okay, i need a new body bc this shiz is too much.

so this morning i woke up and i honestly thought someone had pulled the old switcheroo on me and stole my body and gave me a 92 year old one instead.

i felt bad, folks. baaaad.

so then i went to the bathroom and the whole floor rushing up at me thing wasn't really doin' it for me. so i rolled my ass back into bed bc something tells me passing out and then driving a moving vehicle is a big no-no in the circle of life rule book.

foul!

anyway. so. i did the whole call my job and tell them i'm sick, then i texted my homeskillet girlfriend who i work with and was all DUDE I AM LEAKING AND FEEL CRAPPY and why am i like 92 years old now??? damn.

then she called me and we had a nice snarky conversation per usual and then my sorry butt went to sleep.

then i woke up around 11 or so when my mother texted me (yes. she has transitioned into texting. golf clap now, please.) thinking i had run away or something bc i hadn't answered her forty eleven emails yet per usual.

so then i rolled out into the living room where i've been all. day. and trust me when i say that this? is totally not where i want to be. bc i feel like CRAP friends. i really, really do.

hopefully a shot of nyquil around oh, eight or so will knock my happy ass out and i'll wake up tomorrow rested and NOT on my death bed ala this fine monday morning.

also yesterday was my aunt's baby shower.... and forty women in one small room makes lauren a very cranky girl. then vlad pissed me off (long story) and now, after this virus crap, i am thoroughly disgusted with the world and i had to put in my new birth control today and uhm hello? my vajayjay and i are VERY familiar now. and that is all i am sayin.

other than being sick? SUCKS.

running out of sprite and ripping off three layers of my tongue bc i sucked the salt off of a bag of peanut shells?? yeah. that sucks too.