Saturday, March 21, 2009

my addictions

when i was around 15, a friend of mine had this unhealthy addiction to Blistex. as soon as i started spending the weekends riding around on ATV's, horses, swinging into ponds and basically rippin it up in the country (as much as southern california can be country... which, it can, a ranchy sorta country) while wearing borrowed wranglers and some smashed up cowboy boots, i somehow became addicted too.

i am now a full-fledged chapstick-a-holic, and i seriously will flip the eff out if i realize i've forgotten it. right now, this is what my lips prefer:



and yes, i realize this is the 'most addicting chapstick evah' but i just cannot. get. enough. (hm. i wonder why.) my lips go thru these cycles where it prefers different chapsticks. i've been on the carmex kick for about six months now, i'm sure they'll revolt and i'll have to try every blessed chapstick my grocery store sells before my lips agree with another.

usually i try, TRY to go organic, and buy them from trader joe's. (or, if you're a russian, traders joe. bc lord knows why they switch the s around. bygones.) but, alas, for the past few months all i want, crave, need to be able to breathe is carmex. in the pot.

and did you know that when you run out, or you accidentally leave it at home sittin next to your cell phone (i totally did this on thursday, i felt like i had left my arms behind) and you risk being late by running into the creepy gas station, they totally don't carry the pot of carmex? only the weird squeezy tube? which i totally don't like? bc i feel like i keep squeezing and squeezing and nothin comes out and then all of a sudden i'm like AAAACK bleck bleck my mouth is lookin like i just ate a tube o crisco bc so much came out and it is so not attractive nor tasty nor fun, trust me.

but carmex, keeper of my soul, how i love you. i also have backups in the cars, both mine and vlads, each purse i carry (my brown juicy and my black juicy), my desk at work and then various hiding places around the house. bc you never know, man, you never know.

i also detest lip gloss. i never ever wear anything other than chapstick except if i'm, ya know, gettin married or somethin. but then i end up resorting to chapstick eventually anyway.

also.

it is a well-known fact to anyone who has ever had the pleasure of dining alongside me that i have a huge addiction (affliction?) to Cholula hot sauce.
as in, i FLIP OUT if i realize i'm going to eat mexican and i don't have any on me.
yeah. that's right. i said ON ME. as in, in my purse.
as in, last sunday? i, uh, went to breakfast with vlad down the street.... ordered myself up a mexican omelet.... and realized i had left the cholula at home.
you bet your ass i flew outta that restaurant, drove the block home, grabbed my bottle (one of five) from the fridge and flew back to the restaurant just in time for me to slather 3/4 of a bottle all over the omelet i ordered.
it is a must. A. MUST. if i don't have it, i ain't happy. and if i ain't happy ain't nobody happy and most likely i will sulk and scoff at the waiter when they suggest 'oh, we have TOBASCO IS THAT OKAY FOR YOU????"
HELLS NAH fool!!!!!!!!!!!!! this blonde takes CHOLULA ONLY. duh. DUH.
also? the restaurant over the border? bless them. they have cholula on the table. oh, lordy be, that just makes the angels sing sweet nothing's into my ear all day long.
if i meet a fellow cholula lover? oh it's over my friend. i instantly INSIST they use some of mine and then i pinky promise we'll be BFF's forever and ever and we'll never eat a meal without the sweet tangy goodness of that addicting red sauce again.
i believe i discovered this when i ate in tijuana once. i'm not sure. and if you go to tijuana? DO NOT GO INTO THE SHADY STORES where they call you barbie. and say 'come dance barbie.' that is bad news, my friend, bad news.
also? do not drink the water. and only eat at tijuana tilly's. and be careful when you buy prescriptions. just sayin'. also? lovely tiles to be found there. the trek across border crossing is a tad hectic, tho, and no matter how much your heart cries out, DO NOT BUY CHICLETS from the little kids selling them. they are not good. i know. trust me on this one.
where was i going with this? oh yeah. i was sitting here, at work on a saturday, bored outta my mind bc i have no flippin work to do and yet they make me come in..... to sit here..... and pay me overtime to pick my nose? blog? paint my toenails? who knows. i try to look busy. but i was eating my turkey sausage jimmy dean breakfast bowl i totally swooped up from the grocery store this morning along with a bottle of smart water (which is another addiction of mine) and i kept having to get back up and trek to the kitchen to put more cholula onto my eggs potatoes and sausage. turkey sausage. until the entire thing turned this weird shade of BRIGHT red and my tongue sort of went 'eeiiiy eiiiy eeeiiiy' with pleasure i tell you and i was like, wow, i should really share this.
yeah. that's what happens when it's the middle of tax season and i've worked too much. brain sorta rebels.
but hot sauce and carmex, man, those are the keys to my soul.

9 comments:

Smart Mouth Broad said...

You, my friend, are a trip. I can't believe you drove home to get your sauce. It must really be gooooood.

KerryMarie said...

go carmex! x

Mom said...

I can believe it....Thank God they sell it in Florida or we would have had to bring a case with us!

Ash said...

Ha, you are so all over the place in this and I LOVE IT. I also love Cholula and will not order an omelet at a restaurant if they do not carry it because there is no way I can eat eggs and not put Cholula on them!

I can't stand carmex, but I do love Burt and his little bees!

Snow White said...

On my next Mexican encounter I will be sure to try some of the blessed sauce!!

P.S. I might have mentioned a little something about you on my blog today... oh and jokingly toyed with the idea of stealing your moniker!!

Linda said...

Oh Carmex & I are former lovers. But here in the south, even in the pot it gets all melty and liquidy and that makes a mess in your jeans pocket/purse. My newest love is Blistex Liptone. Chapstick & lipcolor in one! (Cuz I don't do lipstick much either). ELPH dislikes the Liptone b/c of the color & preferres Burts bees, which I will use if necessary. Not a bad supstitute.

Amber said...

My chapstick addiction is softlips. Only the vanilla kind, please.

I've never tried Cholula but the name is so fun and you make it sound so freaking good, I will have to give it a try. Not sure it will replace the Louisiana Hot Sauce I normally use but I will try anything once. And if I love it, you can say you told me so!

Laura B. said...

Ya know...I'm not much of a chapstick kinda gal...never have been.

Now...don't get me started about hot sauces! I haven't been known to drive home to get my fave sauce but I have been known to change my order if they don't have the one I want at the restaurant. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Cholula. It's nectar from the gods. Also, I must say that I despise Tabasco..it's yucky and has no taste to me. I love Cholula and I love me some Red Rooster hot sauce. I can't eat grits without some Red Rooster!

Mama Dawg said...

I have to have the black chaptick tube. That's my life.