i officially hate you, blogger. you. suck.

so this pic makes me crack up. cuz i am the ONLY one lookin' at the camera, and i have this look on my face like... like... 'i am goin nuts and there's no goin back' kinda face. in a good way. anyway. take a gander at the few photos i could upload.



so i wanted to post some pics of the wedding and i was all excited that i could do this bc mom was nice enough to stop by and upload them while i showered and i was like YEZZZZZ and then?

blogger decided... lauren, you are on my crap list, and YOU. SUCK. or perhaps i don't know the most expediant way to upload pics that doesn't take LONGER THAN LAST WEDNESDAY. seriously yo, this is just too much for me. i have tried, MULTIPLE TIMES, to upload the most funny pic EVAH of vlad and i laughing during our wedding ceremony. V was all yo, what'd you just say??? and the officiant was like, huh? and i started laughing and then everyone laughed and Vlad was like man, it is HOT in here and i feel like i'm gonna faint and really? help a brothah out? (okay. he used proper English. but still. high-larious.)

anyway. uhm. so i wanted to put up tons of pics but blogger is being a butthead and i tried over and over and basically, it seems it hates the best pics i pick out. but i still got some!!!!


the "girl" side of the wedding party. from left: Kathy, my sister-in-law. who, i think? looks freakishly like me in this photo . i NEVER KNEW we looked so related!!! uh, yeah, weird. then we go to Natalie, the fiance of a good friend of ours. then Georgia, the awesome chick who cuts my hair fo-free yo! cuz she's awesome like that. and also cuz she's the older sister of vlads longtime friend and so has hap-hazardly become a close friend of ours. also? their mom rocks. just sayin'. shout-out, Angela!!! then me of course. then, Angie my aunt who might as well be my sister. she's also pregnant. we're all rooting for an "Olivia" and not an "Oliver.". yeah. she wants a girl. BAD. and last but not least, my other sister in law, Stacy. or Anastacia. she's a riot. and helps keep me sane thru all russian parties. we usually run off together and hide. every time.

ahem.


this was the ceremony. yeah that's me. in the big white dress. i felt SO WEIRD being center of attention cuz i am sooooo not like that..... so i ended up laughing thru the entire ceremony due to nerves and the fact that vlad looked like he was goin' to pass out. in fact, all the groomsmen did. maybe it was hot in that room? really? it was? darned if i noticed. but yet again. i wasn't wearing like twelve thousand layers. (i'm glad i'm female and will never have to wear a tux.)(those things? brutal.)

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, i give you:

russian family!!! okay, from left: Art, or Arthur, who is Kathy's husband- see photo above- she was also first left- coincidence- then grandpa, who speaks no english. and then babushka. or grandma. who ALSO speaks no english. but they're still mah peeps. and then mother-in-law, and then father-in-law. he rocks a pony tail along w/an earring.

so, all in all i am sorry that i can't share more right now. honestly? i have so many pics to go thru, i'm losin' my mind. i am tired. it's about one in the morning. i'm tryin' my best. and trying to forward pics on to friends and... and... hotmail also hates me. blogger, you kinda suck really hard right now. and i will give you the benefit of the doubt that tomorrow? you won't be so cranky. cuz you're worse than me pmsing, yo. and that ain't cool.

my wedding

we JUST got our pictures. i only had time to upload these room shots bc it takes forrrever to upload pics to blogger cuz of their size. or something. but i thought you guys might like to take a peek :)

oh and also my mother hand-made all of those almond flowers. isn't that INSANE?

i promise to get more up!!!!!!!!!!!!

do you ever feel like being TOTALLY CRAZZZZY random? like completely? or maybe not-so-completely but in my head it's normal but like, when i voice it? yeah. er, i think it's random. or. rather. YOU do.

argh. i've had a hard tough time tryin' to VERBALIZE this bizzz, yo!!

okay. so. i wanted to post but i have really nothing of interest to say except that i really super duper like talking and uhm i think there are a couple of cooky peepers out there(yeah i'm talkin to you)who actually READ this weirdos mind patterns and..... on the journey we go, my friendies.

do you ever get vertigo? i'm not just talking afraid of heights. i'm talkin, cant-walk-next-to-the-railing, avoid-escalators-at-all-costs, fallin'-on-the-ground-freaked-out when on top of the sears tower, VERTIGO.

well i do. i have it. yep. i have this INTENSE fear of heights. moreso the thought of falling. yeah, skydiving? uh, the plane would have to be ON FIRE and i would still have to be pushed. yeah. i would even consider jumping into the OCEAN out of that burnin' hunk a junk before i let myself parachute out.

this is my house. funny, right? that i have a house that is LOFTED TILL NEXT TUESDAY. yeah. i don't know what that means but i say it a lot and i know it may not make sense but AGAIN. this is called slap happy musings. and damn straight that's what this here chicken-scratch is.

yeah. so i'm upstairs and when i lean over? that's my foyer. and part of the living room. o and also the tv that vlad bought on sale for his work and.... never took it to work. oops. it's now a convenience place for me to put jackets and purses. i am just so brilliant and clever that way.

anyway. does this photo freak ANYONE OUT? it freaks me out. i get sweaty palms and my palms and bottoms of my feet get this unpleasant tingling sensation and i get short of breath and sort of SPAZ OUT. more than usual.

oh did i ever mention that our dryer broke? i think i did. and then we got a new one? yeah. i mentioned that too. did i mention that it doesn't have HEAT? yep i told ya that nugget too.

never underestimate the ingenuity of a male. if he wants something done bad enough, doggonit, he will FIND. A. WAY. (if you build it, he will come) so. this is my husband, champion laundry man.... using my half-wall-thingie-i-have-no-name-for-it as a sort of assembly line of drying clothes. it doesn't really bother me. it's kind of nice, actually, to walk out of the bedroom (which is behind me when i took this photo, just in case you were dyin to know that tidbit) and have all your underwear, socks, bras and jeans and shirts all ready to go. except when friends come over. yeah. i don't think they've EVER seen me move as fast as i did when all of my unmentionables were laid out on display like Chiclets (how do you spell this??? aaaghhh!!) in tijuana. (if you've never been there, ignore that.)

oh and remember when i sort of kind of told you that i have this really weird habit of SPYING ON PEOPLE? yeah. i have THE BEST view into my neighbors house. SERIOUSLY. it is priceless man. and they always have their blinds open!!! it is WEIRD. they go to bed at seriously no joke like 7.30 and then watch tv or read for HOURS. they stay up later than me!!! like past 11!!! on a SCHOOL NIGHT!! these are rebels, ya'll. and they have shiny turquoise drapes. I KNOW. totally weird, right? so anyway. i just wanted to share with you. this is the view out of my bedroom window. vlad has found me, in the dark, watching the neighbors (who have like a two year old. what does this kid DO when the parents go watch tv for hours at night??? it's things like this that keep me up at night.) from a crouched position on the floor. and many a time he has said, you know, sometimes i think you're normal but moments like this? remind me of how odd you really are. stop being a peeper.

but i don't stop. i can't stop. if you didn't want me to see, then CLOSE THE BLINDS. nuff said.

oh and also? so ya'll don't call me a peeper too? i took this picture when the blinds were CLOSED. bc i respect other people's privacy. sometimes. well. enough that i won't post a picture on the world wide web of them sitting in bed watchin' tv. (cuz they would totally know it was me from the angle) bc i have dignity and respect for other human beings.

but still. i had to share. cuz i know you-all were just DYING to know what i do with my nights. when i'm not blogging. or playing wii. or staring at my cat bc she meows like i routinely step on her tail or something. which i don't. i love her. but anyway.

was this random enough? i don't think so. this is my pet peeve- when i'm in the grocery store never. freakin. fails. that when i'm in the line? yeah. it's moving fast, i'm zoning out watchin' rachel ray (who always had THE BEST jewelry) on the little tv screen they now have there (really? ingenious. kudos, grocery store marketing team) readin' about brittney spears or lindsay lohen and then BAM. it's my turn. and what happens? oh. yeah. they gotta switch shifts. never. fails. it is always ME who has to stand there like an idiot freakin' out cuz all of my items are laid out for the entire WORLD to see (really? why aren't carts solid? i HATE when people look in my cart. mind yo biz, lady!) and they take forever and then finally... he starts to ring me up.. or she... and they are the SLOWEST. CASHIER. EVER.

AAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH.

tonight? i think i almost popped a blood vessel tryin' to keep it all inside. cuz i know that job is kinda not the most fun ever. and the guy was super nice. but really? i'll just bag my own groceries next time. eggs and steak? do NOT belong in the same bag. even IF they are both animal by-products. and who buts BACON with bisquik? that bisquik, man, has a nasty left hook cuz my bacon? totally has the bacon equivalent of a black eye.

and in case you're wondering what that is.... SMUSHED.

hope your bacon fairs better than my bacon, friends. and make sure bacon goes with steak. just sayin'.

so tired, so ho-hum, so... in love with sourdough. mmmm.

this? this right here? oh yeah. now that's the stuff. the shizz. the shizznit. the be-all-end-all of my tastebuds needs. SOURDOUGH BREAD. trader joe's. (did you know the russian in-laws call it traders joe? yeah. trust me, it can grate on a girls nerves!) i love sittin' down with a pat o' buttah and goin' to TOWN on these lovely morsels of sliced wonderfully tart tastin' goodness brilliance. yes. i love my sourdough bread.

so much, in fact, that i am willing, WILLING I TELL YOU, to show you my messy house. yes. this is my coffee table. right now. to the right you'll find the t.v. i didn't do a wider shot bc really? i could spare you my nonmakeuped face at this moment and my hot mess hair. but that? is butter. oh yeah. and me? yeah. i take the butter knife and slice out the top layer of that yummy butter(impersonation butter, but tastes exactly the same. another reason why i owe you my first born, joe the trader.)and then totally leave the used knife on top cuz i'm CURAZZY like that, yo!

or just a lazy blondie who can't even get the energy to climb the stairs to share the buttery messy goodness w/the world.

and yeah. so i buy Jewel-brand water. what of it? i guess you Figi and Evian peeps are too cool for school. (Jewel, in case you're not stuck in snow-laden midwestern usa, is like albertsons.. or rons.)

(yeah. i've lived all over the us)

okay. just to throw it out there- and for shameless ron burgundy plug- "i'm gonna throw it out there, and if you don't like it feel free to throw it right back" or somethin like that bc really? i don't have it as well memorized as my husband. who likes to scream CANNONBALL at in-opportune times. ahem. anyway. yeah. so those are my feet. in my fave blanket. i'm sittin' and readin mah book and to the left of me within lazy reach would be the butter tub and the bread. and did i mention wine? silly me. anyway.

this is why my husband, while he may piss me off from time to time? as i do him as well? this is why i think he's the shizz. dude brought me flowers. for no flippin reason. HELLO that's a-okay in my book! and not just flowers, roses. and when i asked him, why, babe, why??? did you DO something? is everything OKAY? did i do something and not REALIZE it?

he goes, in true guy fashion?

nah.

so... why'd you buy them then? (i'm a nosy thing, i am. or just down right suspicious. roses and it's not even valentines day???) (remind me to tell you the story about how i got BLUE dyed daisies that were flat on one side like fat kid sat on 'em in choir sorta way for v day.)

uh, they were at the store. so i bought them.

wow babe, i'm going to call up Jewel and tell them to start carrying jimmy choos bc this gal? could totally rock those babies till next sunday. just sayin'.

and on to the thankyous and howwonderfuls and lilolme???

just wanted to share my lovely gorgeous slushy nightmare w/ya'll that i deal with daily. yeah. so that's 94 going north. meaning, i'm going home. in the direction of wisconsin. i'm in the far left lane. crawling!! it was terrible. so terrible ithought hey let's put it on the ol' blog. see my windsheild? yeah. SNOW on the hood. dude. so not cool.

this picture is less impressive. i know. but it was a camera phone and at night and.. and... and am i the ONLY ONE who, no matter what flippin' lane i'm in, or switch into... gets STUCK?? see the car in front of me? yeah. STOPPED. under a bridge which freaks the frick outta me. and then notice the other two lanes. yeah. if i had time to sit there and take THREE photos to make sure one came out not motion sicknessy? yeah. that means that IM NOT MOVING. and if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy. or. something. but it sucked. so once again. i share the suckage with you, my darlings. just cuz. that's how we roll up in here. uhm. anyway.

SO. it came to my attention i believe two days ago that some peeps out there in the blogosphere great blue yonder gave me AWARDS.

and then i totally ignored them and didn't say a word.

so, so sorry little ones. it's this craptastic week i'm having. got in major trouble at work, then that escalated into what i feel was an attack and had to have head honcho intervene... just a big ol' tense and stressful coctail that i am glad to get out of !!! and so it's made blogging a bit of a challenge for me, since i refuse to put more negativity into the world by venting on here.

no. i just email my mother. (HA. sorry ma.) you have her to thank that you don't get my 7am rantingraving emails!

okay. enough blabber.

this hi-larious gun-totin' beer-swiggin' harley lady, SMB at Words of Wisdom from a Smart Mouth Broad, gave me this awesome totally rad totally NEEEETO award. it was made by GoodFatherBlog in a stance against all the 'girly frissy silly' blog awards that float around.

and i agree, dangit!! (and not just cuz i gots one either!)

so here are the rules, cuz as SMB says, there ain't no blog out there worth its salt if it ain't got rules. (i added the aint's. sounded more manly to me. i dunno. ignore me.)(but really please don't.)

1. Say one nice thing to a man in your life. i told my husband Vladenko(it's a nickname. NOT a real name. ahem.) that if he doesn't make chicken drumsticks tonight on the grill even tho it's four inches of snow and still comin' down i'm gonna be NOT happy. cuz his chicken drumsticks? i actually eat the skin. YEAH. they're THAT HARDCORE.

2. List at least six ways that you measure success in your life (or for your blog).

- if i wake up in the morning and i'm actually happy to get up
-if my husband is happy and his business is doing well
-being okay with myself, and having pride in who i am
-Losing the desire to keep up with the Jones'. (whoever they are) (stole this from SMB. cuz it's a goodie)
-giving to those who have less then you- and enjoying it
being able to buy multiple black sweaters (much to the dismay of count vladenko, who hates monotone clothing) without feeling not one twinge of guilt.

3. Assign this award to six other blogs and leave them a comment telling the blogger that you’ve assigned them this award.

okay. this is the hard part. cuz i? CANNOT DO THIS. it is SO FLIPPIN HARD for me to name people. seriously. surrrrreously and i am so not jokin here. especially since i have more awards. i don't know if this is the rules but ya'll know me i'm a WILD one and i'm just gunna break it. and i'm going to award EVERYONE on my blogroll. SO. THERE. i know a lot of you out there in the blogworld accept awards quietly and then stow them away in a lil treasure chest and don't post about them. probably bc it IS difficult, after a while, to pick people and post and link them and.. and... and it's not that i don't love all of you little bloggerini's. it's that i love you-all too much to pick teams ala gym class.

cuz i was always picked last. yeah. i know. surprising. (not.)

so this is the first award i am going to accept, and i'll do a separate posting for the other two i was awarded. (I KNOW. who was crazy enough to give this chick THREE??? pssht. nutso yo)

thank you and good night and happy sweet lovely dreams w/salsa and jalapenos and chalula on top!

apologies times a gillion

hey ya'll. sorry i haven't posted in forevah. things in my life have sort of been upside down- no need to worry, i'm okay, just some emotional draggin-thru-the-mud sorta moments. i'm sure you-all can relate. i've just been stressed out, tired, sad, introspective, pissed off to all hell, and finally,


i figure? i just don't give a damn thing bc i am who i am, and i don't think i'm too shabby. so i'm not going to let people who are lesser than me tear me up and bring me down.

hopefully this isn't too depressing!!! i know i need to accept a few things, (ahem, gracias!) post about some stuff, get my usual snappy self up again, but i just ask that ya'll cut me some slack. sometimes life throws you hard ball after hard ball and this girl here needs some time to recuperate.

in the meantime, happy hump day, and thank you, as always, for stoppin' by. :)

oh, you gorgeous lil vixen in your red dress, you....

okay. now am i the only person who thinks this is FLIPPIN FANTASTIC?????????????

i mean, SERIOUSLY??? a jumbo kitchenaid MIXER???? what genius MADE THIS???


i believe i was in Sears or Kohls or ... okay definitely Sears and we're rushingrunningraving madman-and-madwoman trying to hunt down birthday gifts for vlad's two nephews- ..on Saturday... w/the rush of black weekend whatever shopping... in which i wanted no part of... and he tells me the DAY OF the party oops! we need presents! (crap.) -and i run into THIS sexy lady. oh yeah. i mean YOU, you red vixen kitchenaid mixer, you. and i stopped. in a walkway. and took this photo and managed to make well EVERYONE standing within ten feet of me laugh bc i?

yeah. stopped black. weekend. traffic. to take a photo. and when i got weird looks (okay i'm used to them by now, but still, c'mon this is so blatantly obviously cool) i exclaimed, much to my husbands dismay,

"well how could i NOT take a picture of this??? i mean really? this is the shizz, dude! just LOOK AT IT!"

and all the moms just burst out laughing and they shook their heads and some were mumbling, oh, what a crazy girl. or maybe just agreeing with me and giving me the 'i have to laugh at her bc she's just so cooky how can i not?'

and then i proceeded to, yes, approach the mixer, grasp the edge of the lusciously thick metal bowl and peer into the bowels of mixing heaven. it even had a beat attachment on it. now how. genius. IS THAT.

and the man in the photo? yeah. that was my husband. who was all "dude i know you're gonna put that on your blog so KEEP ME OUTTA THIS." but duh. i needed a PERSON in the photo to be a scale so you can really see just how massive and mega this baby really is.

but don't tell him i totally went against his wishes. k? i like not gettin' yelled at.

(and sorry that this isn't really a post persay, and i know i have things that i need to take responsibility for (thanks tweak and mama dawg!!!!) but i am in SUCH a funk today and i don't think anything but this mixer will make me happy and... i didn't want to bring ya'll down. just sayin'. like i tried to use my phone to take pics of what i had to SLUDGE THRU this morning on my lovely two hour commute but the photos would. not. send online, no matter how many times i begged and pleaded. and everything i've tried to accomplish for the day is goin' down the drain in the same way... there is some little glitch in every. single. thang. i try to do today. sigh. i'm just gonna keep my head down for now, folks.)