graceful schmaceful

so there is one thing about me (okay one of about a million trillion) that makes me 'special', as my husband likes to say.

i trip. ALL. THE. TIME. seriously. and i constantly bump into walls, desks, cars, carts, stairs, basically anything and everything that comes even CLOSE to my path. seriously. i'm like a magnet for making a fool out of myself.

for instance, if i had my camera i would show you visible evidence- but since i'm at work, not working, but pretending to work and feigning like i'm working by typing and staring intently at the screen, i cannot- i have a bruise on my right bicep, and it is from, wait for it, wait for it...

walking into the door jam leading to the KITCHEN AT WORK. yes. bc that is where i spend ALL of my time while working. yep. eating. that's me. lard ass over here. seriously, i spend ALL DAY eating. they call me the garbage disposal around here. they even go so far as to say 'nah we don't need a garbage can, we've got lauren.' so yes. if i were ever kidnapped tortured and left for dead on the side of the road (god, morbid much? this is actually my BIGGEST FEAR EVER.) my identifying mark would be 'hey, does she have a bruise the size of ohio on her right bicep? if so, that's the fatty we're lookin' for.'

so anyway. what prompted this post? yeah, i did a classic move about five minutes ago. i was walking down the hall, minding my own biz, and what do i do? yep, you guessed it folks. i tripped over my own feet. and how? i smacked my right foot right into my left ankle bone. tripped, stumbled, did the whole 'dear lord jesus do not let me fall flat on my face' floundering arm thing, then smacked my ankle bone, then went down for the count, all the while going 'shit! shit! ow! ow, that hurts! ow i'm not kidding here!'

a few heads popped out of the offices. they were all the newbies 'round here. and why did the 'oldies but goodies' ignore my antics? bc they see it happen. a million times a day. every day. on the hour. minute. miniscule nanosecond.

bc i? am the QUEEN of lookin' like a fool.

also? i am now apparently queen of self-inflicted-ankle-injuries bc this one? hurts like a mo' fo'.