bc everyone loves pictures and cross dressing, right? ...hello?

okay. so it's a little early for me to pull out a real post, but i thought i'd put SUMTHIN on here for ya'll. i mean. if there are any of you guys out there. hello? ..this thing on?

anyway. so there was a time in my life that i resembled a boy. why, you ask? oh, i think it has something to do with my lovely mother giving me the worst haircut of my life. the bowl. yeah. i don't know if she literally stuck a bowl on my head and went to town bc she was all hopped up on halloween candy and white zinfandel, or if she actually PAID for this monstrosity, but let me tell you bloggies, it is NOT. GOOD. i give you the evidence.


yeah. doesn't help that i decided to bust out my totally rad acid-washed jeans, nor the fact that i wore my coveted "ewape valley" soccer sweatshirt. which i have no idea how i got a hold of that thing bc, well, there is only one time in my life that i've played on any sort of sports team (besides cheerleading, and while i do identify the type of competitive cheer i participated in as a genuine sport, others don't, and i don't want to get all soap boxy over something as harmless and cheerleading. moving on) and while it was soccer, it was about two years prior to the poor 'lori turns larry' incident. (also i have a cat- well my parents have it now- that started out as lola and is now larry. yeah. it has to do with.. uhm.. ahem, "male plumbing" that doesn't quite descend right away.) so here, my friends, is the PROOF that i DID TOO play on a soccer team. bc no one in my real life EVER believes that one.

see those biker shorts? yeah. they were neon. i wore them ALL. THE. TIME. until one day they didn't fit quite so much anymore and they 'disappeared.' yeah. uh-huh, sure, mom. but anyway. so yeah. i was at the aquarium i think in Philly at the time, circa... maybe... well, i think of my life not in terms of what year it was, but where i lived at the time. bc i've lived in: Ohio, Massachusetts, Ohio again, Pennsylvania, yep once again O-hi-yo, Chicago, California, and Illinois all over again. so. at this time i was probably around 7 bc i was in third grade and in gool ol' PA. joys of your dad being a marine for 29 years. you can see how thrilled i am. yippie.

this next photo is proof that i was also, once-upon-a-time, a glamorous, cheeky child. note that i have no pants on. yes. very strange. but then again i am not and have never been 'normal'.

notice how i cleverly accessorized with yellow? yeah. yellow and blondes don't mix. idon't wear yellow anymore. but when your hair is WHITE? oh, rock it hunny! like the 1988 sun visor that's totally tinted plastic? oh yes. and the blue ruffled curtain in the back? and the drab weary flower table cloth? sigh. my mother was all 'country-chic' for the first part of my life. thankfully she woke up when we moved to california.

somethin' about prairie blue just doesn't vibe on the west coast.

anyway. so i thought, why not give a walk down memory lane? or. at least as much as i can while i'm at work and i don't have my photo albums at my mercy.

but i thought it would be cool to see OTHER PEOPLES pictures. got any i-swear-im-a-girl don't-mind-my-haircut photos? any glammed out ones? any funny stories? (or cute ones?)

here's a story for you to which i have no photographic evidence but i can assure you, it happened: when i lived in Pennsylvania, probably around the same time as the soccer photo, i wanted to be Madonna. no, seriously. i was going to grow up and be madonna. i had black cowboy boots that had silver chains on them. i wore my black dance leotard. and black denim mini skirts. my hair was shock white and short, i had a gap in my front teeth, and i rocked it like nobodies business.

it was so bad, my mother used to tell me, 'march your butt back up there and put on at least ONE piece of clothing that has COLOR.' bc the one and only time she let me out of the house to a public place (mall) dressed all in black? oh, back in the 80's, it got QUITE the looks.

but hey. what do you expect? i was born in 1984, and needless to say, mtv was my baby sitter.

although now, Madonna kind of freaks me out. just sayin'.

hello, lover.

this is my city. this is chicago. home of the thin curst pizza. the loud southsiders and their white soxs. the greektown. the wrigley. the john barleycorn. the.. the.... sears tower, john hancock, michigan avenue and navy pier and, and, well, OPRAH and ... i think that's all i got. i took these photos when we were flying back from sarasota (and if you do not know what sarasota is, you are missing out, my friend, bc it is the BEST place to be. gulf of mexico, in florida, lovely little town, oh i heart it so much.) and this is the view i had from my window on the plane. nice, right? thank goodness i had my camera. i think these aren't bad shots. pretty cool to me, actually, to see my city laid out.

who is this sexy guy? 'wild and ca-razy guys?' sorry. had to throw that in there. that's vlad. vladimir. my husband. i love him. this is in palm beach, florida. and no. it was not really a nice beach. but we made the most of it. and then he was all, dude! take pictures of me! so i did. and he modeled. and yeah. we were the only people on this beach and after an hour of reading/sunbathing/trying to swim but the water was too dirty, yeah, we got bored.

this is a picture of me laughing. now, when i comment on your blog and i say, "bwahhahahahahahaha"? this is what i look like.

and this? this is what happens when my friends dress themselves. 'nuff said.

so i came online to read all my bloggies, and thought, hey, i should really make a post. bc i'm tryin' to be good at this. trying to make myself post and have them be GOOD. not just 'ooo looky text.' so. i thought, what do i want to talk about? well. easy cheese, my friends, easy cheese. but i thought, you know, let's do pictures first. bc who doesn't LOVE pictures? i mean, if you guys are even HALF as curious as i am i'm sure you want to know what goes on in my life. i mean. uhm. i hope so. i mean. well. you're still reading, right? hello? Bueller?

so how cute is the photo above?? that's one of my bestest friends, walking with his son. his son was a little over a year when i took this at their house. in fact, i was at this very same house tonight. watchin' iron chef. which, btw, is SO interesting. it was all about ham tonight. mm. ham. anyway.

so here is a picture of my latest obsession:

oh, i heart you cheese-in-a-can, i heart you so hard.

yeah. today has been an easy cheese day. and no. my day was NOT easy. far from. but, i ate a lot of easy cheese. and burgers. and onion strings. and. and. russian food. ugh. ew. remind me, when i see something, to not assume it's probably liver. bc my dear friends, even tho eating liver still grosses me out to next year, it is SOOOOOO much better then learning that your dear wonderful husband has just put a piece of TONGUE ON HIS PLATE.

i told him straight up, dude, you eat that? i'm out, yo. no kisses for a month.

he didn't eat it.

and yeah. tongue? looks really gross. but i did have some good salad, spinach with TONNNNS of garlic and kidney beans and slices of apples. really good. and, uhm, that is all i ate. bc i? do not do russian food. no sirreee bob. i will not eat: tongue, liver, ham and peas coated in mayo, some weird bread with drunk apples in it, black bread(in my world? bread is french. or sourdough.), catfish with the eyes still in it, for that matter eyes, caviar, pickled tomatoes, legs of lamb COATED in dill, (for some reason, russians love their dill. don't get that one.) raw fish that is sliced up so you can see all the nastiness, shrimp that doesn't really taste like shrimp, mushroom puffs that i REALLY shouldn't have tasted, and last but not least let's bring it around again, TONGUE. bc really? who eats TONGUE? when there are STEAKS out there to be eaten? why? oh the humanity why???

anyway. uhm. excuse my rant. so after this russian dinner, where no one was speaking english and i was stuck in moscow for two hours and had stupidly left my cell phone at home bc i was so exhausted you'd swear i was pregnant(but am not), i drove us over to our friends house. they're the only other married couple we're friends with. i love them so much. they're both so hilarious and so down to earth. and their son? fuggheettaboudddet. he is absolute perfection. cutest kid. ev-ar. so we hung out watched iron chef, i promptly got too comfortable and was all dude. do i really have to go out in the cold? again? for the love of all that is creamy and delicious. seriously?

so i drove us home. and then when i got home, of COURSE (thank you insomnia) i was weirdly awake. so i came online, and then i thought whoa, i'm totally not tired, so with husband passed out on the couch i wandered around, found nothing to do, and settled back down here. home base. where i said, why not post? why not? and while it may technically be tomorrow it's still today, saturday, to me. i'm tired. but i'm not sleepy.

ya'll feel me? two totally different frames of mind.

so i think i'm gonna end this now. i think i'm gonna maybe read a little bit and then go to bed. and while i wish i could squirt easy cheese in my mouth , i think i'll skip that, bc easy cheese ain't so easy on the thigh area if you get what i'm sayin'. which i'm sure you do.

oh, and my mom? totally didn't get lenses today. but we DID discover that walmart bites. they don't take insurance. seriously? walmart? psssh-shaw.

night, ya'll!

another list but this one is cute and sweet.

1. My blueprint for success includes not being ashamed or afraid to ask for help.
2. A watermelon jolly rancher was the last candy I ate.
3. The best facial moisturizer I’ve ever used is the step 2 acne moisturizer from Murad. even tho i've never had acne in my life.
4. eating steak can be good therapy.
5. I’d like to tell you about what it's like growing up in a military family. maybe some other time.
6. responsible is my strongest characteristic.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to eating steak and seeing Vlad, since he's worked late every night and i haven't seen him in 2 days(we live together.), tomorrow my plans include meeting up with my mom to pick out new frames for her new glasses- that she's needed for 20 years getting for the first time and Sunday, I want to install the new dryer and go out to eat at Stoney River!

sassified and frost bitten.

uhm,... so i totally sort of jinxed myself,.... bc.... i just went outside to the post office box... which is right in the parking lot at work, and oh, my, sweet, cornbread stuffing and cranberry sauce, was it..... COOOOOOLD.

it is officially now autumn but i think it's a slippery fast slope down into winter, bc the wind? oohhh, goodness, the wind just cut right thru me. when i got back inside, my HAIR felt like ice. how crazy is that?? and my knee? my poor knee? it is SO not rockin' the party if you get what i'm sayin'. it is royally PISSED.

winter? bite me.

oh, lordy be, all that is creamy and delicious, i never thought this would be so good. please take note of the Campbells Select Harvest chicken with egg noodles soup.

bc you? NEED TO EAT SOME. yeah, that's right, that's what's up, so EAT IT. BITE IT. swallow it! and LIKE IT!

er. uhm. ah...anyway.

so i was all hyped up on sicky tuesday and got this weird idea to go grocery shopping. yeah, when you have a fever you probably shouldn't be operating a moving vehicle. but that's just me talkin'. and also? i was there for over an hour. why, you ask? why good gracious goodness was i at jewel for over an hour?

it's called, having a temperature, people. i was soooo not in my right mind. (if i even have one of those.) in the meantime i thought, hey, soup is always good when you're sick. so i bought. uhm. about nine cans of all different kinds of soup. i got steak soup. barley soup. bean soup. chicken soup. tortilla soup.

oh, and about 2L of chicken broth which, when it's cold outside, which, if it ever GETS cold outside (hello? it's totally november. in illinois. where's my crisp autumn air?) i like to drink chicken broth. like on my way to work. or sumthin'. cuz it makes you warm and fuzzy inside and who doesn't like THAT?

okay so anyway. uhm. yeah. so right now i was like hm soup seems like a really GREAT wonderful shiny idea. nevermind that i'm not on lunch right now. nevermind that i have to try to eat soup while working (harder than it sounds). so i pop open a can and i'm all, oh, this totally can't be better than, scoff, MY soup. and then i sat down. and took a slurp. (burned mahself.) oh, lordy, this soup... this soup, it is... it's yummy, warm, it's FLAVORED with herbs not just labeled that it's flavored with herbs, it has soft big fluffy egg noodles (i just adore egg noodles. i seriously do. i eat them with just a stick of butter and some garlic salt. well. a lot of garlic salt. hey! i'm young! let me be crazy!) and chunks, i mean CHUNKS the size a' mah FIST, sonny, and well, chicken too. the chicken i could pass on, but then again i'm not a real meat-in-soup kinda gal. except steak. bc. duh. we all know i love steak.

uhm, anyway. so. the best part about this whole thing is that these things are AWESOME. heh. seriously. i know that's vague. but really. the can is 100% recycleable, they use soy ink (i don't know why this impresses me, it just does.) and the soup is ORGANIC. seriously. campbells canned soup is now trendy! who knew!

oh, you sassy little minx, you, i just LOVE the chicken with egg noodle soup. i want to BE an egg noodle. (think husband would have a problem with that?) i just ate all this soup that is UNDER 200 calories for the whole huge can, and i'm so full and warm and feel much better.

(if you're bored, go to www.failblog.org, just bc. just bc it's so funny.) (is it wrong to laugh at a baby falling? oh lordy, i am so goin' to hell...)(but seriously? i don't really want to go there.)

(well, if they have this soup, i might. at least it'd never get cold. you know. w/the whole flames motif abbadon has goin' on.)

i'm putting my neck on the cutting board. i'm putting myself out there.

i'm takin' a risk.

i'm home, alone, and perusing thru my old emails, thinking of what i've saved, why, re-reading tons and tons of short stories i've written and poems i've written and.. and jibberings and jabber wockies and shoot, is that spelled right? spell check? tap? hello?

anyway. so, i thought, since uhm you know this is all about bein' honest and i had a pretty good day today and . uhm . i just danggum want to (why am i always southern when i blog?? goodness. i'm from california!) and so i'm gonna. so. uhm. i'm gonna post a poem here. i don't know if it's a 'correct form' or if it 'makes sense' or if it's even any particular shade of good. i just know that i wrote it. it's not about anyone in particular. i did it bc .. well, i was melancholy at 18, living in big bad Chicago without knowing a soul in the world, so i would make up things to sort of fill the emptiness.

i've been a very lonely person in my life, more than once, and probably will be again before i kick the bucket. i've learned what works to fill the silent spaces in between the habitual workings of a life. or the shell of one.

erk! anyway! here you go. you don't need to like it. i just needed to post it. i've been in the mood for baring-all lately, and it's quite nice to tell all your secrets and find out.... people will probably love you all the more for being true. here ya go, ya'll.

if i opened-
if my body
fluttered
like lotus blossoms,
if your dampness
lapped at my base
like inked water,
if my mind reeled
unfettered,my
ribbed cage
shattered,
if i unhinged
the words
stuck to the roof of my mouth,
if my choked-down heart
spat itself back up,
if my body creaked open
a door into darkness
would the black air
be like dawn
in your halls?
how long
has my longing
raced like a latitude
against your axis,
how long
have i longed
to lap at your horizontal
like the black sea,
to corner your palms
beneath me,
to exist
in touch-
how long
has it been
since the mute
cumbia of our hips?
if i were to lift an arm,
unzip my skin-
would your words still
find me,would you still
soothe my midnight hour,
my mute throat?
would you still welcome
the clatter
of my rushed key strokes?
would you
let me
press you
like my
key board-
make phrases
from your hips,
the curve of your knee-
the delve of your
collarbone a metaphor-
the tip of your eyebrow
a simile-
would we speak
the same
vernacular of
infatuation
(and the blurred lines between?)

Thankful Thursdays

so KD over at a bit squirelly (shes' in my blog list) usually does something called "Thankful Thursdays." and, you know, since i woke up this morning and told myself ENOUGH with the pity parties and BRING ON LIFE, i thought, hey! why not right? why not remind myself every week that i should stop and smell the thankfulness. or. something like that.

so here's what i'm thankful for, right now, this second, on Thursday, at 12.16pm sitting at work:

- i am thankful of the blogging world. without it i don't know where i'd be.
- i am thankful that my husband, my family, my friends and i are all healthy, happy, and loved. (stole that from KD!!)
- i am thankful that Starbucks is making espresso truffle drinks. oh, lordy, am i ever thankful.
- i am thankful that my husband loves me so much. really, sometimes i just don't know why.
- i am thankful that i have a home and a job.
- i am thankful that there are people who believe in me, and tell me so, every day.
- i am thankful to be alive. trust me.
- i am thankful for the good delicious steak in the world.
- i am thankful, too, for all the cows that have given me steak. i was vegan for about a year. didn't work out. (but should earn me kudos points)
- most of all, i'm thankful for the people in my life. this may be a repeat, but really? it is that important it needs to be repeated. i am so, so thankful that i am so lucky.


be thankful, guys!! what are some of you thankful for? potato chips? leg warmers? travel mugs? your parents? kids? cat? the paper man? the barista?

c'mon. i'm curious :)