Monday, August 10, 2009

teeny tiny small joyful things.

so i know i haven't updated in ages and i ... maybe owe an explination? not? i dunno. i used to use this blog as an outlet while stuck at a job that i absolutely loathed.... and now, after quitting, and after spending three months wandering around my condo wondering where i was going and what i was doing... i guess i sort of didn't see the 'need' to write anymore. i don't know if i still do. no pictures for now, i've misplaced my cord for my camera yet again (surprise, surprise) but , i don't know, i just kinda sorta somewhat felt like updating and felt curious if anyone even wandered (wondered?) over this blog anymore.

the one thing that crossed my mind just now as i was reading (everyone should check out Jude Deveraux, she's 'classic chic lit' i suppose and her books live in the romance section but really, it's not harlequin and she really has a wonderful writing style. check her out.) this memory i have of being about twelve years old riding shotgun with my mom in our little ford (teal, classic 90's) station wagon. do they even make station wagons anymore? anyway, we were driving toward Temecula from where we lived in california and right before the border check (yeah, they had border checks..... any trunk that hung low, expect to be pulled over and gawked at as they checked you over for smuggling illegal people) and i was sitting all morose and staring out the car window- a habit that i picked up early-on in life from traveling cross-country (thanks military) so often.... trust me, three day car rides get verrrrry boring and trying on a five year old.


so we were driving along, i was lost in my own world and just staring out.. .watching cars, people, the endless mountains that never ever looked green (maybe they were hills? granite? i dunno.) and this little car passes us, and this man, probably... i mean, to me, at twelve, he seemed 'OLD', but was probably early thirties TOPS and he looked at me and kept driving...

and then two minutes later, he's right next to us on the right, and we make eye contact and he gives me a little half-smile and points to the edge of his lopsided offering and pokes at the corner of his mouth, as if to say, 'hey, girl. smile.'

for some reason this memory pops up from time to time, and i always wonder if he remembers as much or as often as i do. isn't it crazy how one little afterthought, one little poke at your face could ruminate and settle deep inside a person for the rest of their life? that one little gesture reminds me, all the time, that it takes no effort at all to smile even when it feels like your entire house is perched on your upper lip.

i don't know why i'm thinking of that, or why i thought to share, but it just reminds me that the smallest, tiniest, teeniest bit of kindness or- afterthought- could change someones disposition every year or so. he changes mine every time i remember that.

i never told anyone about that, almost like i kept it close to my heart like a little secret, but it was such a sweet, small thing. i guess i feel like sweet, small things are few and far between lately, and i want to make some morose, self-absorbed, whiny twelve year old sit up rod-straight in shock one day while driving down the highway in 100 degree heat and go,

whoa, did someone just see me? wow. and to think, i thought i was gliding along all by myself for all these years.

where am i going with this??

hi, everyone. i'm alive, well, happy, and moving into a more joyous and appreciative section of my still-evolving life. i still lurk and read and poke at all of your writings and i've missed talking to you all. i just needed some time.

make some random kid smile next time you're stuck in traffic. trust me, it's a rush.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

should i pry my ass off the couch yet? ya think?

so, long story short, today we were supposed to spread my grandmas ashes. she requested no funeral, to be cremated, and her organs (as many as survived.... in all honesty, after her smoking for 40+ years and drinking just as much, lord knows what they salvaged ((i'm going to hell for saying salvaged)) but at least they were able to help someone out there) to be donated. so, bc of that, we aren't getting her ashes today. we were planning on going to the cemetary and putting half on my grandpas grave (illegal, yes, but hello? my family? this is hardly anything, especially since she always wanted to be with her husband in death. it's the least i can do to bend the rules, justhisonce. or. whatevah.) and half in the forest she used to play in as a kid. her favorite place, where she grew up.

where was a going? typical lauren fashion, i'm side-tracked once again. sigh.

anyway. so. turns out, bc she donated organs, (go g-ma) her ashes aren't going to be 'ready' (how morbid is that?) until this weekend. my aunt (my grandmas daughter) has to go back to florida, where she lives. she already extended her stay.

so, we decided, we will put her ashes in an urn and wait until my aunt comes back up to spread them. i'm thinking we should do it next year on their wedding anniversary, but it's also my uncle's bday so... that may be too upsetting for him. but. just an idea. in a year from now.

so meanwhile, i have no job and before i was excited and now i'm sort of freaking out. i know it's hard to get a job right now, which is okay, but... even tho i haven't REALLY tried i got rejected from a city commerce job that kind of made me take a blow to my self-esteeem. but. it is what it is. i'm still trying to figure out what i'm going to do this fall, for school, how i'm going to pay for it and what classes i can take toward a degree that's going to ultimately benefit me longterm.

my brain is exploding!!!!!!

just curious, what do ya'll do ??? what do you do for work? or what do you do during your day if you DON'T work??? i'm just curious. i know not a lot of people read this, but those that do, i'm curious about what you do and how you do it. consider it, blog-in-reverse.

if you ever want to ask me any questions, too, please!!!!!! feel free. i'm an open, cracked-spine book. ask anyone.

so, tomorrow, i am going to start posting pictures of my trip to florida. FINALLY.

i missed you guys. i thought about closing this down. then i thought, i'm no pioneer woman. i'm no.... big name on the intronet. but i can put my say on my small space and be who i am.

let's just give good wishes, tonight, to my grandma, phyllis, who donated organs and helped an anyonymous person out there.

i'm sure she's lookin down toasting her old style, sayin, of course i did. what kind of person do you think i am???? ................... gimme a beer whydoncha.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

so i said i needed a stoning, and yet, please don't pelt me yet. pretty please?

so i joked (seemingly uncharacteristic, right? har. har.) about posting this, well, post. i just don't know what to do with this anymore. and yet i decided, despite who reads it and who doesn't, who in my real life has discovered this wonderful outlet, well....

okay. so. picture me, in the hospital, visiting my grandmother for three days. three. long. days.

can i re-iterate? is that how you properly spell it? grammar is my strong point and yet i make a faux pas. forgive. forgive.

so i thought about not posting. then i thought more about it. sorry, if i'm 'all over the page', but truly? i'm confused.

my grandmother died yesterday.

you'd think that i had a HUGE relationship with her, right? for the fact that i drove all over sunday to get to her, to see her intubated, to cry with my aunt who is more like my sister than i can ever say- to the point that i call her daughter my neice, and she is my sister- you'd think i had a great connection.

point is, i didn't. i spoke, freely, openly, about how i despised the fact that she was slowly killing herself. that she gave up on life at only 40 and decided to enable her son to be a deadbeat. i spoke out, a lot, about how i hated what she did. how she chain smoked and drank tall boys out of plastic glasses so that no one would notice.

ha. we ALL noticed.

i went on, and on, and on, about how i hated it, how i hated that she threw away life.

did i mention that she had five children? my mother is the eldest of five. she was first, then her brother who, ....well, i'm being honest as hell here so really? my uncle is just a drug addict. then move on the next one, the next uncle, the one that enabled my grandmother (tho she could always speak for herself) to become a drunk and a failure.

failure. what a nasty, nasty word, isn't it funny that i'm still negative? i'm still judging?

shame on me.

so then came angie, and i love that girl more than the world. she's more like my sister than an aunt. she's just a few years older than i am and i love her more than i could ever articulate.

then there's joey, he's the youngest, and i love him like a brother.

our family? yeah. we're a little skewed. but would life give me anything else? if not skewed?

where was i going?

point is, the shocking thing is... i am broken up. i am sad. i am crying at a moments notice and remembering my grandma and it's like a shock thru my entire system. okay, grandmas die. PEOPLE die. it's what we do. but..

still, i saw her, or, i should say i saw her body. after she passed. died. left. retired. ran off. i saw her. i saw her, in the hospital bed, i saw her, and i can tell you right now that it left a crater in my heart. i don't know why i'm posting this, except maybe, it'll help.

i miss her . and the most pissed off thing about this is, i never told her. i. never. told. her.

i haven't said i love you to my grandma in years, bc i felt resentment, anger, whatever. and i know she understands, but yet, what would it have taken from me? to say, HEY, i love you? yo, granmoms, i love you?

nothing. it would have taken, nothing, from me.

and to see her, dead, ........ dead takes on a whole new meaning.

i am upset, sad, regretful, shameful.

i love you, phyllis, i loved you. i'm sorry i never added up to a very good grandkid, but i loved you.

i hope you and grandpa are having a great, super, amazing party up there. you deserve it. and to all of you? i'm sorry that i haven't written. it is more out of shame than anything else.

phyllis skroko, june 20th, 2009.
you will be missed.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

aren't i a total slacker? don't i deserve a stoning? i know.


i TOTALLY deserve some nasty comments, cuz i've been m.i.a. for waaaaaaaaaay too long. truth is, i've been coming off of three weeks in florida and honestly? the pictures to download, upload, import, enter, has me in a tither. a big bother. i'm overwhelmed. i cleaned the house top to bottom yesterday, including the fridge AND freezer mind you, which, hellllooooo is a task to be given to people who are PAID to do it bc really? oh, lawsie, i thought i had what it took and i guess i did but really? in the end? i'm still winded.

could be the HUGE ASS CANDLE that landed on my right foot while i was scrubbing the bathtub and cleaning the floor on my knees. could be.

nah. my husband thinks it's 'no big deal'. well, the welt on my foot?

if i could give two shits about taking a pic of it? i would. but really? why would i subject ya'll to that madness? that gross ness? bc really, it's black and blue and swollen and as my husband said when i sent him a photo of my right foot via camera phone, 'your feet look huge. lol.'

wow. thanks. babe. that makes me feel SOOOO much better.

meanwhile, i wanted to let ya'll know i'm alive, and i'm here, i'm reading, i'm catching up, i've just been traveling for too long to really get ahold of online life. i know. business men do it all the time but i'd love to see how interesting THEIR blogs are, right??

.......right? eep.

anyway. look forward to pics when i get around to uploading them tomorrow. i went out on the ocean on a catamaran, my most favorite part of all..... i stayed up late, drank too much, (sorry folks, but it's true) had a fabulous time with the kids and just lived it up in florida.

although, you floridians? can take your 100 degree weather. anytime. that was wicked hot, yo. wicked.

stay tuned!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

holy hell

so i'm sitting in my aunts kitchen in west palm beach, with a thunderstorm overhead, a baby sleepin, and me without a computer.

that's right. it was working fine, and then TA DA i try to log on during a layover in washington d.c. on monday and............ there's a virus. so my aunts husband is going to run some programs on it later today and hopefully, i can upload pictures, etc, lots and lots of stuff.

so that's that. i'm stuck. i'm so sorry. but i promise, i took LOTS of pictures and i'm heading down to key west tomorrow.......... YAY :)

so of course, in my life? of course. the computer craps out the day i'm traveling with a five hour layover.


Sunday, May 17, 2009

vacay yay!!!

so this is my goodbye.

for now.

as in, i'll see ya'll later tonight, if amtrak has wireless.

if not, then i'll see you tuesday, when i get into fort lauderdale.

AS IN FLORIDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sayonara suckas.

just kiddin. i love yous. yay for vacay!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, May 15, 2009


so, right now, i'm stahhhhving. i just made some basmati rice in chicken broth that i totally burned- but salvaged most of it- the pan is soaking as we speak (i type?) and no, there will be no picture of that disaster.

however i'm, after i post this, going to try my hand at a mexican casserole with ingredients i have on hand. some black beans sauteed with a little salsa (more like pico de gajo.. gayo?) and whatever paprika/cumin combo i can scrounge up... then some cheese and some tortilla chips, should be interesting.

anyway! meanwhile, i had some time on my hands in between laundry and messing around with food so i thought i'd upload some pics.

of my house..... for you!

but quickly first? this is my current obsession:

and yeah, that's my stove, RIGHT. NOW. with my cornies in there.... about to be shucked a lil for my casserole and the rest? smothered in butter and salt and eaten. YUM.

i have an obsession with having fresh flowers in my kitchen by the sink. and they have to be a range of pale ivory to green or yellow. i have no idea why. i just love these those. they're sooooo bright and believe it or not? these are over a week old. LOVE that.

i was feeling a little down the other night and vlad came home with these. pretty, right???? they're in the living room right now. this is the view directly to my left when i'm sitting on my spot on the couch.
below, find what my backyard looks like RIGHT NOW:

green, right???? nuts.
also? what's with the rain, man????

it's like a nasty, nasty swamp land down below. thank goodness i live on the second floor. amen.

my living room, standing in the dining room. that's the only 'window' i have in the house besides a teeny one in the bedroom. the sliding glass door. right now the computer is right there and i'm sitting in front of it.... bc my wireless is down and i have to plug in old school style in order to get online.
yeah. gotta fix that tonight or tomorrow before i leave on sunday for florida, bc how else am i going to get internet access???

this is my dining room- i'm standing with my back to the living room. just think about turning around from where i was in the above photo.

a lil secret: that tablecloth is vinyl. I KNOW. i never thought i'd own a vinyl tablecloth that wasn't meant for a bbq outside. but i do. and i love it. it wipes off sooooo easily and yet, it's paisley, sage green and wonderful.

these are my bookcases. as vlad says, my library. i have no idea what i was watching on t.v.... it looks sorta creepy.

and please ignore the beer in the left hand corner k thanks.

this is right inside my front door on the right when you walk in.... i LOVE elephants. those are my keys on the far left.

okay the kitchen, this is if you were standing RIGHT inside the front hall of my house, JUSt walking in. the elephant key holder would be to the right.

okay so now you've walked a lil further into the house and you've turned to the right. that's my teeny kitchen that i adore. oh, and the dining room. the house is like a perfect square.

more of the kitchen. i love it. i picked everything. love. it. the granite is just heaven.... SO EASY TO COOK with it.
er, is this a trend or something???? please forgive me. i swear, that's not my vodka to the right. that's vlad's. just sayin. sheesh.

and this is daisy. wth is she doing?????? she's like, trying to snort the pillow in her sleep.

seriously, how could she SLEEP like this???? nuts.
oh and also? proof that she's really, really odd. she likes to smell my shoes. yeah. the shoes i wore alllllll day at work and probably smell bad and everything. i guess they have my 'scent'. or. she's just a crackhead. who knows.
i guess that means my shoes are her crack. and that i'm her dealer. good lord i'm an enabler.

aren't those booties CUTE?????????
just sayin.
so there you go. now, please excuse me while i go scarf down some corn.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

see? no melvin smelvin here.

so this was me on monday afternoon, right before i took off for my dr's appt (which, i only was stuck ONCE with a needle while there which to me? is an improvement.) at my girlfriend britt's house (across the parking lot) gettin my hair did.

she does EXCELLENT color, trust me, and she's made my light blonde hair into WOW POW hair. the color is amazing, it's so bright... you need to see it in person, to really see the dimensions.

because i love ya'll i posted this picture of me. by no means it is glamourous and honestly i think i look horrid here.

so there. never doubt my photo honesty.

MY NEW HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dropped everything as soon as i got back just now from the hair dresser (at the salon that britt works at, i was an 'after hours' and the wonderful diana didn't charge me. AT. ALL. i tipped her twenty. she's so super great.) and went into the bathroom and took pics. bc i promised.

the nose is not pierced. that will happen soon, i think? who knows. maybe not. maybe IN florida, who knows!! i'd totally make my mom gag if i made her come with me when i pierced my nose. heh. heheheheheh.

er, not sure why i'm making this weird fist like i've got massive heartburn or why my mouth is open in both photos. i guess taking mirror pics is the same as putting on mascara, my mouth must be open or else???
do you guys like it????? it's hard to see in the pic bc it's my phone bc my camera is in my car which is at vlad's work. so. that ain't gonna happen.

i also forgot if i shared these pics with you guys, leftover from russian easter.

yeah, that's a pig. and yeah. it has a crown on.

and the weirdest thing is??? i was the only one who was like WTF THERE IS A PIG WITH A CROWN ON IN THE KITCHEN. the russians were all, yeah? so? what of?
be glad i didnt' take pictures of when they started to eat it. bc they just ripped off meat right from the pig.... with their hands. and there was bone exposed. yeah.
i know.
needless to say, i did not eat any. i stuck to the salad and the bread. they're safe.

i am not melvin smelvin in tighty whities, promise.

oh lordy.

so i'm going to get mauled if i don't post pictures soon. guess i should stop watching true hollywood story on E while laying in bed sipping on iced tea with extra lemon, huh?

don't judge. you know you'd totally do the same thing if you had a free week to do absolutely nothing.

so, today i am getting a good five inches chopped off of my hair, and i'm getting my nose pierced tonight. i think. if i don't chicken out. it HURTS, man. then they slap this stupid gauze pad over half of your face so you look like a cat went to town on you. or. something. tres embarrassing.

so, and i have tons of other things to report on.... so, i will AM GOING TO try my damnedest to get pictures on this bad boy.

not that i totally didn't watch tori spelling true hollywood story this morning in bed.

i did. i will not tell a lie.

and iced tea? my kryptonite. extra lemon thanks.

where was i going with this? pictures. pictures. i promise, visual PROOF that i am, in fact, a 24 year old blonde and not a fat guy in tighty whities.


Monday, May 11, 2009

imsah so sarry, sorry, surry.....

so, after a week of hallucinations, fevers, kidneys on strike, pills pills pills, i am finally medication free (not including my birth control and the thyroid meds. synthroid, how i love thee...) and feeling soooo much better.

with that, you have permission to pelt me with rotten tomatoes bc i know that i've totally been m.i.a.

forgive. please. i beg. on knees and all.

i don't really have much to update, surprisingly, even tho i haven't written in forever.

i am no longer at the horrible job. YIPPIE.

my girlfriend highlighted the crap out of my hair and it looks soooo summery.... YIPPIE

i'm getting my hair cut, into an actual STYLE (what a concept) on wednesday... after having 'long hair' aka 'i-give-up-whatever' hair, i'm so excited to chop off the inches and get a style goin'. so. excited.

and hello?


6 DAYS, people, 6 DAYS!!!! it feels surreal. seriously. i mean after working three years and nine months at a place that i absolutely detested more than life itself, it's surreal to think that i. don't. have. to work. i mean, i do, and will, get a job after i come back but just the knowledge that i can relax and my vacation won't be tainted with the thought that i have to GO BACK TO HELL when i come home.

hear that?

........................ yeyup, pretty much sounds like pure freakin bliss to me. you wouldn't believe how much my disposition has changed. i actually LOOK different.... happy. who knew that i never looked HAPPY BEFORE????

so things are going good. i don't want to jinx it, you know how those things are... but everything is working out.

also? karma is a bitch, ya'll, cuz that woman i worked with? the impossibly horrid woman who i despised and she tried to make my life HELL right up till the very very end?

yeah. she tried to screw with me one last time.... to which i hung the phone up on her, immediately dialed my boss's cell, left a message and needless to say, everything was taken care of. i didn't work friday. i had a pleasant exit meeting with my boss who i love, and he gave me all of my papers, thanked me over and over, offered me a position anytime i wanted it and said if i ever need anything, just call.

oh, and $150 worth of restaurant gift credit. STEAK, anyone????

so, all in all, as my boss put it, i 'acted like a lady thru this whole thing'. hm, imagine that. taking the high road? yeah. it pays off . also? it's sad, but her dog died over the weekend. while she was on vacation.

i will refrain from saying anything, bc the dog is an innocent bystander. however? karma. nuff said.

to end this, i must enlighten the world to stove top.... IN A CUP. as in, you throw some water in there, pop it in the microwave, and BAM you've got stuffing.

mmmmmmm. best lunch evah.

oh, and also? i got a vaccine shot toda,y the first of three. oh, holy effing purple socks, did it hurt. i'm halfway incapacitated now. bum right arm. sigh.

Saturday, May 9, 2009


witha ZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

life is meant to be lived, is it not?

so i live;

so, i live. ce la vie.

hay low

nuthin new,

just to say , FLORIDA in a week.

and yes, ive convinced vlad to let me have the computuer

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that's right, me you, disney? need i say more????

plus more,. promise,

Thursday, May 7, 2009

human again!!

so, this is my second day off work,

but who am i kidding? my LAST DAY OF WORK WAS TUESDAY. yessss you read right, i am no longer working tomorrow.

long story short, that woman tried to get one last dig in on me but i won. helps when you're in with the main boss. so, at the end of it all, i win.

amazing how what goes around comes around, isn't it? thru this whole bs crap situation i've been the one to take the high road.... and not to be petty (ha.) but i won.

also i woke up this morning feeling HUMAN. for the past day and a half i've been seriously hallucinating.... i thought vlad was asking me for things and that i was at work, when really i was sleeping.... i can' t explain it really, just very confusing. so. i loaded myself up on cold medicine last night and finally slept 10 hours.... and now i'm extremely with-it and alert. well. for the most part.

so, i promise i will be back on a regular basis, once i kick this for sure. just wanted to update and tell ya'll that i'm done officially with that three and a half dark years of my life and i'm on to a new part. :)

thank you all for your well wishes- maybe that's why i'm better and the cold meds have nothing to do with it :)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

oh, welcome to my life and healthcare......

so last night, at around 5pm, i went to the bathroom and let's just say....

i knew a UTI was comin' on, and comin' on STRONG.

call my doctor.... leave work early.... race home to pee bc the pain MY GOD THE PAIN and then i race over to the doctor where i pee, again, and again, they say, wow! blood in the urine!

no shit, moron.

so then i race home to pee (if you've never had a UTI, count yourself lucky. SERIOUSLY.) and then i race to walgreens and then i race home and scrounge out an old pain killer prescribed three years ago when i had FOUR back-to-back kidney infections and very light stones.

joy of joys, right? well, i thought i was all done with this crap.... looks like it's reared it's ugly head again.

good news? no blood at of 8pm last night. i didn't sleep last night, i sort of was in this state of lucid dreaming.... i knew where i was and what i was doing and where the pillows were but as the hours crept by i faded in and out of weird dreaming. very. weird.

so i've been taking tamiflu, just-in-case, you know, since i'll be traveling NEXT WEEKEND yay!!!!!! on a train full of people on, i got a prescription. and thank the lord for that, bc i think that i was getting hit by the flu but over the course of last night i broke my fever. how do i know? i woke up soooo sticky. ew.

being sick is so not glamorous.

so today, i am home, and i made a somewhat deal with my work... i am staying home today and tomorrow and i will go in to work on friday. but the only reason that i agreed to this, is bc the mean snarky miserable woman won't be there friday. so, works for me, i can say goodbye and make sure my replacement is trained okay. i'm guessing she won't be. but.

so, this post is kind of rambly, just letting you know what's up...... i'm tired, sleepy, achy, livin on chicken soup and grilled cheese. in retrospect, i much prefer this to working with that woman.

bahahahahaha. anyway, happy hump day ya'll, i should be back to normal by friday. hopefully.

but seriously, a kidney infection? yeah. forgot how much THAT hurt.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

my last day

so, just to give you a glimpse into how bitchtastic my boss is, not my REAL boss but the bitch ass woman who works in admin,

yesterday she told her assistant to tell me (can't even get off your ass to tell me personally? surprise, surprise) that i had to clean out my desk. bc it's not my desk anymore. (my last day is friday.) it's now my replacement's desk.

er, okay. can't even keep my tea here anymore. wow, you're really fighting to make my life hell right up to the minute on friday, aren't cha?

so then, they tell me that my training of my replacement is going to be here sitting at my desk, doing my job, and i have to watch her.

for eight hours.

for four days.

so i woke up this morning, dug deep into myself and said, do i really need this? want this? this bs? and when i say bs, i really do mean bullshit in big bright sparkly letters. bc it's not a nice way of having me train her. no, this is intentionally making my life SUCK for four full days bc 1, they don't want to deal with her, and 2, she wants to make me miserable.

so, once again, i woke up, looked at my husband, said good morning, and said, you know, i think today is my last day.

i'm going to tell that poor excuse of a human being at around 4pm that the new girl is trained, and i don't think the head honcho boss (who i actually like) wants to pay me to sit and stare at her all day. so, today will suck, but tomorrow?


endless possibilities. how many times in your life can you actually say that and it's true?

i'm so thankful to be able to do this during this economy. i am so thankful to be able to stand up for myself and put my foot down and refuse to be manipulated any longer. i am just so flippin thankful.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

so let down!

so tonight, the bulls totally LOST. dude. why are you overshooting??? WHY???? and also? FOULS, people. fouls. they win games. nuff said.

just came home from a dive/sorta okay bar, chasers, and i had a fun time. even tho the bulls ate it, and suck, okay i really love them but... still. overshooting is not a river in egypt. or. something. so we had chicken pita pockets, with extra mayo, super crunchy fries (don't worry mcdonalds, your mushy fry goodness is still totally my favorite. no worries.) dipped in ranch, pitcha o beer, good company, good time.

now i'm home, with daisy the cat, and vlad is across the parking lot at our friends house who we went to the bar with. why am i home? oh, i dunno, i had the great idea to take pictures of my house FINALLY and then LET DOWN BIG TIME when i realized i'm either super blonde and dumb (it's possible) or the usb cable my mom gave me last week... doesn't work. not compatible with my camera. FAIL.

so. no pictures. i WILL go to best buy soon and bring the ol' cannon with me and figure it out. until then i shall have to dazzle you with my wonderful writings.


so, i totally cleaned the house, as in, scrubbed floors, vacuumed better than i ever have in my entire life, and everything is polished and shiny. i. love. it. and tomorrow i have a new book in a FABULOUSO series to buy.... oh borders how you taunt me, you saucy vixen.... actually i'm cheating on you tomorrow, barnes n noble is down the street. and they have better coffee. sorry. that's like the equivelant of fake boobs or something. or stilettos.

where was i? oh yeah. so. if you like romance, and you like vampire books, and want to read a vampire book for an ADULT that will totally eat you up and make you disssapear from the world while you quietly and quickly devour each and every word,

go buy the first book of the black dagger brotherhood. oh, lordy be.......

needless to say, that's going to be my obsession this week. sigh. i lie. tomorrow. bc even tho it's over 600 pages (UHM YUM who else loves a fat sandwich book??? makes me all dizzy and hot n bothered) i'm sure i'll finish it in record time.

what else? hmmm.....

oh yeah, i'm gonna be leaving for florida in exactly two weeks. TWO WEEKS PEOPLE. and i'm totally starting my brainwashing strategy to take the laptop with me. i'm slowly working on vlad. bc there's free wifi and i want to blog my trip. TOTALLY want t oblog my trip.

cuz i loves ya'll, that's why!!!

so, uh, i'm goin back to the book i NEED TO FINISH TONIGHT bc tomorrow, it's all over.... it's all black dagger brotherhood for this gal. oh, my god, i'm so excited don't know if i can sleep.

who am i kidding. once you GET me to sleep, then it's over. i slept till one today. luxury. sigh.

i hope all of you enjoy your saturday and sunday and the weekend!!!!! go outside and breathe the air.... pet a dog.... eat a hotdog, even. the dog won't be offended. thy aren't actually dogs, ya know. public service announcement, tho, only eat the kosher hot dogs. you'll thank me later.

damn yo, now i want a hot dog!!!! call me a sucker, but i'm a die-hard west coast girl at heart and i NEED THE KETCHUP on my dog. i'm sorry. i know what i do but will say i know not what i do and hope the south siders won't hunt me down and make me eat my dog with everythingbuttheketchup.

that would be tragedy.

......where the hell was i going with this post, anyway???

Friday, May 1, 2009

yo, some dangerous backstabbin.

has any one else noticed that sometimes, once in a while, you'll open a window to read a fellow blogger, bloggess, and suddenly, their page is the kiss of death?

as in, forty million twenty four hundred windows opening? and you keep frantically hitting the X red button to close them all? and totally failing? task manager, you saved mah ass, i loves you.

but seriously, does blogger have a virus????

i recently found out my computer at work has a "trojan horse" (dun dun dun) that they can't get rid of. er, as in, trojan = std? seriously? it's not herpes. we should, SHOULD be able to cast it into shaddow. and yet,

my laptop at home was just affected by this madness. and, ironically enough, i don't give two shits about my work computer but i DO care about my beloved sophie, my cute n sassy laptop. that's big-ass-huge. 17 inches. good luck luggin that to starbucks.

i digress.

but really? REALLY? blogger? you bestill my heart and all i have left to say, is,

et tu, brute? et tu?

uhm, also? is it totally wrong of me to take like, 8 mg of melatonin? it's 2am and i'm STILL not tired. sigh. i may pump up the dream drug. i HATE this about my body!!!! insomnia, i loathe you, WAAAAYYYYY more than ceasar when brutus shafted him. just sayin'.

24 things you never wanted to know about me (..and i'm sorry.)

totally stole this from Undomestic Diva, a website i stalk read religiously. her aunt is the ever famous 24 at heart, who i will willingly say i stalk cuz duh, i totally love her in a totally non-sexual way. (even tho she may write about sex toys. just sayin.)

so, yet ANOTHER charming meme. cuz it's all about me, right?


hello? bueller?

1. Did you date someone from your school senior year? uhm, well he had graduated two years before me from the same high school- does that count?

2. Did you marry someone from your high school? hells nah. i married a russian after i ran across the country after graduating.

3. Did you carpool to school? believe it or not, my boyfriend seriously picked me up every. single. day. and drove me to school before he went to his community college classes.

4. What kind of car did you drive? i didn't... i didn't get my license until i was 19 and living in Chi-town. crazy huh? my boyfriend drove me everywhere..... in a classic wood paneled station wagon. style, yo. we were all emo so it was cool at the time. retro.

5. What kind of car do you have now? 2004 lexus gs330.... it's a boat and i love it.

6. It's Friday night - where were you (in high school)? either at the movies or hanging out at a friends house with my boyfriend watching them play halo. ah, the days of halo...

7. It is Friday night - where are you (now)? er, at the movies, dinner or renting a movie and watching it at home with the husband, or across the parking lot watching my husband sing karaoke or play wii. yeah. not much's changed.

8. What kind of job did you have in high school? dude, i worked at domino's. i was a world-class pizza maker... and i totally sucked at it. although, i did make damn good dough balls that we would dip in sauce. also? garlic butter sauce? nuff said. i did always smell like food, tho.

9. What kind of job do you do now? well, for one more week i am a receptionist, administrative, and a personal assistant.... and then after that, i am free. but really, figuring out my next move into getting a real career goin'.

10. Were you a party animal? in high school? no. def not. i was actually kind of shy.

11. Were you considered a flirt? uhm, no. i had a boyfriend and i avoided most people at school.... high school and me didn't really mix real well.

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? not in high school. i was in choir in junior high. that count? also i was in drama, dance and cheer....

13. Were you a nerd? no, i was the girl who walked around wearing converse and band tee shirts with black-frame glasses who always had her ear phones in when walking in between classes listening to music. i was the girl who was 'too cool for school'.

14. Did you get suspended or expelled? nope. i narrowly escaped it, a girl jumped me. yes. traumatic and i'd rather not think about all the hair she yanked from my scalp.

15. Can you sing the fight song? no. never really knew it. well, wait, oh.. my.. god... 'on a (soemthing) of rolling foothills, stands a building we adore... it's fallbrook union high school, one we'll love forever more! when we leave this school for greater, (something something something) we will not forget old fallbrook and the building we adore!

oh. snap.

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? didn't have one. they all sort of sucked.

17. Where did you sit during lunch? underneath the clocktower. that sounds like some song title, doesn't it?

18. If you could go back and do it again, would you? uhm, you know, if i could go back being the person i am now? i just might. but then again, i hated that place so much i ditched most of the time and had over 70 absent days. all excused. thanks, mom, for letting me stay home 'sick'. :) and btw, i totally graduated with something like a 3.5 or 3.8 gpa. so, don't judge.

19. Did you have fun at Prom? which one? i had the most fun when i went soph year with my gay friend. he wore spats. it rocked.

20. Do you still talk to your prom date? i don't talk to any of my school dance dates anymore.

21. What did you want to be when you grew up? an fbi agent, or a profiler.

22. Biggest fashion mistake? uhm..... wearing jeans that had a rainbow stripe down the side. yikes.

23. Favorite fashion trend? converse, both chucks and purcells. rock it old school yo. o and my dashboard confessional tees, which i have lost in my many moves... and my dickies messenger bag.

24. Are you going to your next reunion? uh, no. no, thanks, i'd rather not see all the airheads and vapid california idiots again.

sorry. the bitterness hasn't worn off yet. i think it will. eventually. maybe.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

i was tagged!! eeeep! prom pics and random craziliciousness

soooooooooo yes, i am feeling better.

no swine flu here.

not yet, anyway. lord knows i contract the most effed up virus's, EVER.

no, seriously. i once had fifth's disease. yeah. that's like, the japanese strain of chicken pox. or. measles. somethin like that. my dad brought it back, as a carrier, when he came home for leave time when he was stationed over there. thanks pops. (i know it wasn't your fault. but damn, yo, tough love.)

i was tagged for a ... uh, a tag thingie, about prom, of all things.

lordy be. prom? PROM? yer killin me here! so. i just so happened so have some pics saved in an online photobucket album from like, ages ago, and thought, hot damn, i can actually DO THIS ONE. go me. so.

i am putting a disclaimer. i know not what i do. amen. so Kels, here you go girl!!! you asked for it!

sadly, the only photo i have, ONLINE, from my junior year prom. that's me on the left. such class, such ... joie de vivre, right? RIGHT? i actually looked pretty good. this was the heaviest i've ever been. i topped out around 140 there.... i weigh about 115 now. i'm pretty much 5'7", minus three centimeters.

dude. it counts. my gyno totally measured me and EVERYTHANG. 5'7" yo! go me! ahem. enough with my stats. on with the show.

my senior year. again, the only pic i have, ONLINE. i'm sure my mother has eons and eons of photos. i still have this necklace. and the dress. it's cute. i was back to my normal weight in this photo. if you were wondering. which i'm sure you weren't. but. the summer between junior and senior year, i went to europe. germany, switzerland, austria, france and england. and. it was during mad cow disease... so, = no red meat. and i generally don't eat pork. didn't then. so what did i live off of?
the free croissants. in the hotel lobby. i would set my alarm for 6am when they were set out, in plastic crates at the hostels so i could run down, wrap em up in napkins and stuff my backpack full. then i would munch all day.
and chocolate. and beer. hey! you can drink at 16 there. i turned 17 in a pub in england. uh, hello? nothin' better.
anyway. i dropped almost twenty pounds in three weeks. thanks, croissants and chocolate. i also scored some really cool goat socks at a salt mine cave in switzerland. but that's another story. (still have the socks.)

since i'm on a roll, here's me, sophomore year, dead center, at a football game. wow, i look so young. and yeah. those are braces. (cringe.) i had literally SLID into home to take this photo- i was over on the other end of the field, doin what i do best, staring into space and wandering around kicking up dust. yeah. i'm the bright one.

this is a photo, of when i first met vlad. we were officially 'together', at his condo. his infamous condo. i could tell stories. but i won't. at least, not right now. look at my nose piercing!!! sigh. it's comin back ya'll and i will totally post when i get it re-pierced. it's a painful thing, MUCH MORE PAINFUL than my tattoos. oh, lordy, it was painful, mostly bc of the nerves in the face and it makes your eyes tear up and then they slap this gauze onto HALF OF YOUR FACE so you look like a squirrel went to town on it and you got patched up and it's uber embarrassing.
where was i again? oh yeah. so we had known each other like, three weeks here. look at how leetle he looks. heh. he would kill me if he read that.
which he won't. so. look how leeeetle he looks. :)

and this? oh, i just threw this one in there to prove that I AM THE ONE WHO ASSEMBLES ALL TENTS ON CAMPING TRIPS, NOT VLAD. don't listen to him. he couldn't build a tent to get outta a paper bag. that made no sense. i digress. i am the ONLY ONE who sets up the tents. and seriously? setting up four tents at once? yeah. totally need a cocktail after that.
also? side note? who camps in a denim mini skirt?
DEFINITELY learned my lesson the hard way on THAT one.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


was sick yesterday.

am crawling and barely functioning today, but am at work.

have only nine days left of work. yahoo.

am leaving for disney in 19. YAHOO

still, feeling like i'm barely sitting here... wish i were in bed. today will be brutal.

have no internet at home. tragedy.

will update when both computer and body are in working order.

forgive. forgive.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

USB CABLES!!! joy o joy!

my mom bought me a usb cable.

is that what they're called???? eeeeep.

you know, so that i can take pictures on a real camera and upload them????

i'm also thinkin of buying a REAL camera.... although, the last camera i had was an old school minolta and oh dear lord i think i still have it and love it to death. would totally love to have a dark room.

somehow i think vlad would not like our bathtub to be a dark room. just sayin.

but anyway, so i'm thinking of buying a BIG GIRL camera and i'm not sure-

scratch that, i have NO FRICKIN IDEA what kind, etc, would work for me. all i know is that when i went to best buy they were EXPENSIVE. yikes.

so. just curious. what ya'll use, and why, and why it blows your skirt up or your socks off.

also? the meaning of this post was really to tell ya'll that i can take pictures now and show you my whole life and my house and once i figure out video, that too, so get ready for that this month!!!!

also? er, has anyone SEEN my camera? damnit.... i think it's in the car.

i'm always one wheel short, ya know?

Friday, April 24, 2009

so i went to the beach today.

and, let me say, die-hard midwesterners, the beach is not THE BEACH without the waves.

tho i had a few that were reminiscent of.... a lagoon.

i'll take what i can.

however, the sky was clouded and high schoolers were footballin it up (much to my annoyment) and the wind was blowing in the trees and it was..


we left not fifteen minutes in. high schoolers? yeah. i was one once. but HELLO, they ruin the beach. TOE-TOE-ALLY. and i know i just acted like one typing that. forgive, forgive, it rubs off.

but still.

imagine a friday night, nothin to do, just walk on the beach, play football, tackle each other, play flirt, have a great night. i guess i'll never have that again.

hello, folks, i've evolved from teenager, wandering twenty-something, to a woman WOMAN (yikes! not girl!) who knows what she wants.

or, perhaps, could guess? can i play guess? and scrabble? and ... and... life?

LIFE. so i guess i'm playin at LIFE. the big four letter word no one ever wants to face. we go, day to day, in our own lil lives, and never really think what am i DOING here???


i have no flippin idea. no fuckin idea? maybe. let's go there. i have no fucking idea what i'm doing but it feels right, and , in this life where i'm a virgin, not in REAL LIFE c'mon now, ya'll i'm MARRIED, but really? i feel so fresh. so young. and old. how juxtapose.

where am i goin with this?

i went to the beach, and i saw the sky. it was gorgeous, storm impending, and... and...

all i cared about was the fact that i heard the lap of the waves. small as they were. enough for me.

small things, ...

small things encompass larger, and altogether, create larger.

i totally just typed larder at first. wtf? who does that? larder? isn't that cow related?

who else is laughing? anyone? bueller?

life, is, hilarious, frustrating, sad, invigorating, moving, slow-moving, orvill canister moving,

hey, we all need a good vacuum- (shouldn't be watchin' t.v. and bloggin)

my point? i don't have one.

although? bein outside and calm? has totally made my life more manageable. go outside. feel nature.

and now, i'm goin to have a glass of wine. cuz it's freakishly 85 here in illinois, and my air is running, but it's friday, and hello?


a glass of wine? fair trade.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

on why men cannot be trusted to buy the sacred toilet paper.


i mean. really.

and yes. it was a big ol' package of like a kajillion of them.

and yes. they're all individually wrapped.

i told him to take that to his auto body shop, bc really? the fact that i had to WIPE with this? this morning? and had to use half the roll bc it is not fifteen eleven ply?

disclaimer: if you happen to adore scott, more power to ya. my tush? likes charmin. nothing. else.
but really, need i even have SAID anything? i could have just put the picture and the title up, and it would explain everything.

the paper towels that he bought? yeah.

this is like, the creme de la creme of paper towels. for me personally. there is the leetle tiny ones, the medium if you take two, and the regular if you take three.

and the soakage-upage? ohmahgah, the best ever.

but for my, uhm, unmentionables? i guess i score scott. for my granite countertops? only the best.

good to know where i stand.

i am buying charmin after work. amen.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

okay, all right, i get it man, i am totally ignoring my duties!!

okay, so as JustMeMe has pointed out, i am bein a slacker lately. i don't mean to. i mean, i have so many things to post about it's makin me all hazy and then i get scared and hide under the covers and watch house wives of new york. i know. how dare i, right? and not invite ya'll?

so, she tagged me, and since she's been raggin' on me to you know PAY ATTENTION to the world, i'm going to do something she tagged me on. (cuz it may be an easy one.) (i never said that.) (i will take that to my grave.) (fo reals.)

8 Things!!!!!!!

Eight things i am looking forward to:

two. the polynesian at disneyworld
three. meeting baby olivia. yeah, i think my priorites are skewed.... hm.
four. visiting D.C.- always have wanted to go!

-kinda unrelated? i've totally touched the liberty bell. how awesome is THAT? yeah... so i snuck undera red velvet rope. but i touched it. now it's all sealed off. maybe bc of people like me? naaaahhhh. (i was six, yo, gimme a break.)

five. getting mah hair cut!!!
six. not having to come to this work place again after may 8th. yay!!!
seven. seeing vlad tonight, bc he's hitting up sams club and that means toilet paper. we are a sad people when we get busy.
eight. the warm weather heading our way... tho i doubt it'll hit 82 like they said. pfft. but i'll take 70!!

eight things I Did Yesterday:

one. came to work.
two. went to my friends bday party across the parking lot (tres chic i am) for some chicken and pitas.
three. played with my friends neices, who are totally awesome, and their mom deamed me 'old enough to babysit' finally. the girls have been asking FOREVER for me to babysit them and i think she thought that i didn't want to... so i cleared that up pronto.
four. went to bed early, bc i thought house wives of ny was last night but it WASN'T. it's tonight.
five. finished a good book and now i'm totally craving another.
six. went grocery shopping... and i'm going again tonight. sigh.
seven. drank a beer. go me!
eight. geez man eight is rough!!!! okay... er, ate mini pancakes for breakfast. they kinda sucked.

Things I Wish I Could Do:

one. be more outgoing, for sure.
two. run a mile without dying.
three. sing, i've always wanted to sing, but alas, i suck.
four. travel the world for two years... sigh.
five. actually have the cajones to travel the world for two years.
six. be really good at math. i SUCK at math, and it's plagued me my entire life.
seven. still do the splits. without crying.
eight. run a kickass company and be totally one of those wall street career women. (yeah. ain't gonna happen.)

8 Shows I Watch:

-house wives of orange county, ny, nj
-still standing
-will and grace
-prison break
-anything hgtv
-jon and kate plus 8 (guilty addiction. vlad despises this show.)
-george lopez (LOVE!)

okay, and i'm supposed to tag eight people, but, peeps, i'm tired, i only have 10 minutes left before i get to go home (the store first. joy.) and ... doin the link love thang totally rags on this computer. it takes FOREVER and it inputs crazy html that i never ever put in amen. so.

please forgive. and besides. i want EVERYONE to try this out. it's actually pretty tough to figure out eight things without gettin really desperate. and i did. i'll admit it. just sayin.

so, there!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

so,,,, like i was sayin'..........

today is Easter.

for Orthodox Christians.

aka, my russian familia, and i spent the day with blessed candles from the church being lit and lots of cavier wrapped up in blinchiki (basically, a pancake, but it's REALLY thin. you make it by mixing flour and milk and egg and water and it basically just turns into a soft, kinda slick, really flat pancake.), lots of russian raisin cake, and lots,




of russian. it was quite funny. amusing. bc in case you don't know, i. do. not. speak. russian.

no. that's right. you heard it. read it? i do not speak russian. even tho his family (my family?) is now convinced that i should be able to after over four years.... bc they knew this woman who worked with so-and-so's cousin who married a russian and was fluent in three years.

good for her.

so. one funny thing that happened, was when we were all seated, toasting glasses of really juicy wine that had BARELY any alcohol (trust me, i know) and snifters of coignac and vodka and non alcoholic beer (i know, weird), vlad's sister, my sister-in-law, a gal i just love completely, who is also preggo, YAY, her husband was looking all bewildered at the table.

cuz we were speakin english. to, you know, let me in on the joke. see it goes like this: they'll talk up a storm in russian, each person who's speaking over the other getting louder and LOUDER and LOUDER until only one person is talking and then everyone is talking and then laughing and slapping their thigh and shakin their heads and i'm all,

yo? seriously? wassup? cuz i am clueless man. help a girl out.

so then they'll switch to english and tell the whole thing over again.......... and laugh all over again. truly a fun time. so.

instead, this time, they were stuck in english mode bc i was INVOLVED in this conversation and stacy, my sister-in-law-who's-preggo-and-awesome, her husband, who just came from russia like, kid you not, two months ago, is all,

dude, yo, wassup? i do not get it.

so we all laughed. why? bc DUH, hello, we were mirror images of each other. and duh, the two worst people to stick on a stranded island? me and sasha. seriously. (btw, sasha is alex in english. so no. he's not a cross dresser, he's just euro.) and the whole time i'm telling my witty jokes about how the two of us stuck in a room together would be DIZZZASTER and imagine us on an island, 'dude, you want a coconut? what ARE YOU SAYIN?????' he's sitting there, totally clueless.

and we're sitting next to each other.

and i have to say, not sure where i was going when i decided to do this post, but seriously? HIGHlarious. so funny. we're looking at each other, potatoes in the mouth, duck on the fork, blinchikis on the plate, cavier taunting me two inches away, a dead fish eyein me, and i mean EYEING me as in his eyes are IN THERE STILL (they eat them. for good luck. gotta love them russians.) and we're just laughing so hard we're red in the face and you know what?

i may not speak russian, but i DO speak human. and we connected. and isn't that amazing? that two people, from two different parts of the world, can sit at one table, look each other in the eye, and laugh about the same thing without even TALKING to each other? quite a feat, really. fantastic, and truly, made my heart fly right outta my chest. so. cool.

so. i actually, in reality, had a great day. i think it's because

i gave my notice at work on friday. that means, NO MORE WORKING FOR SATAN ANYMORE.

so, that means, when i go to work tomorrow? i don't really care what goes on. i mean, i care about the clients, and the way the work gets done, and i want to do a good job because i am PROUD of what i do and how i do it, but really?

all that drama?

yo, take it to yo mama, i don't want it no mo'. i'm done. finite. and honestly, it is a. great. feeling. to know that i'm embarking (did i spell that right? i'm too lazy for spellcheck. and yet i typed this out. shoot. bygones.) on a new journey in life, a new LIFE so to speak, where i am going to focus on helping MYSELF so that i can HELP OTHERS. and it is a GREAT FEELING.

i'm a caps person, lately, i've discovered. but really? in real life? i pinky promise i don't yell. and yo, i'm still workin on the camera bein' fizzed up and the video being slow bc really, i AM still working, and things are just kinda on the back burner until i get some free time.

after may 8th? watch out ya'll i might just get a lil fiesty and crazy up in this house.

so. right now, i'm just enjoying a night, enjoying the rain, enjoying the calm of my house, enjoying the idea of shedding that horrid, horrid job. i am free. i am free, and i will always be free, and in the words of tori amos,

take to the sky, bitches.

(okay. i added the bitches part. forgive. forgive.)

Friday, April 17, 2009

She's Lump!!!!

yo, if Kate over at She's Lump is reading this, important bulletin, i cannot read your blog and miss you and your pugs and your humor. uh, i need some lump in my life, grrrrrr.

help? halp? please?

on the road again...............

oooooohhhhhh my goodness, what a SLACKER I AM!!!!!!!!!

there are so many things that i want to write about. hair, nails, a new seasoning sauce that was totally mailed to me, FREE, just so that i could try it and review it on here- quitting my job, the new clothes i scored, why i love starbucks even tho it's evil bc it's a chain and has no face, my love of vitamin water, i could go on and on and on and on.................................

and, instead, o yeah, and also my hatred of my camera phone and my phone in general and how i need to get my ass to a best buy (lunch today? probably will hit it up) to buy a thangy that will let me be able to use my chippy thing in my camera so that i can put it directly into le laptop (yeah it's male. his name is billy bob. deal with it.) so that i can upload PICTURES of la adobe and show ya'll what i've done with this shack and.. and..

where was i?

oh yeah, i have no idea where this post is going only that i meant to get SOMETHIN up here. oh yeah, and a skinny hazelnut latte from starbucks? pure frickin genius, yo.

so the next few months, summer really, will be spent trying to reaquant myself with ME. Lauren. Lo. who i am. who i want to be. who this hunka body is supposed to be. get healthy. get energized. be EXCITED for life, and not just SURVIVING.

i can't tell you enough about how craptastic my job is. basically, not to bore ya'll, but i just work a mundane job. over and over the drama is high and ridiculous, the stories i could tell... basically, one psycho, crazy, cracked out bitch i work with makes life hell for everyone. and i'm done. i wash my hands after over three years of back breaking work, with no recognition... not even one, hey, yo, good job. oh, this is the same woman who i invited to my wedding (had to) and she actually never once said hello. nor did she congratulate. nor did she look in my direction. bitch drank my liquor and ate my damn steak but never once said hello or thank you or hey go eff yourself or congrats. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

anyway. enough. i wash my hands. did i say that already? i think i've developed raw hand syndrome from all the washin i've been doing lately.

so. what else is there to write about? what else is there to me beyond this crappy existence i've sustained for three years? what is there after i shuck the crap off of myself and declare myself nekked and free? happy? carefree? scared shitless?

there's love,
a need to help others,
a fear greater than life itself that i will screw it all up,
a need to just jump in headfirst even if it's a cement bottom pond,
sleeping late is great,
and i can do it again,
i don't understand my 401k and yo thanks mom for helping me 'roll it over' into an IRA,
what does that MEAN in real people talk,
i love shoes,
i'd really like to be a hot shot lawyer or somethin but i don't think i could deal with the headaches,
i think i'd love to love quiche but i've never tried it and i'm scared,
made kick ass pasta last night and no idea how i did it,
want to take cooking classes,
yoga? anyone?
or maybe pilates, tai chi,
holistic healing courses,
i really do love yoga pants tho,
i hate pleated dress pants,
i really really do, they're so totally 80's,
if i don't have a bottle of water i know not what to do with myself,
i really love tinker bell but i love tigger just as much, but really, i love dumbo,
i need to start working out but again? maybe yoga or pilates will work instead of hardcore strength training,
i really don't want to give up pizza, so i won't,
i think i kind of suck at grilling but so does vlad, so it's okay,
i hate purple,
i really want coach sneakers and yet refuse to shell out the cash for them,
i want to do more stuff outside but have no idea where to go,
i want to hit up the beach tonight, just walk and relax on a blanket but vlad is iffy,
i'll stuff him in the trunk if he refuses to go,
don't tell the police that,

where am i going with this? oh lordy this is what happens when you inject starbucks at 8.30am. and your name is lauren. and you have blonde hair. and chipped toenail polish. that's right. i'm honest. i'll tell ya. i also haven't shaved my armpits in a week. eep. i think i should get on that. i also need to cut my hair. must. make. appointment.

eeeeeep must shave before obgyn tomorrow!!! ack!

okay, tmi. where was i going? where am i going? good question. where am i going?

Sunday, April 12, 2009

sunday funday easter

one thing about condo livin, in a thirty-something year old building, is during the winter? it is HOT. dear lordy..... our condo is pint-sized (i like it that way, less to clean haha!) and so ultimately, the only 'windows' we have would be one in the bedroom, and then the sliding glass doors in the living room. which is open as wide as humanly (doorly?) possible. i type this entry with a tomato face, a glass of wine, and cold noodles romanoff that my mom made for easter today.

yeah. uh, the only thing i regret would possibly be the twenty eleven pounds of noodles i ate today. but bygones. i have a month before anyone sees me in a bikini. shudder.

so how was everyones easter? uneventful? jam-packed? church? cook out? bbq? eight course meal? wine? kool aid? just curious. mine was spent first at my parents condo in the city, which is right on the lake and BRRRRR it is COLD by the lake. lake michigan can pack a punch even in april. so my mom cooked her butt off and we had a great meal. my grandma, two uncles, one uncles wife whom i just adore, and of course my parents. and vlad. and the cats. but one cat was missing. we're still trying to figure that out since Larry, who used to be Lola, until his (ahem) unmentionables descended when he was a kitten, is now too fat to fit into the small alcove under the cabinets in the kitchen. hm. should probably ask if she found him yet. anyway.

so we ate, stuffed ourselves, drank mimosa's, and watched deadliest catch, episode after episode. and hello, if you know not what i speak of GOOGLE IT my child, it is a great show. so super scary and crabs kinda freak me out now, except for the kind that come shell-less and laid out nicely on a platter with a lil candle underneath a small ramekin containing liquid butter. then, my friends, crab is A OKAY in my book. yep.

but the show is uber cool. huge waves. yikes. anyway.

so, .... oh yeah. so i had a great time but being so exhausted i was the first to leave- i hate when that happens! so i collected all the cool stuff my mom gave me for easter, you know, an awesome book, two pairs of obnoxious but glorious socks (i'm somewhat of a sock freak... more on that later), some salt from this salt cave she went to but upon further thought i do believe i left that there.... hm. that sucks. some jelly beans, etc, classic easter loot. and a candelabra from my wedding (they were the centerpieces, i found them stashed in their bedroom, i took. at least i told her i took.) and now it sits on a side table/side bar in the dining room. i like.

then we high-tailed it back home and went across the parking lot (glamerous lot, aren't we?) and hung out with our super good friends who happen to be neighbors (score) and their families. but. seeing as i am so exhausted, can barely keep my eyes open, fell asleep in the car, i decided a glass of wine and the couch sounded much better. plus, i'm not good company, anyway. i mean really. what am i doing? i'm basically talking to myself ABOUT myself. pfft. no fun indeed. i told vlad to stay, have some fun, socialize, and i can have some peace and quiet and personal time too. bc i need that once in a while. i'm an only child. we welcome solitude. especially if it offers wine.

so. that was my day. i woke up extra late, ate breakfast in bed and watched t.v..... an old ryan reynolds movie. who else adores him??????? he is gorgeous AND hilarious. hellllooooo, package deal. i love dane cook too. oh and stiffler. i can never remember his name but he has a new movie out, role models, ya'll should check it out. hi-larious.

i have no idea where i started with this entry. i'm still hot as hell and i'm still eating cold noodles. wow i'm classy. now i'm going to park it on the couch with a book and read until i can't read anymore and then watch a little quiet t.v. and then go to bed. i know. i'm such a partier it's quite frightening.

in other news, how the hell do you post videos on blogger????? my camera records videos and i think it'd be fun if ya'll could ask me questions and then i'd answer them, in video, so you can see that i really do exist and all. tho, don't hold it against me if your ears start to bleed and your toes fall off. who knows how annoying i am in video format!!!!!

happy Easter guys. i hope it was spent with lots of family, food, fun and love :)

Saturday, April 11, 2009


...watching a league of their own on oxygen right now, and lordy be, i forgot how much i love this movie. I. LOVE. THIS. MOVIE. good cake in heaven i love this movie. madonna? yeah. i saw evita. and i still think she's a good actress. even tho, lately, her face lift scares me.

but i'm crying. good god, it is SAD. the part where the telegram comes????? eep. this movie is so full of integrity i just.. i love it.

"i thought you were a ball player"

"you thought wrong. it's just a game."

phew! and the part that really broke me down? when her husband comes back from the war while she's sobbing alone in her room thinking he's dead or god knows and he walks in and they embrace and she says,

"can we just hold each other for the rest of our lives?"

and her husband goes,

"that's my plan."

also? when she's leaving the league and jimmy says, "why are you leaving?"

and Dottie says, "it just got too hard."

and he says something about how that's the point. the heart is in what's hard. or. something. i'm paraphrasing bc i don't remember exactly.

also? i am being drugged by the scent of cake in my house. i found cake-in-the-box on sale for a dollar (one dollar!!!!) and then a coupon for .50 cents off frosting and cut to me two hours later, and i have classic yellow cake cooling on the counter in a classic 13x9 metal pan. oh, the scent and the sight of it bring me right back to childhood.

i don't care what people say. box cake? is like blood in my veins. i miss it when it's gone.

er, somethin like that. yum. c'mon over and we'll watch afternoon movies on t.v. and eat cake :)

i've been a slacker, yeah, i get it, i really super do

so i've totally slacked off on my duties as a bloggess. i apologize. i lament. i pray that ya'll forgive me. i say, to the heavens, i know not what i do and yet, alas, i do, and.... i'm sorry. apologies abound over here. it's just, well, i work in the accounting field and lord knows it's hectic right now.

oh, you ask, how hectic?

hectic enough that you're sittin at work, BLOGGING, on a saturday morning, with no work to do??? how could it be??? how so??? is it even POSSIBLE?

yeah. so. my work is basically one soap opera episode over and over and over again. it's ridiculous, full of drama, etc, all bc of one person. so. i sit here, have sat here, since 8am, and logged out returns and basically numbed my mind with a Stouffers pita chicken broccoli flatbread thang and cups and cups of green tea bc the coffee here? yeah. acid. i really have not that much work to do but it's astounding how drama can make you feel SO. DAMN. TIRED.

so. i thought i would update, and say, hey, i know i suck, but, i'm tryin over here, and i'm outta this gig once May hits, but for right now? until wednesday? yeah. it sucks. i have heartburn. where are my tums? things are stressful. i'm irritated as all getout and more often than not (daily) i come home, shed my clothes, don the sweats, and go, damn yo where's my wine? and have a glass. all the while trying to unwind the crap that goes on in my day from my brain.

my real life has been put on hold for a bit, bc of the drama i endure for nine hours a day.

i do not mean to unload here, it's just, well, i'm sure y'all have had a job that just. plain. sucks. and you've wanted to leave but for whatever reason couldn't. and right now, i can't bail in the last tail of tax season, so i'm here, and i'm so tired i swear to you, in another thirty seconds you might just find me curled in the fetal position in the file room next to the 1120's. just sayin'.

so tonight i convinced Vlad to go to Big Bowl with me, and if you've yet to visit one, dear lord in heaven and white lambs and fluffy clouds, you MUST GO NOW DROP EVERYTHING bc it is pure heaven. their lemonade is bomb ass too. i get the pad thai. i think tonight i might just get frisky and order the stir fry. then we're going to see the new fast n furious and in all honesty i've got no clue which sequal this one is, i think four, all i know is i get to watch fast cars and paul walker, amen.

then home. home, home, home, to my bed, to mindless t.v. like property virgins and house hunters on hgtv and then sleep and then sleepin in, THANK GOD, and then easter dinner but really lunch at 2pm at my parents house and then blissful couch time. sounds like a deal to me.

so where was i? oh. yeah. i'm a slacker. i've got like, a tag thang i need to do, want to do, must do ohmygoodnessmustdo and then ....... pictures, i think, of my house ,plus a floorplan and damn, i've totally been slackin. apologies, but taxes? suck.

yeah. that's right. there is only one word for tax season.


Monday, April 6, 2009

a lil somethin' somethin': Manic Monday

How often do you change your toothbrush?

this is totally embarassing but in all honesty i probably don't change it as much as i SHOULD, i mostly change it when it occurs to me that the battery is goin' dead on my electric sonic toothbrush and holy hell i have no batteries in the house and then after a week of trying to brush sans battery, i slosh to the store to buy some and lo and behold think, well, hot damn, i should probably switch the head out on the brush as well. why not. kill two birds and all that. honestly, it's not the main worry in my life. i can manual brush with an old brush head for about a month longer than i should without batting an eye. yeah. i'm tough like that.

What is your favorite item of clothing to shop for?

hmmmm..... probably.... shoes. and handbags. bc it means i don't have to get nekked to buy them. i have this strange obsession with designer sunglasses, too, and for the life of me i cannot break it. i have tried. right now the flavor of the month are a pair of christian dior i scooped up on sale at nordstrom. and no. i will not tell you how much they cost or why in EARTH i thought it wise to spend it on sunglasses, of all things. i know not what i do. or. something.

Do you use social media (Twitter, Facebook, etc.)? Which do you use most often?

i facebook more than i twitter. even tho i enjoy twitter more. i guess i just get tired of waiting for more twits to come thru. tweets? twits? sigh. see? this is why. facebook, moreso bc i like to read the snarky ass comments my friends leave for each other. and i get to spy on people. bc anyone will friend you, you know. i got friend requests from people i hadn't seen in two years. but i totally know they got toasty last weekend bc i have the photo of them holdin' a bottle of hard liquor and doin the peace sign. cuz i stalk on facebook.

maybe i shouldn't exactly tell everyone that.

i also despise myspace with a passion only rivaled by my detest for saurkraut, slow drivers and the line at the post office after work when i'm NOT getting paid all because they put the two asian ladies on the same shift and holy hell, they are the slowest women EVER to grace the USPS institution. they are no kevin costner in 'the postman', lemme tell ya.

manic mondays, catch it over-------> here!

Friday, April 3, 2009

keep that chin up

'i am not afraid of tomorrow, for i have seen yesterday, and i love today.'

-William Allen White

Thursday, April 2, 2009

say goodbye to snarky ass girl. at least, for today. or. this hour.

i woke up, annoyed, irritated, shushing Vlad's alarm clock bc honestly... it does not need to fog horn me outta sleep... coverin my head with my pillow and altogether cursing time and the fact that i may or may not have fallen asleep a tad late last night watching Seven Pounds and now i'll have to watch it AGAIN tonight bc in my half-asleep state i totally didn't understand it. Will Smith, tho, totally rocks my socks, he's soooo amazing. but dude likes him some tubs. he sleeps in the tub in this film and he slept in the tub in that weird sci fi vamp-like movie too. with the dog. bygones.

where was i? oh yeah. things that bring me joy. cuz ya know, i'm sick n tired of always harping on the bad crap in my life. it's there. yeah. i get it. DUDE. i get it. i'm just, eh, call it Thursdayitis, but... i just need some perking, some fluffing, some padding over here.

and i'm not going to get deep. this is purely, shallow, light-hearted BRING IT ON, joy, sorta talk.

chocolate cake.
makin' a GREAT dinner, randomly, without a recipe, for Vlad and he loves it so much he asks me to make it again and even tho it makes me break out in hives bc i cannot-for-the-life-of-me remember how i made it, i still grin and think, HA bitches, i CAN cook!
a great movie, my couch, and a glass of wine. recipe of divinity.
walking on the beach barefoot in sarasota. no better feeling.
a great hair day.
finding a great black sweater on sale. even tho i have fifty kajillion already.
having my nails painted.
sunday morning mexican omelet, with cholula.
havin a clean house.
driving vlad's car on the highway. it is fast, yo.
spending a night surrounded by friends and feeling like you BELONG.
cherry blossom trees in bloom. shut up if that's nto what they're officially called. i like em.
BOATING. (with a drink in hand.)
computer games. shut up. i love me some nancy drew.
buying something, anything on sale.
rare steak. mmmmmmm.
hotels. i adore, just adore, hotels.
swimming, tanning, boating. did i say boating? well. boating.

what else? i'm racking my brain now, so i think i'll stop. it's a lil intense for 8.57am. but these small things bring me joy. when Vlad comes home with a jumbo king-size kit kat, it brings me joy. when i get mailed those packs of the savings things? like, the 'jumbo huge savings deals of your life' envelope? even tho i never use ANY of them? yeah. i LOVE going thru them all. and floor plans. i love looking at floor plans, oh, and also going to see model homes. and model rv's. i know. i'm weird.

little things bring me joy. i just need to keep my head in the game and focus on what makes me happy, instead of what vile insipid crap that goes on at my work that taints my mood when i'm home. i hate that. i know a ton of you are like 'ya ya, your job isn't bad, you make decent money and at least you have healthcare and HAVE a job' and i know that. i know. i know i know i know. but good god, people, ........ i can't seem to explain it except that it. is. toxic. i swear if i stayed here another year i'd be suicidal. it's just THAT BAD. so.

it brings me joy to know i'll never have to step foot in here again after may 8th.

ya know what? that makes me flippin ECSTATIC. like, ice cream for breakfast, ecstatic.

what brings you joy? what pulls you through the day? what makes you get outta bed in the morning when all you want to do is sleep for forty hundred years and then walk around in your pajamas for another ten and hide in the couch with your cat and who cares if the spoons covered in ice cream leave rings on the coffee table? you never liked it in the first place. what makes you tackle your day?

what helps you to stay human, and not turn into a frothing-at-the-mouth wildabeast who beats down anyone who comes near you? (don't lie. you've totally felt that way. no shame, friend, no shame.)

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

lies, lies, i tell you

yeah, i apologize, i hang my head in shame, for i have lied.

i did not post pictures. nor, did i even go to best buy to get the thingymajig that would let me be ABLE to put pictures here.

i did not post my home floor plan. forgive. forgive.

you see, much bigger things have taken over for me.

as in.......... GROWTH things. as in.................................................

i'm pregnant.

APRIL FOOLS, SUCKAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bwahahahahahahahahaha. if that even worked on you, which i'm sure it didn't. but. soooo funny for me. :)

anyway, seriously tho, things are always hectic at the beginning of a week and shame on me for making empty promises on a saturday. work sort of bombs on me and then starts to slowly let me recover about thursday and then bombs on saturday and then sunday is like a gift.

then i get bombed all over again. vicious cycle.

i can now officially say that my huge wonderful trip to disney with my mom is next month. YESSSSSSSS!!!!!

my homegirl did my hair on sunday and i swear, new hair just lifts my spirits. i feel alive again. tons of highlights and she trimmed five inches off. and it's still well below my shoulders. i think it was overdue for a cut, don't you? it looks fab, i love it, hug it and kiss it and i feel so much better already.

now i need a tan. hm. i should do that tonight. anyways,

tonight my mom and i are switching cars, hers needs to be worked on, so she's going to drive mine (which is really hers, long story) and i'll drive hers home. then tomorrow morning vlad takes her car and i take his car and then Thursday he brings her car home and then i drive her car Friday morning and after work we do the switcheroo again.

we play musical cars. i can't help it. but, i do find it fun. who doesn't like driving a new car every day??????!!!???

we're also going to go to dinner. i think i may just want to go to p.f. changs bc i just ADORE IT OH MAH GAWD. kung pao, you are the lover of my soul amen.

what else. hm. nothing else is goin' on. i may or may not tan on my way home after dinner with moms and then after that vlad and i have a movie night in bed. i rented seven pounds, and slumdog millionaire and some cheesy action movie called columbus day. i like the cheese. it's necessary sometimes. like the movie the core. lord, how i love that movie.

in about twenty i'm popping out (ahem, RUNNING FOR MY LIFE before they give me more work to do) and picking up the three movies i rented from redbox then swingin' over to subway. today calls for a club, yo, with all the trimmings.

cheese. lettuce. tomatoes. EXTRA pickles. mayo. mustard. oil and vinegar. spices. hot peppers.

but no onions. phew. no onions.

i'm so hungry. and yet i ate a southwestern salad from mcd's for breakfast around 9am. i know. i know. i eat 'real food' for breakfast. and breakfast food for dinner. i'm ass backwards that way.

and that's the end. i have nothin' clever. except. i lied. i lied. forgive. forgive. k thanks :)