Friday, October 31, 2008

apologies, rants, and a little goofy all in one

so while i totally just waved that promise of I WILL TAKE PHOTOS in your faces like it was free bread day in russia circa 1972, i totalllllly lied.

i am so, so sorry.

fact of the matter is, i went EVERYWHERE last night. okay. three stores. but oh lordy, it felt like i was on the quest. for the grail. indie style. thats indiana jones. for you people who aren't schooled in all things action adventure. anyway.

so after work i was all 'let's totally go shopping! at the halloween store! bc is SO TOTALLY won't be busy!' yeah. i'm so glutton for punishment. so i roll up, all excited, i had a pretty good day, i'm stoked, i'm TOTALLY convinced i'm gonna score big. thinking cop, vampire, something cooky, anything really, size small and please not cheap looking. (or ho-ish. that would be bad.)

yeah. didn't think that all of the high schoolers... would be there... i swear. i felt .... OLD. i think this is the first time that i've actually realized how BEYOND that age group i am. i've always identified with the younger crowd, somewhat, i mean in the fact that i still LOOK like i'm in high school. but last night? i was wearing my work clothes(black slacks black heels black cropped pea coat) and yeah... i looked... MY. AGE. it was scary. and not bc of the scary costumes. but bc i finally felt like a 24 yr old. yeah. THAT was a shocker.

moving on. so all these yippy girls are self-consciously trying to buy sexy costumes that they're totally goin' to rock tomorrow night but TOTALLY don't want so-and-so to see bc they totally don't like them and yah, totally, like, oh mah gawd these are HAWT! like, totally. like, paris like TOTALLY rocked this last year yo! oh, MAH gawd, i am, like, SO getting this. bc this? is, like, SO HAWT. yeah. and then see me, high-tailin' it outta there bc if i heard one more reference to paris or nicole or heidi i was goin' to vomit. fo sho.

so then like a good little girl who likes to be tortured, i went next door to the Party City. and this. my friends. was MADNESS. i swear. where i thought the teenage boys checkin' me out and the verbal lashing from 15-yr-old pubescent girls was bad?

ooohhh, ho ho, my friends, you have not met.... the mother of three who has not yet bought costumes. she is a viscous beast. she will beat you down with her 40 lb. coach bag with no hesitation whatsoever if you so much as LOOK at that flapper costume bc her 14yr old is SO GONNA BE HER!

it was scary. i was scared. literally. for my life. after i dodged all sorts of obstacles i managed to get out of there with only my hair suffering. yeah. my neat ponytail bouffant styled thingie i had goin' on? yeah. TOTALLY gone by that point.

so now i am really, really desperate. i decide, hey, Target! bc they have school uniforms, right? i could be a school girl, right? and cheap! right? ....right? WRONG! dude. when did Target get so expensive???!?!!?! seriously!! i was like DAY-YUM i better not have kids anytime soon! bc i'd have to tap my 401(k) just to be able to afford this pleated mini skirt that is supposed to be on sale but totally isn't!

yeah. i left with stuff that i'm definitely returning next week when this craze dies down.

so. after i got home i desperately tried to put things together and in my haste i totally forgot photos. so. this is me hanging my head in shame. me so sorry. me love you long time.

so this is where i'm at. i had bought clothes online and they miraculously came in yesterday. in this box, i have over-the-knee boots that are SCANDALOUS but soooo much fun... and a tight black dress.

okay. so blogger totally sucks and is not uploading pictures!!! why!!!! oh the humanity!!!!

so just picture a black dress, above knee, form-fitting but still not slutty. i figure at lunch today i am going to hit up ... yes... you guessed it... THE HALLOWEEN STORE bc i figure all those teeny boppers (did i just say that?? with a straight face?? oh no i AM old!!) will be in school. so i'll only have to battle the moms. which are scarier. but. this store is bigger then party city. so. i'm figuring my odds will even out.

so my plan of attack is this. i am going to try to find a wig. something like this you see below:

yes, THIS PICTURE loaded bc, well, i have no idea. bc it was karma. or fate. or i dunno. the right size maybe? anyway.

so i figure a wig like this- in either this cool red color, or in black- and some fangs and BAM! i'm a sexy vamp. does this work? i think so. i think it'll be okay.

and if this doesn't work? then i'm going for devil. and if i can't find the wig? then i'm going as Claire Bennett. bc i have the costume already. i just need to find some killer knee high socks to top it off.

sorry to all of the other GREAT FANTASTIC responses i got!!! but the mob idea? yeah. THAT one was soooooo much better in my head. sigh. that was a disaster last night.

oh, and i also have ANOTHER backup. Jessica Simpson (bc i can't find a cowboy hat in Illinois in October. sad. i know.). i have a denim skirt, these really super duper great cowboy boots by BCBG that are knee-high... and i bought a cute little boys plaid button up last night (which i'm going to keep no matter what bc it was 10 dollars, it's warm and it's oh so cute!!) and when i wear it with my hair down? i could pass for her. just give me some lip gloss and i'll wear my padded bra and off i go, baby!

and yes. all of these costumes will be presented before my husband, and he will be the one to tell me which one i wear. bc i? am SO not good at making decisions. and... i also want to make sure you can't see my undies when i turn around. bc that happened two years ago when i was a candy striper. and yeah. had to walk behind everyone and go up the stairs behind everyone. Vlad was not pleased. nor was my poor frozen tush.

and i PROMISE i will upload pictures from tonight and put them up tomorrow. bc i totally owe you guys. bc i lied. i am such a bad blogger! me so sorry. (meloveyoulongtime.)


Melissa Ellen said...

HAHAH- I had a similar experience the other day at the Party Store. Too funny. I'll be 26 in a couple months and I remember very recently having the whole - Oh, I'm not the younger crowd anymore. I know I'm still young but O MAW GAWD I'm so like glad I'm not THAWT YOUNG! My BFF would need to shoot me!

Can't wait to see pics. I have a huge blonde afro on today. HEHE. if I go out tonight I want to be JUNO though. So, I will change!

Linda said...

"i looked... MY. AGE. it was scary." welcome to my (47 yr old) world. I am SO 27 in my head.

Lump said...

I wish I was 24 again. haha! ;)

and I would totally rock that wig. have a great time tonight!