Saturday, March 28, 2009

sooooooooo i suppose,

tonight was a great hit. and yet. as i hear the rain falling, ...

to hear the rain fall is something huge to me.

rain is.the world.

rock your world. rain to me is bliss. pure, bliss. get wet who cares, bliss.

i want you to rock the rain, or snow, or sunshine-

i'm rockin mine,


i love it yo, i love it. rain.

i. love. rain.

er, what?

oh lordy. i just promised diagrames in my own writing, nin' i?

damn yo. i guess i best show thru that. i will. no worries.

worries, however, abound, bc i am a tad bit tip to the say on wine and vlad is joke.... man hunt sumthin. i think.... he has to hunt down aligators and lions and... somethin else i wish i just looked away from.

just sayin. if wii ain't real, it's REALISTIC, yo.

he's jabbin and jiven all over the place!!!!

and yes. our guests are gone. after steak, after chicken, we're dead tied.

but hey. hey's goin for another game.

at least i can sleep in tomorrow!!yay me.

i'm in chicago, trick!!!! (you probably don't know the song. but i loves it.)

soooooooooo after workin a FULL 6.2 HOURS today, i felt the need to relax. but no relaxin did i do, cuz we're having people over tonight.

not the prez. nah. even tho i live near chicago he's in d.c., now that he's all mr. important and shiz. pfft.

neighbors, across the parking lot (heh. i'm so classy.) are coming, britt and danny (danny of the pink shirt t.v. install, if any of you remember. vlads bestest friend), our friends rus and natalie (she's russian annnnnnnnnnnnd we kinda sorta always clash. she doesn't have a censor. i believe in filters, man, at least in polite company. c'mon now. ya'll getcher manners on.) and my great friend arius, who's one of the greek friends i mentioned, i adore this kid, he's just so snarky and hilarious like me. we always end up talkin shit to each other. in a nice way, of course. he was in my wedding. his siz cuts my hair. she's gorrrgeous, ya'll. i'll find pics for ya. ahem anyway. and then our OTHER friend amir, yes all of my friends are euro (for the most part) who yugoslavian, and he tends to drink a lot but pffft he isn't spending the night and isn't drivin, so all is well in the world.

but this meant that vlad and i? had better put pedal to the metal today after we got home from work. so after i worked almost a full day with nooooooo breaks, i went to the grocery store, bought wine and milk, (priorities people, priorities) meaning to buy the rest of the food from sams club later with vlad and came home and cooked myself a pizza.

yeah. hard worker, right here, numero uno.

vlad right now is finishing up the last bit of painting in the hall. i'm taking a break from cleaning, i just made the bed and now i am DUSTER EXTROARDINAIRE bc i must dust, i must dust, the entire house, must dust must. i may be a lil loopy after being cracked out on a computer all day scanning in tax information for clients bc we're spiffy and goin' paperless and all.

and while this is great? it also is a bitch, bc i have the scanner from hell, and it eats chews swallows licks then poos on every single freakin page i feed thru it.

i won today. i think it was the threats of goin' office space on it.

just had the sick feeling that i'm goin to get the 'yyyyyeeeeaaaahhhhh we're gonna go ahead and needja to come in tomarrrooow.....' but then i remember, it's saturday, and i already WAS there. phew.

where was i going with this? er....

so the house looks nice. really nice. high gloss white painted trim, fresh painted doors, new hardware on the closets in the hall,

-sorry, a break in the program- i'm on the laptop in the dining room that i can now walk around in and vlad gets up from taping trim in the hallway and starts jabbing at a paintbrush that's pretty much stuck in semi-wet paint. just jabbing. finally it breaks free and he jabs it back down into the paint and walks away. purpose? no clue. seems he just put it back into the same pickle it was just in. i don't understand painting. never will.

back to our ranting- so, the living room is together, we have patio furniture on our balcony YIPPIE and a grill YAY and i feel like a NORMAL PERSON AGAIN.


so my closet may eat you, but if you keep the door closed it'll let you slip by. k thanks.

so i'm going to take some photos with my REAL camera, and then tomorrow (or monday) i'll go to best buy to get that hookup thing so that i can pop my memory card into the laptop straight without wires. cuz i kinda sorta lost 'em. i know. so i need a new thingie mah jig. i'm sure they'll know exactly what i'm talking about. best buy gets me. it's a reader of my soul.

so yeah i'm gonna take pics, and once i get showered and normal looking i may even BE in some of them, and then i'll take pics of the food and the furniture and friends and just a good ol' time. i need to do a diagram of the condo. so that ya'll understand floor plans. HEY! monday is floor plan day. maybe i'll even have pictures to go with it. who knows.

why is monday floor plan day? bc i have a scanner at work, that's why. and i don't know if paintbrush even exists on computers anymore, and i suck at making computer diagrams. (ahem. don't know how.) so i'm goin to draw it out. and ya'll can see my left-handed snarky hand writing. that in my defense got way worse after i broke a tiny bone in my hand something like two years ago. i had a CAST and it sucked and it was my left hand. needless to say i don't really write things out anymore, i type em. less pain.

WHOA SIDETRACK! okay. i'm a little giddy and light headed after my date with the scanner from hell all flippin day and the fact that i'm tired and still have to shop clean vacuum dust swiffer and then shower and paint my face and look normal........... and then be ON for everyone. so. pardon me while i excuse myself from this lil purge i just did and say thanks ya'll for lending ears and maybe even smirking a little.

c'mon. being snarky feels GOOD. trust me. :) rock on garth!!!!!

Friday, March 27, 2009

ray of flippin sunshine.

some days, my job makes me want to tear out my hair, scream at the top of my lungs and call everyone out on every insipid stupid moronic childish thing they do.

okay. almost every day.

and the reason isn't because my work is overly stressful. it's stress. it's work. i deal. i LIKE to be busy. i like being productive.

i do. not. like. this. woman. i. work. for.

she is my indirect boss, and lordy be.................

i'm sitting here pissed off, irritated, annoyed and just plain flabberghasted at how positively ridiculous and juvinile a menopausal woman can be. and oh yes. she's in menopause, and i know this, bc i listen allllllllllll day long to her changing the thermostat from oh-my-god-i'm-burning-up-am-i-on-the-equator-or-am-i-in-hell to good-thing-i-wore-this-sweater-cuz-i'm-niptastic-right-now. and her bitching. ohhhhhh lordy her bitching.

it's people like this that make me HAVE to sit down, close my eyes, breathe deeeeeeeeeep and say, you are not this person, do not let this person make you into that kind of person, let it go, let it go, let it go.

and then my real boss is always moving stuff on my desk. my things are missing.... like my water bottle. uh, hello? i was going to drink that. bc you decided to clean the garbage can lid with the sponge we CLEAN DISHES WITH and i'm petrified of using the glasses now, so i now keep a water bottle on my desk. and you threw it out.


i guess i'm complaining bc i've just had it up to HERE and THERE and OVER THERE. one more month and i'm free. and they wonder why they have such a high turnover............. it's bc there's a woman here who just... just.... i don't know how she could possibly have gone thru life with this attitude. i have to say, in all 24 years of my life, i have NEVER run across a person like this..... i'm just trying to breathe myself thru today and understand that in a month, i will NEVER have to see her mug again.

i have many words for her. i'll refrain. for now.

i wish everyone a happy friday..... and hope that your day goes smoothly and quickly and that you don't have a horrid person you have to deal with daily. i wish ya'll sunshine and twinkies. and. and. glitter pens.

i'm tryin to tell myself to be a ray of sunshine. kill 'em with kindness. IT IS HARD, YO.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

the book is secure: i repeat: THE BOOK IS SECURE

The Mortal Instruments is quite possibly one of the best series i've read in a while. the third book in the series, City of Glass, came out yesterday. i, unfortunately, wasn't aware of this until AFTER lunch, so i couldn't do my usual lunchtime borders run.

but i did it today.

at lunch i ran over and got gas, then sped on over to the grocery store to pick up cat litter, cat freshener, air freshener (Daisy is getting sick i think... and it's making the whole litter box situation quite toxic) some ziploc bags and .. water. oh and lunch. then i ran over to borders, walked in and saw the display for twilight..... the display for the House of Night series (which is very good as well, you should totally peep at that series if twilight was up yer alley) but..


no City of Glass!!!!!!!! wtf???? okay. don't panic, don't panic, i told myself, just check the young adult section. k. okay. i can do that.

rode up in the elevator. City of Glass. okay. seriously, what the fuck? where did it GO? why is it not here? i go onto their little computer and yep yeah sure there it says, 'possibly in stock'. so i go downstairs, again, in the elevator (those stairs plus heels, bad thing, trust me on this one) and pop out to politely inquire, wherethehellismybook????????????????????

ahem. i was polite. i promise.

he then gives me a grand ol' tour of the first floor of borders only to end up (after seriously like 7 minutes or so. i'm on LUNCH PEOPLE, only so much time!!!) next to a cart... and there they are. all cajillion of 'em, ON A CART.

if i were that author, i'd be like yo man? wtf? why you hatin' on me? put me on display! (i speak jive- name that movie!)

i didn't say anything. i was just so THANKFUL to have that big thing land in my hands that i just let out the breath i was holding and raced to the register lest someone try to steal it from me.

you never know. while i was waiting for him to tell me it was there i just about burst into flames i was so scared he wouldn't have it. but he did.

and i bought it.

and while standing in line, i looked over at their display and they sell Kiss My Face products!!!!!!!! OH LORDY BE KISS MY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have been looking EVERYWHERE for these products. sigh. heart. love. i'm so excited to wash my face tonight!!! eeeeee!!!!!!!

but don't worry ya'll, the book is secure!!!!! oh, and if you haven't looked into these books and you liked the twilight genre, go take a peek. LOVE. IT.

sooooooooooo excited that it's the thickest of them all. lust. i could EAT IT, it's so big, ooohhhh i love me a fat sandwich book!!!!!!!

five questions game!!!

so, i found this over at Psuedo, and SHE linked it from Laura at Under the Sheets and i thought, hey, GREAT idea for a post when i'm feeling tired, so tired, so very very tired.

FIVE QUESTIONS GAME!!!!!!!!!! yah! yeah! ya!

1) What gets you out of bed in the morning?


haha, joking.

but really. i usually set about four alarms on my cell phone... the first starting at around 6 if i have to shower in the morning and 6.30 if i showered the night before. my hair is really long, takes forevah if i shower in the morning and i usually look like a wreck. so. like today, first alarm went off at 6.30, then 6.45, 6.55, 7.10. by 7.10 i'm usually in the bathroom gettin ready, but... man, some days that 7.10 really helps me out. i've gotten ready in ten minutes flat before. from getting up to sittin in the car. no joke. i use a hair straightener, throw on some mascara, some clothes and BAM i'm gone.

however, i'm not a morning person, and for a person who's not a morning person who also despises her job, mornings suck extra for me. i just deal.

2) What scares you and how often do you think about it?

being alone. as in, something happening to the two most important people in my life. that scares me a lot, and i try not to think about it.

if we're talking 'fears' here, i am deathly afraid of heights. moreso the falling thing. doesn't really work well with me. also? snakes, after watching this 'deadliest snakes of the wild' show on the discovery channel. also the doctor and the dentist. cuz in my case, it's usually bad news.

3) How important is making a home to you? For example do you like a home to meditate in, cook good food or have people over?

it is sooooo important for my home to be a safe haven for me. i'm a cancer- by nature we like to curl up in on ourselves and hide. all of my friends have always commented that my home is so 'mature', i.e. even when i was a starving college kid i had a 'full house', as in, couch, coffee table, area rug, lamps, decorations, television with coordinating stand, all of my bedroom furniture, a bathroom with matching stuff in it (ahem. it was hello kitty. vlad made me cut that cord when we moved in together officially.) etc etc.... bc i like to have a complete home. no egg crates or futons for me, nope.

right now we're still working on our house, it's hard bc we're both so busy and we both want to do it ourselves and the RIGHT way- not just throw crap in the closet, call it a day. i want to put things where they belong and get organized. unfortunately that means my dining room is kinda full of bags full of... well i'm not sure what, most likely purses and shoes and clothes. that's what i'm tackling tonight.... eep.

4) Where in the world would you like to travel to next?

well, i'm going to take a trip soon, where my mom and i will get on amtrak, head to washington d.c. for the day, then train it on down to florida to visit my aunt who's preggers right now. she's having a little girl, Olivia, and my mom and i are going for a week to help her with the baby. then we're off to DISNEYWORLD which i know this sounds bad, bc well... family should come first... i should be most excited about meeting my cousin... but... DISNEYWORLD PEOPLE. and we're staying at the polynesian and.. and... and then my mom goes home after a week and vlad comes up and we do disney for three days and then we do sarasota for four!! eeeeeep i'm so excited for this trip. it's my 'light at the end of the long, hard, dark, craptastic tunnel'.

if we're talkin fantasy, i would, in a heartbeat, pick up and go to Greece. for some reason i'm itching to go there for a month. or two. or forever. who knows.

first i'd have to get really in shape and get a tan. those greeks are TAN!!!!! two of my close friends have family and houses over in greece and go for months at a time. i swear i'm going to sneak into their suitcase next time.

5) What's your favorite Anti Aging Skin Product?

well,........ i use garnier moisturizing lotion that comes in a lil pot. so far i like it. i have wrinkles, they freak me out, once i'm out of this crappy job and can focus on myself for once i'm going to figure out what products will take care of this weird papery thang happenin' on my forehead. i no likey.

and now i'm going to duck while i say, i use no anti-aging products other than that and drinking pomegranite juice so i don't get hit with the glares of my more 'mature' readers or see them flippin me off.

Monday, March 23, 2009

suck it yo.

first off, let me say that i love ya'll. the comments yo have left me lately are what drives me thru the day, no joke, seriously.

that said? if ya'll don't try chalula? enter, intervention on your ass. cuz i am that serious about it.

in case you're like my husband and can't eat spicy, i will let you ride free. with a doctors note.

cholula is serious, yo.

on to other things. as in. i left work at about 2.3o bc i felt so bad. had to deal with 'the shit', people telling me i wasn't really feeling bad and ANYONE can drive on a migraine, it's ALL IN YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!

meanwhile, i went home. screw that. life is too short to wallow and suffer. i suffered. until 3.20 in the frickin afternoon when i SHOULD have called in after my husband so lovingly told me, 'you look like crap, go to bed, you shouldn't go to work like this.' ehm, thanks babe, i think?

also? cut to last night. so it's no joke that vlad, my husband, drives a sports ccar. he does. expensive. i don't like to talk about it, bc we don't define ourselves by our material posessions. but.

it rocks. i have to say, this car, and me, we're TIGHT. we love each other. white chocolate hearts love each other.

i won't tell you what it is. you can email me if you want to know.

so okay. cut to me, we just bought a grill, i'm all excited, kaboobs are my heaven, so i drive to the grocery store for fuel. and then.


i stop at the stop sign that's in every parking lot. a white car starts to yell atg me. the driver. i shrug. whatevs.

and then she starts to yell some more.

and then, she turns, and i'm all, you know, life is too short, i just want to park so i can get my steak on.

and then she puts her car in park. and let me tell you, you know those stop signs in the parking lots? YEAH. i stopped. i waited for her to turn into the parking row. she was yelling, waving her arms, goin balistic before i ever went near her. and yeah. she turned.

i wanted to park! to shop! so pulled behind her, expecting nothing. and then.

she threw her car into park and got OUT OF THE CAR. uh, sorry, but i'm a little skinny ass white girl, pardon me while i run into the corner. much as i wanted to smack her ass up, she was HUGE.

needless to say, i booked my ass outta there like a little girl. but really. i am not ashamed to admit that you never know.

you. never. know. the shit that people carry. i want to live, not die in some crappy ass grocery store parking lot.

i can say now that i wish that woman lots of love and caring. and trust me, it took me HOURS and DAHYS to say that. DAHHHHYS. i need to be the better person. but. it. is. hard.

bitch was crazy yo.

i'm afraid of jewel (my local shoppn hole) and i'm ashamed to say i am.

but you never know.

what if this crazy woman who totally got out of her car and started to walk toward me... what if she had a gun?

and really? i ask ya'll. do expensive sports cars cause you to do this shit?????

i think, nah. ya'll are sane. this woman, scared, the, be JESUS outta me.

i can't even grocery shop without this shit happening. and people wonder why i love the internet and my bloggy friends and my safe lil circle.

cuz all those peeps on the outside? you all are crazy as SHIT YO, and i am afraid of you, and quite frankly, i think you suck.

go suck it.

yeah. i said it. to all of those nasty angry people, i wish you well, but honestly? suck it.

torture, otherwise known as staying at work when you're ill.

i actually have quite a bit to blog about, but seeing as i'm feeling extremely shitty, i'm not going to. in fact, the only reason i'm posting is bc there's nothing left for me to read on the blogs i follow. i'm at work and the only reason i'm still sitting here is bc it's a bigger pain in my ass to ask to go home than it is for me to quietly sit here and wander around online.

trust me.

although i'm not sure how much longer i can last. i have really no work to do, and the work i DO have, i'm afraid of tackling that bc in my current state i'm sure i'll royally mess it up.

i'm so tired.. my eyes are half closed.. and i'm getting bitched at by the annoyingly pathetic woman who's technically my boss. oh, and 'mini me', her assistant. that's what we call her around these parts.

where am i going with this? no idea. i feel so craptastically shitty that all i want to do is go home, curl up in bed, watch twilight bc i've yet to see it, and nap. my entire body feels like razorblades tried to get to third base with me. i can't possibly look even remotely well right now... and yet... whereas NORMAL people work in jobs where people would think, hm, let's send her home so that she doesn't get the REST of us sick, i work in a job that says, you CANNOT GO HOME BC YOU HAVE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH WORK TO DO. and then i sit down and go, hm, i have nothing. nothing. nothing. to do. no work.

i sit here, answer the phones, and blog. wow. $17 an hour to do that? and she thinks she's punishing me by making me stay here at work? seriously, i must work for idiots. no, in fact, i KNOW i do.

i'm being negative. i know. i'm sorry. i just feel like being five and crying bc i don't feel good. and it's only 10.32.


Saturday, March 21, 2009

my addictions

when i was around 15, a friend of mine had this unhealthy addiction to Blistex. as soon as i started spending the weekends riding around on ATV's, horses, swinging into ponds and basically rippin it up in the country (as much as southern california can be country... which, it can, a ranchy sorta country) while wearing borrowed wranglers and some smashed up cowboy boots, i somehow became addicted too.

i am now a full-fledged chapstick-a-holic, and i seriously will flip the eff out if i realize i've forgotten it. right now, this is what my lips prefer:

and yes, i realize this is the 'most addicting chapstick evah' but i just cannot. get. enough. (hm. i wonder why.) my lips go thru these cycles where it prefers different chapsticks. i've been on the carmex kick for about six months now, i'm sure they'll revolt and i'll have to try every blessed chapstick my grocery store sells before my lips agree with another.

usually i try, TRY to go organic, and buy them from trader joe's. (or, if you're a russian, traders joe. bc lord knows why they switch the s around. bygones.) but, alas, for the past few months all i want, crave, need to be able to breathe is carmex. in the pot.

and did you know that when you run out, or you accidentally leave it at home sittin next to your cell phone (i totally did this on thursday, i felt like i had left my arms behind) and you risk being late by running into the creepy gas station, they totally don't carry the pot of carmex? only the weird squeezy tube? which i totally don't like? bc i feel like i keep squeezing and squeezing and nothin comes out and then all of a sudden i'm like AAAACK bleck bleck my mouth is lookin like i just ate a tube o crisco bc so much came out and it is so not attractive nor tasty nor fun, trust me.

but carmex, keeper of my soul, how i love you. i also have backups in the cars, both mine and vlads, each purse i carry (my brown juicy and my black juicy), my desk at work and then various hiding places around the house. bc you never know, man, you never know.

i also detest lip gloss. i never ever wear anything other than chapstick except if i'm, ya know, gettin married or somethin. but then i end up resorting to chapstick eventually anyway.


it is a well-known fact to anyone who has ever had the pleasure of dining alongside me that i have a huge addiction (affliction?) to Cholula hot sauce.
as in, i FLIP OUT if i realize i'm going to eat mexican and i don't have any on me.
yeah. that's right. i said ON ME. as in, in my purse.
as in, last sunday? i, uh, went to breakfast with vlad down the street.... ordered myself up a mexican omelet.... and realized i had left the cholula at home.
you bet your ass i flew outta that restaurant, drove the block home, grabbed my bottle (one of five) from the fridge and flew back to the restaurant just in time for me to slather 3/4 of a bottle all over the omelet i ordered.
it is a must. A. MUST. if i don't have it, i ain't happy. and if i ain't happy ain't nobody happy and most likely i will sulk and scoff at the waiter when they suggest 'oh, we have TOBASCO IS THAT OKAY FOR YOU????"
HELLS NAH fool!!!!!!!!!!!!! this blonde takes CHOLULA ONLY. duh. DUH.
also? the restaurant over the border? bless them. they have cholula on the table. oh, lordy be, that just makes the angels sing sweet nothing's into my ear all day long.
if i meet a fellow cholula lover? oh it's over my friend. i instantly INSIST they use some of mine and then i pinky promise we'll be BFF's forever and ever and we'll never eat a meal without the sweet tangy goodness of that addicting red sauce again.
i believe i discovered this when i ate in tijuana once. i'm not sure. and if you go to tijuana? DO NOT GO INTO THE SHADY STORES where they call you barbie. and say 'come dance barbie.' that is bad news, my friend, bad news.
also? do not drink the water. and only eat at tijuana tilly's. and be careful when you buy prescriptions. just sayin'. also? lovely tiles to be found there. the trek across border crossing is a tad hectic, tho, and no matter how much your heart cries out, DO NOT BUY CHICLETS from the little kids selling them. they are not good. i know. trust me on this one.
where was i going with this? oh yeah. i was sitting here, at work on a saturday, bored outta my mind bc i have no flippin work to do and yet they make me come in..... to sit here..... and pay me overtime to pick my nose? blog? paint my toenails? who knows. i try to look busy. but i was eating my turkey sausage jimmy dean breakfast bowl i totally swooped up from the grocery store this morning along with a bottle of smart water (which is another addiction of mine) and i kept having to get back up and trek to the kitchen to put more cholula onto my eggs potatoes and sausage. turkey sausage. until the entire thing turned this weird shade of BRIGHT red and my tongue sort of went 'eeiiiy eiiiy eeeiiiy' with pleasure i tell you and i was like, wow, i should really share this.
yeah. that's what happens when it's the middle of tax season and i've worked too much. brain sorta rebels.
but hot sauce and carmex, man, those are the keys to my soul.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

creamy shrooms chillin with spinach and chicken villains

okay. so. as we speak (i type?) the noodles are boilin away and the sauce is simmering. aka, heat turned down as low as possible so that it doesn't turn into a nasty congealed mess before i transport it into tupperware, over noodles and into the fridge for vlad to eat later. gotta keep the flavors together man.

so. start off with some boiling water, like a normal pot full. then throw some chicken into a nonstick skillet cut up into little chunks (i like using tenderloin strips, cheaper and easier to deal with). then sprinkle with some sort of seasoning..... if you're like me, then lots of garlic salt, pepper, maybe some spicy spices, some basil, etc.... for vlad, i used this mix called 'vegeta' and it's russian. he got it somewhere i don't even WANT to know where. russian stores are scary places, yo.

so grill these chicken bits up until they're cooked thru- they should be in no time. transfer these to a plate, i usually use the plate or container i'm going to put the finished dish in. less mess!

next, throw some butter in the pan. i used about oh 1/3 of a stick but by NO MEANS must any of ya'll use that much. vlad just happens to love butter. so. then toss in some shrooms (the more the merrier, i use the pre-sliced/washed ones in the produce section) and a few handfuls of spinach. (i use the pre-packaged spinach in the produce section. what can i say.)

both of these are what i call 'anorexic veggies', in that they shrink when cooked. a lot. so if it looks like too much is in there, it's probably just the right amount.

here's where i would have pictures, but........... yeah, not gonna happen when i'm cooking in a kitchen and sweatin my ass off bc it's 77 degrees outside. in chicago. in march. wha????? torture i tell you!

mix it around a little, let the veggies get a lil brown, then take about, oh, 2/3 of a cup to a cup of sour cream and plop it down in there. then take about 1/4 a cup of milk and splash that in there too. let that all 'marry' (i love that cooking term. heh. mix.) until it's completely combined.

about this time the noodles go into the boiling water; add salt to the water. why? i dunno. just do.

i let the sauce sort of simmer, boil, do it's thang, and then i start spicin it up. i add more chicken seasoning, some garlic sea salt, fresh rosemary (NOT TOO MUCH, like i did just now, or it tastes soapy. i thought i had WAY more shrooms than i really do. if this happens to you keep adding in a little bit of sour cream until it mellows out.) add basil, too, if you want. dried is fine.

then add some wine. i know. i know. if you don't want wine (blasphemy!) use chicken broth. but wine just works so much better. about, oh, half a cup or so. i add more, but i like that sweet bite that the wine adds.

stir it all up, then put it to simmer. (low low bottoms jeans... boots with tha fur.... WITH THA FURRRR) (sorry. flo'rida got the best of me. forgive. forgive.)

then strain the noodles when they're done- i like mine super soft, so does vlad, so as i type this entire post they're boiling. heh. then pour sauce over noodles, and enjoy!!!!

it really isn't as hard as i initially thought it to be. and it does kinda taste like a stroganoff, but... not. who knows. it's creamy shrooms with spinach and chicken and that works for me.

also, use angel hair. bc angel hair is the sweetest bestest of all the pastas.

and if you didn't give a crap about this recipe? ignore, please, and go drink that wine instead of cookin' with it. amen.


so, i had some angel hair left over. and DUH you just DON'T WASTE ANGEL HAIR (sorry for yelling but it's so true!!!) so what did i do? i'm like, hrm.... i ain't gots no sauce... but.... i do have like.... four sparse leaves of spinach left over. so.

i threw some pre-minced canned garlic i keep on hand (it is the food straight from gods fingers, i tell ya) right into the dirty pan i just emptied that had vlads sauce in it, along with some spinach and some olive oil. five minutes later, i pour this heavenly smelling goodness over the angel hair... toss..... taste...... add some pre-shredded generic-brand 'italian blend' cheese on there, shake it up.....

oh, holy hell, this is the best damn pasta ever. if you love garlic, like i do. light oil, just enough cheese to cause that sweet tang, lots and lots and lots of garlic to bite into and spinach to make the consistency interesting.

i done did good, i tell ya. two different pastas for two people for two nights, and i spent around 11 bucks. can't beat that with a stick. (not including cost of wine. but duh. it's a necessity right? so it doesn't count? right?....??)

cooking blind and gettin' work done

so yesterday, vlad asked me if i would mind making him dinner. 'nah', i said, 'no worries. watcha want? alfredo? chicken? rice and chicken?' (see a theme here? the man loves chicken.) 'or steak? with potatoes?'

'no... i was thinking... spinach.'

er- huh? i cocked my head at the phone thinkin, this VLAD i'm talking to? or some weird alien hiding out as a russian? 'you sure?'

'yeah. with, like, some mushrooms. and angel hair. but creamy. can you do that?'

can i do that. well. let's see. at first i thought no prob i'll just zip online and get a recipe.

none of the recipes worked with his dietary issues. (the man cannot eat acidic foods or anything spicey or garlic or any o' the good stuff. i know. poor guy.)

so i thought, eh, i can make that.

and improvised.

i boiled noodles while i sauted mushrooms in butter (shhh. don't tell him about the butter.) and then some fresh spinach.

it tasted like... like..... feet. buttery feet. (ew)

so i added in some sea salt and a little poultry seasoning he uses when he grills... and.... nada. still bland.

then i added sour cream. how much, you say? no. flippin. idea. then i was like hmmmmm and poured in some of the lambrusco i was drinking. then, bc i saw no harm in it, i tossed some garlic salt in the mix too.

then it tasted pretty damn good. add in some cooked chicken, pour over angel hair and you've got yourself a chicken spinach mushroom pasta thingie with sour cream and lambrusco (italian red table wine) and some spices.

he ate it after i went to bed.

oh yeah. afterthought- i think i added some milk in there, too, that made it a little 'runnier' and not as globby. but. again. no idea how much... and some fresh rosemary. not... sure... how much....

today, he goes, 'hey, can you make that again? that pasta? is was REALLY GOOD.'

'uh. uhm. sure?'

cut to me, a little freaked out, bc lord knows how i made that dish last night. i honestly wasn't paying attention. and i was GLAD when i was done cooking it, bc i didn't like not knowing what i was doing. so. once again, i have to cook a meal blind. gulp. i hope i remember how to wing it like i did last night.

i also am makin myself a stir fry.... the lazy gal's way. microwaved brown rice mixed with frozen veggies grilled up and some scrambled egg mixed in with some spices and soy sauce, and yum.

i'm going to try to track down pad thai noodles at trader joe's tonight after work.... but i doubt that will turn out well.

did you know that russians call trader joe's, traders joe? yeah. they move the s. why? no clue.

also? i made chocolate cake last night. and put it in a heart-shaped rubber 'pan' that my mom had gotten me.... one of the strangest things i've worked with while baking, but it was SO. SIMPLE. to clean and get the cake out. mmmmm. i hope vlad left some for me tonight.

doubt it.

he's also having more work done tonight. on his tattoos. as in, getting a good portion of outlining done to his left arm..... bc he's adding another sleeve. crazy man. i'm not going with him, and this is the very first time since we've met that we've had work done without the other one being there. but. since it's tax season, i'm exhausted, and i just cannot afford to drive all the way north (over an hour drive) to sit and watch vlad get outlining done for three hours and then drive back home. (overall time, around 5 hours or so.) so he's leaving from work early and i guess... i'll see it tomorrow.

scares me, bc i usually have input on the designs. as in, rightbeforehestarts i'll be like yo! what about this???? and they'll both go awesome! let's do it! let me get a new trace goin'!

and i won't be there to do that.

but i trust him.

but i won't be there to do that. eep.

something funny he did say, tho, yesterday- 'hey at least i can cry. i don't have to look tough, you won't be there. score.'

?????? the man has a total SLEEVE on his right arm, a star on his left elbow and another tat on his right shoulder blade. he's afraid he won't look 'tough' if i'm there? pffft.

although i must say, when i had my rib piece done, i laughed hysterically..... bc i am uber ticklish, and my pain threshold is.... high. to put it mildly. i guess vlad's ... isn't. it may have something to do with our artist, every time i see him, going, 'yo lo! the girl who feels no pain!' and he tells the story to all the big biker guys that come in for the same area to be worked on... 'skinny white girl held her shit, yo! craziest shit i ever saw.' er- should i feel flattered? was that a compliment? somehow, coming from christian our artist....... i think so.

wish me luck with my tattoo-addicted husband and my attempt at the 'weird mushroom pasta thing i made but don't know how i made it but i'm making it again' dish.

Monday, March 16, 2009

i'm so done i'm overcooked and fried

today i woke up and said, enough bitching, moaning and otherwise givin up on my life. i can't hide under the 'scuse that my job sucks donkey kong. i can't hide under the fact that my husband works insane hours so OBVIOUSLY this entitles me to have a glass of wine and lay on the couch and do nothing.

yeah............. haven't been so motivated as of late.

but i want to change that. my life right now is a rut. a big sewage rut. involving me flailin around trying to grab onto anything i can and just ending up covering myself in crap. not a good thing.

so i'm un-craptifying my life. starting with caring so much about this damn job. i mean, i'm quitting in little over a month. all of the stupid, gossipy, nightmare-instilling shit that happens here? why should i take it home with me? i'm just going to try and let it roll off of my back from now on. why should i care about this stupid drama? it's twisting me up and slashing me into someone i don't want to be... so... why drag all that stupid nonsense around with me? enough. i'm done.

so, i'm also going to start taking better care of myself. because my job sucks the big one, i've let myself go and sort of (as in always) figure putting on sweats and hiding under a pile of blankets on the couch and eating a microwave meal is a good idea. well. it's not. i want to feel in shape, i want to feel pretty, i want to feel wanted and loved and proud of myself and not always feel like i'm compensating or workin with half a tank. i want a full tank. i want to wake up every morning and instead of instantly pullin on my clothes asap, bc i want to just getonwithitalready, i want to enjoy my day. enjoy my morning. smile at the idea of getting up.

since i started this job, it's slowly snaked it's way thru my life and turned it upside down. i couldn't quit, bc my husband had started a new business and while he never asked for money, i knew there was the prospect that it could tank. sorry. just bein' honest. so i kept my 'regular paycheck' bc i was scared.

but scared doesn't get you anywhere. in fact scared just forces you down into the mud. tries to drown you. rattlesnake you. kill you. i don't want to drown in corporate life. i'm only 24. i want to live, to explore, to discover, to smell, to taste feel experience, maybe get burned but get right back up again, travel and see.

i don't want to come home every night and be depressed, exhausted, mentally drained from sitting at a desk for ten hours with no compensation whatsoever beyond some measly paycheck and a 401k that i never ever ever should have started in the first place.

in fact, i need to talk to my doctor about my meds, but i'm so busy, that i forget to do that. see how upside down i am?

i went tanning yesterday for the first time in ages. i felt SO. GOOD. afterwards. and yes, i know, i know, the hazards of tanning beds etc etc..... i know.... i know. i just..... i feel soooo much better when i tan. something to do with the light and the warmth and then being nice and brown, my mood instantly lifts. it makes me want to do my nails, my hair, use the nice smelly lotion and not the easy fast vaseline intensive care, it makes me want to put on a cute tracksuit instead of the disney sweats from four years ago.

it makes me feel human. pretty. feminine.

so i'm going to do more stuff like that. like tonight, i'm going to give myself a manicure and pedicure. i'm going to take a long shower, exfoliate, moisturize and relax. i'm going to eat a good dinner. watch a movie in bed.

i'm so tired of being tired, run down, apathetic, just giving up. i'm 24 but feel like i'm a trillion years older. i never DO anything anymore, i never GO anywhere, never SEE anything.

i can't wait to free myself from this job, to never have to see these negative people again, to wake up and smile and think I AM FREE.

i never knew that a job could suck the life outta someone. but it can. but not any longer. i wash my hands of job suckage.

should i paint my nails black or red? hmmm.... the big questions of life..........

Saturday, March 14, 2009

st. patti's! woot!

drinkin' a margarita on st. patti's day. i'm multi cultural yo! woot!

happy green beer day :)

this is a rant. be warned.

so in the fashion of all things craptastically shitty and wonderful, i thought i'd post cuz i haven't in a while. why?

oh, let's just say it's called WORKING FOR THE DEVIL. and when i say this, i. do. not. kid. our address is 666 for fucks sake.

i do not kid. it is seriously, 666. should've been a sign back when i took the job. the whole being hired within one day of interviewing should've been a sign, too. the fact that the bitch sorry excuse for a human being that i work for yelled at me before i had even SIGNED A CONTRACT should've been a tip off, too.

but, you know. telling a 20 year old what to do? yeah. ain't gonna happen. i've got my head screwed on now. more like superglued backwards, but, hey, i'll take it.

and hell yes, i'm writing this from work bc the best way to feel childish and vindictive? blog from work when they fuck with you. just sayin'.

also? i know this post is laced with profanity. but ya know what? today CALLS for it. i'm serious. and the only thing that is going to make me less bitchy and less ANGRY is going to be either shots at a dive bar or some shopping. and since my husband so graciously stood me up last night, by not only being late home when we had tickets (that i paid upwards as in over $100 for) to a comedy show at a bar in Wrigleyville but then proceeding to take his sweet damn time eating and changing and taking a shower..... yeah to say we missed it is an understatement. and, oh yeah, that 'house warming' party he wanted to go to last night? yeah. iwas SO not down for that.

as in, you go, i'll chill at home, it'll all be sweet kinda thang. and no. instead, we fought, bickered, i got bitter, said FINE I WILL GO and then we went and yeah, usually i can suck it up and deal but i wasn't feelin' it last night. coulda been that everyone was taking vodka shots.

coulda been the drunk russian parents.

coulda been the pregnant 17 year old who got married only bc she's pregnant. and is a complete airhead. now, don't go judgin', if you get preggo, you get preggo. you deal. you buck up. you become a mom. and life goes on. NO BIGGIE. i have known teen mothers who are a trajillion times more competent than any 30yr old with a new born. i get that. i'm not stereotyping.

i'm just sayin', girl needs some sense knocked into her. like a semi. stat.

coulda been that everyone was drunk, out doin' who knows what in their cars when they were 'takin out the trash' (half an hour later) but the fact that there were two kids there, one 2 and a 1yr old, kind of irked me.

as in kinda, let me paint you a picture: i was pissed. let down. these people dissapointed me. this is the example they set? getting drunk and disorderly in front of children? giving them popsicles at 10.30 at night? who DOES that? someone with a death wish, i tell ya.

we left. i was pissed. still am. wake up this morning after i set my alarm, and Vlad is late to work. hm. he had to get a ton of cars ready for the St. Patty's day parade today downtown, and he's late. well. alarms were created for a reason.

and no. i am not usually this snarky (asshole-ish) in my normal life but letmetellya, work today?

HELL. pure, dripping, acidic, rash giving headache instilling mental ward HELL.

all i can say is, and i'm sayin' it, loud and clear, bc i've had it, bc i'm stressed, bc i just don't GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE,

come April? i'm outta here. as in quitting. as in, SEE YA SUCKAS.

karma? is a bitch.


Monday, March 9, 2009

bein mahself and in yo face. sorry. it's all i know.

i know my posting has been sporadic and non-climatic (sorry ya'll) but i promise, things will turn around. i'm knee-deep in tax season and humor seems so far from me right now. you know how life crawls out atcha and slaps you across the face and you're scrambling just to keep things together? yeah........... i could get more explicit here (and if you ever read an email from me, i get WAY r rated, i just keep it clean here. not sure why. just feel like spreadin' the word of... i have no idea. what am i talking about?) but i won't. cuz. ahem. kids read this? or? somethin? they could find it thru google and then go askin' they're moms wtf slap happy means? which, it means something quite innocent here, but lawdy means somethin' entirely different out there in internet world.

i googled. i know. i am wise beyond my years. or. sumthin.

so. anyway. i know i've been slackin, but good lawd i've been tryin'. i've been goin' back and forth about being more myself and more who-i-am in the REALWORLD and somehow i dunno if ya'll would accept me, and then i think, so what, and then i think, well, WHAT it matters, and everyone who reads this , lurkers to larkers to whathehelldoesthatmean, i've always lived my life afraid of WHAT WILL THEY THINK.

so.................... i may post sporadically until april 15th, but....... i swear to you, it will be more ME. beyond happy-go-lucky-lo. cuz i'm nutta so huppa sometimes. if that made sense to you.

and i curse like a sailor in real life.

i'm sorry. i know what i do. i can't lamely say, 'i know not what i do' bc hellllllllo, i KNOW what i sound like at work, at home... ahem. just sayin.

i'm a sassy lil thang, and i guess.... (big girl breath) i hope ya'll don't disown me.

cuz i might just say WHAT THE FUCK once in a while from now on.

............still there? hello? bueller?

sigh. i hope my eternal frankness will not scare you away. i just feel i need ta be me. I NEEDS TA BE ME. and i love ya'll.


even if you stop reading me. girl scouts honor.

and after tastin mah thin mints? that is HONOR YO.

hey! hiya! c'mon over!

okay, so, for lack of something un-snarky to say, i am doing this meme thang. cuz it's unique, interesting, and unfortunately i have to type my name over and over again. sigh. thus is life.

but you all should try this!!! it is ooohhh so super fun. and TOTALLY wastes time at work. not that... i did it at work or anything. ahem.

so you go to google and type in your name with the action associated with it. like so:

1: Type in "[your name] needs" – lauren needs attention (heh)

2: Type in "[your name] looks like" - lauren looks like Buffy (huh? alright, i'll take that. she's cute.)

3: Type in "[your name] does" – lauren does not do voices (hmmmm...)

4: Type in "[your name] hates" – lauren hates me (no i don't! i love you! pinky swear!)

5: Type in "[your name] goes" – lauren goes clubbin' (yes, yes i do.)

6: Type in "[your name] loves" – lauren loves duckies!!!!!! (and the exclamation points were totally there. i didn't add that flair. it had it's own. and ducks are okay. GEESE are NOT.)

7: Type in "[your name] eats" - lauren eats a hot hot pepper

8: Type in "[your name] has" – lauren has lunch at Toast ( was it good? did i toast anyone?)(i didn't do the first one bc it mentioned me having something along the lines of sexual behavior recorded onto a vhs. and i definitely don't have one of those.)

9: Type in "[your name] gives" - lauren gives 'license to dress to kill' (apparently i'm channelling good ol ralph lauren.)

10: Type in "[your name] takes" - lauren takes the city (woot! go me!)

12: Type in "[your name] can't" - lauren can't act. (how sad!)

13: Type in "[your name] wants" – lauren wants to help someone (yes, yes i do. and also. didn't use the first one. it was quite- ahem- porn starish.)

14: Type in "[your name] makes" – lauren makes good use of the fitness center (huh?)

15: Type in "[your name] killed" – lauren killed by a cricket pal (beware of cricket pals. don't they use mallets?)

so go play!!! it's fun. a little alarming, sometimes, but hey, not all the lauren's (Lo's) of the world are me. go figure.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

put your foot down: AFRICA

Put your foot down - and send the Duchess a virtual shoeMarch 6th, 2009

This post is by The Duchess Omnium and we thank her for allowing us to give such a worthy cause space on our site.The Elder Daughter is now the digital media intern for a major British charity, Action Aid. She spent 15 months in Uganda working with some of the most vulnerable children on the continent: deaf and blind children and HIV/Aids orphans. Now she is back in England trying to make a difference in another way.

She asked me to help gather support on my blog for a campaign that only has a few days to run. She isn’t asking for money. She’s asking you to put your foot down.

Around the world, 2876 women contract HIV every day. A girl born in South Africa has a higher chance of being raped than of learning to read. Widespread violence against girls and women increases the chances that they will join the 15 million women around the world already infected with the virus.

Action Aid wants 2876 people, one for every woman and girl who will contract HIV tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, and every day until we put our foot down to stop it, to sign a petition in support of the campaign. The campaign ends on International Women’s Day on March 8.

The petition asks the UK government to take 10 steps to help prevent violence against women and to help control HIV/Aids. These are simple, achievable steps. One of these 10 steps is to persuade other countries and international agencies to take action. You don’t have to be British to sign the petition and put your foot down.

When you have signed the petition, please forward it to 5 friends. 2876 people to put their foot down is a modest goal. Let’s help them achieve it.

Over the last few weeks, hundreds of people, besides signing the petition, have sent Action Aid a real shoe. The charity has commissioned artist Riitta Ikonen to turn these shoes into art. You can watch her progress on her blog. I especially like the puzzled shoe, though I don’t think I would like to take a hike in it.

It’s too late to send Riitta a shoe, but you can still email the Duchess a photo of the shoe you are wearing (or imagine you might wear) when you put your foot down. Send your photo to I’ll publish all the photos… And then maybe we can have a vote for the best (if I can work it out) or something… and it can be the Duchess’s first contest! Okay, I accept you may not be quite as excited about this concept as I am. Especially as, so far, there’s no prize.

Never mind. Sign the petition. Send it to your friends. Send me your virtual shoes.

Put your foot down.

i beg each and every one of you to sign this petition. it's FREE!!!! and in case you missed that one sentence.... girls born in africa have a greater chance of being raped than learning to read.

if that doesn't chill you to the bone, i don't know what would. it scared me, humbled me... astounded me. i wish it were unbelievable, but unfortunately, it's not.

please help. put your foot down. i did.

Thursday, March 5, 2009


for the duration of this week, i have been wanting, craving, needing to watch movies from my childhood. the unfortunate thing is, i no longer own a vhs machine... what did we call those??? vcr's! there we go. phew! nor do i have the bank account to pay $5 per movie at blockbuster... cuz i wanna watch like a trillion and it would sorta add up. of course, now that i want to blog about this, i realize my list is at home.

yeah, so i started a retro movie list. oops.

for the ones i can remember, i'll write down- er, type down?- these movies for whatever reason are some of my super duper best memory ones. most are feel-good comedies. i'm a sucker for movies that make me laugh and aren't altogether realistic.

the princess bride
father of the bride
death becomes her
the goonies
mrs. doubtfire
the banger sisters
first wives club
(i love goldie hawn. LOVE)
just visiting
private benjamin
breakfast club
g.i. jane
pretty woman (yeah, told my mom i wanted to be a hooker when i was five after watchin this. heh.)
nothing but trouble (i LOVED this movie when i was a kid!! no clue why!)
don't tell mom the babysitters dead
hunchback of notre dame (disney version)
the little mermaid
some like it hot
a goofy movie
bio dome
encino man

and many others. many many others. these movies breathe childhood to me. when i watch them, i want to snuggle down into my pillow fort- wait, scratch that, i will layer the couch.

oooohhhh yes.

first i put down the knitted (crochet'd? Linda?) blanket and tuck it into the corners of the couch. this is the bottom layer. then i'll build up my pillow fort in the right corner (support for my left side, since i'm left-handed) and finish it all off with my fuzzy faux fur blanket (fur side down, microsuede side up, i like the feel of the fur). and then i'd have a bottle of water and a bowl of soup and a grilled cheese sandwhich on the coffee table. then i'd have popcorn. and i'll snuggle way down and turn off the lights and watch the movies. sigh. OH and light a candle. that smells good. just cuz.

sigh. i've resorted to watching clips of movies on youtube. pathetic. i hang my head in shame.

i also may just break down and try to narrow the list down today so that i can rent at least two of the key movies.

like the goonies. or. nothing but trouble. or. aw man, there's a TON more that i just thought of. sigh. what are some of your key movies from your childhood?

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


i know i've been mia for a bit. it's just that at my work, i'm SWAMPED. combine that with a marathon headache, insomnia and a house that's upside-down bc my husband needs forever trillion days to paint a bedroom, (which was attempted to be painted but he kinda sorta fell asleep on the job and then woke up at 3am to discover his head was in the paint tray and his hair was blue. true story. so it needs to be touched up) i'm a little bit under the weather.

plus the weather? royally sucks right now. gloomy, gray, my black car looks white bc of all that stupid salt they put down for NO reason bc there's no more snow, the heater in my bedroom is on the fritz and i need to do laundry right now this second bc it's outta control........

this all equates to a not-so-happy Lo. i'm a combination of snarky pale dry skin with brittle hair and hunched shoulders who's eyes can't open quite all the way and work clothes covered in hair bc what the hell, is this the season that all your hair falls out???? good lawdy my home is COVERED in long blonde strands. daisy ain't got nothin' on me right now.

so, although these are pretty lame excuses, i'm tired. exhausted. deflated. NOT SICK THO, which is good news. just, you know, a little overtaken by everyday life right now. don't worry, i'll get back to my usual program, probably this weekend when i relax and BREATHE!!!!

oh btw? this past weekend, vlad and i stayed downtown in a midget European style room (which was totally perfect since we're little people) and went out on the town and had a fantastic time. then we rolled outta bed Sunday to go to the Shedd Aquarium, which, sadly, dissapointed, and then headed back home for a night spent on the couch. my favorite place in the world.

i wish i could write more, but right now, my space heater is making my feet burst into flames and my eyes are still half-shut and the work is slowly tryin to eat me alive. so i'm gonna go take care of a few things. (green tea anyone?)

catchya on the flip side.

(whoever can name that movie wins!)

Monday, March 2, 2009


this is a quickie bc quite frankly, i am exhausted and a cranky blonde and those two things don't mix well. TRUST ME. but.

the deadlines for BlogHer are fast approaching (who knew it cost money? i know. i am SO totally in the dark ages) and since i live in good ol' Chi Town, i'm goin'.

who else is going? i need to know. PLEASE. i beg ya. pretty pretty please. are you going? what days? one day? two? cocktails? sans cocktails? a girl needs to know. cuz i need to know how to plan.

i am SO SLOW when it comes to actually planning. usually i make reservations the day before i travel. cuz i'm a spaz. i know not what i do.

please. help a girl out. what are YOUR plans??????????/