nesting photos. beware. i am a pillow hoarder.

in case you're curious about where i spend my evenings, this is where.

i have this weird habit of owning all the pillows in the house and sleeping in them and lovin them and all that good stuff. i just love to curl into a big bunch of soft pillows and read. so this is my 'nest', as my husband vlad likes to say.

i nest every night. can't help it. love it. can't get enough of it. i love the feel of scuuchy scrunhy yummy pillows and with this thunderstorm? PERFECTION.

i love rain. now that i live out of Southern California, i love it. btw? SoCal see's a lot of rain. A. LOT. A>>>>>>> LOT>>>>>. sorry. that was obnoxious. just sayin'. puddles and jeans? don't mix.

but really.

this? is my one true love. microsuede peeeloooows and crunchy smuuushy soft pillow stuffing and soft blanket on sale at target? ='s Lo a happy girl.

super duper happy. i just uber love my pillows. all four of them. you should see my bed. RI-DIC.

i think this is a meme, but not sure, but either way, tag i'm it.

my homegirl Linda tagged me in... wait... L, what is this? a meme? a meyoume? eh. movin' on.

so. here are the rules. and i'm not so good at rules, mostly cuz.... i'm a lazy blogger who gets sidetracked more often than not and kinda fades out into some weird twist of what i was sayin and o btw what WAS i sayin?


“Your ship has sunk. You have, of course, been stranded on a deserted island. You have salvaged a copy of the King James Version of the Bible and a copy of the complete works of Shakespeare. Nothing else.
“The very next day you find one of those Arabian Lamps in the sand. Of course, you rub it and, of course, a rather grumpy Genie appears.
“‘Let’s get this straight - there is a recession going on. There are restrictions on the three wishes now. I don’t do water or air transport now so no boats, planes or magic carpets. As for electronics, forget it. There isn’t the infrastructure on this island.
“‘I can let you have one book and I mean one VOLUME, one essential item and one luxury item. Now hurry up and make your choices, I have to get to those five other islands you are going to nominate.’”





..... i have no idea.



i've been sittin' here thinking, what on earth would i want to read for all eternity? what book is that amazing? sure, i can think of a ton of series to bring but... that's not allowed.



i honestly think this is the most impossible thing. i cannot whittle down to one book. impossible!! i read so much. as in, 2-3 books a week. if i'm not busy that week? more. i go thru books like air. or more aptly, airchocolategreenteaWINEtoiletpapergarbagebagsairfreshener cuz daisy is smelly sometimes.

sorry daiz. just keepin it real.

but really, i have no idea.

what book? no idea. i could spout my favs, like enders game, sophie kinsella, but it may just circle back to Jen Lancaster (yes caps, she rocks) cuz.... she makes me laugh my socks off. but, maybe readin it over and over on a desert island would make me insane.

who knows. maybe insanity would be WELCOME after bein' stranded all alone.

what was the next thing i could have? jenie? hello? bueller?

okay, so essential item would be one of those nifty things that converts your AHEM pee into water. i know. i know. tmi. bear with me. that's essential. but also? if i had fresh water forever? then i would say.... essential.... would be.... wine. i know. don't shoot me. but really? all alone on a desert island? what else is going to amuse me?

the luxury item i would choose..... bedding. that means, a bed with 1,000 ridic thread count sheets and amazing pillows with mosquito netting and... an air conditioner and heater built in.

cuz a bed is really one item. right? and bed includes bedding.

pfft. it's my blog. my rules. :)

so there ya go. and i'm also supposed to tag five people but again, i'm spazzy and american idol is distracting bc this gal is singin' HEART and oh my lordy be i HEART HEART and ... her dressi s bad but you know, i'll forgive her.

also, i love norman gentle, just sayin'. not sure why. just do.

ahem. what was i talkin about again?

this post is goin' nowhere.... but i'll post it anyway

i've been trying to write about something halfway interesting but it seems like sometimes life really isn't as interesting as you'd thought. or. would hope for. mostly i've been working and parked on the couch. this last weekend we went to the auto show downtown and normally, being a car (slut) lover, i enjoy it SO much. this year? eh.

could've been that i had to work saturday morning. could've been i was dead dog tired. could've been that my husband told me it was just going to be us and two car loving freaks friends of ours, but nah. he decides to tell me, when i get home from work, exhausted and forced to take a nap before attempting to get dressed to go out again, that he invited his entire family.

don't get me wrong. they're my fam, now, too. but they're russian. and when you get a bunch of russians together, especially in a huge public arena, .......... let's just say........ is it loud.

i was tired. not up for russian day at chicago auto show. i wanted to poke and peruse at my leisure, drool and sigh over whatever i felt like making lovey-eyes with.... not spend the entire day being dragged from one end to the other, poked at, tickled, jostled around, end up pushing two strollers and carrying bags and using my entire bout of willpower to not shout at my mother in law that NO I AM NOT PREGNANT and YES I AM OKAY and NO, PLEASE please PLEASE don't call me forty eleven times today bc you just 'lost me' and 'can't find me' and oooo looky there, foolishly i had decided that i could go to the bathroom on my own. obviously i can't.

i love them, but sometimes it gets to be way too much. so i was a little peeved bc vlad had invited his parents, his uncle, his sister and her new husband (just got in from russia two weeks ago, doesn't speak a lick of english) and her five-year-old son (who admittedly is adorable. but a handful at a convention center PACKED with kids). and possibly, oh, our russian couple friends... one is our friends stepbrother, who came from russia two years ago and his girlfriend who doesnt speak much english.... and then the OTHER couple, both russian, who both speak english perfectly but...

when you get more than three russians together? there ain't gonna be no english. just sayin'.

then it turns out we were royally stood up and it ended up being vlad and i. and thankfully, it was fun. not.. you know, terribly interesting bc all of the cars i've already seen- they didn't have a lot of the new concept cars goin' on and the foreign section was terribly lacking- (don't call me a car snob. i just really, really love cars.) the retro americana cars were awesome. sometimes the car show can be lacking...... but then again...... if it were up to me, it'd be all phantoms and suicide doors and lambo's and an sl65 that i could actually sit in and touch... not just drool over from afar.

this is the place where i'd post my pictures but since i've recently discovered that my laptop doesn't have that nifty card memory slot to upload photos directly....... it's kinda hard to telepathically insert pics without a usb cable.

so then we went to the mall, bc i was like 'if i'm outta the house, i'm OUT, let's go do something' and he bought cologne and i got nuthin'. but no worries. i totally made him swing me thru best buy and i bought two new computer games,

and yes, i am totally a nerd and geeky like that, (i even have a notebook that i use to figure out clues and puzzles. heh. vlad calls it my nerd book.)

so i happily played myself through the weekend. then i got horrid heartburn yesterday and spent all night trying to sleep upright, which, in case you've never tried? SO. HARD. seriously.

but all is well today.

and this post is super rambly but that's what happens on four to five hours of sleep and some weird, WEIRD dream where i was like.... i dunno. more on that another time. i think i read too much sci fi.

the reason i am in tears, and why i love all of humankind, no matter what color, preference, or nail polish shade.

http://www.couragecampaign.org/page/s/divorce


if you have a heart.

uuuhhhmmm yeah.

so why is it that when i'm drinking wine (second glass, swear, promise, maybe not, but still love me, k? promise? pinky promise? k. k.) i write the best emails?

er, i am SO not feelin this crazy snow coming. just sayin. i gots to work tomorrow, and this snow? yikes. they make it sound so bad.

but i don't believe them.

denial? maybe.

dellusional? perhaps.

what else starts with a D? dairy. and you know what? the dairy department? is so the shiz at jewel. and not too much at dominicks.

even tho dominicks is so bliggin it's ridic.

i'm thinking i shouldn't post this, bc i sound a tad bit looney, but really? what fun is sane?

that make any sense?

basically, this is what happens when you leave me home alone. i blog. like a lunatic. and i read. like a maven. sp? anyone? bueller?

also? i'm turning off the news. very. scary. news. "if you hear gunfire, run the other way. that's what i told my kids."

uhm, ya think?

also?

my heart is breakin so much i can't watch anymore. here i am on my nifty new laptop in my comfy home and here i hear that 17 teenagers have been killed in chicago.

and another man shot his ex girlfriend.

sorry if i'm debby downer. but really? i am scared. of the world. of the people in this world. mostly of me, bc what have i done? what CAN I DO?????

advice, please. any chi town gals out there (and guys, bc i don't hate) that can tell me how i could help... beyond donating online...

and btw? i feel so disconnected from the world, and this IS SO NOT me sayin, yo give me props! for donating! yay me! it's me saying...

what. can. i. do. bc i feel like i should (SHOULD) be doing more and yet... i don't know HOW. and that to me is the saddest part. imagine how many people are out there who don't know HOW but WANT TO.

how can i help?

and seriously, i am a flake, but if you remind me and tell me and comment i swear it will settle in. i try to do so much good but sometimes life gets the better of me.

ever consider that phrase? "gets the better of me". that seems so sad to me.

i want the WORLD to get the better of me.

k? got it? get the better of me. it's the only part worth havin.

handbag heaven!!!!!!!!!!

so there's this tag stuff goin' around where you post pics of yer current purse.


"1) Post a picture of whatever bag you are carrying as of late. No, you cannot go to your closet and pull out that cute little purse you used back before you had kids. {HA! Does not apply.} We want to know what you carried today or the last time you left the house. No cheating!

2) Say how much it costs. This is not to judge. This is for entertainment purposes only. So spill it. And if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, do tell.

3) Tag some friends."

i am a bag snob. seriously. i can be so flippin cheap it's AMAZING and yet, when it comes to purses... sigh. i am hopeless. i'm also gaudy. i really, really REALLLLLLLY love Juicy Couture. as in, i would sell most of my things to purchase endless amounts of Juicy.

i know. i sicken myself, too. i am SO moneytown in that respect that it makes me gag. yet. i cannot help what i do.

this bag? yeah. it was a christmas gift from my mother, over two years ago. how much did it cost? oh, after tax? about $500.

yes. i said $500. for a purse. BUT I HAVE CARRIED IT FOR TWO YEARS ALREADY!!!!! doesn't that count for something? i mean. when you run the numbers (heh) a 'normal' person who buys a new bag every 3 months at say $40 a pop is spending $160 a year on purses. and times that by how long i've carried this bag for, that's $400, so REALLY? that's not bad. right?

(sob) right?????

sigh. but this bag makes my heart sing. i love all the gold on the black. i love the inside, patterned with crowns and 'hello?' on the cell phone pocket. i love the grommets, the studs, the leather straps, i love it all.

this bag has gotten A LOT of attention over the years. women everywhere tell me how much they love it. this picture doesn't do it justice. they don't make this style anymore.

instead of feeling 'dated' or 'last season' (these are naughty, naughty NASTY words in my world) i simply say, 'oh, it's quite vintage, don't you think? (sigh) one of a kind.'

i lie. yeah. i'm sorry. please forgive me. but i truly adore this bag and i haven't bought any other purses since receiving this as a gift.

wallets? different story.

also? yeah. so i kinda maybe sorta bought ANOTHER Juicy purse from Loehman's last weekend.

in my defense? IT'S BROWN. so duh, under handbag law, it was totally necessary.

do not get me started on shoes.

i have a problem. at least i can admit that i have a problem.

...which is good... right?

because i have a headache and am stuck at work, a me-me. MEMEME

so i totally copy & pasted & stole the excuse of 24 over at twenty four at heart bc i'm cranky today, i have a MOTHER of a headache, and i have to work tomorrow TOO, and... and... i'll stop complaining. there're people who have it worse than me. but still. i'm not happy on this friday.

so. this is the 100 things before...? and before...? what? i have no idea. i just felt like doing this and since i can't see straight or think straight or walk straight, i CAN mark things BOLD. so. here ya goes.


1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (as in... school band. clarinet, yo.)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Bathed in a river
7. Been to the Taj Mahal
8. Walked on a glacier in Alaska
9. Caught and held a snake
10. Spoke in front of a big crowd
11. Bungee jumped (uh, hell nah. sorry.)
12. Had a whirlwind love affair that broke your heart
13. Found an arrowhead or fossil
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (piano! but i forgot. oops.)
15. Rescued an animal
16. Ate sweet breads, glands or tripe
17. Seen Mount Rushmore in person
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hiked to base camp on Mt. Everest
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Watched an animal being born
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Learned a foreign language
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Stayed up for more than 24 hours
31. Trained a dog to do cool tricks
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (i went to germany... does that count?)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Can drive a stick shift car
37. Won over $1000 in a raffle or lottery
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke (unfortunately.)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Been serenaded
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Broke a bone
47. Started your own business
48. Quit a job because you were totally unhappy
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the Eiffel Tower
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain passionately
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Joined a prayer group
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Received flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the changing of the guards in London
77. Broken something extremely expensive
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Got a tattoo
83. Been to a coffee shop in Amsterdam
84. Seen the aurora borealis in person
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (EW)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Toured the UN
95. Hiked to Machu Picchu
96. Swam in the Indian Ocean
97. Conversed with someone when neither of you spoke each others language (sigh. every day wit thhe russian inlaws)
98. Dirty danced
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Acted in a play (and won first place!!) (have terrible stage fright, btw.)

you asked for suitcase pictures..... and you got em, baby!

so a few people were all OMG I NEED PICTURES of this SUITCASE oh lordy BE I JUST CANNOT staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it!!!!

or maybe that was just how i personally would moan and groan for pics. ahem. DO moan and groan for pics. so. bc i know how ridiculous i can be, i'm delivering for ya, baby. heres the champion of all suitcases....

the one that is now called 'lauren's special suitcase.' yeah. and i'm 'special lauren' with the 'special little suitcase.'

er, excuse the cat butt, i had just gotten home and daisy was NOT going to be ignored.

you shall see the full wrath of daisy-the-cat in a few moments. ahem.

so this is what it looks like. SO CUTE RIGHT?????? uh YEYAH i KNOWS IT. i just adore it. seriously. it's the perfect size and is uber light and it's so fun and cheerful and everytime i look at it i think VACATION!!! and THAT makes me all sorts of warm and fuzzy.

it expands!!! see??? oh. and btw, the colors are kinda washed-out lookin.... cuz this was taken with my camera phone. so. sorrys all around k?

isn't that awesome? see the hard material on the outside? it's made by 'international traveler'. so THERE, i am now an international traveler suitcase owner. i feel so special.

this is the inside. i tried to show you how there's this cool compartment in the top. see???? isn't that neato? and there's these little pockets and stuff, perfect for sandals, andthen this zippered part that i think i'll put my hair straightener in and my makeup remover and deoderant and travel shampoos. yep. i think so.

and yeah. daisy, uhm..... wasn't havin it. no way was this suitcase gonna get more attention than her!!!! yeah.... she tried to own it. i told her it wasn't a litter box.

i got a little concerned after i took this photo that she didn't hear me. but no worries. no little cat bombs were waiting for me when she stepped out. she's respectful like that.

best dinner IN THE WORLD!!! welcome to where i blog from friends! my coffee table. my new shiny laptop is up and running and i chill on the loveseat and typetypetype and readreadread and laughlaughcrylaugh. with my jelly bellys. regular, and sour. cuz you gotta be fair and all. and wine. ahem. pinot grigio. and trust me, they go well together. very well indeed.

oh yeah. daisy says WHAZZZ UP YO??? (please forgive demon cat. she knows not what she does. suitcase euphoria does this to women in this family.)

pink, men, shopping slurges and where was i going with this again?

so since i'm going to be tropical soon, i kinda sorta (majorly) went on a little splurge. where i bought.... stuff.

ON SALE. but. still. stuff.

like this little number from Guess. but i mean, hello? isn't that so cute? perfect for muggy steamy weather.

and i don't even need a bra! that's the best part. super simple clothing. my kinda thing. so it came in the mail yesterday of course bc i wasn't at work to receive it (i'd rather send packages to work.... bc i'm the main mail person here. i know. i'm kinda a big deal.) so today when i walked in i tore that box open and was all OMG it's totttttallly cute and then i held it up to myself and uh...

it may be a TAD smidgen shorter than i'm used to. but that's okay. i'll wear it with flats. problem solved.

anyway. so i also bought a suitcase for myself. it's one of those super duper cool HARD SHELL rolling suitcases, so that i can beat the hell outta it when i travel and not worry about the insides getting all mushed and yucky.

it's happened.

and i also thought WELL it has to be VISIBLE bc even tho i wear mostly black all the time? (yeah. i'm wearing all black today. black sweater, black pants, black heels, black unmentionables. it makes dressing at the crack of dawn easier. also? you spill something? yeah. a lil water and no one's the wiser.) having a black suitcase is the kiss of death at any airport.

so what did i buy?

a pink one. and not just pink, it has huge fat white polka dots. vlad burst out laughing when he saw it and has since called me 'special' with my little 'special suitcase.'

hmpf. at least i'll be able to find the damn thing next time we go on vacation. also? there is no chance of someone stealing it. bc really. i think i'll know if you try to grab my stuff.

vlad has also informed me that i made the biggest mistake ever, bc now he is definitelyNEVER going to help me carry my luggage again.

guess SOMEONE'S not that comfortable in their masculinity, now are they? the man will wear pink and purple shirts and white dress shoes, but will not wheel a pink suitcase.

the man never ceases to confuse me.

okay, i need a new body bc this shiz is too much.

so this morning i woke up and i honestly thought someone had pulled the old switcheroo on me and stole my body and gave me a 92 year old one instead.

i felt bad, folks. baaaad.

so then i went to the bathroom and the whole floor rushing up at me thing wasn't really doin' it for me. so i rolled my ass back into bed bc something tells me passing out and then driving a moving vehicle is a big no-no in the circle of life rule book.

foul!

anyway. so. i did the whole call my job and tell them i'm sick, then i texted my homeskillet girlfriend who i work with and was all DUDE I AM LEAKING AND FEEL CRAPPY and why am i like 92 years old now??? damn.

then she called me and we had a nice snarky conversation per usual and then my sorry butt went to sleep.

then i woke up around 11 or so when my mother texted me (yes. she has transitioned into texting. golf clap now, please.) thinking i had run away or something bc i hadn't answered her forty eleven emails yet per usual.

so then i rolled out into the living room where i've been all. day. and trust me when i say that this? is totally not where i want to be. bc i feel like CRAP friends. i really, really do.

hopefully a shot of nyquil around oh, eight or so will knock my happy ass out and i'll wake up tomorrow rested and NOT on my death bed ala this fine monday morning.

also yesterday was my aunt's baby shower.... and forty women in one small room makes lauren a very cranky girl. then vlad pissed me off (long story) and now, after this virus crap, i am thoroughly disgusted with the world and i had to put in my new birth control today and uhm hello? my vajayjay and i are VERY familiar now. and that is all i am sayin.

other than being sick? SUCKS.

running out of sprite and ripping off three layers of my tongue bc i sucked the salt off of a bag of peanut shells?? yeah. that sucks too.

uhm, there is nothin better than good ol' disney.

it's no small secret that i have a robust, healthy love affair with anything Disney affiliated. as in, it's in my genes.

no. really.

i'm lookin at a tinkerbell pen that i keep at work, just in case i feel the urge to write something important down using a pen with feathers. and glitter.

my mom even worked for a Disney store during the holiday season, just bc she felt like it. uh.... no. she's not commited. nor is she crazy.

most of the time.

so happy v day from disney.

i cannot WAIT to go to disney world soon. i'm bursting at the seams. i'm online all day every day looking up disney, looking at pictures of disney, watching youtube videos of disney....

my husband even told me last night, 'for the love of all that is good in this world, you MUST TURN OFF YOUTUBE BEFORE I LOSE IT. if i see that epcot tour one more time? i'm not going to norway. AND I MEAN IT.'

okay. maybe... he had.... a few more choice words than those. but those are what my ears heard.

hmpf. fine. (so i turned the volume down.)

i don't much get into v day, i think it's commercial and a let-down and... and.... an excuse to buy too much stuff.

but.

i run with any excuse to go into a disney store. and that's where i'm headed this afternoon.

don't tell vlad.

seriously.

he thinks i'm psycho enough as it is.

friday morning and i'm sick, i'm tired, and i'm sickened by loss.

so people think my fear of flying is a load of bull.

let me take you to summer of.... hm. summer of me turning 17;

i was flying out of london into o'hare international, and suddenly, the plane loses altitude OVER THE FRICKIN ATLANTIC and we lose lights, the turbulance is HORRID, we're flipping around like a fish outta water and headed straight INTO the water.

cut to the night before i was to leave London after an AMAZING two week trip thru europe- btw, salt caves in i think austria? totally awesome, if not a bit claustrophobic and creepy. the salt is good, tho. best i've ever had.

also? swarovski is a must. their set designs are amazing.

anyway. so i had this terrible dream that our plane was going to crash. the funny thing was, the plane was an OLDER model. you know, not nice and crisp and navy blue and silver and grey, but that old funky weird mottled brown with the weird orangey red stripes and some hints of mustard. yeah. the kinda planes they redid like two years prior.

so yeah. woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of London in some craptastic hotel that honestly? had some weird ass stains on the bed and i decided to spread my dirty clothes out and sleep in layers. yeah. i slept ON my dirty clothes IN all the clothes i had. yeah. not nice.

so i load up, exhausted as all get out, drag my sorry butt downstairs to the lobby to stock up on the croissants they set out in crates in the morning for us poor hostel kids and i cramcramcram as many as i can into napkins and then into my backpack-

hey, they were free, and btw? mad cow disease? yeah. the entirety of europe was dead-set on serving pork. and at the time i didn't eat pork, and good lord, i survived on croissants and chocolate that entire trip.

also? if you don't like mustard, i warn you, NEVER go to Dijon, France. just sayin'. mustard soup? uh,......... i won't be sad if i never see that again.

where was i? oh yeah. so. i'm cramming my mouth with croissants while wearing frumpled clothes and hauling all my crap thru customs just to board this plane for the next 11 hours and then BLAM

the plane is plummeting to earth. or. water. atlantic. yeah. nooooooot fun my friends.

it regained altitude but that damn flight was the worst i ever, ever had. it scarred me for life. and the freaky thing? when we land in chi town i call my moms up and i'm all YO I ALMOST WENT SWIMMIN IN THE ATLANTIC AND EATEN BY A SHARK AFTER I WAS SUCKED TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN BC OF THE PULL OF THE SINKING PLANE OH MY EFFING LORD

and she goes, 'uh, yeah..... i knew something was wrong when they wouldn't divulge any information whatsoever to family members as to where the plane was, or how it was going.'

goody.

and then i had to get on another plane headed to Los Angeles, so i could get home to socal. yeah. and when i got on that plane?

i. kid. you. not. it was the same plane from my dream. and iw as sitting in the SAME FLIPPIN SEAT and the SAME PERSON was next to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that flight was fine. it was actually a record-braking 2.5 hours to cali, which honestly, usually takes about at least 3.5 hours.

the entire flight i visualized us in a big white bubble and nothing could touch us and good lord please don't let me burn up into a piece of bacon that was in the oven too long cuz i'm only seventeen and i gots stuff to SEE!!! plus i lost 20 lbs in two weeks thanks to the no-pork diet (and beer. ahem. i drank lots of beer.) and i wanted to show it off.

yeah. so i was vain at 17. what else is new?

anyway. after those two backtoback flights, i was a mess. and thanks to them, i am now a nervous flyer. as in, i will avoid flying at ALL COSTS.

it helps that i totally think amtrak is chic and vintage and glam. btw i'm totally trekking on amtrak this may with my mom. they have the most fun little rooms and i LIVE for the dining car. so dignified and civilized.

where was i going with this whole post? oh. yeah. THIS. and you think i'm crazy bc i refuse to fly?

ahem. i think we all need to take a look at pilots who fly over 3k miles in one day. bc this? yeah.

this scared the bejesus outta me last night. as in, i'm still trying to talk Vlad out of flying to florida in may to meet up with me. cuz this?

this is so, so not cool, and scares me down to my bones.

my thoughts are on the victims of this terrible tragedy and their grieving families.

maybe cutting costs by cutting jobs and forcing employees to work horrid hours isn't the best solution. ya think?

my current obsession (at least for right now)

so i am a major, MAJOR tea drinker. I. LOVE. TEA. i drink it all day long, starting the day off with a good ol' glass of green tea.

yes i said glass.

you see, i got into this habit when i was a server (waitress). all of us would need tons of caffeine just to keep moving on really packed shifts, so we would sneak espresso shots mixed with coffee. but bc the mugs are too small and are always kept in a weirder place than regular glasses, i started to mix my coffee in a tall 'water' glass. and then i would drink it thru a straw and i would hide it underneath the beverage station....

sometimes i had a drink goin' at every single bev station, including the bar. it became a joke. but hey. kept me moving.

so i've since stopped drinking coffee on a regular basis. i've found i just don't have the palate for it anymore. so ... in comes the tea. every morning i drink a glass of green tea. a full glass. then sometimes i even drink a glass of hot water, re-using that tea bag again, just to get some liquid into me. and caffeine.

i am a green tea junkie.

and lately, i have been addicted to this. TAZO. flavored-hot-water-maker of the Gods. seriously, yo, this stuff? toootttalllly makes my skirt fly up and then some.

it is so good. and ...

they sell it at Target now.

I KNOW.

there are two flavors that make my heart go pitter patter.

Zen, which is the green tea that has lemongrass and spearmint in it... and lemme tellya guys, gals, animals, tadpoles, this stuff is AH-MAYZING when your stomach is upside down and you're so queasy you stick close to the bathroom justincase. my meds that i'm taking for my ulcer make me soooooooo nauseated in the mornings... sometimes (okay almost all the time) i end up throwing up two hours after i take them. but the meds stay down, so that's the important part. the unfortunate part? yeah. stomach acid? not really tasty for breakfast.

sorry if that was t.m.i. i'm honest like that.

anyway so the spearmint totally settles my stomach, plus i get a boost of caffeine and the 'come down' is barely noticeable bc this is all natural. it. is. fab.

and now i move on to what is my crack:


o, sweet, sweet passion, how i love thee.... the vibrant purpleyness of you, you saucy little minx, with your perfect cut-out dispenser that makes me feel so spa and zen and posh....

the flavor is like an explosion in your mouth. the good kind of explosion. it is tart and tangy and sweet and yummmmmmmmmy.

i'm drinking a glass of it right now. so. good.

who knew that for $3.49, i could get a whole BOX of yummy goodness????

$3.49 ain't bad for a mouth full of happiness. go out and drink some. o and also? in the summer? passion tea is AMAZING iced. sigh.

it's even better than unsweetened iced tea with extra lemon.

blasphemy!!!!! (but so true.)

goin' with the flow, a.k.a., random things about me

since it's monday and the first monday in a LOOOOONG TIME that i'm feeling relaxed and chill and NORMAL, i thought. hey, why not go with the flow and just be loose and open and write whatever i feel like.

it's a tad different than normal. it may not SEEM that way but there is no rhyme or reason to this post, at all, except to talk about myself bc i'm kinda out of interesting things to talk about.

i know. i'm so narcissistic. why are you reading this again?

moving along.


i'm just going to flow and think and relax right now, on this gloomy rainy day which i happen to LOVE bc i love rain.

oh yes? i do. this weekend chicago got record highs at around 50 degrees and as i lay in bed i could hear the ice melting- the melodious current of ice slowly turning liquid and running off our metal roof in a slick stream. plopping on the ground, in the cement gutter-catcher-thingies, or how the salt evaporated all the snow and crunched under my boots. i really dislike winter but call me a sucker,

or call me a former socal-er, but i love rain.

my hair is long not bc i am particularly partial to long hair, but bc i'm lazy and cheap frugal. plus my hair is stick straight and never does anything but LAY THERE. pisses me off!! so i just let it go long and that's my 'look'. people stop me to ask me 'who does my color'.

uh, mother nature?

i love lime tootsie rolls but hate regular tootsie rolls. they look like little ... er, dog poo things to me. yuck.

i have insomnia but once it's past 3am i can sleep until about 11am. but before 3am, i constantly wake up. no idea why.

my sheets must be 5oo thread count or higher. i'm a bed snob.

i used to despise steak when i was growing up. I. KNOW.

i really hate to do laundry. i would rather do the dishes and dust than do laundry. i'll even take out the garbage and clean the toilet. and the litter box. surprisingly, the litter box doesn't really faze me.

i have an unhealthy obsession with all things hello kitty. when i first met my husband i had a tiny apartment and the entire bathroom was hello kitty. bath mat, shower curtain, towels, toothbrush holder.... i'm now only allowed keychains. (i really want the hello kitty waffle maker. and beach towel. just sayin.')

i'm tragically obsessed with handbags. i just bought a betsey johnson beach bag yesterday. pure love.

whenever i cook dinner, i never eat it. for some reason i can't seem to eat after 5pm. even if i'm hungry on the way home, as soon as i see food i'm like, eh. nah thanks. it really drives me nuts bc i need to eat a meal when i take my meds twice a day. so i have to eat breakfast AND dinner and it's totally throwing me off.

hunchback of notre dame is probably one of my top 5 disney movies of all time. that movie is disturbing, yo.

i love peonies. adore them. unfortunately, they're expensive here in the midwest so i never get them.

i hate birds of paradise. they're all over southern california like a freakin' plague and i hate the things. they also hurt when you crash into the bush rollerblading. not that i know from experience or anything.

i painted my toenails black last night. i never paint my fingernails. only clear.

i'm almost 5'7 and yet i wear a size 6 1/2 in shoes. it's weird.

my mom almost named me francesca. or alexandria. can you imagine calling me francesca???

i'm obsessive about drinking enough water. i drink about what would be ten glasses a day. i just refill my water bottle, which is almost 16oz. and drink that all day at work- it's around noon here, and i've had three already, so that's about six glasses of water give or take.... and the day isn't even half over.

i am terrified of being dehydrated. when i get sick i forget to drink or eat, and more than once i have been in the shower and passed out cold, only to awaken sprawled on the bathroom floor, naked as all hell, with the shower curtain beneath me. oops. i make sure to drink tons of water bc i'm a fainter. can't help it.

i once had super high cholesterol. like 221. now it's normal.

i love pickles. i could eat clausen pickles every single day for the rest of my life and not get sick of them. same goes for pizza. but seriously. pickles trump pizza and always will.

i have four pairs of heels under my desk. i wear socks and ugg boots to work every day... and then i change into my heels. i HATE having cold feet. i wear ugg boots year-round. yes. i am that girl.

most people that don't know me think i'm lying when i say 1)i don't color my hair (ATALL) and 2) i don't wear colored contacts. it gets annoying, actually, bc it's not as if i asked for blonde hair... it's what i was given so i make the most of it.

i used to carry around a pantene pro-v magazine ad in my pocket when i was about 5 or 6 years old. it featured a woman with her back facing the camera, and her long, waist-length dark wavy red hair was fanned out behind her. i used to cry over that picture and wail at the top of my lungs 'WWWHHHHYYYY MOMMMM??? whhhhyyyyy????' bc i hated having blonde hair.

i also begged for brown contacts at 13. never got them.

i hate olives. i hate blue cheese. i do surprisingly like bloody maries even tho i think tomato juice is just plain rank.

jewelry really doesn't do it for me, unless it's super unique.... i wear my wedding rings and that's about it. my watch is in the shop right now, the battery died. usually i only wear 'classic' pieces every day. i have my everyday watch which is a more upscale silver watch and then i have my chunky mens two-inch leather watch that's more for like jeans and tees.

i own too many shoes. TOO MANY. ones i haven't worn since high school. but who gives away charles david?? or marc jacobs?? i mean really.

ice breakers wintergreen mints are like my crack. so are watermelon jolly ranchers and blow pops.

Pompeii is an exhibit that will forever stick out in my head. that and the king tut tour when i was in chicago in 93 or 94.

i have always had a weird fascination with the Egyptians. now i'm kinda getting into the Mayans.


is this enough random crap about me? should i stop? keep going? i'm just rambling. work is boring today bc mainly, i FINISHED all my work. what a concept, right??? and i discovered, the later i go to bed the more likely i am to sleep thru the night so i actually feel pretty rested.

OH AND I WATCHED the secret life of bees last night. WONDERFUL adaptation of the novel. honestly one of the best translations from written word to film i've seen in a long time. see it!!!!

but read the book first.

when i was 5 i saw pretty woman and promptly informed my mother of my desire to become a career prostitute.

the little women is the first movie i cried at.

i actually fell in LOVE with the book 'the good earth' when i had to read it when i was 13 for school. it really is quite an amazing book as is the movie. but i loved lord of the flies, too, so....


i also watched 'my best friends girl' and it was hilarious!!!! but i'm biased, i LOVE DANE COOK and also kate hudson. and surprisingly, this movie had really good chemistry. i loved it. i think i may just have to watch it again tonight :)

oh and also? ya'll that haven't read 'confessions of a shopaholic'? what rock have you been under? i'm catching up on shopaholic and baby or whatev it's called bc i don't think i read that one- but i read them all YEARS ago when i was all 'dude where's the movie????' and now it's coming out.

i'm super excited to see it. but you must read the books. HI-LARIOUS.

er, i'm cutting the weirdness now. catch ya'll on the flip side. i promise tomorrow? i may or may not have pictures of my house.

(my bookshelves have BOOKS on them!!!! what a concept!)

ramble ramble.

i know fridays are notoriously slow bloggin' days so i'm really not TOO concerned about how great my writing is right now. heh. like i ever am?

so on monday is my last doctor's appointment, and it's smooth sailin' for six months after that.. and only to have them suck draw more blood and hopefully or i'll rip out the needle myself i'm still normal.

normal as in, my weird ulcer bacteria thing is gone (btw? she doesn't know how this is 'caught. isn't that a tad... disturbing?? i guess it's quite common but there's no real preventive measure to it.) and my thyroid is back up to straight a's and

wanna know somethin' cool? i'm totally not in pain anymore. my lower tummy hurts sometimes but that's about it, and it's once in a while.

the ulcer is what was causing that excrutiatingly brutal pain. it's gone now. even tho i can't have a glass of wine? i'd donate a case to just not feel that pain again.

it was brutal.

in other news tonight is the 'lets get the crap out' night. as in, my dining room looks like the inside of martha stewart exploded all over it. there's prints everywhere on pillows i'm tossing and garbage in plastic grocery bags bc i am REFUSING to go buy yet another $40 pull-out-under-the-sink garbage can bc i KNOW i have one in the garage at my old house. i just need to go GET it. so. i've been using little garbage bags.

there are also papers and chargers and books and paintings and frames and coats and purses and god knows what else. painting supplies, i think, are in the corner, but good god knows when i last saw them.

tonight is the night we roll up our sleeves and "GASP" organize. i know. i know. but these antibiotics i'm on, i don't know if they're the ones causin' it, but i have a lot of energy and not being in mind-bending pain 24/7 really makes a person peppy.

well. i have horrid insomnia and i may or may not have taken just a leeetle bit too much melatonin last night cuz i was a little... shall we say... uh, loopy. extremely tired but once i hit bed i could. not. sleep.

there is something about 'going to bed' that causes my brain to go NO FREAKIN WAY! it sucks.

maybe i'll sleep on the couch tonight.

i actually tried to trick my brain for two nights in a row now by bringing one of the four matching suuuuuper duper soft microsuede pillows to bed with me. didn't work the first night but i think i have the whole laying down configuration bc last night, i stayed asleep a bit better.

then again. the melatonin.... and just a heads-up? if you have insomnia like i have had for most of my adult life? avoid sleeping meds. take natural hormones and supplements. they work the same and don't give you that nyquil hangover. i take melatonin and tryptophan normally but i lost my buddy trypto in the move and have yet to find him. but i will.

where is this post going????

so anyway..... i also work tomorrow. from here on out i work 6 days a week until april 15th. i know. right now i don't mind bc i'm not busy. overtime baby! but come the end of march? oh lordy..... i'm sure i'll be posting

HELP. SEND HELP.

over and over again. or maybe

WINE. SEND WINE.

we'll see. other than that things are pretty normal. hopefully i can sleep tonight, but... i doubt it. at least i get to wake up an hour later tomorrow. i know. i'm weird. i can't FALL asleep or STAY asleep but once i hit about 4.30am or so, i am golden until about 9.30.

k, i'm drawin' a blank. i'm gonna sign off bc really, this post was totally pointless. i considered just erasing it and posting when i got home but really..... it'd probably be more boring than this one.

if you made it this far, gold star my friend!!!!!!!

field trip to the gyno

so here's a rundown of my doctor visits.

i have what look like TRACK MARKS on my arms! cuz they took blood on both arms. uh, excuse me? since when is it okay to make me heroin-chic and not even ASK ME FIRST? yeah. my work? they thought that was rrreealll nifty.

another thing? why on EARTH should i bother makin an appointment if i'm going to wait three hours? or 45 minutes? or an hour and a half? i mean, really? i called. ahead of time. scheduled it. and now. i'm...... what, exactly? THE WAITING ROOM IS EMPTY.

are ya'll DRINKIN back there????

another thing? uhm, i really don't need twenty gazillion people lookin DOWN THERE when my legs are in stirrups or whatever those scary things are called and my sheet is all icky sticky bc of ultrasound gel that she BATHED ME IN and at one point? i actually was like, yo? let's just invite the ENTIRE OFFICE in to look at my hoo hah bc obviously? it's so interesting and all and maybe it should start it's own blog and i bet it'd be dooce worthy.

and uhm? question? i'm here for an ultrasound. girl has a full bladder. it's 9.30 in the morning. at 10.15? if i don't get this frickin ultrasound stat? i'm going to be reduced to a dog and have no shame as i just explode from pressure and pain right here smack dab in the waiting room next to the fish tank.

when you finish your one and only book that is 3/4 of a way done JUST WAITING in the waiting room? not even waiting in the exam room? yeah. that's sad.

i also believe this is a form of war torture. i don't need to read all the scary pamphlets telling me that i could, you know, just rot up like my neglected bamboo plant. k?

also? if you ever hear the word 'saline' and 'catheter' in the same sentence?

RUN.

wrap that little sheet around your vajajay and RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. being covered in ultrasound gel sounds like childs play when you get a catheter inserted into your UTERUS. just sayin'.

and when i ask you to pretty please give me the alternative two-week medication treatment that allows me to have a glass of wine to calm my freakin out nerves? do it.

i have an ulcer. lucky me. caused by some bacteria i don't know the name of bc honestly? at the fifth syllable? i gave up. cuz i'm a quitter like that and all.

the medication i have to take for two weeks to get rid of the damn thing? i can't drink. i'm not an alcoholic. i am simply a person who enjoys the taste of wine and would like to have a glass when i come home from a day workin my butt off.

thankfully, i tested negative for some scary stuff. i was such a nervous wreck my doctor actually called me the second she found out the results so that i could stop worrying. i am a worrier. i cannot help this. i was SCARED to the point of nightmares that i was carrying ebola or somethin. not fun.

the only good thing i can say is my doctor is very good. i am thankful that i had the intelligence to switch doctors bc the four things wrong with me? my old doctor misdiagnosed me for three years.

let's break down what this girl has:

1. underactive thyroid. which, after all the blood that was SUCKED OUT OF ME? we now know it's workin juuuuust fine.

2. poly-cystic ovaries syndrome. aka, 'all the homeless cysts decided to camp out survivor style in my ovaries without even having the decency to say YO LAYDAY!' or, 'an entire family tree is stuck in my ovaries. family reunion? anyone?'

3. fybroid. chillin in my uterus. uh, thanks A LOT DOC, for saying 'now you're going to feel a little pinch' which, upon insertion, had me jump so high i think i was stuck in the ceiling tiles goin, 'look LADY, you wanna tell the TRUTH HERE??? cuz i'm spread eagle and my foot is near your head. nuff said.'

4. ulcer. which really, isn't scary to me, i had one at nine. i know. weird. but really? the whole, two weeks hopped up on meds where i have to FORCE myself to eat a salami sandwhich at 7.30 in the morning? so i don't upchuck all over the car on my way to work? yeah. NOT. FUN.

so there you go. in-depth doctor visits. and btw? i bruised every. time. they took my blood. angry bruises. painful. i am tired, exhausted, and guess what?

on monday, i see my doctor again. for my annual pap.

all i have to say is, wtf? don't you already KNOW EVERYTHING?????? good god woman you've seen my girl parts like, a jillion times! you saw my UTERUS!! what on earth could you learn now???

wait. don't answer that. i really, really don't want to know.

because ya'll made me do it:

so, i discovered that sometimes the internet is fickle. sometimes it picks fights with you like a bully in 3rd grade. sometimes it says eff you! and plays jokes on you.

so. i'm posting DIRECT PICTURES of my tattoos.

ahem. TWO of them. bc the last one i got? yeah, no pics of that one.... i guess by your third tattoo you kinda lose all the glamor and awe-ness of a new tattoo. or. maybe you're lazy.

just sayin'. not that I'M like that or anything. ahem.

this was my first tattoo, and i got it at a fresh age of 18- the youngest you can get a tattoo LEGALLY in the united states. oh, i tried, when i was a teenager. but they denied me. and somehow jailhouse tattoos didn't sound so good.

no. i was not in jail. and DUH that would be juvie! not jail. but. i digress. forgive me.

so my friend and i decided to get tattoos. i was visiting her in north carolina. so we drove ALL THE WAY to the 'big city' which i forget the name- forgive, forgive- to realize that she forgot her I.D. so i had to drive her car home, cuz i had mine, and then we drove ALL THE WAY back to the big city. it was a two hour wait anyway! so. we thought. who cares??

i was a shaking mess. so. scared. i was sweating. and i thought, i should go first, bc if i see blood? oh, fuggeddaboudit. so i went first. laid on my stomach. said a prayer. and he started. and i said, as the vibrating hum filled the small tiny tattoo room with the half-door barn contraption,

uh.... is that it?

and the tattoo artist sort of paused, cleared his throat, and said..... uhm, HUH?

and i'm like, yo! this barely HURTS MAN!! bring it ON! the outline is supposed to hurt the most?? psshhaw this is NOTHING compared to breakin' your tailbone!!!!

he sort of paused, then laughed, said, 'girl, for a thing like you that needs about twenty cheeseburgers? yer pretty chill.'

i took that as a compliment. and i come to find out, the more and more i get tattooed that... they don't hurt me. in fact, they feel GOOD bc they relax the muscle they're tattooing.

for instance. my stars. they were my second tattoo (tattoos? who knows. i consider it one tattoo bc i had it done as a 'piece' and not 'individually'.) and probably my favorite.

they didn't hurt.

in fact, my tattoo artist said, 'girl, you're crazy. i had a biker in here last week who had a side piece done and he CRIED. you're a buck ten and yet you LAUGH? what ARE you??'

heh. i'm Lo. girl who can get any tattoo.

but piercings? that's another story. as in,

NEVER GET YOUR NOSE PIERCED. just sayin'. cuz when it gets infected?

NOT. GOOD.

although? super cute. just sayin'.

so that's my body art!!! and please excuse the bra. all of my tattoos are in "personal" areas... so that they're easily covered.

most people in my day-to-day life are shocked to see my tattoos. i think it's the stars. no one expects me to have stars up my side.

wait until my next one i'm planning to get in the next two months or so....

'memento vivare' in script going up my left side. BIG. cuz i'm all about bling baby.

or. something like that. anyway. my third tattoo would be my celtic crescent moon on my right hip. it's more like a tribal moon but....

my goal when my laptop is up and running the internet is to take a 'tat tour' of both mine and vlad's tattoos so that ya'll can see his sleeve plus our plethora of tattoos.

on a random side note? never eat pineapple and drink green tea at the same time. not. good.

running low on material, so as always, depend on pics.

i'm plannin on writting to ya'll later on. this is just a morning 'please let me survive and i promise Popsicles and stickers later' sort of bribe.

Captain Dumbass did a post about people and their 'ink'. in case ya'll don't know i've got three tattoos and counting.

a lot of people think they're ridiculous and have told me so.

a lot of people can be narrow minded and judgemental.

not me.

my tattoos represent a moment in my life that i wanted to document a change, a feeling, a shift of some sort.

anyway. so. Captain D decided to ask everyone to send in pics and explanations of their tats. so i did! and i'm there! just go there. you'll find me. a couple scrolls in.

i only have pics on hand for two of my three tats. my third is a celtic half moon on my right hip.

i have stars up my side, and 'take to the sky' on my back.... take to the sky is a song by tori amos, who is ... she's hard to explain. amazing and astonishing seem so lacking to me. she is a woman who survived being raped with a gun at her head in the back of a van on a night after performing in a local venue. she is a woman who subsequently created RAINN, an organization for sexually abused victims to find light again in their lives.

take to the sky is a song she wrote long before she was signed to a record company- the lyric is, 'Have a seat while i/take to the sky' and basically, it means..... i refuse to conform and change myself so that i can gain fame and fortune. i will not compromise who i am so that i can be what they want me to be. you have a seat, conform, and watch while i take off.

i was eighteen, scared out of my mind, and when i finally sat down to get my ink done? found that it felt GOOD. bc you have to understand- i've had so many injuries when i was younger that i'm permanently suffering from stiff joints and achy muscles. so getting tattooed on my lower back? heaven! my muscles FINALLY loosened after about a year of being so tight i couldn't even get a massage.

so then, duh, naturally i got more. the stars on my side? i laughed my way through. my tattoo artist thinks i'm INSANE. he told me about how he had a big ol' biker guy in the week before me who got tattooed on his ribs, and he CRIED. me? i giggled.

i'm super ticklish. also? high pain tolerance. comes in handy.

so. if you were curious what two of my three tattoos looked like? mosey on down to Captain D. there are quite a few more as well :)