heeyyyyaaa!!!! iz russian night!!!!

this is my sister in law.

and okay. let me say. "iz ooooo-kay in zee uuuu-ssss-of aaaa!!!!" okay.

end my joking abouts russians. but really? this was my night.



ooohwah!! look at ah zee mee!!! sorry. can't stop mahself.

work it, yo!!!!

bc i'm tiiiiiiiiired......

i'm so tired... i don't even KNOW how i'm still conscious right now. after a busy day full of reallllllly great food and wine and driving and.. and talking... and... being awake and all...... i am so DONE. surrrreously, i am so tired. and i think i've got a little cold... achy body, flushed face, bad hair, couch potato. can't seem to get motivated to do anything but watch old movies. and may i just say that Uncle Buck? yeah. i love that movie.

this gorgeous table was courtesy of my mom. we rolled up to her house a little after 2 and she had set the table super nice. i love those dishes. that centerpiece candelabra was part of the set that were half of the centerpieces at my wedding. i love those things.


here's another shot of the table. don't mind the blonde weirdo in the mirror. i don't.

the only proof that i have that my husband DOES like my cat Daisy. he just pretends that he doesn't.

how could you not love her????? she is SOO cute. and soft. and cuddly. and okay loud. but we forgive her.

this is my err.... huh? face. the sure, sure i 'm listening.... sure, sure that makes perfect sense....

and this is the end of my post. i have nothing even remotely amusing or cute or snarky or clever to say. i am drained, peeps. drained. and a little on the nauseous side too. sorry. tmi i know. but. i'm honest and all. so. there ya go. do what you will with that little nugget of info.

k this is way too silly. i'm off to watch 'the great outdoors.' yeah. i love me some john candy.

oh and also? i ROCK at wii bowling. TOTALLY smoked Vlad last night when we got home. i smoked him so bad he challenged me to FOUR games.

i beat him all four times. i rock.

blonde moments and eye balls and.. and.. THANKFUL THURSDAY

so KD over at A Bit Squirrelly does a thankful post every single thursday. and this thursday, i thought, well, i'm all about readin blogs and all that stuff and.. and... i may be fresh out of inspiration for a 'real' blog post. so. here i go, on with alllllll the things i'm super duper thankful for this year:

1. my family. over this past year i've grown up quite a bit and i've grown into my family. i don't know where i'd be without them. and yes. i'm even including the inlaws with this post. and that is sayin' somethin, yo.

2. my husband. he puts up with SO. MUCH. i cannot even tell you. well. i'm not GOING to tell you cuz then ya'll might not like me as much hehehoho just kidding(but not. wait. i am. just kiddin.) but honestly he deserves all kinds of kudos points here bc ladies (and gents.. if there are any that come here) i? am soooooooooo not an easy person to live with. i'll admit it here. bc honesty is the best policy. and. all that jazz. i am selfish. seriously! i like things JUST SO (even if they're haphazard, they make sense in my mind and there's a system to my madness) and i only want to watch the movies i want to watch, i want to sit where i want to sit, i want that blanket, i want this to drink couldyoupleasegetitformethanks, i want THAT piece of steak, etc etc... i want i want i want. i have a serious case of the gimmies. but that man? he gets me. nuff said.

3. i am thankful that even tho i may not LIKE my job, at least i HAVE a job. i have a car, i have a cell phone, i have a roof over my head, i have clothes, i have my health and (part) of my sanity. i am thankful that in this economy, i'm taken care of.

4. i'm also very thankful that i do not have to cook tomorrow. THANKS MA!

5. i'm thankful that i have enough that i'm able to give it away to those who need it more.

so. what are YOU thankful for? mashed potatoes? peas? lollipops? why is everything all about food with me?? jeez. okay fuzzy pens? tinkerbell? fresh coffee? organic milk? uggs? huh? huh? WHAT are you THANKFUL FOR people!!??? i've just gotta know.

oh. yeah. that???? yeah uhm.... so i thought oh wouldn't it be cute to write a sign and hold it up and take a picture of myself and share it with the world and then i started to do this and i sorta mighta kinda got a little high from the sharpie and ... and... that happened. i'm sorry. i don't know why i'm making cute serial killer eyes at you. i really wanted to wish you a happy thanksgiving, and i was REALLY serious about it. i wanted you to feel my good wishes emanating from my eye balls. my peepers. my baby blues. okay. i'll stop. promise.

windows-to-my-soul.

(okay i said i'll stop and i'll stop. jeeeez.)

and THEN i came up with an even BETTER idea. 'i'll take a picture IN THE MIRROR in the BATHROOM bc that way , they can see my FACE and i won't look so crazy-serialkiller-stalkerish!! awesome idea lauren!! pat yo-self on the BACK!' and then i took the picture and then looked at it and went,

dude, i am SO flippin' blonde. cuz duh. the mirror? yeah. it sort of REVERSES things. in case you didn't know that. i'm lettin' ya'll know now. cuz i care about you and all.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love new clothes... i love mail....

so i bought a new jacket last week from Overstock.com... and they are notorious in shipping me EVERYTHING within, minimum, a year. seriously. it takes forrrevah. so lo and behold, when i came back from lunch today....

IT WAS HERE!!!!!!! and of course i want to share. so i did. this is me. about five minutes ago. in my bathroom. tryin' to get good pictures, but damn yo, that lighting sucks.

oh and Linda , my bathroom isn't always neat n tidy either. see that errant q tip? yeah. it's USED. (calm down calm down.. it has makeup on it, not ear wax. jeez.) and it's still sittin' there. yep. i'm honest like that and all.

also what is UP with this collar?????? remind me never to pop my collar in public please.

it's like, yo! where'd my chin go, homes???? homey don't play like that. (snl? anyone? anyone?)

and for your viewing pleasure, this is what happens when i come home and ignore my cat and take weird pics of myself. it freaks her out.

or, maybe just tryin' to get my attention. she can meow the paint off the walls, trust me. i took a video but honestly? dude, way too tired over here to try and figure THAT headache out tonight. nah. i'm off to read my book and chill.

random pictures, JUST CUZ.

sooooo just bc i got a brand spanking new phone AND it has a camera AND it uploads immediately online... can you tell i'm super impressed yet?????....i took random weird pictures. cuz that's how i roll. so the above is what my sunday consisted of. the two of us. tired. pooped. after a trip to the mall to buy me a phone. notice the bag on the floor to the left? yeah. that's where my phone guts are. you know. the memory card and charger and.. and... junk that i got. and yeah. that little loveseat? that is totally MY couch. and that guy right there? the couch potato? that's my husband. Vlad. strikin' a pose while watchin' tv. and yeah. see the wii remotes all over the coffee table?

yeah. so he's totally addicted. but was too tired to play. man, outlet malls can SO wear a guy out!

so anyway. the next one? yeah. this is what happens when my husband falls asleep and we're stayin' in a hotel and i'm too much of a weirdo to go up to the snack concierge lounge and get mah own snacks BY MAHSELF. cuz dude. you totally need a buddy for stuffin' yer pockets w/cheese cubes and jalapeno poppers. just sayin'.

so yeah. the photo is dark. but that's weirdo me, takin' pictures of myself in the desk mirror, JUST CUZ. cuz i CAN, yo.

and the next few? yeah. bc of T5M, i decided to do a charity thang this year. so i gave money for the Soles for Souls, and that was fulfilling. but then i thought, gee.... instead of buying yet another meaningless paperback when i could go to library FOR FREE, hows about i give... to other people?

what a concept, right???? so i decided to do this:


yeah. that's right. i went to target. i went to the dollar spot. i bought cool tupperware thingies and i filled them with all sorts of fun stuff for two girls and one boy. like stuffed animals, gum, sweets, slinkies... all the great necessities of life, my friends.

it's called Operation Christmas Child.

and for whatever reason, only the 'boy' box photo saved to my online account. so yeah. that's toothpaste. and crayons. and... and... stuff. that will be sent overseas to kids living in poverty, so that they can have minty fresh breath and slinky jr. fun and a bear to sleep with at night.

but most of all to know that someone out there cares. cuz i do. anyway. i just wanted ya'll to see, and maybe.... maybe.... just maybe...... you guys could give a little bit this season, too.

i'm looking into what else i can do. bc ya know what???? this feels good. better-than-a-glass-of-wine-in-a-hotel-room-w/-cheese-cubes good. surrrrrrrrreously. try it. do it. DO IT. do it. doooo it.

makes you feel very, very humble and very, so very very very... thankful.

manic monday meme

Manic Monday!!!! which can be found here , has a fun meme every single monday. why not have a little fun this morning?? :)

Do you ever talk to yourself out loud? What do you talk about?
uhm... in all honesty yes i do. and usually it goes something like, 'cursecursecursecursecurse.' in my better moments, it's when i think i'm talking to someone but they've already walked away... and i say, 'hello? am i talking to myself? (pause) yeah, i think i am. (pause) and still am. okay. i need to stop now.' othertimes it's mostly just me complaining or being snarky.


What stresses you out?
when someone i love is unaccounted for... i.e., husband driving home in snow storm and his phone is dead and he's 3 hours late. yeah. that stresses me out. also, when laundry starts to stack up. also dishes scattered haphazardly around the kitchen- i think clutter, in general, really freaks me out. also my morning commute bc i live 25 miles away from work and i never know if it's going to be bad or not. and.... being late. i flake out a lot, and then i get stressed.. i'm generally kind of high-strung.


What are your secret talents?
i'm double-jointed, so i can twist my arms around really weird. my elbows hyper-extend. also i'm freakishly flexible and can put my feet behind my head and can still do a damn-fine scorpion even tho i haven't cheered in six years.

(this is a full-scorpion stunt, this is not me, all of my cheer pics are in dusty photo albums at my parents house. and i don't even know if i have a photo doing this. hm. now i really have this odd urge to go home tonight and do one in the mirror. heh. if you don't hear from me tomorrow, i may have popped my leg off.)



i'm also very good at editing. scripts, movies, etc... it's this sick thing. i don't even enjoy doing it... but i'm freakishly good at it. also i'm SUCH a visual person, that i almost have a photographic memory... but only for stupid things like what you wore 3 weeks 2 days ago, etc.

also? if there was a job for spotting mistakes and prop inconsistencies in movies and books? dude, i'd be rakin' it in. never fails i ALWAYS notice if something's missing, changed, wrong order.. cups full are now missing or empty, they grab something twice in one shot when they're meant to grab once.. okay if this is uber boring and i've lost you.. sorry. it's this weird quirk i have and my husband gets a kick out of it.

so what about YOU??

whheeeee!!!!!!!!!!

so maybe ya'll were wondering why i named my blog 'slap happy.'

it's bc of this:

ME. RIGHT. NOW. dude, i am SOOOOOO bored i'm seriously wandering around my house turning pinwheels and contemplating if i have enough room in my foyer to do a cartwheel. (answer, no i don't. learned the hard way.) i've been home alone allllll day bc Vlad(the husband), after working this morning at HIS auto shop, decided that he needed to finish his new toy that is more expensive then two of MY cars car and jammed the convertible hard top while trying to wash the car. yeah. so he's been at his DADS shop since.. about 2. and it's now... er, around 6.30, 7 give or take.

so anyway. back to the important stuff. ME. :) so i have this obsession with having marathon sessions where i watch really super duper delicious and gooey tv shows, all the episodes in a row. this sort of happened when we lost cable the first time(we're now w/out cable for the second time. sigh.) and i had nothing to watch and i wanted to pretend i was watching tv. (trust me, after 2 months w/out tv, when you get to see a commercial? yeah. you squeel with delight.) so i started renting old seasons of t.v. shows.

cut to me now, two years later? yeah. i have a super huge addiction to Heroes, Prison Break, 24, House, ER, Firefly(in all honesty i loved this show for soooo many years and when the movie came out and i didn't even KNOW until i saw it hidden on the video store shelves??? oooooo, more squeeling, my friend. yes indeed.) Samantha Who? and many many more that honestly i can't recall bc of a brain strike and all.

so yeah. ANYWAY. the whole point of this blogorama is to say, Jack Bauer? oh, i so heart you, so very, very much. i'm currently on disc 2 of season 5. ooohhh i forgot how much i missed the beep.. beep... beeeeeeeeep...beepbeepbeepbeeepepepepeepepep ing noises or how delicious it is to watch an hour and have it BE an hour in tv land time, and... and... oh i just love Jack Bauer. remember in season 4 when he was forced to go undercover and get tatted up and start doing drugs? remember when his annoying daughter was on? god i hated her. i am SO glad he ditched her. remember season 1 (yes oldy but goody) when President Palmer touched that nasty rank stuff and totally fried his hand and they thought he was gonna DIE????

do ya? DO YA? huh? punk? do ya?

oh, lordy i just love staying home on a cold saturday, curling up with my cat, eating random things like scrambled sante fe eggs (that's southwestern egg beaters, mixed w/a little taco seasoning and some dice jalapenos, add on some chalula hot sauce? yer in business mah friend.), a helping of double-layer nachos, (shredded cheese over tortilla chips and you have to eat it SUPER fast otherwise the cheese gets hard and it's gross. and yeah. i still eat it then, too, bc who wastes cheese??? madness), cheese-in-the-can, a slice of salami that made you realize it should've been thrown out 3 days ago, (yes i spit it out. i am no animal.) and two YES TWO red baron deep dish mini pizzas. just bc i live the tangy sauce.

oh man. just got a craving for kraft spaghetti. oh nooooooo!!!! but i refuse to actually cook real food today. today is allll about the microwave.

er, anyway. yeah. so i love sitting at home and intermittently reading, then watching, then noshing, then watching, then reading, then just starin' at the ceiling... cuz i can, that's why.

so, just wanted to update you on my slug status, in case you were wondering. cuz i'm cool like that, yo. peeps are wantin to know my whereabouts. or. something. hm. and then? when Vlad gets home?

ooohh, yeahh...... it's on like donkey kong my friend bc i? am havin' steak. NUFF SAID.

happy saturday ya'll!!!!!!!

me? surrrrreously?? dang ya'll.

sooooooo Kate, over at She's Lump gave me... an award!!!!

thank you, thank you... i am so humbled.... (HA!) anyway-


This award states: This blog invests and believes in the PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships!

These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.

so with this award i am supposed to link to EIGHT other bloggers who are genuine, kind, warm people and also? peeps i got thru bloggin' that totally send my heart a-pitterpatter whenever we twitter or they update. bc really? blogging has become a really awesome release for me. a place where i can come and be honest and lame and goofy and snarky and? no one will tell me i'm wrong, or stupid, or say i'm wasting their time.... bc all ya'll (or as Marchellem says, ya'll'll) that come here? you want to be here. that means so much to me. more than i can tell you, bc really? i'd have to video myself sayin' THANK YOU for you to understand my level of gratitude that all of you listen to me moan and groan and laugh and be silly all the live long day.

anyway. so!!! let's get to it. the eight people i picked are: (in no particular order)

Melanie at The Little Gray House bc reading her is like a breath of fresh air. she is a hilarious mom to surfer skating downhill racing boys in southern cali and she always makes me laugh at her posts- whether they're small, random, all-encompassing, moving or just everyday livin'.

Jenn, bc she's a workin' mom, wife and above all a hilarious and fun woman. i twitter her all day long and honestly she's just one down-to-earth, cool chick.

Tweak, aka Melissa, bc she's as she likes to describe herself: a tweak!! she's a coffee lover (to extremes, my friends, believe you me) and she is just so caring and hilarious. she has SUCH a huge heart and she's always there to pat my back and give me a hug when i need one. well. virtual pats and hugs, i should say.

Ash over at Gone Parenting , bc she is just a snarky hilarious mom of two who does such a good job at being a wife, a mother, a career girl AND a kickass girl to boot. she cracks me up and also encourages me to get up and do something... she's just a year older than me, folks!! and she's already got it together.

and okay i may be bending the rules here (as i am want to do) but Stephanie at Live. Laugh. Love. deserves another shoutout even if she DID just get one today. bc really? she seriously has THE SWEETEST family. and she is just so peppy and upbeat all. the. time. you almost want to kick her, but you can't, bc she's just so gosh darn nice!!! and beautiful, and sweet, funny...i could go on. but go read her instead :)

i know i've tagged her before, buuuut.... T5M, aka The Five Moores, bc she's a hilarious mom and has such, SUCH a huge and giving heart and seriously? she honest-to-God pushes me to give more to those that are in need bc it's just what you do. no questions asked. she's very generous person, not just with monatary possessions but with her love, heart, humor, and good will.

Linda, at Fat Cat Crochet, bc hellllooo she just kicks ass. she's fun loving and daring and has such a big big heart (see a trend starting here?) and i just think she's the bestest. :)

and last but not least... She's Lump , bc hello? no other words needed: back atcha, hot cakes.

k, after that last post...

i started thinkin'. and thought some more. and then said hrm.... damn. i bet everyone thinks i live in this really ugly shack. or. something. or that i'm too lazy to fix my appliances or i'm a sloth or- or- .....

okay. well. i thought i had pics of my house but then i couldn't find them and then suddenly they about smacked me right in the nose. so i thought i'd share. bc everyone is just like me and is uber nosy likes pictures, right??

this is the front of the townhouse. and NO all you stalkers out there, you can't read the number. and there's no street name. so nanner nanner.

this is the backyard. and ya'll know how i was complaining about that stupid tree? yeah. that's it. RIGHT. THERE. and trust me? it now touches the house. yeah. and if you look realllllly close over by the screen door area, you can see the top of the grey-ish satellite dish peeking out. tryin' it's best to get HBO to me, but alas, failing.

this is the kitchen. and yeah. it's plain. and yeah. we refuse to put granite in it, bc... it's a waste of money when you're trying to sell your house. right? right. (we totally put that microwave in tho.) (and yes. these are realtor pics. don't hate.)

dining room....... that we never, ever, ever use.

the living room... taken from right inside the front door. thru the doorway you see is the dining room, and that's the backyard you see. if you were to look up and to the right, you'd see our stairs. wow. it looks seriously bland in this photo. trust me it's much better when you're IN the room, not just staring AT the room.

this is the loft. this would be above the garage, facing the front of the townhouse. and yeah. i have a lot more crap on the shelves... i have a ton of books that need to find homes. maybe i'll do a giveaway w/books from my own library?? would anyone be interested in that? hm.

this is the bedroom..... taken from the view of the hallway that leads to the bathroom. it's kinda boring. i know. it's a bedroom.

this is the master bath. that we sort of re-did. the granite we actually got for an amazing price and then i just stalked watched for deals at HomeGoods.

so that's the grand tour. if you were curious. or. something.

i don't know what it is but when bloggers put pics up of their houses i CAN. NOT. stay away. i love it. i'm just sooooo nosy about what other people's houses look like.

like how when i'm driving home, when i turn into my subdivision? i slooooow down reallllly slow so that all of the houses with their blinds open.... yeah. i SO peek in there. it's there fault for havin' them open, right??? you wouldn't believe the weird houses i've seen. seriously, yo.

and open houses? oh don't even go there.

my husband calls me nosy. i like to say, 'inquisitive'.

hello hello good morning.

so.. i've been dealing w/some really irritating crap lately at my house. don't get me wrong. i love this huge enormous money-sucking gorgeous lofted townhouse like no other. suuuuuure it's okay that it's 40 gazillion miles from all of our friends. it's fiiiinnne that no one wants to come hang out. really. no, seriously!! the fact that to have a bbq i have to BRIBE everyone and their mothers with free liquor and steaks just to come hang out? hell that's how i get my kicks!! i just looooove to spend money that i don't have.

ahem. pardon the rant. so. a few things that we've been dealing with would be 1)the fact that our association... despite our punctual monthly payments of exactly $152... they don't believe in landscaping. and my friends this is ALL that there is really to do in my development, since we all OWN our townhouses and thus are responsible for every.flippin.thing connected to it.

(oh yeah. uhm, association? telling me to take care of my own security dome light when you can only purchase said replacement bulb from some top secret warehouse in the middle of cow country? yeah. no so cool.)(and no. it still is not fixed.)

so bc my association doesn't believe in, ya know, doin' it's job.. there's a tree(well two actually) in my backyard that are getting severely overgrown. to the point that it curled it's spindly fingers right over the space where the satellite for our tv gets reception. cut to my husband trying his best to fix this issue by repositioning the satellite...

...and yeah. we haven't had cable for who knows how long. and i'm talkin... plasma tv's, so seriously? we don't even get the ghetto bunny-eared reception like in the good ol' days.. we don't get 3, 5, 9, 7... nuthin. not a darn thing.

so i've been renting a boatload of movies and honestly? family video? you suck. no, really. there is no love lost here. i am heretofore severing all ties i have to you and yours bc honestly? dude. you don't even carry ANCHORMAN. how could i possibly rent from you once i learned that fact? and also? almost every single one of your TV Series rentals ... they're missing discs. and really, do i even need to tell you how weird it is that you'll keep it shelved? and not replace it? it's a television series. i'm sorry, but if i miss an episode or uhm a whole DISC worth of episodes of Prison Break? or Heroes? i won't be a happy camper.

so. we(meaning i)have decided that since i now have a sparkly new library card, and it's located seriously walking distance from our house... why not rent from there? we have yet to peer into their rental selections but i'm planning to tomorrow. i noticed when i signed up that they had Nims Island and okay not my first pic but that's a fairly new release, so, ...there's hope for me yet.

and issue #2: the dryer.

when we moved in 2 years ago, the dryer was on it's last legs. it still had wood paneling, for heavens sake! obviously it was the station wagon of dryers. still, as long as i sent each load thru 2 cycles they came out dry and fluffy and smelling nicely.

then one day it made a horrid, bone-chilling brrrzzzzt sound and just... died. we tried to bust out the defibrillators and shock it back to life and for about a week, it worked. and then it just one day flatlined and went silently into the night.

okay. at this point ya'll are thinking, uh, okay, buy a new one. right? wrong. bc i know nothing about that stuff (except the actually using it to dry clothes part) and my husband is a Russian.. and refuses to hire a 'handyman'... we were screwed.

so for about 3-4 months we glided by without a dryer. meaning, either we'd hang out in a laundromat like two starving artists or we'd 'borrow' his parents. which is not fun. bc they expect us to like, hang out and stuff when we use them for their appliances. 5 blinchiki and black bread w/weird russian butter later, i was throwing up and swearing off weird russian food forever. (i didn't learn my lesson. that's a story for another day.) so.

his dad goes to this weird auction type thing and buys us a washer and a dryer for $175. for both. we're stoked. and no, we don't need a washer. nevertheless i got so excited at doing laundry i almost exploded. (i will never type that sentence again.) so his dad comes by and installs it. it works. it's gorgeous. white and gleaming.

with shaking hands, i excitedly load up the washer and use the purex that smells sooo super good and i'm bouncing on the balls of my feet positively trembling at the thought of using a dryer after so many months.

and then i load the dryer.
i go about my business, happy-go-lucky, doin' laundry at midnight just because, and then the dryer buzzes. i open the dryer door w/a flourish expecting fluffy warm yummy soft tee shirts and socks and sweat pants that i can put on right away and revel in the deliciousness of clean and floofy clothes except-

i am face-to-face with what, you may ask?

sopping.
wet.
clothes.

oh, gee, wizz, thanks.... the dryer has no heat.

and i swear, when i find my stupid camera that is lost in my house(cross my fingers)i'm going to take a picture of all of the clothes we have hung over the edge of the railing in an attempt at a sorry-ass clothesline.

it is truly pathetic. but actually? the clothes come out okay. having mens underwear strung on my computer monitor like xmas lights? not so much.

and the other pet peeve? SPIDERS. and trust me. i realllly don't want to get into the details of THAT one. (ew. shudder. gag.) all i can say is... finding a spider that could pass for a hockey puck that close to your bed is SO not the right way to start a Monday. just sayin'.

soooo... we're gonna try this one out for size.

i've added music to my blog.

you likie?

or no-way-in-hell-y?

what else... rambling and steak talk....

oh holy hell, i am so tired. so i don't really know where this particular post is going to take me. i went in tons of directions in my brain and was all 'gotta get it together' and had a team meeting and a power point and a huddle and a GO TEAM GO but still?

nah. just not feelin' it today, i guess.

but yesterday, i wasn't really feelin' it either. and i didn't post. and this morning i was pretty damn disappointed in myself. i was being lazy. self-indulgent. selfish and greedy, bc here i am sittin' pretty all day long moaning and groaning when OTHER bloggers don't update daily. (oops. mah bad.)

so, k. kkkk. i almost did three k's but you know then who knows who would land on this blog thru a random google search? anyway. uhm. so work today? sucked. is still sucking. oh, wait, i think i know. was it the meeting from hell where i was told i don't do my job and i'm a lazy sow the admin meeting this morning? hm. uh, YEAH, pretty sure that was it.

i walk in this morning and Satan my supervisor is in rare form. or maybe. she's in her mean nasty snarky-and-not-in-a-good-way groove. we have an impromptu meeting and she proceeds to compare me to one of her friends that has my position over at Wachovia.

yeah, uh, this place? ISNT WACHOVIA. if i worked there i'd be doing a different job and i wouldn't be workin with YOU so i'd probably remember to refill the utensil drawer (which anyone can refill. and should be treated like paper towels or toilet paper - you use the last of it, you replace it. but not her. ooohhhh no.) instead of dreaming of earplugs and a nice stiff drink to get me thru the rest of the day.

so from that point on i've been sort of directionless, hemming and hawing and guffawing (sorry. couldn't help that one.) over how all-over-the-place i'm being. can't help it. so i decided just to embrace the day as one where i don't finish what i want to and end up finishing stuff that i didn't even mean to start. i accomplished stuff, but not the stuff i needed to... but today is only Tuesday and tomorrow is another day and this, too, shall pass and all that jazz and cookies.

since i want to be OUTSIDE where it's WARM, i went back and looked at old pics (the only ones i can access from work, very small selection) bc i wanted something to put up here that reminded me of summer and sun and bikinis and ice cream and lake geneva and salt water and camping.

so we have a picture of me, CAMPING. now, everyonemost people think i'm incapable of camping. i don't understand. i'm fun-luvin'. scatter-brained. i like adventures. and i can assemble stuff in a really record-breaking time(even while drinking). i guess it has to do with oh i'm kinda a girly girl.... but i love to camp. LOVE. IT. (if there's an air mattress.) also? i? am the tent-putter-together extraordinaire. here is the proof!!

and yeah, i know i was camping in a skirt. jeez. why ya gotta hate?

so then i'm like hm. this one is pretty freakin' funny. plus you see ALL of my teeth which.. i don't know how i feel about that, really.

i was all, "no! no! don't take mah pictah! oh the insanity!"

okay. really? i had a leeeettle bit to drink and i was actually sayin, 'SHUT. UP!' at something funny someone said and that's when my lovely husband took this gem right hurr. yeah. but since i'm a good sport and a team player and all, i put it up here so ya'll can go 'dooooode. what a tool.' and get a laugh. or crack a smile. or scream. i dunno!!

what else? hm. i'm tired, cranky, being lazy, complainy, can't wait to get home-y... but i'm also excited to get home and EAT STEAK.

yeah you heard me. steak. again. i have two choices: delmonico (whose praises i've sung on here once or twice or 5 million times) or filet mignon. i love both. i think i'm feelin' the filet more, tho, tonight. smaller, richer, more delicate, makes me feel pretty....

okay. one thing i never thought would come out of my mouth. 'filet mignon makes me feel pretty.' wow. i surprise myself every day.

so, that's what's goin' down over at my house tonight. that, and some fine fine Wii-ing(that sounds wrong, somehow), maybe read my book (Picture Perfect by Jodi Picoult. damn i forgot how depressing her books were. i need to crack out some Charlaine Harris after this doozy.), maybe watch some Kung Fu Panda.

which last night? totally tried to watch but i just don't get it. maybe i'm stupid. i dunno. totally didn't get into that movie and CRAP just remembered, it's due today. sigh. guess what i'll be doing....

....running thru snow to get movies that i didn't like in the first place so i can drive and return them and subsequently have to run thru said snow AGAIN, uphillbothwaysbackwards, all bc i REFUSE(picture me shaking my fist at the sky) refuse refuse to give Family Video any more of my money.

they are late-fee moguls, i tell ya.

and with that i'm off. to... read more blogs hehehehehe. oh i've totally not worked enough today but oh well.

at least i? am havin' me a steak.

i swear, i'm a vampire. no. really. seriously. swear!!

dude.

i swear, i must be a card-carrying member of the living dead or something. or. something not as scary. but still awake only at night. a teenager again?

seriously? so it's like 3.38pm right now. and guess what i've done all day.

sleep.

no, really! i just woke up. i propelled myself out of bed in hopes of reading something that would jolt me into, i dunno, consciousness. then i figured i should post just so i don't forget to do so for the day and then i was all, whattamahgonnapostaboutohcrap and now, we're caught up to speed.

im very, very tired. very sleepy. why? no idea. it's the color of gunmetal right now outside. everything is seriously? in one shade. it is so ultimately dismal and depressing, each time that i've rolled over and tried to get up?

i've rolled right back around and gone to sleep again.

i have the sneeking suspicion i'm going to be extremely hyper and awake by the time 6pm rolls around. we're supposed to do bbq-ing at a friends house and seriously? doooooode. it's like... 20 degrees outside.

i keep tryin' to figure out what to wear. er... a fleece jumpsuit? it is. THAT. cold.

i can't think of anything even remotely cute. probably pointy black boots and a graphic black t shirt and crap what jacket o well i'm probably going to freeze my ass off tonight but eh. who cares. might as well look good right??

i'm gonna have to hunt for my good black sweater. then it's black coat, black boots and black sweater and cute a/x hat and black eyeliner and hopefully?

i'll wake up. since i'm a vampire and all. vamps wear black, right?

oh, and i love rare steak. hm. this might be a problem come monday.

oh well. ce la vie. where's my steak??

i. hate. formatting.

oh and another thing? the whole 'lets change the format on Lo's post just for kicks cuz it's so much fun and all to screw with the spacing and make her really unsatisfied and snarkily mad'?yeah. blogger? i hate you. i hate you so hard.

tgif and wow that made me feel twelve again, waiting for Goosebumps to start on t.v.

so as usual, my mind is in 50 million trillion majillion directions. or maybe just 3. but whatev'. same diff'. anyway.

so all day i've been perusing the blogs, working (yes i do too work! swear! girl scouts honor!) , eating, daydreaming and all the while thinkin, oh lord what am i going to write about today???

bc i've been tryin' to be good and all. you know. posting. daily. even tho, let's face it, who has something uber interesting happen to them EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.? well. i'm sure someone does. like if i lived in new york city. maybe. cuz then there'd be at least, you know, people in the streets doin' what they do... jersey guys sellin' their hot dogs and yentas chillin' in their lawn chairs and chess games and those cool kids who play the buckets.. okay i don't know if they have them in ny but they sure do have them here in chicago...

oh. oops. after a google search just realized these guys are pretty famous. they even play at Bulls games. and are called "Chicago Bucket Boys". but i'm pretty sure there are street drummers all over the world. uhm. anyway. yeah. so people are OUT in new york. me? i live in the suburbs.


the faaaaaaaar north suburbs, to be in fact. the wow i'm-in-wisconsin suburbs. which is okay. don't get me wrong. it's just... well... when i wake up in the morning the only people i see are the kiddos on the school bus then it's the people i work with. and lets be honest here, folks. i see these mugs every. single. day. so excuse me if i'm not jumping with loads of excitement and joy at seeing them.... again.


it's just.... i dunno. nothing has happened to me today and yet a whole bunch has happened. like right now? totally eating popcorn. that's right. what of it? you jealous? that's what i THOUGHT, yo! ahem. er. anyway. so. to sum it all up, my dad works for a high-tech software company downtown. like, forecast software that is pretty popular right now.


and his two boss's are married to each other. we'll call the wife freak and the husband spaz. they're seperated. and yet living in the same condo together. still. and working together. needless to say it's a stressful environment for the most part.


ANYWAY. my point being. Freak wanted to come to the wedding but was afraid Spaz was going to be there. not wanting to cause a scene, she smartly didn't go. well. cuz they're not talkin' and all, Spaz was doing the same exact thing. or maybe just flaked out. he is Spaz, after all.


so long story short Freak was all, dooode i need to get them a GIFT! and then two months later i have this:

YES! Freak bought us a Wii!!!!! how awesome is she?? i mean, for real dude! niiiiiiice!!! and my mom is awesome enough to swing by my house after work today and drop it off. so when i get home i'm gonna walk into a Wii sitting in my foyer. and i'm stoked. i'm gonna play it. well first i'm gonna see how the heck you install the thing. and then see just how mangled and stupid i can make the whole process bc i'm totally not an instructions reader and i'm sure it'll be all

'dooode i can SO do this.'

'DUDE! it's like the wrong wire, man!'

'yo. dude. this is lame. i hate these wires.'

'no seriously? seriously. what. the . ef. for reals.'

at which point i'm sure i'll get pissed off, stalk off, grab myself a beer and come back to try to figure out what in the world i was thinking when i did what i just did. (this happens a lot.) i figure we'll hit up Game Stop for some gently used accessories and then Wii the night away. Wii ourselves silly.

(on a side note? i do have a strange affinity for setting up camping tents and figuring out how to put together furniture that comes with no instructions. i have no idea what this says about me but i'm kinda glad i don't know.)

oh, and another thing? it took Freak over 2 months to get us our wedding gift. is that normal? or is she just operating in normal Freakster mode? i think the latter of the two. just bc i like to call her a Freak. Freakazette. Freako. Freakedness. Freaktastic.

okay. i need to end this now or else no tellin' where i'm gonna go. happy friday, yo!!!!!

good morning but wait... why am i awake again?

so. uhm. yeah. got a confession here. this is a post-that-isn't-really-a-post bc it's just a brief, ya know, get-off-my-chest moment.



er... mom? yeah. uh. sorry for the whole.. you know... tellin' all of internet world that you put a bowl on my head and cut my hair.



cuz that bad photo where i looked like a boy and everyone called me Larry? yeah.



that was MY idea, apparently. yes. sad to say. and yet, i'm not surprised. i guess one day i woke up saw demi moore and said damn gotta get me some short hair and a trip to the hair dresser later,



boy.





sorry, mom. but i promise no one holds that against you.





but seriously? DO NOT PUT A BOWL ON YOUR CHILDS HEAD AND PROCEED TO CUT THEIR HAIR. that could damage them for life. seriously, yo.

Soles4Souls

http://www.50000shoes.com/

so, there's something goin' on right now called Soles for Souls. they're trying to raise 50,000 pairs of shoes in 50 days for people in underpriviledged countries. this is a good thing, folks. a very good thing. you can donate 2 pairs for only $5!!! think about it.

no, really. think. what do YOU do with $5?

coffee, lottery tickets, two packs of gum, a little ceasars pizza, 5 packs of tiny plastic aminals from the target $1 spot, a bottle of shampoo from the grocery store, ... i could keep going. nail polish. self tanner. lotion. that box of 'designer' cereal when you could've bought generic.

and all of the things i just listed... do you REALLY need? i mean, are you in dire need of any one of these items just so you can survive your day? no? i didn't think so. these people? these children? these fellow humans living in conditions we can only wish we'll never have to..

these people need $5. i just donated $25. that's 10 pairs of shoes!!!! TEN PAIRS!!! think about that for a second. how many pairs of shoes can YOU get for $25? yeah, i thought so. maybe flip flops from target. that's about it. right now the shoes i'm wearing were $45, and they were from an outlet store.

$45 dollars could probably get shoes for almost 35 people in third world countries. yeah. my nine wests aren't looking like such a great investment anymore.

(photo stolen from www.thisisreverb.com)

i'm not trying to con anyone into doing this. guilt you. MAKE you. pressure you.

i'm simply asking you. please. help someone today. maybe someone will help you, later on when you need it, too.

wait... me? seriously? shut up! no way!

er... ya sure you've got the right person? hello? ...hi?

Linda over at Fat Cat Crochet .. nominated me... for my first-ever bloggy award!!! me? really? aw, shucks... i really am super duper flattered and blushing and sort of thinkin' me? really? this kid right here? ...nice!!!

so. this award comes w/a seta rules. to keep all you crazies in line! er... maybe just this crazy right here... lil ol me... us blondes have been known to get a little unruly. so, i have to:

List six things that make me happy,
Pass the award on to 6 more Kreativ bloggers,
Link back to the person who gave you the award, (check!)
Link to the people you are passing it on to and leave them a comment to let them know.

well, k, that seems simple enough. right? if i can crack out a simple html code, i can do anything.


So here goes. Six things that make me happy...


1. my husband. every single day. he is the person i see the most often, so of course... he sees ALL sides to me and still somehow manages to not kill me love me. he makes me the happiest person EV-AR.

2. BOOKS. i love books. i love the smell of books... i love everything ABOUT books. i read constantly. much to the chagrin of my husband, who's not much of a reader. my idea of a perfect evening is a great book and a glass of wine and some comfy sweats. ah, the good life.

3. SHOPPING. i have this need, this urge, to shop. even while at work i online shop. i tend to avoid shopping at 'real life' stores bc i just hate trying things on and i hate going alone, but then also on the flip side feel bad that i'm dragggin' a friend along with me and subjecting them to the horrors of the nordstroms florescent lighting and their xrated mirrors bc i'm sorry? no. i did NOT need to see that part of my body, thankyouverymuch. but shopping? love it. i'm addicted to zappos. and i am always putting things in my cart and making outfits and creating ah-mahzin combinations but.. somehow i just can't bring myself to click check out. sometimes i do. when i splurge. but you know, i get SO much satisfaction out of wasting time shopping on bluefly and zappos and nordstrom(sans dressing room). i find it sooo much fun.

4. gossip blogs. yes, yes, i know, this is tragically 'hip' right now and so i'm titled trendy and annoying... but i just love reading about celebrities. and style. fashion. travel. i can't help it! i know SO much about the celebrity world that my friends don't even bother talking to me about it anymore, bc i know everything. and i'm not tryin to toot my own horn here. i'm just sayin'. i use up waaaaaaay too much brain space for updates on the jolie-pitt street gang and LL's latest lesbianaddiction and fashion flipflop.

5. the beach. or, i should say, the water, bc i just LOVE boating. i. love. boating. i love it! the best summer this year... it was so great. we spent every weekend on our friends smallish(but pricey)speed boat, we'd go all around the lake and just hang out and bbq and i would read and lay out and swim and OH IT WAS AMAZING. take my word on it. seriously. and jet ski's. i had never done this before this summer. I. LOVE. IT. (although the gallons of water shot directly into my face and the water-logged cell phone? not so much.)

6. overnight weekend trips to fun new places, even if just to eat at new restaurants and see a new small town. i love to explore. i love saying on thursday, HEY, let's just... drive here. why not? and then load up the car the next night and take off and see what we find. i'm obsessed with hotels. seriously. i am a hotel snob. i'll admit it. but the best thing ev-ar for me would be to stay overnight in a hotel JUST BECAUSE. bc it is the most delicious goodness yummy feeling ever to do absolutely nothing at all. in luxury.

sooooo the next thing i've gotta do is list the blogs that i think deserve their OWN kreativ blog award. here they are(in no particular order):


Marchelle, over at working mom chronicles, bc she is hilarious, sweet and is an AMAZING photographer. and she cracks me up on twitter daily.

Tweak, who is the sweetest gal i just met and have so bff-ed for life. her compassionate and caring personality is pretty mind-blowing!

KD over atA Bit Squirelly bc really? does she even NEED an intro? girl is so hilarious i spit my water out across my desk the other day. yeah. i love that woman.

The McMommy Chronicles, bc she's a real mom who's got a crazy sense of humor and some of her posts are just off the wall enough to make me snort and giggle. or shall i call her, Mrs. Lance Armstrong?

T5M, whose real name i do not know bc like most moms(and for good reason)she keeps their REAL names secret. but she is seriously a great woman. she is compassionate, loving, funny, sarcastic and i just love to read her blog bc it makes me all warm and fuzzy and happy inside.

Kate, atShe's Lump, who i know just got this same award yesterday but really?? i'm sorry. i had to throw her in here. bc girl is freakin' funny. (stress on the freak part.) (i kid! i kid!)

so. these are some of the blogs i stalkfrequent daily. i tried to mix it up a little bit, to get kreativ har har, and give a good spattering of a wide range. some women are more frank than others, some are more whimsy, but ALL are funny and amusing and entertaining and i just adore them all.

but most of all? thanks, yo!

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

oh my goodness. i just did this and yes forgive my horribly blurry face- for some reason when it posts on here it gets blown up- but ... but ....

IT SAID I RESEMBLE TWIGGY.

and that, my friends, is the sound of me, dying of sheer and utter thrill and happiness.

yyyyyyYYYEEEZZZZ!!!!!!! and faith hill too? not bad. not bad.

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

Veteran's Day.

these uniforms were part of my daily life. well. cammies were. but these dress blues? sigh. whenever i see a marine in dress blues in my day-to-day life, now, i usually stop and feel my heart getting bigger and my eyes get a little wet. see? they are right now. damn.

My dad was a United States Marine Corps Sergeant Major for 30 years. i was very, very lucky that my father never had to see war face-to-face. oh, he almost did, quite a few times, but there was always someone watchin' over us (thanks, grandpas) who would, last minute, make that trip not happen. one time he was even i think, ON the plane headed for desert storm when they pulled him back. he retired in 2003, right when the war in Iraq was starting to get heavy.

thank you to all of the soldiers, even if you're not a Marine per say, (although i will always heart the Marine Corps more) for protecting our country. for serving overseas. for standing in the line of fire to protect me. my mom. my neighbor. the milkman. the jewel checkout counter lady with the bad hair. the president. yourself. bc without you this country probably wouldn't be here.

i am damn proud to say that my father served this country. he is a very brave man who was not afraid to give his life, for 30 years, to this country.

Happy Veteran's Day, and thank you.

the story of growing up military. (basically the story of my life.)

i am a military brat. i was born in Cleveland, Ohio, only bc that's where my fathers family was, and at the time, my parents needed all the help they could get.


oh, did i ever mention that my mom was a marine too? and that's how she met my dad? yep. he was her recruiting officer. and once she got back from boot camp, he was the first person she promptly kicked in the butt bc he? sooooooo totally didn't tell the truth about THAT experience. they've been married for, i believe, 26 years.


so my dad then got stationed in Massachussets. and we moved there. and lived on base. this is where i learned to talk, and for a looooooooong time i had a boston accent. yeah. wicked cool. my dad used to give me lessons while he gave me a bath at night: "okay, Lori, what do we ride in when we go to the store?" "the caaaaaahhhh." yeah. never worked.

we lived there for five or so years, i think, it's still a little fuzzy- i was really young- and then we shipped off to Ohio again to regroup before we headed over to Doylestown, Pennsylvania. we lived here for oh, i think until i was 8. a very young 8. that was ripped out of her first three weeks of third grade with all the new friends she FINALLY had made all over again in a new place that was totally foreign and scary just to be moved. AGAIN. sorry. military life for a kid is rough, man. so we hung out in good ol' PA, and while living there we moved twice. i stayed at the same school tho. this is the place where my parents used to ship me off with my dad in the mornings where he would babysit me.


okay folks. this is a marine, here. and yeah. he babysat me. all day. and this was when he was still a mechanic on fighter jets and helacopters and all things that fly. in a hanger. around big men all day. who curse. and it's dirty. with tools. and loud noises.


people wonder why i looooooovvveeeee love love LOVE L.O.V.E. the smell of oil. it's bc of my dad. and the smell of gunpowder. bc my dad? yeah. when he got busy he pawned me off on the lady (i think her name was renee, wow, how i remember that i have no clue.) who worked the GUN CAGE. bc he figured, hey, it's locked, she'll be locked in there w/renee, what harm could she do? uhm, dad? yeah. maybe a six yr old and LIVE WEAPONS isn't such a hot idea. just sayin'.


let me point out that this is probably the last time in my entire life that i remember being absolutely, impossibly, blessedly happy and content. this is the death of one part of my childhood right here, bc when we moved from Pennsylvania, i grew up. big time. i put on my big girl pants.

bc we moved to Chicago. inner-city school. i'm talkin', i was the only white girl. i have no problem with that, but seriously? other people did. as in, i was the blunt of many racist jokes made at the expense of caucasian people. it was a very hard time for me. it was also hard bc this was the year-and-a-half my dad was stationed overseas in Japan. we saw him every 6 months, if that. my mom worked as hard as she could but life is tough when you're essentially a single mother of a very sad 8 yr old who, once again, has to make all new friends and live in a new strange place and live in a CITY for the first time in her life. not to mention not living on base anymore. THAT was a shocker.

and then i got sick. like, really sick. with something called Fifths Disease. yeah. no one had heard of it then, either. i got really ill, like really.... really ill. i don't even REMEMBER months at a time bc i was that ill. turns out my dad was the lucky carrier of a strain of a virus in Japan. that he had his shots for. i didn't. a Philipino nurse, actually, was the one to diagnose me. i got better. my dad came home.
then it was YOU GUESSED IT!!!! orders. AGAIN. this time they were to... California. to Camp Pendleton. and this? is probably a time that i got a little of my childhood back. it was also the start to a very, very rocky adolescence in which i did things i probably shouldn't have and i am just going to say, in case my mother reads this blog, that i am one lucky, lucky LUCKY girl. nuff said. moving on.

(just some background info: i lived in California up until 2002, when i graduated high school. when i graduated, i moved cross-country to chicago three weeks later. yeah. i RAN from california. RAN. also, my mothers family lives in chicago, she's from chi town, so they moved back.. and i sure as hell didn't want to stick around after high school so i followed them.)

at first we lived on base, well wait i'm gettin' ahead of myself here. first we lived in temporary housing which is a glorified motel and i almost got beat up every other day. i wasn't allowed on the playground anymore bc of it. so i stayed inside and instead watched too much tv and learned how to artfully fold napkins. (this was before hgtv. it was just pbs.) i still know how.

after this we moved into an apartment where i didnt know anyone and if i went too far to the back of the property ( we lived in one on the front road.) i could get shot. yeah. bc it was ghetto and one time we had police hellicopters and all. yeah. then we moved again on base. into a half-house. like it was a duplex. there we go. and it had a backyard, and we got a dog, (oh btw? all this time moving around, we drove. cross country. with two cats. yeah. NOT. FUN.) (but i am really good at long car rides now.) i went to a school where, after the first year of having to dodge kids who wanted, again, to beat me up (this is a common theme and please make sure your children are watched at their schools bc seriously, getting beat up is no fun. it happened to me.) i liked it there. i loved school, learning, i had friends, it was wonderful.

this is actually the time of my favorite moment EVER in my life, my best day, and it's when my mom surprised me one morning and drove me past my school. i was all, dude, yo mom! there's my school! and she said, you're not going to school today. i'm all confused. like, wha? and she says...

we're goin' to DISNEYLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah. best. day. ever. i almost cried just now thinking of how great that was and how great my mom was for doing that for me. (she once built me a cake castle for school. she's the shizz.) are ya still with me? this is one megga post!! SO. i graduate grade school, 6th grade, and now it's either send me to an inner-city school AGAIN in oceanside which is NOT good... or we move.

so we moved. to Fallbrook. begin the worst years of my life. yeah i'm not even being melodramatic here. bc this is the truth. the sad truth. no child should endure this crap.

and okay that was melodramatic, bc nothing really BAD happened to me. junior high happened to me. cruel kids with way too much money and parents who indulged them so the kids would leave them alone, happened to me. we didn't have much money. we struggled. we were proud tho. and these kids kicked me and pulled me down and stripped me of that. that is a very sad thing to happen to an 11 yr old. i grew up fast. i swear i was the most mature 12 yr old ever. i was made fun of. i ate alone. i had things thrown at me. i'm being honest here even tho it is very painful to discuss this, one bc it's well painful, and two bc honestly, i'm still ashamed and embarrassed. i had MAJOR insecurity.

i still have extreme confidence issues and i am so self conscious that i have problems even going to the grocery store alone, for fear that someone is going to mock me. yeah. i was traumatized.

bc i was made fun of, bc i was mad, bc i was so lonely i was even on the verge of contemplating suicide, yeah, THAT BAD, i decided you know what? if they don't like me, i'll show them. and that, my friends, is when i became... technically, goth.

yeah. but punky too. i cut my hair really short. i wore all black, i wore 14 lace doc martins, i wore school girl skirts and actual real school uniforms for little girls. and totally made them, actually, kind of scary. now the kids didn't make fun of me.... bc they were afraid of me.

i was kind of evil. as in, i was very angry. very young. and very, very excited by the fact that everyone whispered that i was secretly a vampire, or that i tortured animals, or i was a witch or some other trash garbage. none of it was true. i was just a sad, sad kid who was jaded and didn't give a rats patoutie (to quote mamadawg). during this time i was in a major depression. i smoked. (not just cigarettes.) i abused pills. i self-harmed. yeah. as in i still have scars. i had one best friend and we were exactly alike, dressed alike, and we depended on each other. if it weren't for this friend, and this strange, weird behavior, i think i would have honestly crumbled. at only 12 years old. very sad.

but i mean, kids grow up, and i did too, and i phased outta the scary girl thing, and i started to figure out that the more i blended in the more people left me alone. this is also the time i became a cheerleader. it's actually funny... bc the ONLY reason i, goth girl, decided to join the cheerleading squad was bc my friend i talked about just now, her mother was MAKING her join pop warner. bc while my mother let me do what i wanted not bc she didn't care or notice i was struggling but bc she realized that i needed to go thru this phase so i could get OUT of this phase. my mom was awesome and allowed a lot of stuff to happen that most moms wouldn't. (like 14 lace docs on a 13 yr old.) she believed in being different. my moms friend, not so much. she wanted to FORCE her daughter to change. so?

i joined with her with full aspects of promptly getting us kicked out. instead, i fell in love. and i fell out of being that angry little girl and in high school i fell INTO trying to, well, fit in. to say i was popular is an understatement, and i don't mean it to be pompous but c'mon, if you're the ONLY goth blonde girl in a small stuck up cali town, you're gonna be known. so i ran for office. i got in. then i promptly wanted out. i was school treasurer. and people VOTED for me.

it was also the year i got beat-up, REALLY bad, and then was almost suspended for it, even tho all i did was stand there and let this girl punch me and pull out 12 thousand pounds of my hair. i had it rough. i was sad, lonely, even tho i had friends but really? they were more daughters of rich rich people in town who wanted to rebel in THEIR own small-town way. by pissing off their parents and bringing around the girl-who-used-to-be-goth.

then the rest of high school happened. i went to europe one summer. then i fell in love my senior year. i was a punk, emo girl, wore converse but was still on the cheer squad. i was captain. twice. i was damn good at what i did. i'm very proud of it. then i had my heart broken by the same boyfriend.

then i moved to chicago. and i was alone, and i was sad. i went to community college, i lived in the little basement apartment of my grandmothers building in lincoln square, and i watched A. LOT. of hgtv. (this was when trading spaces was originally british.) i worked at lincoln park zoo. yeah. i chilled with the lions at lunch. i was lonely.

i floated around for a while, worked at bloomingdales, then didn't work ANYWHERE when i had chemistry (gained 10 lbs from that damn class), then i decided i wanted to stop being so ... sad all the time, so sad and pathetic, and i started working for a tanning salon. which, 6 months later, i met my now-husband. funny how things work out.

phew. so this is the story of my life. and this is the story of growing up military. now, i can tell you honestly that i'm okay inside. i love my family. i love my friends. i have a home. i am lucky enough to have parents that are amazing, a husband who loves me unconditionally and takes care of me, and i can count my true friends only on one hand but i hold this fist very close.

i have trust issues. i hate crowds. in fact i can never be alone in public. i am also someone who is extremely self conscious even tho people tell me i'm attractive. i will always think i weigh too much and that i'm gross. i will always doubt my intelligence. i will always feel like people are using me instead of truly liking me. i'm shocked when people want to hang out with me.

i love fiercely. i have extreme loyalty. i value each and every person i let into my world. but i can also drop you faster than a hot pan- bc i've had to move so much i can do it w/out a lot of pain. i hold grudges. you hurt me? yeah. you're out. all of this, is bc my father was a United States Marine. all of this? i wouldn't trade, not in a million trajillion years bc it's who i am today and i am an extremely empathetic person. i have learned, bc of my heartaches in my life, how to VALUE what i have and how damn precious everything is.

i love the Marine Corps bc of how amazing it is. i love it bc it's my childhood. i love going on base and seeing all the squids (i live next to Great Lakes Naval Base) and i love it when i get to see a rogue Marine around these parts. i get excited!!

did you know that when my military health insurance ran out at 23, i had to go to a real doctor and i STILL don't understand how it works??? my mom has to find my doctors for me and deal with everything. i cannot do it. seriously. bc military? you go to the hospital. done. and everything is there. pharmacy, ER, radiology, physical therapy. i do not get the health care thing these days. oh, and tax? yeah. when i moved off base to fallbrook and started trying to buy stuff at regular stores... i never had enough money. on base, there is no sales tax. AND everything's cheaper. as it should be.

so to end this mammoth post i want to say that while i'm a little skewed i'm still okay. and i'm a better person for it. and now, i feel lucky to be in that special club called 'military brat.' damn lucky.