, OPEN THE DOOR. CLOSE THE DOOR.

cuz i'm a pro like that and all.

so yeah, i'm a liar. old news.

2009-01-27T06:39:00.000-08:00

so yeah. after a VERY TRYING DAY AT WORK i came home, took one look at that laptop and was all psshhh nah way dude.

but i WAS tagged on facebook in a few pics, and although they may not be that flattering, i'm honest so i'm going to post them.

i'm not onea those peeps who only posts the pics where they look the best. (yes i am.) (no i'm not. this post proves it.)

it is a little known fact that i HATE (more than avocado) my nose, (okay i like avocado in my cali rolls but ONLY IN MY CALI ROLLS) so the fact that i am posting these pics tells you that i REALLY want to share saturday night with ya'll.

cuz my nose looks bad.
ahem.

uh.... yeah. so i may or may not have stolen my girl's' boyfriend's sunglasses. er. not STOLEN just BORROWED and then i was such a good friend that i totally put them in my purse for SAFE KEEPING but i returned them sunday morning at brunch. where i had (2) a mimosa.

it was good.

oh. and i may or may not have taken the mug that vlad drank his tea in. as in. i dried it with my napkin and slipped it into my purse.

i know. i know. ya'll are gonna stop readin' me now cuz i'm a clepto. but seriously. the mug is awesome. it has a griffin on the front.

and it's orange.

okay. maybe if i go donate real quick online to a really super duper good cause it'll cancel out my mug stealin. i DID return the sunglasses you know. and honestly i WAS thinking in his best interest. bc the boy DID take SOMEONE ELSES sunglasses and was wearin' them and thought they were his. so i took his and put them away bc i knew i wouldn't lose them.

oh lordy. should i just erase everything i just wrote???????? i'm honest and all. i'll keep it up. please don't go judgin'. i haven't had my coffee yet.

this is my new friend daryl. he was kinda ... toasty when we took this. i was rolling my eyes goin', oh lordy, this is gonna be a HILARIOUS photo. and. it kinda is.

i will leave you with this photo. cuz. uh. i really have no words for it. no words for it except

PEACE YO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

coupleathings

2009-01-26T12:46:00.000-08:00

so. tonight i am uploading photos ( I KNOW. finally. i hang my head in shame but am determined to redeem myself.) but still wanted to give a shout out, since i was m.i.a. all weekend.

I HAD A REASON. it was my girl's birthday and since she used to go to school in Milwaukee, and her friends are there, she went on down (up?) there this weekend and Vlad and i met her up and met all new people and i had so much fun i just about DIED.

i drank miller lite till the cows came home. and then some.

i stayed in a posh hotel where they let people smoke inside. i mean HUH??? really? i don't enjoy eau de marlboro with my check in, thanks.

i met awesome cool people and stole their sunglasses.

but i totally gave em back.

cuz i'm cool like that and all.

also? if you were on a bender this weekend and came home Sunday night, would you invite two friends over (plus a girlfriend) who are NOTORIOUS for drinking and being rowdy and obnoxious?

if your wife just wanted to, you know, chill and relaxin all cool and shootin some b-ball outsidea school when a couplea guys who were up to no good.. started makin trouble in tha neighborhood...

ahem. fresh prince i am not. excuse me. so. anyway.

basically Vlad got a little rowdy and then when i was cooking "Crash Hot Potatoes" from Pioneer Woman's website he got it in his head to pan fry some steaks and reached into the oven to grab my skillet and he's holdin' the darn thing like it's a banana or somethin and i scream,

THAT'S HOT!!!!!!! PUT IT DOWN PUT IT DOWN!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!

and i run over to him just as he throws the (scalding hot) pan to the ground. good thing my mom bought an expensive one.. that has the black nylon schtuff on the bottom (back?) of the handle so he only burnt his palm in two places instead of the entire hand. andi made him stand with it under cold water for a bagillion eleven years.

oh didntja know? it's totalllllly normal to store your skillet in the oven when you're not usin' it. easy access. we won't be storing it there any longer.

as of this morning, it was not blistered. somehow i feel that it's going to be another story when i see it tonight. poor husband.

you see, crash hot potatoes? you must first boil them and THEN you smash crash them into potatoe cookies and then bake them.

also? it didnt' really work. i ended up just mashin them with a fork to make one big potato.... layer we'll say, and then i just scooped them into a big ol' heap for Vlad.

and i cooked his steaks. since he was under the weather with the hand and the rowdiness and all.

friends left shortly after this incident.

i drank a dos equis. very good.

read my book. watched the bourne identity. fell into a dead sleep and when i woke up this mornin' i was all ALREADY???????????????????????

no really. are you playin' a joke on me? it's monday? sigh.

good news: tax season officially 'starts' for my work on 2/2. last week? yeah. i was SURE THAT feb. 2nd was going to be today. as in HOLY HECK NOOOOOOO not overtime BUT i was just a blonde and when i came into work i was all

hip hip horay!!! it's not feb. 2nd!!!!!

where am i going with this post? what the heck am i talkin bout?

are you still there?

if so, gold star for YOU.

tonight i will try (am determined) to upload photos to the shiny new laptop so that i can share with ya'll. (and facebook.) (but i never said that cuz i am SO NOT a facebook junkie.) (i'm a facebook junkie. but don't tell. i don't like rehab and i an't no quitter.)

hey ya'll.

2009-01-22T17:49:00.000-08:00

so i know that i'm known amongst ya'll as this upbeat, uber energetic, flittin from here to there in a seconds notice, kinda blonde. today? i'm scratching the bottom of the barrel for some blog fodder that will motivate me to write something ah-mayzin for ya'll.

sometimes, life is kinda sorta hard without really putting hardship in your way.

want me to explain? sure. that's what this is FOR, duh! :)

so. nothin especially HARD is goin on with me. it's moreso, the buildup of everything. Vlad is working ridic hours at work... since he owns his own business.... and no one wants to pay for work done, yadda yadda, nuthin new. it also means that since we've moved, we still have schtuff at our old townhouse that needs to be wrapped up for goodwill.

it also means our new house? YEAH. neglected. the trim still needs to be painted which means that i have pictures stacked up all 'round the house (condo) and it's not big- it's only about 700 sq. feet- so i'm talkin, there's some days where walkin in my dining room is a big no no. and i like to eat at a table and i'm not talkin coffee table. i also LOVE to cook and it's possible to cook here, very possible, but that leaves the issue of..... not having room to actually eat the food.

i'm sorry if i'm being debbie downer. i try really hard to make sure this is a space where positivity bounds and leaps but sometimes, i need to just let it out. and truth be told, i feel so close to ya'll. i feel like you hear me, even if i post in a public way. some of ya'll i talk to thru emails.

i just want to veer off the path to tell you that i LOVE EMAILING YOU. seriously, i just adore opening up my email and seeing your shining names. i love all of you. and wish we all lived closer, but you know what? bloggin' is more than i EVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. it has become my home. my solace. my beacon in the dark. i can't imagine how i ever navigated life without this home i call slap happy musings. and that's what they are, cuz i'm totally spaztic in real life. just... with a few more 'colorful' words thrown in. just ask my friends. THEY KNOW. wheni get goin, boy, scarface's got nuthin on me.

ahem. back to. the point. so. here i am watchin ugly betty, which, btw, is a good show!! i never knew. i adore it. ahem.

so life for me is stressful. my job is .... it's hard to perform to my upmost caliber when there's this WOMAN (better word will be expressed if ya'll email me.) (laurengailc@gmail.com) who i cannot stand. two women, actually. and it's hard. plus all of the stress of working for an accounting office during tax season and not actually BEING an accountant. i'm reception/personal assistant to head honcho/admin. i do so many things besides answering phones. and answering phones?

IS HARD.

so your receptionist? yeah. buy her a hershey bar. she deserves it.

anyway. so my house is functional but upside down, my husband is workaholic extraordinaire, my job sucks, but i have to work overtime in order to save up more money, to do what i WANT to do in life,

LET ME STOP to tell ya'll that i am super duper uber lucky to have what i have. i have a roof over my head, a husband who loves me so much i think he's nutso sometimes, i have a mother who is my best friend, i have friends who adore me. i know this. but sometimes, even mother theresa must've looked around and said yo God, seriously? cuz this shiz? is hard.

it's just that......

well, it's just THAT. and that. and that and that and that.

okay. sorry. just teared up at Grey's Anatomy. usually i hate this show but i'm too busy bloggin to change the channel and .... this is why i dropped out of nursing school.

people are hurting. they WANT to pass. they NEED to pass. and yet they can't, bc of our stupid LAWS that stop people from owning their own bodies and lives. a man wants to die, for many other reasons, but he wants to NOW bc his body is a match to a tiny lil boy who needs organs desperately. and yet, they won't let him pass.

part of me is all DUDE SAVE THE DUDE and then, then....

there's the Lauren who stood next to a dying woman, who was 96, who was crying, who had to have her catheter inputted AGAIN and looked into my eyes, into my soul, and begged me to stop. BEGGED. ME. me, a nursing student, on my rounds, just doin what i should be doing. she was....

let's just say i will never forget that moment and that's the moment that something snapped and all the feces i cleaned, all the vomit, all the comatose people i bathed, everything, i knew i could handle, and that's when THIS came into my life and i spent the next half hour (my break) crying in the hospital bathroom. hating life. hating how ... how OUT OF CONTROL i was. i tear up just thinking about her.

i hope her passing was peaceful. i hope she's at peace.

her daughters were keeping her alive.

and i can tell you, bloggin world, that although i am a spaz and my posts tend to veer off the path of coherent like just now, and i'm goin to end it like this- cuz it's SO MUCH BETTER than the complainin i was doin-

which is why i love ya'll, you distract me from pain-

i can tell you, if my mom looked at me and was all, girl, i need to GO and now, before this gets ugly,

i can tell you i'd have the guts (again better words in email) to say, you know what mom? you deserve some dignity.

i wish more people felt the same.

i'm sure some of ya'll are goin to yell at me for sayin this. go ahead. i will not censor the comments. bc i know how hard it is to lose a person, you want to hold on as long as you can. i think bc i've been there, i know.

and yo. if i tell you to pull the cords? pull em till the sun comes down. but also? if i say BIG FAT CHANCE i'm leavin now? i expect you to fight for me. cuz if you read my blog DUH you must love me.

right?

right? hello? bueller?

:) :) :) :) :)

thanks for liftin' mah mood, mans.

all i have to say is,

2009-01-21T17:57:00.000-08:00

you become quite equipped with a laptop mouse when you HAVE no mouse.

i may nor may not be watchin american idol. uh, FREAKY MUCH? surrrreously that guy was scary. ya'll know who i'm talkin bout.

also?

i'm pretty sure i'll dream of disney tonight. especially epcot and 'drinkin round the world.' ahem.

especially of thunder mountain and snow white and peter pan and.. and.... safari and rock n roll rollercoaster and ice cream from the parlor and watchin the fireworks and the AH-MAYZIN hotel rooms and the pools and... and...

so much more.

if there is one thing i could embed in your minds, it would be: TAKE YO-SELF TO DISNEY. and your children.

honestly? if there is one thing in my life i value more than any other? (mom, exclude yerself. yer in a whole other field.) it would be disney.

i love it with my whole entire heart and whole entire soul.

it is the beginnin and end all of love, health, truth, happiness, TRUE happiness, heart e-latin happiness,

i can't even tell ya'll.

i love disney. more than ican say. take yer kids there. surroeusly.

tag yer it and really, really random pics

2009-01-21T09:40:00.000-08:00

so i totally wrote out this long post about yadda yadda blah blah and then decided to put some pics up and then i got this grand idea of doin' a TAG YA'LL ARE IT with your favorite disney picture.

ahem. this is the part where you, you know, go find your favorite disney picture and blog about it.

one of my top favs, cuz i'm a traditionalist and all in my home decor, is the magic castle:

and this is the part where it gets good. cuz i've got the dirt. ON MY MOM. she's the one who raised me to be such a disney freak. i owe her my life for that. well. she GAVE ME LIFE so i guess i'd owe it anyway.

where was i?

oh yeah. the part where i HACKED INTO MY MOMS WALGREENS PHOTO SECTION. yeah that's right. well. to be fair she gave me the password eons ago, but i forgot it. but since she uses the same flippin password for EVERYTHING (not that i do that too. no. no sirree bobby sue.) i was able to figure it out.

and oh yes. this is money. my mom is goin to KILL ME when she sees this. heheheheehhe. but my mom? used to be a marine. that's how she and my dad met. he was her recruiter!! and she went to disneyworld for the first time when she was in the marines. or maybe. was it disneyland?

mom? lil help over here?

oh there she is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she's on the right. that's my mom. when she was like 18 or somethin. she's pretty :) oh and that's... i THINK that's Lori with her. i think i was named after Lori. i'm not sure. details are fuzzy. stay tuned.

and well HELLO HERE'S MAH POSSY. we're tight yo.

this be my aunt. she's pregnant. she's the reason i'm going to be in Florida when i go to Disneyworld. cuz of the bun in her oven, aka, Olivia. that's Jose. the dad. they live in a big ol' house down by miami.

not that i'm jealous or anything.

isn't she pretty???????? she's more like my sister than my aunt, since my mom is the oldest of 5. yeah. five. the youngest is almost 30 i believe. angie is second to youngest. and ang? i won't tell them your age. cuz i'm a kind soul and all.

a funny moment from my wedding. heh. that's my dad you see, and that's my sister-in-law, Stacy. i heart stacy. when we have family functions we're usually the two in the back corner sneaking drinks and giggling.

notice my bird cage veil? one thing i regret is not wearin' that thing for longer than the ceremony. i loved it.

this is my wedding shower. yeah we're goin random now folks!!!!! it's called, hackin' in to yer moms walgreens photo account online!!!!!

it was a purple and white theme. i loved it. i thought it was SO pretty.

the CAKE!!!!!!!!! isn't it lovely?

oh, that's me. if this were in color, you'd see how insanely tan i am. it was taken over the summer at camp. oh, my goodness, how i just LOVED CAMP. i was a pro swimmer and took all the tests so that i could go in any pool i wanted (yeah that's right ya'll even the TWENTY FOOT DEEP POOL cuz i was cool like that) at both home AND camp and it was wonderful. oh and my hair turned green. good times. good times.

one of our engagement photos. i think i look mildly stupid here but whatev. bygones. i just wanted ya'll to notice vlads arm- see that long tattoo? it says 'blood sweat tears' and i totally talked him into gettin in. cuz i'm an enabler like that.

no but really he wanted it after i suggested it to him. promise.

oh hello there russia!!!!! (sarah palin anyone?) just a shout out to the red square. vovka's homeland. it IS gorgeous, tho, isn't it?

oh and mom? what's with the picture of red square in your walgreens online photo account? i don't know WHERE you get this weirdoness from. (not that i caught it or anything. ahem.)

so POST PICTURES PEOPLE. i am a curious lil blonde over here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh and any chance to talk about disney and i'm all over that. just sayin.

2009-01-20T18:07:00.000-08:00

soooooo here i am again. yep! me! tada! SURPRISED ya'll din i??? yeah. uh. maybe not. but. still. it's me. in tho fleyash yo! or. as much as i can be via online and.... without video capabilities.

btw, is that somethin ya'll would be interested in? me goin... gasp..... digitalvidial? or. i mean. video. ahem.

lemme know. cuz that's somethin i think upon.

ahem.

so. Linda decided to interview me, too. or. maybe i volunteered. it's all so fuzzy, chitlins, i sway-yar. here are her questions..... oh how i love this interview thing. and also?

per Linda's rules? i have to tag all ya'll (Marchelle i love ya for comin up with that term)(but i love you always and forever and pink, so who's to say what that means? anyone? bueller?)(heh) and ask ya'll to ask ME TO INTERVIEW YOU. yeah. i KNOW. crah-ha-ha-hazy!!!! but still. fun. but still? upbeat.

find that movie title and you win somethin GOOD.

so. ahem. anyway. without further adu. or adou. or... aydooo????? why am i spelling challenged all of a sudden? sigh. spellcheck i hate you for not recognizin ya'll.

Where did you get your cat Daisy and how did she get her name?

well shucks. the love of my life came INTO my life in a weird way. my cat, Panda, the best EVAH had just passed. she had picked a time when i was traveling. i KNOW THIS like i know my left hand. (i'm left handed, didnja know??) i was so sad. upset. depressed. my mom said, hey ya'll, (tho she is FAR from southern in her speech,) let's buy ANOTHER cat!!! thus brought on the humane society trip to find 'my new cat'. which, was Daisy. and btw, her name? yeah. couldn't think of a better one. it literally just 'bloomed' (heh) on me. she was FOR ME. totally anti social until she saw ME. and she was all over me like white on rice. surrreously. and i adored her. so small. so precious. and then i was all well my fav thing in the world just DIED so i think i want two. so she won't be lonely. yes this is how i think. so we got ANOTHER cat which would be Cali, cuz she's a calico, and really? girl's got somethin wrong with her. but we love her just the same. (or maybe love my mom for takin on TWO cats of mine. Cali and also Larry who used to be Lola and uhm...... let me tell ya THAT story sometime) so...... we took her home. and i couldn't figure out a good name. so i called her Daisy.

but ya know what? i usually call her food names. WEIRD I KNOW. like hamburger, like 'hi hamburger!!! hi apple pie!!! hi apple pie in the sky full of Daisies!!!' i know. i. am. weird.

Vlad, is sporting a very nice tat on his right arm. Have you ever considered one? If so, what of and where would you put it?

girl i've got three. and i'm the main reason Vlad HAS that tat. or... tats. tattoos. cuz i am a tattoo FREAK. i have NO IDEA where this comes from. i constantly shy away from needles. i HATE SHOTS. or gettin mah blood drawn? fuggeeedaboutit. no. way. but for some reason, i LOVE TATTOOS. the first one i ever got:

me, scared shoeless, for lack of a better cuss word, was me bent over a chair. not to mention my friend forgot her i.d. so ME, i, had to drive all of one hour BACK to her house to get her id. and yeah. not fun. i BARELY had a drivers license and i was visiting her in another state.

we come back, i go first, needless to say, (heh,) it felt GLORIOUS. on the small of my back i have the words "Take to the Sky" in a cute script. bc of my cheerleading injuries (which are serious, kid you not) made the tattoo feel GOOD. my muscles RELAXED. oh sigh.

cut to me meeting vlad, he likes tattoos, i do too, our friends cousin is a tattoo artist... and... uhm.... we're hooked.

i have stars that go from my right hip bone to my 'bra height' as i like to say. and a tribal crescent moon next to my right hip bone. and i'm plannin on gettin "memento vivare" tattooed up my left side, really big.

please don't judge. i know what people think about tattoos. to me? it's a remembrance of life and how you felt at the time. i LOVE looking at my body and seeing emotions and feelings embedded there. i LOVE that i can make a part of my body that i HATED HATED HATED feel beautiful, bc i have somethin beautiful there. it's not for everyone, but dear lord, it's for me.

What made you decide to blog?

i have NO flippin idea. i think i saw all of these women connecting and thought, dangit, why not ME? so i did. i thought, 'this is never gonna float. i'm NEVAH gonna have readers. who cares about MY life???" and then.... i stumbled 'cross ya'll. and started to get- gasp- COMMENTS. and... and... to be truthful, i live for the comments. i do. i LOVE hearing your thoughts. i love communicating. i just adore blogging and couldn't imagine my life without it. it is SUCH an outlet. i get to be myself and get to say what i want to say and be who i am.

i also made potato soup tonight. ah-mayzing!!! yes? okay. de-rail. back on track.

You’ve talked about the possibility of entering Law Enforcement. If that doesn’t work out, what would be your second choice?

hmmmmm. Linda, you girl you, you've just brought to light my "BIG DILEMMA". i'm thinkin maybe social work, or forensics even tho i hate med school (yeah i was a nursing major once. math? nah. not mah thang.) and maybe even...... computer forensics. or. admin for a police department. or. workin for the military, just non-military- somethin my mom does. i just don't know. i want to help. and for some reason COP has always resonated in my head. perhaps i glorify it, but.... i know i do..... but. i have ..... i know i am smart, and competent, and i have SOMETHING to add to the world and this is what my soul says.

we'll see.

What, if anything, stands between you and utter and complete happiness?

so many things.

here i am, bein' candid and all. cuz i know that all ya'll who continue to read me expect to know ALL about me, and not just the BLOGGIN me.

i will be honest.

sometimes, or most of the time, the 'bloggin me' is slightly different than the real me. in the respect that i am, in normal life, not so happy-go-lucky. ya'll help me to be happy and to relish life. but in reality, i am a happy person but...

i hate my job.

to a point that i cannot WAIT to share with you in May. really. you have NO FLIPPIN IDEA guys!!!!!!

but really. what keeps me from bein' happy would be my husband who works all the time, cuz he owns his own business. i go to sleep many a night by myself. i see him for small moments in the morning when we're both still half asleep.

what keeps me from bein' happy would be the fact that my job? SUCKS. nuff said. crazy psycho women are SO NOT MY THANG.

what keeps me from bein' happy is myself.

cuz i have a habit of totally bein' depressed and all and missin out on life.

maybe ya'll don't know that about me. maybe ya do. maybe you think i'm perfect in my 24 yr oldness.

i'm not.

i wish more than anything that i could be happier, could rejoice, could LIVE. this blog helps me do that. i know, now, that a lot of the time i act as if i'm happygolucky 24/7, and i'm not...... i'm normal.

i get sad. i get depressed. A LOT. but cuz of ya'll i get HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i am SO THANKFUL TO ALL YA'LL

i cannot express it enough. so, to answer Linda's question more thoroughly? i started blogging to fill a void and

now?

that void is more than filled it's overflowin and also?

i love all ya'll. you mean more to me than you can truly know.

thank you.

uh, blogger? you suck. AND you smell.

2009-01-20T12:21:00.000-08:00

cuz seriously? is anyone else havin issues with their blogrolls? just a time out to ask what the eff to the effing is up with the stupid flippin blogger today???

my issue- my blogroll links are all shades of screwed up. how on EARTH did they get to wonky? i like to view my blog and then systematically go down the list to read ya'll, and i can't do it. the links don't work.

w to the tf?????? what's goin' on today man?? sigh.

done did answer an interview. and more edible grammatical errors.

2009-01-19T15:09:00.001-08:00

well well well..... mz.Midlife Slices has taken it upon herself to INTERVIEW ME. yes. me. she wants to know all about MOI. and can ya blame her??

uh, i mean, isn't that weird??? who'd be interested in ME? i guess her. hah! see how that works out? pretty clever reasoning there.

anyway. so, she asked me five questions.... five GEM JEWEL SHINY sparkly beautiful (AND HARD) questions. here's i go. flyin by the seat of my pants.

Look into a crystal ball and tell me what you see about yourself 30 years in the future.

wow. so THIS IS WHAT you decide to start me off on??? GOODNESS grief woman! are you tryin' ta KILL ME over here???? okay. i'm okay. i'm calm. this question tho... this question... has me stumped.

cuz i am at a crossroad, kids. my life, come May, is goin to flip flop faster than my reefs. many, many things are changin' and it's for the better but the big bad scary thing that i ahve to do right now is DECIDE. decide if i'm going back to school, and what do i want to BE when i grows up, who i want to be, what i want my life to be like. it's hard. i have until May to figure it out. somehow i think ya'll will help me ;)

so, in 30 years? i have NO IDEA. that would make me... it would.. make... make me.... 54. holy batman, man!! 54?? that's older than my- wait. before someone kills me that i'm directly related to we will just omit the name from the record. but anyway. 54? i'd like to think... that i'd be courageous and strong, stronger than i could ever imagine now. i would like to see Vlad, and our children, being successful and i would like to imagine that i'm retired and am still able to indulge in my online shopping sprees. i'd like to have a house, sized perfectly for us, with a porch and a hammock and a kitchen that is ah-mayzin... stainless steel everywhere.... ahem. got side tracked with the THINGS part. i always get sidetracked by trivial stuff. i hope to see that at 54, i DON'T get sidetracked by THINGS. i hope that i do something really, really well and love waking up. that my children are proud of me.

Do you want to have children and if so, when. If not, why?

hm. i think i answered this. :) yes, i want children. maybe up to three. who knows? at this point i'm not ready for a baby. i know this about myself. in theory i think if it happened along, i would figure it out and i'd be good at it and i'd do just as well as any other young mom. but it would be hard. it would be the hardest thing for me to do, ever, in my life and i want to be FAIR to the little baby i'm bringing into this world. i want it to be wanted so badly that my entire being, my happiness, my love, my life, is hinged on it's arrival into the world. it wouldn't be fair any other way. i don't have a set 'time'. i think that when i'm ready i'll be ready. who knows? maybe i'll be ready in two months. or two years. i just know right now, it's good to have this time to be selfish (as stupid and immature as that sounds) and to be with Vlad. i love the guy.

If you could have 3 wishes and they'd all come true, what would those 3 wishes be?

peace on earth is too corny, huh? ;)

-everyone in my family to be safe, health-wise.... no one has any uncurable disease, they never catch colds, they live long lives and when they fade from this life they do so naturally and calmly in their sleep. health is so important.

-money. i know, i know, GOSH she is SO TRIVIAL. but i'm bein' honest with ya'll!! isn't that what you wanted? no? yes? maybe? mashed potatoes with gravy? i'd wish for just enough that - wait who am i kiddin'. i'd want tons of it so that i could afford my marc jacobs purse but after THAT i'd totally donate a ton to charity and maybe even start my own and then i'd travel the world ala angelina jolie and do all sorts of great stuff. how's that? oh you didn't want any gravy? but it's gravy, baby!!

ahem.

-i... would like to think that i would wish for happiness. but that doesn't work, now does it? if i wished for happiness i'd probably lose 70 IQ points bc ignorance is bliss, right? didn't you get the memo? so instead i think i'd wish... i'd wish that nuclear weapons were wiped off the face of the earth, like they never even existed.

oh if i could have a fourth? just cuz? i'm lucky and all? i'd wish that every. single. person. out there who had any inkling of desire to hurt a child or rape a woman or do any of those awful things dissapeared. bc that is my biggest fear in the entire whole world... evil.

If you could know the time of your imminent death, would you want to know and why?

you'd think someone like me, bein' all curious and inquisitive and all, would wanna know. but then i would obsess over it and agonize and go thru the gazillion stages of grief and it'd be terrible. i'd see, first-hand, my family mourning me before i kick it. part of me thinks i would say yes to this, bc then it would mean that i would be motivated (in theory) to dedicate my short time (or long, depending) to something amazing and selfless and wonderful. like quit my job and travel to Uganda and help children who are terminally ill with AIDS bc hello? i'm gonna kick it anyway, so even if i DO get infected accidentally it won't matter. and that's one less person in the world being exposed to the terrible disease.

but in reality? please don't tell me. if you're psychic and you know that on November 14th 2024 i'm goin to trip and fall and then land in the middle of the street and a nice unsuspecting FedEx guy (or any other truck. i don't discriminate. i am quite partial to FedEx. the regular guy who comes to my office calls me Princess. that earns high points in my book.) comes barreling down the road at THAT PRECISE MOMENT and BLAM no more Lo in the world? yeah, i'd greatly appreciate it if you could keep it to yourself. cuz.... i'm a giver like that.

i just know myself. and i also know that we're not supposed to know. and if i AM supposed to know? i'm sure i will learn all on my own. i'd prefer not too, tho. just sayin'.

What is the one thing you most hope to achieve in your lifetime?

jeez Midlife!!! dang girl, you sure gots some big questions. i need to put on my big girl pants for this one. no chance i can hide in the laundry basket until someone answers this for me?

no? damn.

ya'll know that i'm relatively young. i'm 24. i am mature enough to be able to understand that i'm extremely immature and fresh to the world.

huh? still there? k. you should be well spoken in Lo language by now.

i think i would like to THINK that what i would want to leave this world with when i'm gone is kindness. i want to help people. (vague, huh?) i feel this deep, inner yearning to do something to help others. it's why i've always wanted to go into law enforcement. (plus i like to be badass. just sayin. although most of the time i'm super duper shy and introverted and not anywhere near badass.) ever since i was young i thought i KNEW i'd be a gun-tottin' badass girl who didn't take no gum from nobody. but.

situations and life and etc etc have changed me. i'm not the same to-hell-with-it person i USED to be when i was younger.

jeeeez louise girl! you sound OLD. ahem.

so, i am left with this weird, mushy feeling that i'm supposed to do something along those lines, but... no idea where to go. (didn't i mention a big life change in May? yeah, welcome to part of it, friends.) so. what was i talkin bout again? jeez. i do this A LOT i think. what do i want to accomplish......

i want to be able to wake up at 54 and look around me and say, damn girl, you done did it. you done did it good.

sundays sundays i love sundays. just not sams club.

2009-01-18T19:07:00.000-08:00

soooo guess what i'm doin? yeah. that's RIGHT ya'll i am bloggin from my livin room because i?

yeah, that's right, ME?

i've got a laptop. THATS RIGHT. me. moi. i. have gotten a laptop, and oh lordy, i am in love.

i am SMITTEN. i am smitten kitten right now. it is gorgeous. the keys don't stick like most laptops. i click clatter along without a care in the world.

oh, how i love this laptop.

and if i weren't dog dead tired? i'd totally, fo sho, give you a pic shot of it. but.... forgive. forgive. i am a tired girl over here in illinois. i try my best.

hey. at least i'm typin, right? i guess all those chat room talks in high school payed off cuz i? can type 95 wpm. go me! go me! (ahem. i pay or may not have done the fists-goin-in-a-circle dance. ahem.)(you better take that to yo grave, man.)

anyway.

so. it's an hp. and it ROCKS. i swear, the most gorgeous sentence ever spoken to me: '500gb memory.' oh lordy be i am channeling Country Girl when i say that but seriously? this thing? rocks mah world. no. lie.

ahem. anyway. anyhoo. just a quick check-in to tell ya'll that i am now in full blogging mode. expect more pictures. from my REAL camera, not my camera phone!!

can ya give me a WOO HOO?????????????

that's what i THOUGHT. i knew ya'll wouldn't let me down.

and now? i crawl my sorry butt into bed. cuz after all day? yeah.... an all day laptop hunt. starting at best buy, where we fell IN LOVE with a computer but then thought nah, sams club HAS TO have it cheaper. cuz we love ol' sam and all.

that's what i thought at first. turns out? sams club was totally overpriced. (sams henchmen? please don't hunt me in my sleep when you read this tomorrow. i mean no harm. it's just, well, your laptops are totally overpriced, man!!)

so then we went BACK to best buy, found everything we needed, were so super stoked, to learn that they were SOLD OUT in all of illinois. seriously. that's what she told me.

and then we went to Costco. oh, Costco, how can i sing your praises high enough???? sigh. the PERFECT laptop. at the PERFECT price. only to learn that this beast was the floor model and the display was the ONLY one left.

so, we left. and down the street at a red light i say aloud, 'you know, i really liked it. for the price, it's AH-MAYZIN. i just feel like i left a little kid out in this 11 degree weather with only a towel to keep warm.'

or. maybe i said somethin else. but this is what i was thinking. this laptop? it BELONGED to us. it WAS us. oh how i loved it's shiny bronze-ness.

so we turned around.

and we bought it.

and me? yes. i am a super duper happy camper. now, talk to me about steak from a restaurant near our house that we are totally never goin to again? yeah. maybe this isn't the best time to tell you THAT lil jewel of a story.

but.

it just confirmed that i? make a mean steak. not to toot my own horn or somethin.

good lord i think this laptop done gone to mah brain. bed time for me, bloggies. can't wait for our rendezvous tomorrow!!!

sigh. technology TOTALLY makes mah skirt fly up. or. somethin like that.

tag i'm it you're it we're ALL IT darnit!!

2009-01-16T14:40:00.000-08:00

Marchelle at Chronicles of a Working Mom totally did a tag. yer it. on her blog readers. and since i'm all for doin these weird kooky things?? yeah, i'm doin' it. just TRY to stop me!! you don't wanna know what happens!!

come to think of it, neither do i. moving along now.

so. here's the rule list. and just for the record i don't like rule lists. i don't like rules. or lists with numbers. i like BULLET points. or dashes. or. stars and hearts and puppies. i don't know what i'm saying. is this even in english?

1. Grab the nearest book
.2. Open to page 56.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 2 to 5 sentences, along with these rules.
5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual book. Pick the CLOSEST!
6. Tag five other people to do the same!

and Marchelle? you should go to Amazon.com and have them suggest books for ya that are like Twilight. cuz me? yeah. after i read thru my ~~stash of crack books~~ Twilight series books, i totally ran out and got a ton more books that are the same genre. teenage vamps. gotta love it!!

ahem. THIS has been my ~~crack~~latest addiction. sigh. super de duper good series. yeah, it's young adult. SO'S WHAT i say!!! who cares. i don't. i love it. (uhm yeah but remind me to keep it in my desk drawer when at work cuz i left it out after comin' back from lunch and a friend coworker totally teased me about how corny the cover is. totally teenager overdramatic. but the CONTENT is what it's about ya'll!!!)

anyway. here goes:

"He stood several feet in front of me, off to Stan's right, looking just as he had last night. Translucent. Shimmering. Sad. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I froze, unable to move or finish going for my stake. I forgot about what I'd been doing and completely lost track of the people and commotion around me. The world slowed down, everything fading around me. There was only Mason- that ghostly, shimmering Mason who glowed in the dark and seemed like he so badly wanted to tell me something."

heh. i did a bit more bc i just LOVE this part in the book, coincidentally. it's so freakin good.

so. as Marchelle did, cuz i'm a copy cat and all, i tag ALL YA'LL to do this!! it's fun and easy and fast and my kinda thing.

oh, did this frighten you? a slab of delicious, saucy, sexy, tantalizingly yummy juicy red raw slab-o-hunka-hunka-meat?

so sorry, friends. it's just that... that.... maybe this will calm your queasy tummies- (you pansies!) (kidding. ahem.)

that right thurr is a delicious, yummy, oh so yummy in my tummy pan-fried ribeye. and THAT IS WHAT I'M HAVING FOR DINNER. i'm totally pioneer woman'ed out. no joke. i'm doin' her "meal o' love" dinner... oh sigh..... i'm doing pan fried ribeye, and a side of crash hot potatoes. yes. i am doin' it. i'm goin' all out. AND I MADE HOMEMADE RANCH DRESSING.

I KNOW. who IS this person typing??? last time i checked there was a Dominick's down the road instead of horses and cattle so i'm not sure why on earth i decided to make homemade ranch when i could just toddle on down to the grocery store and buy some. probably for cheaper. less labor.

i don't understand either. just one'a those things about me. you never know what i'm gonna do. heck i don't even know what i'm gonna do!!! look at me!! i snapped and went all domestic and all. who knew?

ahem. i am so sorry. but honestly? this is, quite possibly, one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen.

oh, i adore you, hunkaburninmeat. bestill my heart.

HAPPY WEEKEND YA'LL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uhm, maybe i was too generous with the term 'moving'

2009-01-15T10:17:00.000-08:00

SOOOOO since i got so much flack from ya'll about the fact that i'm still, ya know, MOVIN and all....

let me clarify what i meant by my general term, 'moving'.

puttin up the dang tv!!! woohoo!!! success. except. we have no cable now. which. sucks. but. eh. details schmetails. whoever said it's all in the details totally didn't understand how great it is to mount a big ol' t.v. to the wall!! okay. so in the above photo, please find: on the left, my husband, Vlad. in a pink shirt. YES he wears pink! and purple sometimes too. he's comfortable with his manhood and all. next to him is a super duper good friend of mine (and now neighbor, separated by one measly parkin' lot) Danny! and yes, he TOO is wearin' a pink shirt!!

pink party pink party!!

ahem. movin right along.

isn't this the funniest picture ever? heh. hehehehe. he would KILL me if he knew i put this up. good thing he thinks bloggin is some type of exercise or somethin.

we (ahem, THEY) are mounting the t.v. to the wall, and it's going to sit between two tall bookshelves... you can see the right-hand one in this pic. underneath the t.v. will be a half-bookshelf.

sort of like a modern library.

in my living room.

okay i saw it in ikea and just died and had to have it and now i WILL.

close-up of the 'finding the stud and darnit where'd that dang screwdriver go'

(except they may or may not have no used dangit and darnit. just sayin'. i'm honest like that.)

you can see the left-hand bookshelf. go vlad! go danny! except... vlad is moreso takin' a back seat. he was pooped. danny is the major muscles of the operation in this picture right here.

and the t.v.! up it goes!!! dang that looks heavy. i thought it was 42" but it's really somewhere near 46"!! or 47". or. something. it's big. that's all my heart cares about. (i know. i know. i am so vain.)(sorry. i just like to pretend i'm in the movie theatre!!)

lifting, holding.... all the while i am ~~sittin' on the couch readin' mah book and snappin' pics~~ a good little assistant and offer tons and tons of useful advice and knowledge.

FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

er, it looks rather... nekked right now. (sorry t.v.... i know not what i do. i promise i'll throw some shelves around ya soon.) the bookshelves are askew, and i'm missing the half-bookshelf entirely.

but that's not the point. cuz at least IT'S UP. and tonight?? tonight, i am making rib eyes, and mashed potatoes, and we're gonna buy brackets so that we can secure the shelves to the wall, and then... THEN I GET TO MAKE MY LIBRARY COMPLETE.

bwahaahahhahahaha. (evil laugh. or. sorta.)

meaning, i get to unpack all my books and line them up. insert my contented sigh here.

this is my 102nd POST!!! holy smokes.

2009-01-14T15:16:00.000-08:00

and it's not as if i have anything like, uber interesting to write. of course. duh. cuz it's me. i'ma flake. yeah. that's my name. ima flake. nice to meetcha.

er...

(still there?)

ahem. anyway!! so. to let ya'll in on a lil' secret: MOVING SUCKS. the big fat toe sucks. the suckage of moving i cannot even express in the written word. it is so unbelievably frustrating and upsetting and exciting and nerve-wracking and i-wanna-pull-mah-hurr-out-ing, i don't know why i EVER decided to move.

oh yeah. cuz i love my new house. anyway!!

so. in any event, THIS IS WHY i have been M.I.A. from the blog world!!! i am still readin', my lovelies, but.... posting? yeah. zilch. nada. i gots nuthin' up here in this blonde head-o-mine. i know. i know. did i ever?

i kid! heh. you don't even KNOW how many blonde jokes i get a day.

this is something that freaks the caffeine outta me. just LOOK AT THIS. it's a 'squeezy toy' otherwise known as one of our promo items at work. scares the bejesus outta me. this thing is NOT NATURAL. i don't know WHY i get skeeved out by mr.smiles but I DO and that's all that matters.

meet his partner in crime, mr.glasses. they LOOK INNOCENT. but i can tell you, i KNOW for a FACT that come alive at night. yeah.

oh seriously, they do. these little suckers will sneak up on you and ...

i don't know what comes after and but it ain't good, i can tell ya that!!!!

ahem.

yeah. i hate these things. at first they seemed cute. then someone put one on my desk. then this THING is staring at me for nine hours all day and i start to feel watched like i did in my aunts room that was in the basement of my grandmas house and she collected porcelain dolls and she faced them all toward her bed so they WATCHED HER SLEEP every night.

uh, traumatized much? yeah. that ain't the HALF OF IT, sister! (or brother. i do not discriminate.)

so anyway. i don't know why i put these pictures up. i don't know why i decided to tell you about my acute but totally understandable and real terror of dolls and glass eyes and weird balloon-filled-with-plastic-sand-type squeezy men.

these are not men i want to squeeze. thank ya, no! no sirree bob. no bob, seriously? no. no means no.

so. can you BELIEVE i have written 102 blog entries??? what the hell??? when did THAT happen? seriously yo. i do not recall being THAT chatty kathy. (as my mother would say. wtf is a chatty kathy anyway????) and also? all ya'll who read this???

now THERE'S a few minds i'd like to pick someday. why on earth would someone read my ramblings??? sigh. if i get at least one of you to smile or laugh or just plain destress than my job here is DONE.

but also. thank you for reading. i think i'd right true lose mah mind if i didn't have ya'll.

a meme!!!!

2009-01-12T12:58:00.001-08:00

soooooo i'm back at the whole work force thing, seein' as it's monday and all, and ... i heart seattle's best coffee.

random. yes. amazing? oohhhh you betcha buddy!!!! i ran into borders books at lunch cuz i forgot my book at home and i wanted the third book in this series (by Melissa De La Cruz, the Blue Bloods series... ahem, yes, young adult TECHNICALLY but oh-so-good. SUCH a good read. and fast.) so that totally justifies spending $17 right? right???? oh pssshaw they only had hardcover!! i know. i know. bad Lo. still. and duh. HAD to get coffee and all. cuz ya know. today is so totally worthy of the Craptastic Monday award.

speaking of, i totally got tagged for a meme!!! and, being the true wierdo i am, i CAN NOT pass up a chance to talk about mahself. cuz i'm so selfless and all. heh.
anyway. so. T5M of the 5 Moores tagged me. sooooooo off i go!! cuz she's awesome and all. ;)

THE RULES. yeah. i know. shocker that i'm actually gonna follow em, right? I KNOW!
1. go to your documents/pictures
2. go to your 6th file.
3. go to your 6th picture.
4. blog about it.
5. tag 6 people to do the same.
6. smile (T5M totally added this last rule. cuz duh. it centers around six, so of COURSE there has to be a sixth rule!)

I COME IN PEACE. heh. anyhoo. yeah. so this is me, at my old townhouse. just LOOK at how dirty that mirror is!! to my credit, it is now clean and sparkly, i was just in the middle of moving. don't judge. ah who am i kiddin'!! if i saw a pic of that of someone else i'd say SHAME shame and send a bottle of windex with hershey kisses.

is that weird? probably. but so am i. i just roll with tha punches, ya'll.

anyway. so i suppose i'm supposed to tag some peeps???? oh lordy that's awful tough. and i know half ya'll won't do it, cuz i know, you know, keepin' up with the jones's and all is super duper hard. like awards and meme's. just so happens i tooooooaaadally didn't have fuel for a post today. and BLAM now i do. how do ya like them apples?? huh? huh? oh. you prefer watermelon? well, more power to ya mah friend.

ahem. i tag:

Country Girl, just cuz she has sooo many pics, ya know?
Marchelle cuz she's awesome and i lurve her.
Linda who's my homey. she's a knittin' fool i tell ya! although she's really smart. do i make ANY sense?

i heart these three girlies. they make my heart go pittah pattah like a Jewish woman in the Bronx when she sees Moschino on sale.

or. uh. sum tin like that.